What do you think about paying for your own E Ring??

TPF may earn a commission from merchant affiliate
links, including eBay, Amazon, and others

#91
VuittonsLover said:
its funny how this got into finance now...

I sorta had this discussion tonight. He wants me home to make dinner for him when he gets home from work. He wants to domesticate me. I was kind of upset. He says I need to get a full time job or be domesticated. (I am currently collecting unemployment, selling Booty Parlor, freelancing for a magazine & auditioning.) I have income. So, not sure what that was about.. I guess he doesn't think I am working since I no longer for a 8-5 job anymore. Grrrr.

I have no debt at all. I pay for my own things. I don't plan on changing these things when I get married. I think we have two different ideas about what I will & won't do once I am married. This bringing debt into marriage thing... really can be an issue. I saw some of these things on the phone tonight. lol

btw.. someone said something about the man being able to take the ring back if you break up. I thought it was a gift. :(
Click to expand...

There's so much I want to say about your boyfriend, especially regarding the first half of your post and what you've already written, but I'll refrain.

The reason I did respond was to answer the ring/gift question. If YOU break off the relationship then you have to give the ring back. Only exception being, if you can prove it was given as a gift, to you, on your birthday or Christmas. If you can't prove it then you must give it back. If HE breaks off the relationship you're more likely to get to keep it. If he wants it back then you could take him to court and plead your case. Mind you, if YOU pay for the ring (and have proof) then you get to keep it, no matter who ends the relationship. If you each paid a certain percentage, then it would be best to sell it and divide up proceeds.
 
#92
dearmissie said:
OUCH. I don't agree with that at all. Who's to say what, "a proper" engagement ring is?? For some they may think a simple silver band is proper enough (I have friends who are simple like this) while others think their engagement ring needs to be at least 5 carats (and I've also got friends who think like this as well!!) There is no standard acceptable proper engagement ring size.

And just because someone has a smaller ring doesn't mean they can't have a nice dress. I know someone who makes 7 figures and settled for a simple plan white gold band but had a really grand wedding. She just wasn't into diamonds is all.
Click to expand...

Yes but she is wearing 12K on her WRIST so surely her finger yearns for all the ooohhs and ahhhs that a "proper" ring brings.

Nothing in life is about the money and yet look how much she spent on her wrist - do you really think she would be happy with a "chip"? Not a chance...

And pre-marital funds do not become joint funds and should not; particularly a lady should not give up her funds. It's common knowledge a woman should always have enough funds on hand to independent should the occasion arise.

Best of luck.

--Gladys
 
#94
VuittonsLover said:
its funny how this got into finance now...

I sorta had this discussion tonight. He wants me home to make dinner for him when he gets home from work. He wants to domesticate me. I was kind of upset. He says I need to get a full time job or be domesticated.

I have no debt at all. I pay for my own things. I don't plan on changing these things when I get married. I think we have two different ideas about what I will & won't do once I am married. This bringing debt into marriage thing... really can be an issue. I saw some of these things on the phone tonight. lol

btw.. someone said something about the man being able to take the ring back if you break up. I thought it was a gift. :(
Click to expand...

What the heck is that even supposed to mean? That's not an either/or thing, particularly if he's even considering for you to take on his debt. It sounds like the two of you have a lot more to discuss because issues like this won't go away after an engagement... best settle it before.

Think of the ring as a promise/contract.... if the promise/contract goes unfulfilled, then the ring goes back.... assuming he bought it & wants it back.

My DH was engaged once before... she broke it off & returned the ring. When we got engaged, he traded the ring in to get something for me.

ETA: Once we had all the plans for the wedding set, I was the one that chose & paid for our wedding bands.
 
#95
My friend's brother bought his wife (now) but then fiance the ring of her dreams from Tiffany. It has been a year and he's still paying it off - she is paying for everything else in life like the mortgage and other bills. Neither of them mind this arrangement because she really wanted HIM to buy the ring for her.

I personally will wear a dinky little ring if my man can't afford a big rock. In general I just love wearing things he choses for me...whenever I look at it, I smile. Also, no debt is the way to go for me.
 
Last edited:
#96
mrpoopandsnot said:
Yes but she is wearing 12K on her WRIST so surely her finger yearns for all the ooohhs and ahhhs that a "proper" ring brings.

Nothing in life is about the money and yet look how much she spent on her wrist - do you really think she would be happy with a "chip"? Not a chance...
Click to expand...

You're original post said,

mrpoopandsnot said:
If the fellow can't afford a proper e-ring, you're destined to shop for your wedding dress at the Gap.
Click to expand...

Which is why I said what I said. You didn't say if it was her fellow or any other fellow which is why I was vague in my point. But now I understand that you meant if her fellow couldn't afford a proper engagement ring, then she's shopping at the Gap for her wedding dress. And once this is the case, I still think you are wrong. So what if he can't afford her dream ring, as you stated she "yearns for all the ooohhs and ahhhs" so even if he gave her a ring that wasn't "proper" I'm pretty sure she'd put in the money to get herself a dress she can "ooohh and ahhh" about that wasn't from the Gap. I don't think the size of her ring would play a part of where she's buying her wedding dress.

And I can't speak for her because I don't know her so I can't say if she'd be happy with a "chip". I don't think it's fair to jump to conclusions. But I can say for myself, of course I want nice things. But I've gotten smaller pieces when we were younger in high school and we were broke. Does it means I love my smaller pieces any less?? No. And IMHO I think most people care about the fact that they're engaged and about to marry the love of their life. Rings are just materials. Easily replaceable. You can have the nicest ring ever but the most miserable marriage ever.
 
#97
I would go with B. I dont think there is anything wrong with buying your own engagement ring, especially if you have your heart set on one. Id like my perfect ring first time around, im not sure id want to upgrade it later. Im sure that as long as you loved each other then it would work out. :-)
 
#100
I on that age limit and went for A!! :) I truly believe in the man buying the ring. Although the OP's case is a lot different from a lot of people here.



anyway I don't think it's none of my business but u paying of his debt AND being "domesticated" and cook?


I mean I make more than hubby and cook and take care of the house but I ain't paying HIS debt OR my ering!!



btw, I know a LOT of girls who end up paying for the ring in the end because they end up paying their husband's debt once married. I'd much rather have a small chip or no ering at all instead of getting something "nice" and then having to pay off the debt.



for instance, someone i know sold his bmw to buy his fiancee a ring and after married he had to get a new car, so in the end SHE paid for the ring. Was the oooohing and aaaaahing worth it? I doubt it.
 
#101
i can't believe how much discussion this topic has gotten. thank you for all the feedback. :)

I think we needed a topic like this. for people thinking about doing this....

We did have a long talk last night... and he says he is not a good communicator. I told him that I may not be working right now, but I have no debt, money in the bank.. and such. So I think he understands where I was coming from more.. he thought I was sitting around doing nothing all day.. when I am always working and striving for things. My own career/company/business. I have been working on it so I feel more comfortable about that. :)

Glad, that his debt doesn't become my debt either. You are allowed to keep money in your own account...? and its yours no matter what??
 
#102
I believe that debt incurred BEFORE the marriage remains the individual's. However, debt incurred after the marriage is marital property in many states, even if a credit card was taken out without the other partner's knowledge. And without a pre-nup, most (material) assets are considered marital property in the case of divorce. Check the laws in your state.

Of course, if you keep a bank account in your name he cannot access that account legally. You are definitely "allowed" to keep separate accounts! And those accounts would remain separate in the case of a divorce, but any debt incurred after the marriage took place would be half yours. Assets like a home or car purchased after a marriage would be considered marital property in many states, so he would be allowed half the value of them in the case of a divorce.

A pre-nup that specified that purchases made with protected assets (like payments made from your accounts) would remain yours in the case of divorce would take care of the issue if it concerns you.

Oh, and I am not sure if both partners assets are considered in the case of something like a home loan. If both of your names would be on the loan, then his debt might disqualify you for a loan or give you a higher rate than you would have had otherwise. Just something to consider.
 
#103
Junkenpo said:
What the heck is that even supposed to mean? That's not an either/or thing, particularly if he's even considering for you to take on his debt. It sounds like the two of you have a lot more to discuss because issues like this won't go away after an engagement... best settle it before.

Think of the ring as a promise/contract.... if the promise/contract goes unfulfilled, then the ring goes back.... assuming he bought it & wants it back.

My DH was engaged once before... she broke it off & returned the ring. When we got engaged, he traded the ring in to get something for me.

ETA: Once we had all the plans for the wedding set, I was the one that chose & paid for our wedding bands.
Click to expand...


so if the woman pays part of her e ring and the engagement breaks. Who keeps the ring?
 
#104
VuittonsLover said:
its funny how this got into finance now...

I sorta had this discussion tonight. He wants me home to make dinner for him when he gets home from work. He wants to domesticate me. I was kind of upset. He says I need to get a full time job or be domesticated. (I am currently collecting unemployment, selling Booty Parlor, freelancing for a magazine & auditioning.) I have income. So, not sure what that was about.. I guess he doesn't think I am working since I no longer for a 8-5 job anymore. Grrrr.

I have no debt at all. I pay for my own things. I don't plan on changing these things when I get married. I think we have two different ideas about what I will & won't do once I am married. This bringing debt into marriage thing... really can be an issue. I saw some of these things on the phone tonight. lol

btw.. someone said something about the man being able to take the ring back if you break up. I thought it was a gift. :(
Click to expand...


I think you guys need to seriously discuss and straighten that out before you walk down that aisle.

I thought if you break up the engagment, he gets the ring back. If he breaks up the engagement...then you keep the ring?

this is all confusing. I hope if my boyfriend proposes to me, he will get me a rubber band ring. LOL (jk)
 
Last edited:
#105
A all the way. The ring is symbolic of what he will bring into the marriage and is a big source of pride for most men. I know my BF loves seeing me wear the jewelry that he buys me and he is very proud when others complement me on it.

If what he can afford is not "good enough" for you right now, then remember that good things come to those who wait. :smile1: If you really have the money yourself to buy a ring, then at 5 years (or earlier!) incorporate your original e-ring into a new piece of jewelry or upgrade.

Regarding the legal questions over who owns the ring if there's a broken engagement, I'll just throw in my $.02 and say that it depends on the state and that if it's a real question then you should seek legal advice. But, I think the socially proper thing to do is to return the ring...why would you want it anyways???
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top