What do you think about paying for your own E Ring??

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#76
^ sorry I didn't mean to sound rude or anything. It was for all the other gals out there to think about. :D


Considering u're mostly spending YOUR money when with him then I guess option B is the way to go. You're partially paying off his debt and his debt will be YOUR debt later anyway so why not get urself something nice with YOUR money.


:heart:
 
#77
Who cares what anyone but the two of you think?

No one will ever ask when they see it, Did he pay for this?

Best of Luck, and Much Happiness!

Congrats!
 
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#78
Expat said:
I'm wondering if this whole issue is an age thing?

For both of us, it's our 2nd marriages. We were... erm... never mind how old when we got married :p But over 30 ;)

I didn't get the whole "big deal proposal" thing, wouldn't want it tbh. it's not me.

Re engagement ring - we were both in Florence, working, when we passed a jewellery shop near the Pont de Vecchio. A ring caught my eye. I stopped dead and decided there and then to buy it. He offered to pay half as he "wanted to get me a ring, anyway". Romantic, huh!!

Re Wedding ring - already commented before on this thread, we have different ideas on what our money is spent on. I wanted a nice gold ring with diamonds around it. He barely wears his because of work. And we both wanted his to be different from his first wedding ring. So we agreed to buy our own.

I don't see it's really such a big deal.
It's all about the marriage, not the baubles / dress / proposal / etc etc.
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:dothewave:
 
#80
I am hoping to get engaged in the next few months myself, so I can completely relate. Luckily my BF has no debt, he is quite the saver actually, but we have differing opinions on what constitutes a proper engagement rings (our budgets were a bit off). In the end, whatever he and I decide to do (2 cts or smaller, diamond or sapphire, using a family heirloom, etc.) it will be between he and I. No one needs to know the discussions that went on to get the ring. All that matters will be that he and I are happy and engaged!
 
#81
VuittonsLover said:
I am already partially paying for the debt..lol. I pay when we go out or we stay home because he can't afford to always go out. I realize once you are married its your debt too. This I know. I am also not looking for a 3+ carat ring. (although, it would be great.) I just want a nice ring.
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Not necessarily, I believe its only "your" debt if you restructure or refinance it so that you are a party to the "new" agreement. I would strongly advise against doing that, but I think its sweet and understanding that you're being flexible with him on going out, etc. Sigh, once a long time ago I had a friend who I would have dated, except that I made too much money for him and he was worried he couldn't deal --- isn't that sad. Well in the end it turned out ok for me. :p
 
#82
VuittonsLover said:
I am already partially paying for the debt..lol. I pay when we go out or we stay home because he can't afford to always go out. I realize once you are married its your debt too. This I know. I am also not looking for a 3+ carat ring. (although, it would be great.) I just want a nice ring.
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I'm sorry, I'm honestly not trying to sound nasty, or anything of the sorts, but I would be damned if I bought my own e-ring, or even just part of it, AND payed part of his debt. That seems crazy to me.
 
#83
PoshPepper said:
I'm sorry, I'm honestly not trying to sound nasty, or anything of the sorts, but I would be damned if I bought my own e-ring, or even just part of it, AND payed part of his debt. That seems crazy to me.
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Not everyone wants or needs a man to take care of them the rest of their lives nor expects a man to solely provide for them without any expectation of contributing themselves - or at least 50/50. If the situation were turned around and it was the man paying the woman's debt, would you speak differently? I'm inclined to think so.
 
#84
turboflgrl said:
Not everyone wants or needs a man to take care of them the rest of their lives nor expects a man to solely provide for them without any expectation of contributing themselves - or at least 50/50. If the situation were turned around and it was the man paying the woman's debt, would you speak differently? I'm inclined to think so.
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Don't be so inclined because I wouldn't speak differently. I don't believe anyone should pay for another person's debt. It's absurd! You put yourself in that situation and you should be the one to get yourself out. As for your presumptuous remark, I do not need nor want a man taking care of me, and don't believe I indicated otherwise. Almost everything I own, I bought myself. The only things not purchased by me, were given as gifts and not asked for. Do I believe a man should pay for the e-ring? Absolutely! However, if you're comfortable with paying for half, if not all of it, so be it. My 'issue' was solely the fact that she's paying for some of his debt AND possibly her e-ring. I, note I said I, think that's insane.
 
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#85
I've thought about this, and while I can see where it would make sense for a lot of people, I just cannot get past that traditional romantic notion. I can buy myself any other piece of jewelry, whether there is a man around or not. I just feel like removing the man from the equation somehow doesn't work for an engagement ring - at least not for me. In my eyes, the engagement ring is a ring that represents his love and committment. The size doesn't matter, IMO (the size of the diamond does NOT correspond to the level of committment or love), but more the fact that he chose a ring, paid for it and proposed.

Like other posters have mentioned, though, it most definitely is the MARRIAGE that is important and not the ring or the dress or the party. I guess as long as both partners are on board in that respect then it is only their own business how they choose and pay for a ring. It certainly isn't any of my business to decide what should work for someone else; it just wouldn't work for me.
 
#86
a.) I'd pick something else out that I like that he could afford....I don't think any woman should have to pay for her own engagement ring, besides I'd worry it would make my future husband feel bad if he couldn't afford to get me the ring I wanted and I had to pay for my own ring, i wouldn't want him to feel bad and on top of that I'd feel a little silly going into the jewelers and looking at, and buying my own engagement ring.
 
#87
PoshPepper said:
Don't be so inclined because I wouldn't speak differently. I don't believe anyone should pay for another person's debt. It's absurd! You put yourself in that situation and you should be the one to get yourself out. As for your presumptuous remark, I do not need nor want a man taking care of me, and don't believe I indicated otherwise. Almost everything I own, I bought myself. The only things not purchased by me, were given as gifts and not asked for. Do I believe a man should pay for the e-ring? Absolutely! However, if you're comfortable with paying for half, if not all of it, so be it. My 'issue' was solely the fact that she's paying for some of his debt AND possibly her e-ring. I, note I said I, think that's insane.
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I agree that I don't believe one person should pay for another's debt. I understand that getting married is supposed to bring your finances together, but I don't think I would be inclined to marry someone with a large amount of debt (besides student loans, those are understandable!) that would fall on my shoulders to pay once we were married. In my honest opinion, if one party has a substantial amount of debt they both people should wait to be married, since weddings are not cheap. I know I would hate to feel like I am paying to keep a roof over our heads, food in our mouths, clothes on our backs, gas in our cars, etc etc, while my SO only pays off credit card debt from buying frivolous items. That's just me though.
 
#88
its funny how this got into finance now...

I sorta had this discussion tonight. He wants me home to make dinner for him when he gets home from work. He wants to domesticate me. I was kind of upset. He says I need to get a full time job or be domesticated. (I am currently collecting unemployment, selling Booty Parlor, freelancing for a magazine & auditioning.) I have income. So, not sure what that was about.. I guess he doesn't think I am working since I no longer for a 8-5 job anymore. Grrrr.

I have no debt at all. I pay for my own things. I don't plan on changing these things when I get married. I think we have two different ideas about what I will & won't do once I am married. This bringing debt into marriage thing... really can be an issue. I saw some of these things on the phone tonight. lol

btw.. someone said something about the man being able to take the ring back if you break up. I thought it was a gift. :(
 
#89
Firstly, I think it comes down to the individual couple - only the two of you know what is acceptable between the two of you in your relationship.

Personally, I come back to the fact that an engagement ring is supposed to be a gift from a man to a woman as a token of the commitment inherent in the promise between a man and a woman to marry each other and spend the rest of their lives together, for better or worse etc. I think for a person to buy their own engagement ring or to contribute to it sort of flies in the face of what the actual piece of jewellery is supposed to represent. It's supposed to be a gift from him to you.

While women can buy their own jewellery (and I am a big jewellery lover and collector, I fund much of my own jewellery for my own pleasure) an engagement ring is not JUST a piece of jewellery - there is a greater traditional significance and sentiment attached to it.

When I was engaged (we're no longer together) my fiance proposed to me without a ring and instead gave me a painting by an artist we both admired. He felt that I was not a 'rock on a finger' type of girl and instead gave me a gift we hoped would occupy the master bedroom of our house for the rest of our lives. Sadly, that didn't eventuate, but the sentiment behind the gesture is important and I don't think it should be underestimated or written off as 'old-fashioned'.
 
#90
I did things in an untraditional way. I became pregnant, got married at 21 weeks pregnant, bought a house and then got an e-ring. Now, 18 years later, with a soon-to be 18 year-old, a 14 yr-old and an 8 yr-old, we're on our 3rd house (1 at a time!) and my 2nd e-ring. My situation was quite different being pregnant and unwed 18 years ago. Obviously since then - it is not that unusual anymore. But we were young and couldn't do a diamond. So i received a beautiful and very sentimental wedding band that cost $550 and we had to put it on layaway! When my newborn was in playgroups and mommy & me classes, I found myself admiring other's e-rings and became obsessed. I tried rings on almost everyday at the mall cause I guess I was bored. About 5 years ago, I did get a 1.21 beautiful round stone set in a Tiffany-style setting which was great. But honestly, I haven't worn it in over a year cause the ring fits too big. I guess if it was so important to me, I would have the jeweler make it smaller. It is amazing to me how priorities in life change over time. But like I said in previous posts, I'm actually more into watches now and I've also been admiring that picture recently posted of the Tiffany Legacy ring....
 
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