To borrow or not to borrow...to lend or not to lend...

[My lovely bags]

....and those others can actually make you feel like you're the bad guy for being disappointed with them, being 'materialistic', 'fussy' and 'caring about things more than a friendship' etc.

Papertiger, BINGO, this is what I tried to articulate. you mentioned it very nicely.

 

[Oryx816]

Kindly let me share with you my "borrow your bag" story.

One day I was picking up my then 7 year old daughter from school when I got a call from my husband who was at work.

DH: "Karen (a girl who worked for him) is going on a date tonight and was lamenting not having a nice bag like a Chanel or LV to go on this special date. I told her you had lots of them and she could stop by and borrow one of yours."

ME: Complete silence, followed by the thundering sound of my jaw dropping and my eyebrows furrowing....... "Pardon me, I don't think I heard you correctly. Did you just say you offered Karen something that doesn't belong to you? Because if you did, that's a problem, because my answer is unequivocally--NO--for Karen or anyone else for that matter. I am astounded that we even have to have this discussion."

DH: "Well, I can't tell her no, now, I already told her she could."

ME: "I see you are in quite a self inflicted quandary. Deal with it. The answer is no, and you need to resolve it."

Later, when he got home, he had recognized the error of his ways, saying, "I don't know what I was thinking.....", so I let it go, but my 7 year old didn't! "Daddy, how can you offer mommy's bags to someone? Only I can get to wear them!", and walks off shaking her head.

I cut him some slack but when we went to bed that night, before he turned out the lights, I asked lightheartedly, "do you want to go see a production of Hamlet?" He answered, "Uh, I'd rather not, why, are you going to one?" I replied, "No, but I thought you might need a reminder of Shakespeare's advice to 'Neither a borrower nor lender be'". And he laughed, shook his head, turned off the lights and never offered my bags out again. To this day, I don't know what he was thinking.

My best friend, who I relayed the story to exclaimed, "WTF! Does your husband even know you? I have known you for over 15 years and I wouldn't borrow a bag!"

I can't imagine anyone asking me, but if they did, I wouldn't hesitate to tell them that I live by the motto, "Neither a borrower nor lender be", and that would end all discussion. I truly wouldn't want to ever borrow anything, because, aside from a slight germ phobia, I would be completely paranoid about something happening to someone else's property. I would be too busy treating it like the Queen's crystal so I wouldn't enjoy it, so no, I don't borrow, and I don't lend.

 

[catsinthebag]

Kindly let me share with you my "borrow your bag" story.

One day I was picking up my then 7 year old daughter from school when I got a call from my husband who was at work.

DH: "Karen (a girl who worked for him) is going on a date tonight and was lamenting not having a nice bag like a Chanel or LV to go on this special date. I told her you had lots of them and she could stop by and borrow one of yours."

ME: Complete silence, followed by the thundering sound of my jaw dropping and my eyebrows furrowing....... "Pardon me, I don't think I heard you correctly. Did you just say you offered Karen something that doesn't belong to you? Because if you did, that's a problem, because my answer is unequivocally--NO--for Karen or anyone else for that matter. I am astounded that we even have to have this discussion."

DH: "Well, I can't tell her no, now, I already told her she could."

ME: "I see you are in quite a self inflicted quandary. Deal with it. The answer is no, and you need to resolve it."

Later, when he got home, he had recognized the error of his ways, saying, "I don't know what I was thinking.....", so I let it go, but my 7 year old didn't! "Daddy, how can you offer mommy's bags to someone? Only I can get to wear them!", and walks off shaking her head.

I cut him some slack but when we went to bed that night, before he turned out the lights, I asked lightheartedly, "do you want to go see a production of Hamlet?" He answered, "Uh, I'd rather not, why, are you going to one?" I replied, "No, but I thought you might need a reminder of Shakespeare's advice to 'Neither a borrower nor lender be'". And he laughed, shook his head, turned off the lights and never offered my bags out again. To this day, I don't know what he was thinking.

My best friend, who I relayed the story to exclaimed, "WTF! Does your husband even know you? I have known you for over 15 years and I wouldn't borrow a bag!"

I can't imagine anyone asking me, but if they did, I wouldn't hesitate to tell them that I live by the motto, "Neither a borrower nor lender be", and that would end all discussion. I truly wouldn't want to ever borrow anything, because, aside from a slight germ phobia, I would be completely paranoid about something happening to someone else's property. I would be too busy treating it like the Queen's crystal so I wouldn't enjoy it, so no, I don't borrow, and I don't lend.

What a great story! Thanks for sharing. And your daughter is hilarious.

 

[leechiyong]

Kindly let me share with you my "borrow your bag" story.

One day I was picking up my then 7 year old daughter from school when I got a call from my husband who was at work.

DH: "Karen (a girl who worked for him) is going on a date tonight and was lamenting not having a nice bag like a Chanel or LV to go on this special date. I told her you had lots of them and she could stop by and borrow one of yours."

ME: Complete silence, followed by the thundering sound of my jaw dropping and my eyebrows furrowing....... "Pardon me, I don't think I heard you correctly. Did you just say you offered Karen something that doesn't belong to you? Because if you did, that's a problem, because my answer is unequivocally--NO--for Karen or anyone else for that matter. I am astounded that we even have to have this discussion."

DH: "Well, I can't tell her no, now, I already told her she could."

ME: "I see you are in quite a self inflicted quandary. Deal with it. The answer is no, and you need to resolve it."

Later, when he got home, he had recognized the error of his ways, saying, "I don't know what I was thinking.....", so I let it go, but my 7 year old didn't! "Daddy, how can you offer mommy's bags to someone? Only I can get to wear them!", and walks off shaking her head.

I cut him some slack but when we went to bed that night, before he turned out the lights, I asked lightheartedly, "do you want to go see a production of Hamlet?" He answered, "Uh, I'd rather not, why, are you going to one?" I replied, "No, but I thought you might need a reminder of Shakespeare's advice to 'Neither a borrower nor lender be'". And he laughed, shook his head, turned off the lights and never offered my bags out again. To this day, I don't know what he was thinking.

My best friend, who I relayed the story to exclaimed, "WTF! Does your husband even know you? I have known you for over 15 years and I wouldn't borrow a bag!"

I can't imagine anyone asking me, but if they did, I wouldn't hesitate to tell them that I live by the motto, "Neither a borrower nor lender be", and that would end all discussion. I truly wouldn't want to ever borrow anything, because, aside from a slight germ phobia, I would be completely paranoid about something happening to someone else's property. I would be too busy treating it like the Queen's crystal so I wouldn't enjoy it, so no, I don't borrow, and I don't lend.

Wow! The audacity! And what person in their right mind would accept? Here, let me go borrow a high-end bag from a coworker's wife without their wife being consulted. I'm sure there's absolutely no possibility of things going awry.

Also, do you mind being my hero? The way in which you shut that down is awe-inspiring.

 

[BigPurseSue]

Kindly let me share with you my "borrow your bag" story.

One day I was picking up my then 7 year old daughter from school when I got a call from my husband who was at work.

DH: "Karen (a girl who worked for him) is going on a date tonight and was lamenting not having a nice bag like a Chanel or LV to go on this special date. I told her you had lots of them and she could stop by and borrow one of yours."

ME: Complete silence, followed by the thundering sound of my jaw dropping and my eyebrows furrowing....... "Pardon me, I don't think I heard you correctly. Did you just say you offered Karen something that doesn't belong to you? Because if you did, that's a problem, because my answer is unequivocally--NO--for Karen or anyone else for that matter. I am astounded that we even have to have this discussion."

DH: "Well, I can't tell her no, now, I already told her she could."

ME: "I see you are in quite a self inflicted quandary. Deal with it. The answer is no, and you need to resolve it."

Later, when he got home, he had recognized the error of his ways, saying, "I don't know what I was thinking.....", so I let it go, but my 7 year old didn't! "Daddy, how can you offer mommy's bags to someone? Only I can get to wear them!", and walks off shaking her head.

I cut him some slack but when we went to bed that night, before he turned out the lights, I asked lightheartedly, "do you want to go see a production of Hamlet?" He answered, "Uh, I'd rather not, why, are you going to one?" I replied, "No, but I thought you might need a reminder of Shakespeare's advice to 'Neither a borrower nor lender be'". And he laughed, shook his head, turned off the lights and never offered my bags out again. To this day, I don't know what he was thinking.

My best friend, who I relayed the story to exclaimed, "WTF! Does your husband even know you? I have known you for over 15 years and I wouldn't borrow a bag!"

I can't imagine anyone asking me, but if they did, I wouldn't hesitate to tell them that I live by the motto, "Neither a borrower nor lender be", and that would end all discussion. I truly wouldn't want to ever borrow anything, because, aside from a slight germ phobia, I would be completely paranoid about something happening to someone else's property. I would be too busy treating it like the Queen's crystal so I wouldn't enjoy it, so no, I don't borrow, and I don't lend.

Wow. I love how you put an end to that request. But your daughter is equally awe-inspiring.


What is it with guys? I mean really whatever would possess him to lend out his wife's purse? And why does his coworker need a Chanel for a date? My DH sees nothing wrong with lending my car to his friends. When I object I hear "it's a community property state so this is my car too." If it's your car too you and your friends can occasionally wash it, fill it with gas and change the oil, no?


As a rule I never lend things. Not since I lent a cake pan to a friend and months later spotted it laying rusty in her garden full of dirt and water. Some people just don't take care of stuff.

 

[papertiger]

Papertiger, BINGO, this is what I tried to articulate. you mentioned it very nicely.

I think you can only counter those kind of accusations by not retaliating. I say something like 'I think that's unfair. If you respect me, you'll finish there' :okay: and repeat and repeat...

Kindly let me share with you my "borrow your bag" story.

One day I was picking up my then 7 year old daughter from school when I got a call from my husband who was at work.

DH: "Karen (a girl who worked for him) is going on a date tonight and was lamenting not having a nice bag like a Chanel or LV to go on this special date. I told her you had lots of them and she could stop by and borrow one of yours."

ME: Complete silence, followed by the thundering sound of my jaw dropping and my eyebrows furrowing....... "Pardon me, I don't think I heard you correctly. Did you just say you offered Karen something that doesn't belong to you? Because if you did, that's a problem, because my answer is unequivocally--NO--for Karen or anyone else for that matter. I am astounded that we even have to have this discussion."

DH: "Well, I can't tell her no, now, I already told her she could."

ME: "I see you are in quite a self inflicted quandary. Deal with it. The answer is no, and you need to resolve it."

Later, when he got home, he had recognized the error of his ways, saying, "I don't know what I was thinking.....", so I let it go, but my 7 year old didn't! "Daddy, how can you offer mommy's bags to someone? Only I can get to wear them!", and walks off shaking her head.

I cut him some slack but when we went to bed that night, before he turned out the lights, I asked lightheartedly, "do you want to go see a production of Hamlet?" He answered, "Uh, I'd rather not, why, are you going to one?" I replied, "No, but I thought you might need a reminder of Shakespeare's advice to 'Neither a borrower nor lender be'". And he laughed, shook his head, turned off the lights and never offered my bags out again. To this day, I don't know what he was thinking.

My best friend, who I relayed the story to exclaimed, "WTF! Does your husband even know you? I have known you for over 15 years and I wouldn't borrow a bag!"

I can't imagine anyone asking me, but if they did, I wouldn't hesitate to tell them that I live by the motto, "Neither a borrower nor lender be", and that would end all discussion. I truly wouldn't want to ever borrow anything, because, aside from a slight germ phobia, I would be completely paranoid about something happening to someone else's property. I would be too busy treating it like the Queen's crystal so I wouldn't enjoy it, so no, I don't borrow, and I don't lend.

When I first read this I laughed, poor you!!!

Wow, I would have had the same reaction! I think your DH knows better than do that ever again

 

[Rodrigai]

Borrowing my bag is like asking to borrow my under garments! NO WAY!!! Unless it was my mom bc she's my mom but she would NEVER...she knows me well haha

 

[Evia]

Maybe it's because they know you have several that people ask to borrow one of the bags they perceive to be "spare"? Can't imagine doing it myself though.
No one has ever asked outright to borrow any of mine, but the answer would definitely be a firm NO!

 

[Rocket_girl]

Any time someone asks to "borrow" an item of mine I really have to think about it.
If I let it out of my hands I just consider it a "gift" and don't worry if I ever see it again.

Same here. I "loan" bags I am ready to give away. I happen to have (too) many of those. Looking to pare down, I am happy when I can share with a friend who will give those bags more love than they get from me!

Having said that, I offered to loan a bag recently and the whole thing was delightful. Friend was traveling overseas (two weeks in Italy!) and I had the perfect bag - one I might have worn for similar trip. This bag was not on my give- away list, yet I would have been OK If if hadn't made it back for some reason. When I offered, her first comment was "But you love your bags -I couldn't!" (That's when I knew, actually, that she could...).

She returned w/ raves about how perfect the bag had been for everything they did, how much she enjoyed using it, and with big thank-yous for sharing. She also returned it with several tasty Italian treats tucked inside (Limoncello!) Thanks to her, my bag had a better summer vacation than I did. It was fun to share w/ someone who appreciated the bag and the spirit behind the loan.

I would still loan only a bag I'm willing to part with - should something happen, I care more about the friend than the bag. I would share with this friend again...

 

[CoachCruiser]

Papertiger: Bingo. Bingo, bingo.

The older I get, the less I care. "Are you helping me buy this bag? No? Well, let me figure out how you can get one of your own."

People are out there to take advantage. I realize that this is not always the case and I understand that I may come across as cynical for saying it, but: COME ON.

 

[leechiyong]

Same here. I "loan" bags I am ready to give away. I happen to have (too) many of those. Looking to pare down, I am happy when I can share with a friend who will give those bags more love than they get from me!

Having said that, I offered to loan a bag recently and the whole thing was delightful. Friend was traveling overseas (two weeks in Italy!) and I had the perfect bag - one I might have worn for similar trip. This bag was not on my give- away list, yet I would have been OK If if hadn't made it back for some reason. When I offered, her first comment was "But you love your bags -I couldn't!" (That's when I knew, actually, that she could...).

She returned w/ raves about how perfect the bag had been for everything they did, how much she enjoyed using it, and with big thank-yous for sharing. She also returned it with several tasty Italian treats tucked inside (Limoncello!) Thanks to her, my bag had a better summer vacation than I did. It was fun to share w/ someone who appreciated the bag and the spirit behind the loan.

I would still loan only a bag I'm willing to part with - should something happen, I care more about the friend than the bag. I would share with this friend again...

What a great story!

I really think it depends on the person, event, and item as well. There are times like this one where the opportunity of sharing far outweighs the value of the bag.

 

[OneMoreDay]

Kindly let me share with you my "borrow your bag" story.

One day I was picking up my then 7 year old daughter from school when I got a call from my husband who was at work.

DH: "Karen (a girl who worked for him) is going on a date tonight and was lamenting not having a nice bag like a Chanel or LV to go on this special date. I told her you had lots of them and she could stop by and borrow one of yours."

ME: Complete silence, followed by the thundering sound of my jaw dropping and my eyebrows furrowing....... "Pardon me, I don't think I heard you correctly. Did you just say you offered Karen something that doesn't belong to you? Because if you did, that's a problem, because my answer is unequivocally--NO--for Karen or anyone else for that matter. I am astounded that we even have to have this discussion."

DH: "Well, I can't tell her no, now, I already told her she could."

ME: "I see you are in quite a self inflicted quandary. Deal with it. The answer is no, and you need to resolve it."

Later, when he got home, he had recognized the error of his ways, saying, "I don't know what I was thinking.....", so I let it go, but my 7 year old didn't! "Daddy, how can you offer mommy's bags to someone? Only I can get to wear them!", and walks off shaking her head.

I cut him some slack but when we went to bed that night, before he turned out the lights, I asked lightheartedly, "do you want to go see a production of Hamlet?" He answered, "Uh, I'd rather not, why, are you going to one?" I replied, "No, but I thought you might need a reminder of Shakespeare's advice to 'Neither a borrower nor lender be'". And he laughed, shook his head, turned off the lights and never offered my bags out again. To this day, I don't know what he was thinking.

My best friend, who I relayed the story to exclaimed, "WTF! Does your husband even know you? I have known you for over 15 years and I wouldn't borrow a bag!"

I can't imagine anyone asking me, but if they did, I wouldn't hesitate to tell them that I live by the motto, "Neither a borrower nor lender be", and that would end all discussion. I truly wouldn't want to ever borrow anything, because, aside from a slight germ phobia, I would be completely paranoid about something happening to someone else's property. I would be too busy treating it like the Queen's crystal so I wouldn't enjoy it, so no, I don't borrow, and I don't lend.

Great story! Your DH is such a sweetie though. But there are limits! At least he realised his mistake, lol. Good to know your 7 year old is there to rein him in.

 

[Ellenelle]

Wow, this thread is a surprise to me! Am I totally alone here?
I do not like to borrow anything from anyone, and I would never ever ask if I could borrow a bag. I would not even enjoy walking around with a borrowed bag.
But I really don´t mind lending out my bags. Or jewelry. Or anything. Not to strangers, of course, but two of my favorite persons have been borrowing my bags for a while. My eldest daughter is 17 and she borrows from my bag collection maybe once a week, I know she takes very good care of everything so I am very relaxed with it.
I also have lent bags to my best friend when she has been attending some special parties or weddings, she is also very responsible and I trust her to be careful.
Actually, I feel great when I am lending out my bags, I think my bags are beautiful and letting my dear ones enjoy them as well just makes me appreciate my bags even more.

 

[My lovely bags]

Same here. I "loan" bags I am ready to give away. I happen to have (too) many of those. Looking to pare down, I am happy when I can share with a friend who will give those bags more love than they get from me!

Having said that, I offered to loan a bag recently and the whole thing was delightful. Friend was traveling overseas (two weeks in Italy!) and I had the perfect bag - one I might have worn for similar trip. This bag was not on my give- away list, yet I would have been OK If if hadn't made it back for some reason. When I offered, her first comment was "But you love your bags -I couldn't!" (That's when I knew, actually, that she could...).

She returned w/ raves about how perfect the bag had been for everything they did, how much she enjoyed using it, and with big thank-yous for sharing. She also returned it with several tasty Italian treats tucked inside (Limoncello!) Thanks to her, my bag had a better summer vacation than I did. It was fun to share w/ someone who appreciated the bag and the spirit behind the loan.

I would still loan only a bag I'm willing to part with - should something happen, I care more about the friend than the bag. I would share with this friend again...

Such a great story. I really enjoyed reading it. thanks for sharing

 

[Mayfly285]

My friends would never ask to borrow my bags because they're aware of how much I treasure them (never putting them on floor, etc) and would be paranoid about scuffing them/dropping wine etc on them. They would never put me in the position of trying to refuse politely.


I did realise that I would never use a Mulberry Araline which I had bought a couple of years ago so I gave it to a friend whom I knew it would suit. She uses it, I didn't. It's not part of me any more and I don't think about it. However, I do have far too many bags and they're going to have to be pared down. Those which remain will be for me (and, eventually, my daughters) - not for anyone else. I'm not being selfish, I think; my bags are my own indulgence and I love and bought them after a lot of thought. Others can do the same.