To borrow or not to borrow...to lend or not to lend...

[dangerouscurves]

I struggle with saying No all the time. I have a hard time finding reasons for saying No, and i always feel guilty when there isn't a 'valid' reason.

Having said that, i would never say no to my mum or older family members.

Just tell the truth. It's too expensive to lend it to someone.

 

[Stacey D]

I would not share my bag because I take extremely good care of my bags and I would hate it if I borrowed my bag and they returned it to me dirty or broken or something.

 

[immigratty]

Some parents, sure, but not parents generally. Clearly, I am a parent and anything I say may be construed as defensive (which it is) and exceptional (which it's not), but not all, or even most, parents are like that. I do not let my kid (who is 7 years old now) go up to strangers and bother them. I never have. Inconsiderate people are inconsiderate with and without kids.

This is off topic but while I am not the most kid-loving person in the world (I like my kid, not so much other people's kids), I do find all the kid-hating and trashing rather harsh and and unnecessary. Not just here on tPF but generally.

This is exactly the type of thing parents do. It's like on the 6th sense, when the kid said "I see dead people, and they don't know they're dead." LOL

I'm not sure who that "kid hating and trash talking" comment was aimed at, but if it's aimed at me it is certainly misdirected. I actually love kids...they are just slobbery and messy when they are little,and I prefer to not have them touch me. No hate, just reality, what I don't like is messiness.

 

[leechiyong]

Some parents, sure, but not parents generally. Clearly, I am a parent and anything I say may be construed as defensive (which it is) and exceptional (which it's not), but not all, or even most, parents are like that. I do not let my kid (who is 7 years old now) go up to strangers and bother them. I never have. Inconsiderate people are inconsiderate with and without kids.

This is off topic but while I am not the most kid-loving person in the world (I like my kid, not so much other people's kids), I do find all the kid-hating and trashing rather harsh and and unnecessary. Not just here on tPF but generally.

I think there's enough evidence in this thread that there are people who are inconsiderate of others' possessions from all circumstances.

People don't notice the instances of well-behaved children nearly as often as those that are destructive. We don't track all of the thousands of times someone with kids didn't destroy/annoy others, but we do notice that of the three times something was ruined, it was twice by someone who blame-shifted to their kids.

It's a select few that skew others' perception because we focus on the negative. There's a lot of good parents. We just don't hear enough about them. Spoken by not a parent.

 

[JuneHawk]

I think there's enough evidence in this thread that there are inconsiderate people from all circumstances.

People don't notice the instances of well-behaved children nearly as often as those that are destructive. We don't track all of the thousands of times someone with kids didn't destroy/annoy others, but we do notice that of the three times something was ruined, it was twice by someone who blame-shifted to their kids.

It's a select few that skew others' perception because we focus on the negative. There's a lot of good parents. We just don't hear enough about them. Spoken by not a parent.

Thank you.

 

[babysunshine]

Hi ladies


If not all, but most of us have experienced the moments when someone close to us (Sis, SIL, Mom, Daughter, close friend, etc.) have requested to borrow one of our babies (gorgeous handbags). I have been challenged a few times facing those kind of requests, as I found it hard to say NO or YES.

This got me thinking WHY do I feel awkward and uncomfortable in those situations and HOW should I really react?




So I decided to share this with you and ask for your kind advices.

I only lend my bags to my mother and sister. Haven't had anyone else asks to borrow,

 

[Kellybuzzbuzz]

I would say no to anyone and never feel bad.

 

[vintagefinds]

In the past, I have lent out books and DVDs never to see them again. Only lend out what you're not afraid to lose. Same with money.

So no, you cannot borrow my bag.

 

[redney]

Do people actually do this outside of HS/college years? I've never heard of grown adults asking to use others' handbags...?

 

[Christofle]

Do people actually do this outside of HS/college years? I've never heard of grown adults asking to use others' handbags...?

For weddings and special events, I've known family members to borrow clutches from people with a more extensive bag collection so as to avoid purchasing a pricey clutch that they might have no further use for.

 

[redney]

For weddings and special events, I've known family members to borrow clutches from people with a more extensive bag collection so as to avoid purchasing a pricey clutch that they might have no further use for.

Oh that makes sense. I thought this thread was about people asking others to borrow everyday handbags.

 

[Christofle]

Oh that makes sense. I thought this thread was about people asking others to borrow everyday handbags.

I thought it was just bags in general.

 

[misskris03]

In the past, I have lent out books and DVDs never to see them again. Only lend out what you're not afraid to lose. Same with money.

So no, you cannot borrow my bag.

This is excellent advice.

 

[misskris03]

For weddings and special events, I've known family members to borrow clutches from people with a more extensive bag collection so as to avoid purchasing a pricey clutch that they might have no further use for.

Oh that makes sense. I thought this thread was about people asking others to borrow everyday handbags.

+1 Yes, that does make sense.

 

[katrice9000]

Thanks averagejoe, this is where I actually struggle. How could you develop this ability to say NO. I must not have been an easy one I guess

Practice. Say it out loud, look at yourself in a mirror. Watch your facial expressions- look them in the eye, be firm but respectful. It's like practicing a speech. Once you've perfected it take your "no" show on the road.