To borrow or not to borrow...to lend or not to lend...

Do you borrow? Do you lend?

  • No, never

  • Yes, always

  • Depends on the bag

  • Depends on the person

  • Depends on the bag AND the person

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#241
lol people very close to me will never ask me that. I always said that my life is in the bag (whatever bag I'm carrying). So if ever somebody would want to barrow, my reply is "No, you mean you want to barrow my life?" You can't and I don't want to lol
 
#242
To me, a handbag is a very personal item, almost an extension of myself. I would feel uncomfortable having to tell someone "no". So far, no one has asked me to borrow one of my handbags. My circle of friends are like-minded; I know none of them would ever ask me.
 
#243
My sister lives in the States. Sometimes when I buy online, I would have the bag shipped to her address. And sometimes, when she likes my new bag (our styles are usually different) she would ask me (more like tell me) if she could use it first while waiting for whoever will bring it home to me in my country. How could I refuse!! I feel I have no choice. She doesn't baby her bags, so I remind her to take care of mine

But I was surprised that another sister of mine lent me a designer bag for a full year (before my tpf days)!! I don't think I can reciprocate!
 
#244
Such an interesting thread!

Of course I wouldn't dream of asking to use anyone else's bag but that's just me. If someone asked me (which they never have and I just can't imagine happening) I would politely decline unless it was just for a few hours while I was with them so they could "try out" the style to see if they like it. And then only for a sister or good friend.

Otherwise it makes perfect sense to set your boundaries and just say "No, I don't lend out my bags" and leave it at that.

Not to mention the fact that it just seems strange to me to ask to borrow someone else's bag. Bags are personal, like jewelry and husbands.........you don't just "lend" them out to be used.
 
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#245
papertiger said:
Just a (real) question: why do you value other people's feelings over your own? If they love you they would not wish you to be uncomfortable, in which case they shouldn't ask. Once you've said no they will know the boundaries of what's yours and what's theirs and should respect you for it and appreciate they shouldn't ask again.

Practice saying 'no' it when you're alone (I know it sounds weird but it may help) and give a finite rule rather than justify it. Once you lend a bag yo whoever, you have in fact set a precedent, and then it will be even harder to say no next time they ask.

Suggestions:

"I'm afraid not, I like to keep my bags just for me"

"Sorry, it's the one thing I can't do"

"No, it makes me uncomfortable to say it, but I'd be more uncomfortable lending and I know you wouldn't want me to feel that way".

"No, not to anyone. Even you I'm afraid"

"No, I don't lend my bags, it's a rule I have"

etc

If they whine and moan and plead again, just repeat the same or alternative versions of the above. Having 'a script' means you don't have to think on your feet, justify yourself, or have nothing to fall back on.
Click to expand...

Thank you, papertiger. These are wonderful guidelines and suggested responses for setting boundaries (that can extend to many other situations too!).
 
#246
I don't think I've ever encountered someone who asked to borrow a bag of mine... the only person I would be comfortable giving my bags to would be my mother and possibly daughter when the time comes, but other than that I won't consider lending.
 
#248
I have never been asked by anyone to borrow my bags, and I don't think I'd even consider lending my bags out to anyone. I treasure them way too much, and I'd be horrified if anything happened. The only exception is my mom, who is really way too nice to ask me, even though I tell her that she can always borrow anything of mine.
 
#249
People ask. I have no problems saying no. My thought is if you want to carry the bag, buy it like I did.

I will, however, let my 20 yo daughter borrow anything she wants because she's my "baby" and she takes scrupulously good care of my bags. (and it's cheaper than buying two! LOL!)
 
#250
papertiger said:
Just a (real) question: why do you value other people's feelings over your own? If they love you they would not wish you to be uncomfortable, in which case they shouldn't ask. Once you've said no they will know the boundaries of what's yours and what's theirs and should respect you for it and appreciate they shouldn't ask again.

Practice saying 'no' it when you're alone (I know it sounds weird but it may help) and give a finite rule rather than justify it. Once you lend a bag yo whoever, you have in fact set a precedent, and then it will be even harder to say no next time they ask.

Suggestions:

"I'm afraid not, I like to keep my bags just for me"

"Sorry, it's the one thing I can't do"

"No, it makes me uncomfortable to say it, but I'd be more uncomfortable lending and I know you wouldn't want me to feel that way".

"No, not to anyone. Even you I'm afraid"

"No, I don't lend my bags, it's a rule I have"

etc

If they whine and moan and plead again, just repeat the same or alternative versions of the above. Having 'a script' means you don't have to think on your feet, justify yourself, or have nothing to fall back on.
Click to expand...

Thanks Papertiger, those are very helpful suggestions.
 
#251
Thanks Ladies for suggesting advices and sharing your own experiences. After reading all your comments and thinking about them I started to set up the following boundaries regarding sharing my handbags:

1: I would never share the bags that are so important to me, because they are part of me. So I call them 'RED ZONE' bags :p
2: I only share those bags that I am less emotionally attached to
3: I only share with my close friends and family members that I fully trust
4: I try to say NO to those close persons if they want to borrow one of my RED ZONE bags.
 
#252
My lovely bags said:
Thanks Ladies for suggesting advices and sharing your own experiences. After reading all your comments and thinking about them I started to set up the following boundaries regarding sharing my handbags:

1: I would never share the bags that are so important to me, because they are part of me. So I call them 'RED ZONE' bags :p
2: I only share those bags that I am less emotionally attached to
3: I only share with my close friends and family members that I fully trust
4: I try to say NO to those close persons if they want to borrow one of my RED ZONE bags.
Click to expand...

:tup:
 
#253
I very happily have friends and family borrow handbags, shoes and clothing. For those of you who don't and who feel uncomfy saying no when being asked: studies have shown there are tons and tons of coliform bacteria in/on a woman's handbag. Actually, there are more coliform bacteria in a woman's handbag than on a toilet seat. Pretty yucky, eh?
 
#254
hanzi said:
I very happily have friends and family borrow handbags, shoes and clothing. For those of you who don't and who feel uncomfy saying no when being asked: studies have shown there are tons and tons of coliform bacteria in/on a woman's handbag. Actually, there are more coliform bacteria in a woman's handbag than on a toilet seat. Pretty yucky, eh?
Click to expand...

That's why I empty it and turn the lining inside out to spray it with either alcohol or colloidal silver in 500 ppm concentration, twice a week :-)
 
#255
hanzi said:
I very happily have friends and family borrow handbags, shoes and clothing. For those of you who don't and who feel uncomfy saying no when being asked: studies have shown there are tons and tons of coliform bacteria in/on a woman's handbag. Actually, there are more coliform bacteria in a woman's handbag than on a toilet seat. Pretty yucky, eh?
Click to expand...

I wash my hands after using toilet.

But, I do kiss dogs on the forehead. And trust that those "prewashed," packaged salad greens actually are.
So, probably I'll die of some horrible disease soon.

Bummer. :(
 
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