To borrow or not to borrow...to lend or not to lend...

Do you borrow? Do you lend?

  • No, never

  • Yes, always

  • Depends on the bag

  • Depends on the person

  • Depends on the bag AND the person

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#211
Hi ladies


If not all, but most of us have experienced the moments when someone close to us (Sis, SIL, Mom, Daughter, close friend, etc.) have requested to borrow one of our babies (gorgeous handbags). I have been challenged a few times facing those kind of requests, as I found it hard to say NO or YES.

This got me thinking WHY do I feel awkward and uncomfortable in those situations and HOW should I really react?




So I decided to share this with you and ask for your kind advices.
 
#212
Depends on the bag. I once turned down a friend's offer to buy my Guess bag in high school. Not that it would've mattered a year later, because the handles started peeling off.

It's very natural to feel uncomfortable because we've invested quite a bit of effort and money into each bag that catches our hearts. Personally, I get very possessive about my belongings in general so it wouldn't just be my handbags I'd be protective of. It depends on one's personality, I suppose. Some people will just find it easier to say yes or no to others.

I think, you'll have to find and set your own limits. You might be able to lend a certain bag, but not another one. The criteria could be in the financial sense or by sentimental value. Or maybe you could borrow a friend/family member's bag in exchange to ease the process. If they always say no, you can just as easily say no. If they're pretty generous, maybe you can afford to be too. But different people will have different attitudes towards handbags so tread with caution.

It'll get a bit stressful feeling like you might be seen as sefish if you always say no or that you're easy because you always say yes (even when you want to say no). It's a tricky balance.

Having said all this, my mom can be very, very persuasive. :D
 
#213
My mom is probably the only person who'd get to borrow a bag from me. I don't think she's ever asked, though. I have borrowed bags from her a few times, hers are mostly not designer and I'd never ask her for a Mulberry.
Others, if they are even hinting of wanting a loan, I tell where they can find the bag to buy for themselves, or offer to sell mine. I don't really feel bad doing it - they're my bags, my investments and for me to enjoy.
 
#214
I don't think anyone's asked to borrow one of mine, but I am not someone that is cool with that because I have seen how other people treat their things, and I don't trust them not to do the same with mine. I treat most of mine with extreme care and consideration. It really bothers me when others aren't as careful.
 
#215
"I don't share well," seems to cover this situation, for me.
And countless others.
Including when 2 forks appear with my gimme-gimme-mine retaurant dessert plate.
Or when parents believe their greasy toddlers should maul my nice, clean dog in public parks.

Best luck. :)
 
#216
If you don't want to say yes, then say no, even if it's uncomfortable. It sets a good boundary with your friends and family. They must learn to respect your "no".

You can always offer to help your friends/family in some other way that you would be glad to say "yes" to.
 
#218
I struggle with saying No all the time. I have a hard time finding reasons for saying No, and i always feel guilty when there isn't a 'valid' reason.
Having said that, i would never say no to my mum or older family members.
 
#219
OneMoreDay said:
Depends on the bag. I once turned down a friend's offer to buy my Guess bag in high school. Not that it would've mattered a year later, because the handles started peeling off.

It's very natural to feel uncomfortable because we've invested quite a bit of effort and money into each bag that catches our hearts. Personally, I get very possessive about my belongings in general so it wouldn't just be my handbags I'd be protective of. It depends on one's personality, I suppose. Some people will just find it easier to say yes or no to others.

I think, you'll have to find and set your own limits. You might be able to lend a certain bag, but not another one. The criteria could be in the financial sense or by sentimental value. Or maybe you could borrow a friend/family member's bag in exchange to ease the process. If they always say no, you can just as easily say no. If they're pretty generous, maybe you can afford to be too. But different people will have different attitudes towards handbags so tread with caution.

It'll get a bit stressful feeling like you might be seen as sefish if you always say no or that you're easy because you always say yes (even when you want to say no). It's a tricky balance.

Having said all this, my mom can be very, very persuasive. :D
Click to expand...

Thank you, it is a good suggestion. I need to set my limits. You know, I can easily say NO to someone who is not close to me, but those people who are important to me I cannot easily say NO :sad:
 
#220
averagejoe said:
If you don't want to say yes, then say no, even if it's uncomfortable. It sets a good boundary with your friends and family. They must learn to respect your "no".

You can always offer to help your friends/family in some other way that you would be glad to say "yes" to.
Click to expand...

Thanks averagejoe, this is where I actually struggle. How could you develop this ability to say NO. I must not have been an easy one I guess
 
#221
Honestly, I would not want to ever borrow a friend's bag. I would worry that something bad will happen to it, and I would never want to risk that. I do not borrow things for that very reason.
 
#222
Nobody ever asked me to borrow my anything knowing that I am a super duper OCD.

My SIL did tell me to let her know when I was ready to part with my bags because she knows my belongings are always well maintained.
 
#223
I would let my mom but even then I ask her to be careful because I'm extremely clean with my bags but she dumps whatever inside. I would never let anyone else borrow though. I would just say no and leave it at that.
 
#224
my mom and i switch off bags all the time, however thats where it stops. my mom and I both have a significant [100+] number of bags in our own collections, and when I lived close we would actually share, however, now that I live 500 miles away, that's not really an option. However, there are some bags from back in the day that she has that I love and I don't and vice versa, so we will ocasionally switch them off. she is the only person who I know will care for her bags as well as I do...she is after all the one who introduced me to this ridiculous obsession hahahaha

I don't trust anyone else, especially [sorry parents] folx with kids. They seem to think it's "excusable" if things get messed up by messy / small children. Sorry to break it to you...IT'S NOT!! I'm still just as pissed off. maybe even moreso
 
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