What do you think about paying for your own E Ring??

[onegirlcreative]

You should check out auction houses for a nice estate engagement ring. You can get really good prices for a nice big rock. All you have to do is get the ring polished and resized, if you like the setting and it's not your ring size. If not, you can get the stone reset.

This is one way of getting a way bigger rock without the retail price tag...as long as you don't mind that it's estate jewlery. Me and my fiance were auction hunting for my engagement ring. I wanted as big a ring as possible...and retail is such a rip off. My ring is set in a harry winston setting... size was perfect. All he had to do was get it polished. (it's set in platinum.) It looked brand new. I've since got it appraised and it's worth several times more than what we paid for it. Appraiser said the ring is probably 20-40 years old... I like that it has a story...kind of romantic and vintage if you ask me... This might be a good compromise...that way he can pay for it, and you can get the bang for your buck....

i agree. estate rings, imo, are the best way to go—whether you can afford retail or not. i just love the idea of estate/antique rings which is why i love going to pawn shops. you'd be amazed what gorgeous e-rings there are, but obviously i'm not looking to get one of those, but omg, it's insane!

at this one pawn shop that i go to regularly, they had this most exquisite asscher cut diamond ring that was a gorgeous setting and it was only $3,500. i swear this thing was at least 2 carats. i went there the other day and noticed it was gone (finally after 2 months of sitting there).

some people are weirded out by estate rings or jewelry from a pawn shop, but i like the whole green idea of it and not paying retail is always a good thing.

 

[onegirlcreative]

I think it is sad to make jokes about a woman who paid for her own e-ring. You don't know the situation or circumstances. Her husband might be the most incredible and wonderful person. There are many guys out there that can afford large rocks and they cheat on their wives and are not involved with their own children. My dh and I have numerous friends where the husband is currently unemployed due to the terrible economy. But these guys are great, kind, loving and caring people who give to their wives and children in other ways rather than material objects.

 

[laurayuki]

i agree with most people who reasoned with option B.

if you don't care about the idea of a ring and wouldn't mind upgrading later it's def. okay to just let DH get the ring he can for you and maybe upgrade later.

But for some of us who has an ideal of the perfect ring we want to wear for the rest of our life and isn't too crazy about the idea of upgrading then it's worth it to just get the ring you want. the idea of an engagement ring is that it's most adored during your engagement and i feel like upgrading later kind of just takes the fun and excitement out of the ring.

I totally would love to learn more about estate rings. always seen some crazy good prices on southerby or christies auctions but have no idea how one would participate etc. would be a good tip for future BFs

 

[tillie46]

When we decided to get married, it was either a ring or a down payment on a small house..........so needless to say, I didn't get an engagement ring. But I made up for it, big time when we could afford it. I've been married for 37 years ,and I finally got the ring of my dreams on my 35th Anniversary. I've always had several beautiful, wedding bands, and a diamond just didn't seem important, until recently. Now, I have a whole new outlook on things that sparkle!

 

[Phillyfan]

tillie46 - Are there pictures of your rimg posted? I'd love to see it! I think you made right choice on down payment of a house!

 

[tillie46]

Hokaplan, I didn't take pictures of all my jewelry, mostly just my fun pieces. Tomorrow, I'll try and take some pictures, and see how they turn out. The diamond wedding stacking bands in the "stacking bands" section really didn't turn out that well. For some reason only my colorful pieces are clear. I also tried to take some pictures of my Steven Lagos jewelry, and it was the same problem. I'll try again!

 

[VuittonsLover]

Wow.. I haven't been on the computer in several days.. and I come back to a wonderful thread.

You wonderful woman gave such great advice.

I love the differences between everyones opinions.

I see the points in both A & B opinions too.

I have heard this argument/discussion before..l and was wondering everyone's opinions.

I have my own jeweler and I already have rings with a carat or more in it. rings, bracelets, cartier, tiffany, LV & many other designer pieces. So.. a small rock wouldn't really be comparable to other rings I already own.

I also believe in his pride. I know, he wouldn't want to have me pay for it. I also know he has major debt and is desperately trying to pay it off. Everything goes to his debt that somehow he got himself into. Soooo, not sure what is going to happen.

He constantly asks me to marry him with no ring. I have to hear the comments from the few I have told that too. I personally don't see the big deal if he loves me enough to marry me.. with or without the ring. I just hate to hear the comments from friends & even the woman that work at my jewelers.

I do believe that love and being a good person are much more important then having a large ring.. or any ring at all.

 

[ahertz]

^^ You're in a very interesting situation VL...

If it were me I'd get engaged with a cheaper ring (what about a nice eternity band that you could later wear as a wedding band?) and then I'd use the money I would put toward a ring to help him get out of his debt.

Once that debt is cleared up perhaps you could work together toward saving for the rock of your dreams and maybe it could be your wedding present. Once you're engaged, I don't think he's going to have an issue with you putting money (or outright paying) for your ring.

 

[EricaD]

Option B, as long as he's ok with it and it doesn't cause any hurt pride or resentment. My DH and I had ZERO money when we married so we just got simple gold bands. 10 years later and I was making more than double his salary and diamonds just aren't on his radar, AT ALL. But here I was getting into the antique diamond world and lusted for a diamond ring so, know what? I bought myself one! DH never had a problem with it, and over the past few years I've upgraded several more times and he just rolls his eyes

 

[onegirlcreative]

Option B, as long as he's ok with it and it doesn't cause any hurt pride or resentment. My DH and I had ZERO money when we married so we just got simple gold bands. 10 years later and I was making more than double his salary and diamonds just aren't on his radar, AT ALL. But here I was getting into the antique diamond world and lusted for a diamond ring so, know what? I bought myself one! DH never had a problem with it, and over the past few years I've upgraded several more times and he just rolls his eyes

sounds like my husband. most men are not into buying jewelry or anything like that. my dad bought my mom tons of jewelry and he was very imaginative about it, but not all men are like that, unfortunately.

my husband did buy my original engagement ring before we got engaged and i picked it out. he wanted to pay for it and realized that it was something he wanted to do on his own, i was fine with it and the ring he got me was beautiful and nowhere near a cheap ring. unfortunately i lost it a year and a half after we were married. that just killed me. so i bought another one with the money we received from the insurance company.

 

[MandM]

I'd say either go with option B, or with the suggestion others have made in getting engaged with a small ring that he can afford then upgrading after the wedding once you combine your finances (assuming that you have enough excess finances to make up for what he is lacking right now).

I also like what others said about how you can find great, loving men who just don't have a lot of money. I only think that a poor fiance is a problem if they are mooching off of you intentionally, or if they plan to insist that you will have to lower your standard of living so that the man can feel that he's the "provider". I guess it could also be a problem if you have conflicting expectations on what constitutes a "reasonable" lifestyle.

Ultimately, negotiating a ring buying strategy that makes you both happy is probably a good trial run to see if you will be able to deal with much bigger financial negotiations in the future

Of course, since the woman wears it for the rest of the marriage, her feelings should probably take priority, lol

 

[carlinha]

The man you love doesn't make a lot of money. You have your heart set on a certain ring. The ring you always dreamed of...

Do you...

a. get the small chip he can afford?

or

b. get the ring you want.. and help pay for it?


You are going to be together forever anyway, right...? Does that matter. What are your experiences...? Has anyone ever done this...?

have you discussed this with you boyfriend? what does HE think about it?

in my experience, men have very delicate egos, and how would it make him feel if he knew he couldn't afford and get you what you wanted? i know most men would feel pretty small....

 

[MandM]

have you discussed this with you boyfriend? what does HE think about it?

in my experience, men have very delicate egos, and how would it make him feel if he knew he couldn't afford and get you what you wanted? i know most men would feel pretty small....

*Totally agree* with you that men can be sensitive and this could be a problem. But I'd just worry that if the man couldn't even deal with the woman wanting a better ring than the one that he could afford, then how will the couple ever get through all the times in the future when the wife will want something that the husband can't afford? If this small decision is already a problem, then it might get worse over time.

He needs to either accept the fact that she has more financial resources (and recognize that he must bring other great qualities to the relationship) and just enjoy it...or else they are going to have a rocky relationship. I know that I'd be really frustrated if my husband didn't want me to have nice things -- that I could afford -- just because he couldn't buy them on his own...

 

[Vintage Leather]

I thought your question was odd, but then realize that perhaps my family is strange because they have Traditions.

The males in my family are incredibly protective of their daughters and sisters.

I was always taught that the engagement ring was the modern equivalent of a bride price - a man telling his future wife and her family exactly how much he valued her. The cost should be ~the equivalent of 2 mo. of his salary. And yes, any man who attempts to marry myself or my cousins do have a gauntlet to go through, including a credit check. You get the family along with everything else.
The ring should never be put it on credit. It is acceptable to take a house instead of a ring, but that is the only other thing that you won't go through the gauntlet for offering or accepting. To accept a proposal without either a ring or a house would be to value yourself too cheaply.
I hated it when I was younger, but now that I have a few years, I appreciate it.

(btw - the girl is usually expected to give a guy a gift if she also accepts his hand. Usually, a watch valued as much as the ring. One cousin did match her fiances house downpayment, which gave them a ridiculously low morgage payment. Basically, the couple is giving each other time. The engagement gift should be useful as long as you want the marriage to be)

If you are going to buy your dream ring, and it is more than 2mo of his salary, buy it as a right hand ring.

This is just my opinion and experience - OP it is ultimately up to you and your SO.

 

[niseixtenshi]

If the bf is ok with it, I don't think it'd be a problem.