Scarves Scarfaholics Anonymous - shopping and mental health

[Jbizzybeetle]

When I first started buying scarves at the boutique, one of the SAs recommended the one scarf per season approach. I could never manage that but I'm finding it much easier now to just appreciate some designs on others. In the past, I might have thought a certain design wasn't to my taste but, after someone models it on the seasonal thread, I get sucked into the "OMG, it's so beautiful. I want/need it!" mentality. I think I can limit myself to 3 per season, but it's the vintage stuff that is giving me problems now. That's when FOMO is real


Appropriate, isn't it, that it's the pink elephant that is making you go nuts We are drunk on scarves.

perfect! drunk on scarves!

 

[BigPurseSue]

Here's a question... To what degree do you think having easy access to an H store or H.com might be fueling frequent buying? And do you think that tweaking shopping habits in small ways, such as taking different routes, might lessen buying?

I live in a small town hundreds of miles from the nearest H store. FedX delivery is problematic in our area for several reasons so I'm reluctant to purchase from Hermes.com. I adore Hermes scarves and would love to buy one but haven't for those reasons. I don't want to buy second-hand and possibly end up with something with snags or spots. So I talk myself out of scarves I love by rationalizing that I don't want the possible hassles that would go along with buying and thus my life is simpler. That doesn't keep me from adoring them from afar and spending too much time window-shopping on the Internet. When a scarf I love sells out on H.com I try to be happy and relieved about it. It is one less thing I want and my bank account is in tact.

Years ago when I gave up smoking I learned that if you make small changes in your daily habits--take different routes, follow a slightly different daily schedule, or simply re-arrange the furniture--you can break yourself of addictive habits. I found that to be the case with shopping. When I got a car it was so much easier to spend lots of money at the mall than it was when I walked there with a backpack. Nowadays I pretty much stick to shopping by walking to stores with a backpack.

Just some thoughts from someone who is definitely addicted to buying scarves, but hasn't taken the plunge to buy a Hermes one. At least not yet.

 

[xincinsin]

I'm not sure how much proximity plays a part. By that I mean, would you be more likely to buy more if you lived two streets from an H boutique. I have access to three (used to be four) boutiques but I mainly stick to my home boutique for various reasons. From my mum's house, it's a 20-min stroll to my H boutique. I don't buy more even though I have easy access. And I have lovely SAs who tell me when I go gaga over a scarf that doesn't suit me. Of course easy access means sometimes I do drop by but buy nothing. I look at things which I would never buy (beautiful dinner services) or chat with the SAs. When I next have time, I'd like to learn more about the leather bags from my SA, even though she knows that I'm not going to buy any at the moment.

The popularity of online shopping and its supposed convenience likely propel the purchases of many H fans. A few months ago, H.com started a Singapore site and there were comments from some folks in my neck of woods that they were glad - now they could just keep checking the website for what they wanted rather than depend on SAs and trips to the store. I'm old fashioned. Although I buy online, I much prefer going to a boutique where I can see and feel and mull over the scarves. Oh, and pat myself on the back for resisting temptation I find it a lot harder to resist temptation online where the power of the imagination seems to magnify the desirability of the scarf. Yes, I have low resistance with online.

 

[blydia]

I think there a two different problems: having too many scarves (high CPW) and FOMO. Your one in one out rule might help with the first problem but not with your FOMO. FOMO ist responsible for still buying new scarves that you might not even want/need eventually. You might end up selling old scarves that you actually like or sell new ones (which is just pointless). FOMO sounds unhealthy to me, and it sounds like some kind of addictive behavior (always wanting something new, the short time of "happiness" or whatever that comes from buying something new).
Buying too many scarves if you like all of them equally sounds fine to me (I'd just regret not wearing my scarves often enough, but that's a personal thing). Buying scarves because of FOMO might be understandable but from a higher viewpoint it's not reasonable at all. I'd try to purchase with more caution/deliberation. Try to get a good overview of the current collection before buying new scarves.

Actually for me FOMO is mainly an issue for vintage buying, which I want to stop completely. One issue I have a lot is that I may love a particular aspect of a scarf but not really the whole thing. For example the three graces: I love the colors and the patterns but I find it difficult to tie. I will have to be much more careful in selecting only scarf that work as a whole.
Frankly, boutiques are much harder for me because first of all they have a magical mirror with PERFECT lighting so that everything looks amazing. then there’s the lovely SAs. then I only go there to begin with when I’m in a really good mood, which is when I am at my most “spendy” behavior. often I also have a certain outfit on with which the scarf is perfect.
then I go home and i have first doubts. Otten I convince myself that it’s still beautiful and I can wear it with many things because deep down I’m embarrassed to go back and return it (because I feel like they’ll “see” the out of control behavior). I’ve done it already many times. So maybe online would be better. but there sometimes they don’t have the cw I want and I’m too impatient to wait for it to stock....

 

[momasaurus]

I'm not sure how much proximity plays a part. By that I mean, would you be more likely to buy more if you lived two streets from an H boutique. I have access to three (used to be four) boutiques but I mainly stick to my home boutique for various reasons. From my mum's house, it's a 20-min stroll to my H boutique. I don't buy more even though I have easy access. And I have lovely SAs who tell me when I go gaga over a scarf that doesn't suit me. Of course easy access means sometimes I do drop by but buy nothing. I look at things which I would never buy (beautiful dinner services) or chat with the SAs. When I next have time, I'd like to learn more about the leather bags from my SA, even though she knows that I'm not going to buy any at the moment.

The popularity of online shopping and its supposed convenience likely propel the purchases of many H fans. A few months ago, H.com started a Singapore site and there were comments from some folks in my neck of woods that they were glad - now they could just keep checking the website for what they wanted rather than depend on SAs and trips to the store. I'm old fashioned. Although I buy online, I much prefer going to a boutique where I can see and feel and mull over the scarves. Oh, and pat myself on the back for resisting temptation I find it a lot harder to resist temptation online where the power of the imagination seems to magnify the desirability of the scarf. Yes, I have low resistance with online.

Same here. I love chatting with my SAs, when the store is not busy. I do have to drive or take a train, but there are 4 boutiques within reasonable travel time. I'm not a VIP, and I'm not trying to build a buying history to be offered a bag, so there isn't any of that pressure. I always ask them what things are flying out of the store, which scarf they will pick for their own, etc. because they are experienced and knowledgeable. I use h.com for things that aren't in stores, sometimes taking a chance on a CW (easy returns), other times confident because I've seen pix here on tPF!

 

[momasaurus]

Actually for me FOMO is mainly an issue for vintage buying, which I want to stop completely. One issue I have a lot is that I may love a particular aspect of a scarf but not really the whole thing. For example the three graces: I love the colors and the patterns but I find it difficult to tie. I will have to be much more careful in selecting only scarf that work as a whole.
Frankly, boutiques are much harder for me because first of all they have a magical mirror with PERFECT lighting so that everything looks amazing. then there’s the lovely SAs. then I only go there to begin with when I’m in a really good mood, which is when I am at my most “spendy” behavior. often I also have a certain outfit on with which the scarf is perfect.
then I go home and i have first doubts. Otten I convince myself that it’s still beautiful and I can wear it with many things because deep down I’m embarrassed to go back and return it (because I feel like they’ll “see” the out of control behavior). I’ve done it already many times. So maybe online would be better. but there sometimes they don’t have the cw I want and I’m too impatient to wait for it to stock....

Argh. I hope you can work through the embarrassment at returning. Many people return things! No one is judging your supposedly out-of-control behavior.
Are you shopping alone? Are things easier if you have a friend along? (If you're in NYC, please let me know)

 

[blydia]

Argh. I hope you can work through the embarrassment at returning. Many people return things! No one is judging your supposedly out-of-control behavior.
Are you shopping alone? Are things easier if you have a friend along? (If you're in NYC, please let me know)

that is very sweet of you thank you. yes I shop alone. It may also a bit of a cultural thing- I think people here don’t return as much? (switzerland) but of course you are right, and whenever I have returned something it was actually totally fine so it’s just in my head. that’s why I think I‘ll implement a 7 day incubation period before wearing a new scarf out so I can still return it.

 

[bunnycat]

Here's a question... To what degree do you think having easy access to an H store or H.com might be fueling frequent buying? And do you think that tweaking shopping habits in small ways, such as taking different routes, might lessen buying?

I live in a small town hundreds of miles from the nearest H store. FedX delivery is problematic in our area for several reasons so I'm reluctant to purchase from Hermes.com. I adore Hermes scarves and would love to buy one but haven't for those reasons. I don't want to buy second-hand and possibly end up with something with snags or spots. So I talk myself out of scarves I love by rationalizing that I don't want the possible hassles that would go along with buying and thus my life is simpler. That doesn't keep me from adoring them from afar and spending too much time window-shopping on the Internet. When a scarf I love sells out on H.com I try to be happy and relieved about it. It is one less thing I want and my bank account is in tact.

Years ago when I gave up smoking I learned that if you make small changes in your daily habits--take different routes, follow a slightly different daily schedule, or simply re-arrange the furniture--you can break yourself of addictive habits. I found that to be the case with shopping. When I got a car it was so much easier to spend lots of money at the mall than it was when I walked there with a backpack. Nowadays I pretty much stick to shopping by walking to stores with a backpack.

Just some thoughts from someone who is definitely addicted to buying scarves, but hasn't taken the plunge to buy a Hermes one. At least not yet.

The nearest boutique to me is hundreds of miles away, and that has not stopped me. But Fedex is fine and so is UPS with the exception of Fedex lately getting my address mixed up with a street 3 over that starts with the same letters as mine, and has a house number the same, then delivering there instead (4 times) and getting the house across the street mixed up with mine (same house number, totally different street name), one time. These are the joys of living on a corner lot...Also, with Fedex and UPS in the US, I believe you can have them hold for pick up at the closest location to you rather than attempting delivery- you just need to request that from the shipper. As for buying second hand, make sure there is a return policy and you are good.

Actually for me FOMO is mainly an issue for vintage buying, which I want to stop completely. One issue I have a lot is that I may love a particular aspect of a scarf but not really the whole thing. For example the three graces: I love the colors and the patterns but I find it difficult to tie. I will have to be much more careful in selecting only scarf that work as a whole.
Frankly, boutiques are much harder for me because first of all they have a magical mirror with PERFECT lighting so that everything looks amazing. then there’s the lovely SAs. then I only go there to begin with when I’m in a really good mood, which is when I am at my most “spendy” behavior. often I also have a certain outfit on with which the scarf is perfect.
then I go home and i have first doubts. Otten I convince myself that it’s still beautiful and I can wear it with many things because deep down I’m embarrassed to go back and return it (because I feel like they’ll “see” the out of control behavior). I’ve done it already many times. So maybe online would be better. but there sometimes they don’t have the cw I want and I’m too impatient to wait for it to stock....

I understand the fear of returning things. I do hate to do that as well, but once you do it, and nothing dreadful befalls you, it might feel easier. OTOH, I don't have any guilt at all buying from H online and returning if it doesn't work out. I don't know (at the very least) til I try it on if I am going to like it long term and that is truly the main benefit of buying online.

I think for the $$$, boutique visits are maybe a little to "knee jerk" purchase inducing for me. Even when I go in with a "list", it's too easy to get off track, derail in to other purchases, and then to have to make the snap decision on something that is expensive is a little stressful...so I actually kind of prefer online shopping.

 

[ladybug333]

One problem I have which developed over time was the increasing tolerance of prices. Someone mentioned this on one of the bag threads. She used to buy much cheaper purses. Then one day, she realized that the price of a Kelly no longer alarmed her. I use the retail price of a 90 as my benchmark. But some grail designs are only available at retail + $$$. And every time I pay retail +$$$ for a hard-to-find design, my tolerance level goes up. I have to consciously remind myself: "Excuse me, but that is EXPENSIVE!"

Totally agree with this! I remember when I first bought a used Fendi purse for $1,000, that seemed absurd. Then it was a $3k Valentino bag, which felt so expensive at the time. Then Chanel, and now Hermes. Now I look at a Valentino or Chanel bag and feel likes it’s “cheap” by comparison. It really is crazy how we can adapt to these prices so easily.

 

[Jbizzybeetle]

The nearest boutique to me is hundreds of miles away, and that has not stopped me. But Fedex is fine and so is UPS with the exception of Fedex lately getting my address mixed up with a street 3 over that starts with the same letters as mine, and has a house number the same, then delivering there instead (4 times) and getting the house across the street mixed up with mine (same house number, totally different street name), one time. These are the joys of living on a corner lot...Also, with Fedex and UPS in the US, I believe you can have them hold for pick up at the closest location to you rather than attempting delivery- you just need to request that from the shipper. As for buying second hand, make sure there is a return policy and you are good.



I understand the fear of returning things. I do hate to do that as well, but once you do it, and nothing dreadful befalls you, it might feel easier. OTOH, I don't have any guilt at all buying from H online and returning if it doesn't work out. I don't know (at the very least) til I try it on if I am going to like it long term and that is truly the main benefit of buying online.

off topic apology!
I suffer from “corneritus” as well. not working so Made a practice of running to mailbox when delivery driverpulls up. “you have a pkg for me, (name driver)”
so far neighbors have received only two boxes of DH-ordered energy bars, which apparently they kept.

 

[Serva1]

About proximity, I would definitely have started my journey with H much much earlier if there would be a boutique in my country. The online possibility opened a couple of years ago. I waited a long time for that to happen. For some reason I have been very careful when buying scarves and shawls. With MTs and twillies I got carried away...Since I have to sit in a plane for 3hrs in order to reach my homestore, I do shop a lot online, even if I have always preferred shopping in a boutique, with experienced SAs. Some of my favourite cws and designs have been chosen for me.

Last week I experienced a new type of service with H.com. The customer service called me and when I expressed an interest to a specific cw not available online, she checked and confirmed it is arriving and promised to inform me and take my order online before the cw is put available online. This is very new to me and might be an exception, since I had a defective scarf and perhaps they wanted to correct the situation in this way, but if H starts to expand the service like this it’s very tempting to buy more. Gone would be the days when you lurk and wait for the new scarves and particular cws to appear online.

 

[Jbizzybeetle]

Yes, your recent experience could be the exception...or an exceptional staff member, perhaps?
And you’re right, such customer service would deplete my bank account even further.

I recall an H.com customer rep telling me on phone once she could search all USA store inventory to find the scarf not online and she found it in my home store!——HOWEVER, sometime thereafter I tried calling into H.com staff with such a request and was told NOPE, NEVER DO THAT.

 

[Serva1]

Yes, your recent experience could be the exception...or an exceptional staff member, perhaps?
And you’re right, such customer service would deplete my bank account even further.

I recall an H.com customer rep telling me on phone once she could search all USA store inventory to find the scarf not online and she found it in my home store!——HOWEVER, sometime thereafter I tried calling into H.com staff with such a request and was told NOPE, NEVER DO THAT.

You are probably right on this, however, I have experienced problems with return labels and therefore emailed customer service a couple of times. They are so polite, call me and send emails signed by their first name. It feels very personal. The last lovely lady repeatedly told me I can contact her, I understood, anytime in future, for assistance. I will explore this opportunity further if there are things I would really like, saving me a trip with the plane. I’m getting older and more comfortable in everything I do. Also she promised to inform me about the next Carre event...well that’s something to look forward to

It was interesting to hear about your experiences in the past.

 

[Jbizzybeetle]

@blydia — return to your heart’s content—you come across as so well put-together, no one will suspect you’re feeling wiggly inside.

OK, so maybe not the best time to pat myself on the back a bit more than I deserve for the few positive strides I’ve realized may show progress, despite a major FOMO commission today (more later).

Progress in last six months:
-no more vintage scarves as I’ve not the resources to clean and care for 70 yo scarves, and rehome opportunities are few.
-not buying scarves that don’t appear to tie well for me...hear that, Les Artisans?...no matter how beautiful you are—a photo for H scarves archives and eternal joy thereby.
-don’t settle for CW or format that isn’t the one you want, thinking you’ll sell it later to put toward the desired one.
-accept FOMO happens; see above for “reasons” to miss out and feel a bit more content as the opportunity fades.

FOMO confession: C’est la Fete 04 khaki on its way!!!!!

FELLOW ADDICTS: Save congratulations for reveal in 2-3 days on SOTD/SS2020. I don’t want to suffer guilt for derailing this thread as well as my other $in$.

 

[Jbizzybeetle]

You are probably right on this, however, I have experienced problems with return labels and therefore emailed customer service a couple of times. They are so polite, call me and send emails signed by their first name. It feels very personal. The last lovely lady repeatedly told me I can contact her, I understood, anytime in future, for assistance. I will explore this opportunity further if there are things I would really like, saving me a trip with the plane. I’m getting older and more comfortable in everything I do. Also she promised to inform me about the next Carre event...well that’s something to look forward to

It was interesting to hear about your experiences in the past.

I love hearing this!