Scarves Scarfaholics Anonymous - shopping and mental health

[Langsam]

a few thoughts:
1. Have you tried a "x scarves per season"-limit? (with a small x, of course) I try to stick to x=2 (doesn't always work, but I buy much less than in previous seasons)
2. I think you're a rather new/young collector (2017). I think FOMO/saying no to SAs/... gets better in time. At some point there won't be enough room in your closet so you'll really start to think about new purchases. Or you'll think "I like cosmographia (or whatever) more than this new scarf, I don't need the new one" or "the color scheme of this new scarf is rather similar to this old scarf I have, I don't need to buy the new one".
By the way, regarding saying "no": you can always put things on hold and think about them if you're unsure. I do it quite often at Hermès boutiques, no one cares. After all, it's your money.
3. Look at previous seasons: Which designs do you consider grails? There aren't that many, are there? Try not to miss those holy grails (personal grails, not what's popular here on tpf), and with all the other scarves: always remember that it might be nice to have them, but not buying them won't really hurt either.
4. How many scarves do you want to have eventually? I know that some of us have 300+ scarves -- I personally couldn't live like that, I don't want to wear a scarf only once a year (at most). An upper limit might be 50? 100? I don't know. Just start calculating: You've been buying for 3 years, you have 30 scarves, that's 10 per year. Do you want to stop shopping at H in 2 years? Or in 7 years? It would be a pity, wouldn't it? Buying fewer scarves means buying scarves for a longer period of time, that might be a nice motivation.

Your last calculation is my current position exactly. Thank you for this excellent food for thought. Math for the win!

 

[momasaurus]

What makes the slope so slippery - in my opinion - is FOMO. fear of missing out. it gives you a sense of urgency, which certainly makes me crank out that credit card easier.
Also, I find that the rush of wanting something is by no way proportionate with the short high of getting it. This is classical "salience attribution" - if only I get that one thing, it's all gonna be ok. Well no, life goes on, our wants have babies and new wants knock on the door. And actually, by making their goods artificially scarce and making us wait, the tap into that FOMO even more.

The power is being with the urge and letting it pass. appreciating something beautiful on somebody else.
for me, this currently is watching all those beautiful pics of c'est la fête. I could just forbid myself from going on this forum (tried that, doesn't work). So now instead I try to "surf the urge". I feel the urge in my chest, then I say to myself that I appreciate the beauty on the tPFler who posted it, am happy for them, and let it go. Same with that japan scarf. The one I like has similar colors to my animapolis, so I really have that niche filled. So I appreciate the pictures, am happy for the person owning it, and let it go... and once the pictures are out of sight, I feel the urge is gone pretty soon as well. just make sure to not save the pictures because they'll trigger the want again.

then I try to fill my time with some other activity, such as playing my instrument or read.

This is such a great post. I remember the moment when I figured this out vis-a-vis gardens. (There was a time when I was obsessed with my yard.) I would fall in love with a shrub or plant and have to have it. Then I realized the beauty of appreciating the plant in someone else's yard. That was a big moment for me. I'm *getting* there with scarves. I have also recognized my need to own a scarf just for a while. i have to buy it, wear it a bit, then let it go, like getting it out of my system. I've tried to talk myself out of the whole process (can we just skip to the part when I don't own it anymore?), but I'm not there yet.
Big hugs to everyone here!

 

[momasaurus]

Love your scarf collection and the app, OP! This is a great thread. What you said reminds me of how I was a decade ago when I made purchases...I went through an involuntary decade-long drought of not having a lot of disposable income and I was able to cut back out of necessity. Now I’m able to purchase again and one technique that helps me is keeping a list on my phone of target purchases and every time I buy something I ask myself if I want it more than something on my list. I also read a recommendation to wait a month before making large purchases because if you still want it after a month then you really want it but chances are you won’t. I know that is hard to do for H, but those are two ways I’ve found that help me. Overall making deliberate purchases has actually started to make me happier in the long run!

This is a great technique, but H makes it impossible to wait a month for some items. They are just gone. Hence the FOMO.

 

[Jbizzybeetle]

The orange slippery slope is actually an understatement. It's more like a black hole - once you're in you don't get out. Or an orange hole.
I am a very visual person, I like beauty and I really appreciate the beautiful designs, the touch of the luxurious materials and I love to integrate them into my outfits.

But I don't feel fully in control.

Don't get me wrong - I am fortunate enough that I can afford all my purchases, so my worry is not financial in nature. Rather, I observe that I am in this loop of craving, buying, release, more craving... which is a typical sign of addiction. And I think there are certain features of this particular "collection hobby" that may fuel that loop (which is a typical addiction loop).
Here is a definition of addiction from the beautiful book "in the realm of hungry ghosts" by Gabor Maté:

1. compulsive engagement with the behaviour, a preoccupation with it
2. impaired control over the behaviour
3. persistence or relapse, despite evidence of harm
4. dissatisfaction, irritability or intense craving when the object is not immediately available

I don't know about you, but I can relate with most of the above.
I may not experience harm financially or physically, but I do often have feelings of guilt and shame. I often hide my purchases (even though I buy them with my own money and am free to do whatever I want).

The thing is, our biology is wired in a certain way and I believe H scarve collecting taps into that and that's why it can get so addictive.

So I am curious to know: Do you have a similar experience? Would you like me to explore this topic more and share some of my tricks that I'm implementing? Maybe you have tricks and tips of your own - I would be very grateful to hear them!

assuming I’m not the first to notice “Scarfaholics Anonymous” shortens to S.A.?
guilty on all counts....the use of “catch and release” (buy, enjoy, rehome) seems harmless as fishing until other people stop buying...which has been the case for me on eBay recently but that’s another thread.
were I able to continue buy, wear, release—I’d happily ‘own’ my addiction to H.
sorry can’t be more help as I’m rolling in the orange gutter with three modest acquisitions and two more in pipeline.
doomed, I tell ye, doomed!

 

[momasaurus]

assuming I’m not the first to notice “Scarfaholics Anonymous” shortens to S.A.?
guilty on all counts....the use of “catch and release” (buy, enjoy, rehome) seems harmless as fishing until other people stop buying...which has been the case for me on eBay recently but that’s another thread.
were I able to continue buy, wear, release—I’d happily ‘own’ my addiction to H.
sorry can’t be more help as I’m rolling in the orange gutter with three modest acquisitions and two more in pipeline.
doomed, I tell ye, doomed!

Yes, it has become much more difficult to find new homes for scarves we are releasing. Prices on eBay have tanked.

 

[bunnycat]

Thank you, blydia, for opening your heart to us and for sharing. I feel like I get on the FOMO bandwagon, too. One trick I do to remind myself of what I have is to make sure that I can see EVERY Hermes purchase in my closet and in my drawers. (To remind myself of what I have.) I fear that if I don't see it, I won't use it. I keep my scarves in their original boxes but label them on the rim of the lid so that I can read the colorway and design. My bangles and Clics, CDCs, KDT etc are out of the boxes and on bracelet racks in a deep drawer so that I can easily see them for use. My shawls are left hanging on velvet lined hangers in the closet. I know I have to cut back because I have too much and I don't want to sell anything. (I don't even know how to do that and for sentimental reasons, I want to keep my purchases.)

In the future, I will try to only buy what is different and truly unique and innovative. My SA also said that H is trying to reinvent classic designs to keep regular customers interested in the brand. For example: double sided scarves, clic H with enamel design on the "H", and new designs for CDC etc. From two seasons ago, I bought a double sided enamel bangle...These types of new items with a "twist" will keep me interested as not to "duplicate" what I already have.

The other thing I have had to do is to remind myself that if I didn't purchase the original scarf design when I had the chance, why would I buy the reissue? From here on out, the design needs to touch a personal chord with me, have special meaning.

I completely understand your struggle with how much is too much, and when does it end? I have been thinking these same thoughts, too and have felt consumed by Hermes consumerism. Price increases on all things keeps me in touch, too. For Hermes bags, I am very thankful for what I have and won't be buying any more of these. They have gotten too expensive, and at my age, I really need to use what I have. Thank goodness I don't troll ebay or other reseller sights. That opens up more doors for temptation and spending. Lately, I have glanced at the VCA thread here on Tpf. These ladies and gents have gorgeous collections. I can't get into that.... talk about another addiction!

I, like others have said, will admire what fellow Tpfers buy and model from afar. I really enjoy the pictures and it helps me with focusing on what I really want as opposed to going to the store "blind" and being so overwhelmed that I can't concentrate on the one thing I want to buy. I am also going to buy only for special occasions....Christmas, Birthday, Anniversary. I feel so guilty at times going in like it's a grocery store. These beautiful pieces of wearable art should be, for me, a celebration of a special occasion. I am going to try not to buy on impulse.

I do think the "special occasion" acquisition route is a worthy model and one I'd like to practice more than I do. The main problem I have found with it, is this model works great with older season scarves, or "special" items (and there is a "special" item lurking in MrBcat's present stash for me right now which I am *mostly* waiting patiently for), but is a real bugger with new season stuff (because i want to enjoy it while it is new!!!).

This is such a great post. I remember the moment when I figured this out vis-a-vis gardens. (There was a time when I was obsessed with my yard.) I would fall in love with a shrub or plant and have to have it. Then I realized the beauty of appreciating the plant in someone else's yard. That was a big moment for me. I'm *getting* there with scarves. I have also recognized my need to own a scarf just for a while. i have to buy it, wear it a bit, then let it go, like getting it out of my system. I've tried to talk myself out of the whole process (can we just skip to the part when I don't own it anymore?), but I'm not there yet.
Big hugs to everyone here!

I also understand the "gotta get this one out of my system" part. I think that, in moderation, is no bad thing and nothing to feel guilty about. If done frequently, it certainly adds up to big losses though. But I don't beat myself up if I do that occasionally.

 

[bunnycat]

Ok- I'm going to give physical tracking and counting the numbers a try, and see if they match up with my mental "instinct" monologue of what's being worn versus what isn't.

Sadly, there is just no way I am going to do the StyleApp thing. I tried it once and it is too much like WORK setting it up (for me), considering I make and sell handmade beads and photographing and photo editing is a fact of life for me, and not one I care to do in my "free" time. Plus, I am old enough that I actually have a preference for something I can manually touch and do, and typing on a keyboard isn't that.

So I made a spreadsheet printout of everything I have and can keep with my books, and will go through and log how often I wear things the OLD fashioned way- with a pen and pencil.

Should have some initial results soon.

 

[ae888]

Just out of curiosity, does anyone think it is actually possible to limit oneself constantly one scarf per season or better yet, one scarf per year? I very much like the idea of curating and letting go of something “old” when a new scarf comes in but I am afraid I will have second thoughts if I sell something and won’t be able to buy/find it ever again.

 

[ichimatsu]

Just out of curiosity, does anyone think it is actually possible to limit oneself constantly one scarf per season or better yet, one scarf per year? I very much like the idea of curating and letting go of something “old” when a new scarf comes in but I am afraid I will have second thoughts if I sell something and won’t be able to buy/find it ever again.

I think one scarf per season is possible. I couldn't do one scarf per year because a spring/summer scarf might be sold out by the time the fall/winter scarves arrive.
When I see the pictures here on tpf of the upcoming season, I try to pick favorites, after a few weeks I go to the store and have a look at them. Usually there's one that is better than the rest. I think the main problem is that we buy scarves that we like -- usually there are just too many scarves that we like. The key is to compare the scarves that are currently offered/that you like and pick your absolute(!) favorite (or maybe 2 or 3 favorites). The problem with this approach is that not all scarves are available at the same time (marketing scheme of H?), so technically it might happen that a scarf is actually sold out during the current season (how often does that really happen? rarely, I'd say)
I wouldn't sell my old scarves, I still like all of them (even if I don't wear all of them equally often).

 

[ichimatsu]

These are all things on my mind at this point, very true. Like with 30 scarves you wear them 1/month. That's an ok rate for me. 1 every 2 months... not really. so I think I am approaching a hard stop at some point.

For that reason I try not to buy vintage anymore. I pretty much have all the designs i want - so that should slow naturally as I've "caught up" in a way with old seasons.

And I soon will have to establish something like a 1 in 1 out rule if i want to acquire further. that means that I need to give up one of my scarves to buy a new one and that will up the hurdle massively (and more and more over time).
I was going for 2 per season as well (and already overshot, dang it). but will stick to that target.

but obviously, for collectors this is much different, i just don't consider myself a collector.

I think there a two different problems: having too many scarves (high CPW) and FOMO. Your one in one out rule might help with the first problem but not with your FOMO. FOMO ist responsible for still buying new scarves that you might not even want/need eventually. You might end up selling old scarves that you actually like or sell new ones (which is just pointless). FOMO sounds unhealthy to me, and it sounds like some kind of addictive behavior (always wanting something new, the short time of "happiness" or whatever that comes from buying something new).
Buying too many scarves if you like all of them equally sounds fine to me (I'd just regret not wearing my scarves often enough, but that's a personal thing). Buying scarves because of FOMO might be understandable but from a higher viewpoint it's not reasonable at all. I'd try to purchase with more caution/deliberation. Try to get a good overview of the current collection before buying new scarves.

 

[ae888]

I think one scarf per season is possible. I couldn't do one scarf per year because a spring/summer scarf might be sold out by the time the fall/winter scarves arrive.
When I see the pictures here on tpf of the upcoming season, I try to pick favorites, after a few weeks I go to the store and have a look at them. Usually there's one that is better than the rest. I think the main problem is that we buy scarves that we like -- usually there are just too many scarves that we like. The key is to compare the scarves that are currently offered/that you like and pick your absolute(!) favorite (or maybe 2 or 3 favorites). The problem with this approach is that not all scarves are available at the same time (marketing scheme of H?), so technically it might happen that a scarf is actually sold out during the current season (how often does that really happen? rarely, I'd say)
I wouldn't sell my old scarves, I still like all of them (even if I don't wear all of them equally often).

Yes, I still have not seen everything IRL I thought I would like based on pictures. But because of FOMO I already bought a couple of scarves although I am still waiting for some colorways to show up. Because of this marketing strategy (?) one ends up buying more than planned. I hate when they hook us like this!

 

[Ladybaga]

I need seious help. I just looked on the SS2020 scarf thread and saw the most beautiful colorway of Cosmographie (spelling?) I don't own any version of that scarf or shawl, but man, the pink and orange one is making its way to my bday wish list. That pink elephant is sending me over the edge of sanity!

 

[xincinsin]

Just out of curiosity, does anyone think it is actually possible to limit oneself constantly one scarf per season or better yet, one scarf per year? I very much like the idea of curating and letting go of something “old” when a new scarf comes in but I am afraid I will have second thoughts if I sell something and won’t be able to buy/find it ever again.

When I first started buying scarves at the boutique, one of the SAs recommended the one scarf per season approach. I could never manage that but I'm finding it much easier now to just appreciate some designs on others. In the past, I might have thought a certain design wasn't to my taste but, after someone models it on the seasonal thread, I get sucked into the "OMG, it's so beautiful. I want/need it!" mentality. I think I can limit myself to 3 per season, but it's the vintage stuff that is giving me problems now. That's when FOMO is real

I need seious help. I just looked on the SS2020 scarf thread and saw the most beautiful colorway of Cosmographie (spelling?) I don't own any version of that scarf or shawl, but man, the pink and orange one is making its way to my bday wish list. That pink elephant is sending me over the edge of sanity!

Appropriate, isn't it, that it's the pink elephant that is making you go nuts We are drunk on scarves.

 

[momasaurus]

Just out of curiosity, does anyone think it is actually possible to limit oneself constantly one scarf per season or better yet, one scarf per year? I very much like the idea of curating and letting go of something “old” when a new scarf comes in but I am afraid I will have second thoughts if I sell something and won’t be able to buy/find it ever again.

For me it would never work to limit myself to only one scarf per season, let alone per year. Nope nope nope!

You never know. I let go of a vintage scarf once, and bought the same CW a few years later. It wasn’t so much that I was weeping over having let go of the scarf as that one popped up for very little money in better shape than the one I had sold.

 

[Daosabao]

Thank you OP for this thread. While I’m glad for you that financially this ‘hobby’ or ‘addiction’ had not been detrimental to you financially, that feeling of always wanting the next thing is not really good for us...

I became a very discontented person after I discovered Hermès. There’s always something else to ‘work towards’ or collect. FOMO and the ‘rarity’ of items made me snap up things without careful thinking. Sure I’ve accumulated many beautiful things but I realized I actually don’t need them. I’m not even an accessories person to begin with before I started with.

I only realized how crazy my shawls/scarves/bracelets has made me when someone commented my friend (she’s an enabler, so maybe we also need to get rid of enabling friends!) looks like a walking H advertisement. I felt oh, are you also talking about me haha.

Recently I’ve rehomed many accessories items and felt so good about it. Many are brand new! I’ve only kept a few favorite shawls and bracelets. Seeing about half the money come back to my bank account feels very good also.