Scarves Scarfaholics Anonymous - shopping and mental health

[BigPurseSue]

The nearest boutique to me is hundreds of miles away, and that has not stopped me. But Fedex is fine and so is UPS with the exception of Fedex lately getting my address mixed up with a street 3 over that starts with the same letters as mine, and has a house number the same, then delivering there instead (4 times) and getting the house across the street mixed up with mine (same house number, totally different street name), one time. These are the joys of living on a corner lot...Also, with Fedex and UPS in the US, I believe you can have them hold for pick up at the closest location to you rather than attempting delivery- you just need to request that from the shipper. As for buying second hand, make sure there is a return policy and you are good.

Your recent experience with Fedex sounds like the perpetual problem we have with them. Packages end up hither and yon all over the neighborhood. And we receive packages for other addresses. Unfortunately the nearest shipping center that will hold packages is a 20-mile drive. I ordered a scarf from Ferragamo that they shipped Fedex, signature required which was good. I got an e-mail from Fedex that it would be delivered between 9 a.m. and noon. Since I have hearing issues and can't hear the bell I took a seat in the living room overlooking the street to keep watch for the truck. At noon I received an e-mail saying delivery would occur between noon and two. Then at two another e-mail saying the delivery would come between two and four. And so on. I was still waiting when the truck finally arrived at 8 pm. I've spent nearly 12 hours waiting in the same spot...for a scarf?! I kept thinking. I vowed I would never do that again. When I saw that H.com ships Fedex signature required I decided no, no, no, there would not be a repeat of the 12-hour Ferragamo/Fedex scarf vigil. And so far that's kept me sane.

 

[Jbizzybeetle]

Very much so, and that may be an exponential curve to CPW’s linear.

So maybe when PPW > CPW or PPW> unknown X it's a keeper. Whereas when PPW<CPW (and sadly, sometimes you don't know this until AFTER you buy it) then it slides to the rehome pile. (If you need a bottom line!)

Oh, my, I knew 7th grade algebra would eventually pay off!

 

[ksuromax]

what a lovely thread! and so timely started!
As some of you might have noticed, i was not posting much, if at all, at the SOTD thread.
I am on a hard pause
i decided to cool down a bit, although i pay all my bills by myself, and i can afford all my "treats" financially still there are few things in my life that i decided to put forward, hence, step back in my expences and cut off something i don't really NEED.
I have all my bags and 'accessories' needs covered. I will (try) now buy only something that fills up the gap (if any) in my closet/style.
I know i might get blown away with nice mod shots i see posted every day, and i stayed away from temptation for a while, now when i feel more focused i am getting back slowly and will try to keep the cravings under control.
My 'missed out' vintage things are all caught up on, my current season offers are well thought and managed, i hope that i will stay on track

 

[I4H]

Really intriguing topic, and one I've surely pondered.

(I'm pretty sure I have a problem... ) Even if I got rid of half my scarves, I'd still have more than you Blydia.

FOMO is certainly a factor, just as the recurrent guilt is after (or during) a purchase and the "urge" for pretty things (oooh- shiney!) and dragon hoarding tendencies.

I sort of like the tracking app idea, though for me it might also kill the joy too but I haven't really buckled down to try it so far. The closest I come is SOTD pics. I sort of track what I am wearing most that way. But if it is helpful for you or for anyone, and will help you use what you have and/or curb purchases, then it's a potentially great tool and one I have pondered using form time to time.

It usually comes down to 2 thought processes. The first one is that I DO wear a scarf every day (unless I am working with a torch or in the garden dirt). In summer, they may be limited to when I go out or am in a cold building at work, but in pleasant or cold weather it is every day, all day. I used to wear scarves when I was younger too, and when I began acquiring (expensive) scarves (2014) my rationale at the time was "I'm only going to wear them more as I get older". Seeing 40 and then 50 staring you in the face, well, mostly I don't give a rats @$$ what people think about me and if I want to wear a scarf every day, then I will (by golly). That fits right in to my future YOLO eccentric old lady vibe. So from this perspective, CPW has no meaning. But from my wallet's perspective, CPW is a great way to track myself and how often I am using things. It may indeed be a good way to try to better hone what I "need" versus the "ooo--shiney" factor.

bunnycat I love your scarf wearing montra as I also wear a scarf everyday with few exceptions! They are not all H as I'm fairly new to their scarves but I have definitely been bitten my the H bug as nothing is more luxurious around my neck than an H silk. I'm always looking to add more to my collection when my pocketbook allows so I don't need counseling just yet! Next year I plan to retire and may need a part time job just to buy more scarves. I have to admit at the end of the day I often change into my pj's and leave my scarf on if I'm reading a book or enjoying TPF and will finally fold up my scarf and put her back in the scarf drawer with her friends before falling asleep.

 

[Jbizzybeetle]

bunnycat I love your scarf wearing montra as I also wear a scarf everyday with few exceptions! They are not all H as I'm fairly new to their scarves but I have definitely been bitten my the H bug as nothing is more luxurious around my neck than an H silk. I'm always looking to add more to my collection when my pocketbook allows so I don't need counseling just yet! Next year I plan to retire and may need a part time job just to buy more scarves. I have to admit at the end of the day I often change into my pj's and leave my scarf on if I'm reading a book or enjoying TPF and will finally fold up my scarf and put her back in the scarf drawer with her friends before falling asleep.

I have definitely been scouring the job market—in addition to more money for scarves, more opportunity to wear scarves, more CPW ROI!
uh oh, H logic kicking in, getting slick in here....

 

[Serva1]

I’m so lucky to still be a scarf newbie, trying to learn from those who have been collecting for years. At the moment my goal is to have a collection of mostly CSGMs, some moussies, a few giant silks and iconic 90s that work for me. I’ve really enjoyed this thread blydia, perhaps my way to stay in control is this learning process, seeing other tpfers collections and finding out which designs I like the most. I’m making my spending decisions on the basis of knowledge, what designs have been made while following what’s coming up. Naturally having a patient nature helps, the research in particular vintage scarves, feels rewarding and being really selective when a new season starts. I enjoy seeing as many different H scarves throughout the years as possible. That is why I have bought all books I can find on the subject.

My collection of H bags feels almost complete, I guess there will be a scarflimit one day but not in the near future. I will always be a scarfie, follow the new seasons and buy designs I love. It helps to focus mainly on CSGMs, because the offerings are more limited and I’m not good at buying vintage unless pristine.

It’s possible to set rules for yourself (number of scarves, how much to spend per year/month), stay away from temptations, trying to enjoy what you already have, but in the end it’s a decision to make, buy less and wear the ones you have.

 

[Thelittlefoxes]

This is a very interesting thread and I enjoy reading everybody's contributions because I've been asking myself some of these questions for some time now.

I guess the trouble with Hermès scarves is that it is easy to see them as more than mere accessoires – they are wearable works of art. Probably most of us like to surround ourselves with beautiful things and Hermès scarves are more accessible, less expensive and easier to store than – for example – fine art. And you can always justify your purchase by telling yourself that you are not wasting money because it won't just be sitting around gathering dust but you can actually wear it and will wear it a lot.

But since there is a wide variety of designs and these designs are very distinctive, the scarves are pretty much collector's items by default. Even if you do not consider yourself a "scarf collector" – the simple fact that you own more than four or five in total (in basic colours, two for spring/summer, three for autumn/winter) makes you a collector. I keep telling myself that I have scarves in every colour I need and that some of them get little wear because there are too many of them already. But then, there is this one vintage Hermès scarf that I'm still looking for and I think that once I've found it I'll have everything I'll ever need. But while I'm looking for it in the reseller market, I discover new designs I hadn't seen before and the wish list grows while it should get shorter. And this probably unhealthy.

Yet I can still control myself because I'm looking for specific designs in specific colourways and I have no fear of missing out since the reseller market is huge. If I do not get the scarf this time, I'll get it next time. I can be very patient if I really want something and sometimes I just lose interest in a design altogether and move on. Only if I still want a scarf after several months or even years, I buy it when I can (still) find it.

 

[ichimatsu]

Actually for me FOMO is mainly an issue for vintage buying, which I want to stop completely. One issue I have a lot is that I may love a particular aspect of a scarf but not really the whole thing. For example the three graces: I love the colors and the patterns but I find it difficult to tie. I will have to be much more careful in selecting only scarf that work as a whole.
Frankly, boutiques are much harder for me because first of all they have a magical mirror with PERFECT lighting so that everything looks amazing. then there’s the lovely SAs. then I only go there to begin with when I’m in a really good mood, which is when I am at my most “spendy” behavior. often I also have a certain outfit on with which the scarf is perfect.
then I go home and i have first doubts. Otten I convince myself that it’s still beautiful and I can wear it with many things because deep down I’m embarrassed to go back and return it (because I feel like they’ll “see” the out of control behavior). I’ve done it already many times. So maybe online would be better. but there sometimes they don’t have the cw I want and I’m too impatient to wait for it to stock....

You should be proud of your analytical thinking (I'm being serious, it wasn't meant as some kind of irony!). You know which aspects you can work on:
- no more vintage scarves
- no scarves that please you only partly (I know that my next comment is counterproductive, but here it is anyway: you look wonderful in your 3 graces scarf!!!)
- learn to say no to SAs (or to people generally, that's one of the most important things in life, I think)
- be more patient

and about returning items/incubation time/...: I often buy scarves although there might be a CW x that I still want to see (and I do tell my SA that I still want to see CW x). I don't wear the scarf that I bought in the meantime, I visit a boutique more or less 3 weeks later (because of the 4 week return policy) and check whether CW x has arrived. If not, I ask my SA what to do. Depending on your SA/the store manager/the store... you might be allowed to exchange the scarf for the other CW even after 4 weeks. Or you might be able to get the second CW online in the meantime so that you can compare.

and a second thought concerning returns: you can always say that you realized that only very few items in your closet match your new scarf. or you realized that you have a scarf which is too similar to the new one that you bought. No one(!!!) thinks that you're out of control. Checking your scarf in relation to your wardrobe at home sounds reasonable to me, I wouldn't judge you at all. I assume that the SAs in your home store already know you to a certain degree, being a loyal costumer also means not having to worry about every little detail, you can exchange as much as you want. I'm sure that's fine in Switzerland, too. (I don't like to exchange things, either, but I think that at Hermes I don't have to worry at all, I'm a loyal costumer, I do buy on a regular basis (although not that much), I think no one judges me for returning stuff.)

 

[skybluesky]

After only a few months, this thread has seriously made me stop and think and realize that 4 is a lot to have purchased over a small period of time, even though I love them all. They are all very different colorways so I'm lucky on that front. I think if I try to do just 2 a season and then try to reduce my collection in 2 years, that might be manageable.

Even though there's no world where $420 (the 90 cm went up in the US from $415 to $420, yikes!) is cheap, I'm desensitized to H prices (which is scary), because I think "scarves at H are cheap!". But they do bring me joy and I'm good at rotating my scarves and I wear them on casual days and I wear them to dress up a work outfit or add a pop of color.

 

[xincinsin]

I just realized, proximity might not cost me more in terms of purchasing dollar, but I "spend" more time. So, apart from cost per wear and pleasure per wear, there is also cost of time expended in appreciation (CTEA - I drink a lot of green tea at H).

-not buying scarves that don’t appear to tie well for me...hear that, Les Artisans?...no matter how beautiful you are—a photo for H scarves archives and eternal joy thereby.
-don’t settle for CW or format that isn’t the one you want, thinking you’ll sell it later to put toward the desired one.

I need to see Les Artisans IRL - hence the CTEA. There are several designs this season which look wonderful on others but which I've resisted. I'm not talking about want vs need. There's no way I can convince myself that I need H scarves to survive. Wanting though can come in many forms. I try to weigh want=greed/lust/other deadly sins vs want=love it but can live without it vs want=will wear it.

Not settling for cws is hard when I buy vintage and I don't know when I'll ever find the design again or if I'll ever encounter the cw of my dreams. I curb it somewhat by reminding myself that I look awful in vintage brown and some vintage greens. Leaves the field wide open for reds and blues of course

 

[Julide]

For me it would never work to limit myself to only one scarf per season, let alone per year. Nope nope nope!

You never know. I let go of a vintage scarf once, and bought the same CW a few years later. It wasn’t so much that I was weeping over having let go of the scarf as that one popped up for very little money in better shape than the one I had sold.

I think that is the collector coming out. I think there is a distinction between collectors and people who have them solely for accessories. Just MHO.

Thank you OP for this thread. While I’m glad for you that financially this ‘hobby’ or ‘addiction’ had not been detrimental to you financially, that feeling of always wanting the next thing is not really good for us...

I became a very discontented person after I discovered Hermès. There’s always something else to ‘work towards’ or collect. FOMO and the ‘rarity’ of items made me snap up things without careful thinking. Sure I’ve accumulated many beautiful things but I realized I actually don’t need them. I’m not even an accessories person to begin with before I started with.

I only realized how crazy my shawls/scarves/bracelets has made me when someone commented my friend (she’s an enabler, so maybe we also need to get rid of enabling friends!) looks like a walking H advertisement. I felt oh, are you also talking about me haha.

Recently I’ve rehomed many accessories items and felt so good about it. Many are brand new! I’ve only kept a few favorite shawls and bracelets. Seeing about half the money come back to my bank account feels very good also.

I also worry about being a walking H advert, too many h items at once makes me self conscious.

wow that is awesome. that would be tough for me I think, just to wait it out like that would require enormous discipline. It's really impressive you do that (any mental tricks? - or are you just a patient person?)

Thank you Blydia, I wish it was a trait I had. I don’t live near a store so I must rely upon other modeling pictures to determine if the colours were true to what H presented or if it is something that could fit into my wardrobe.

When I do live close to a store I actually don’t like to visit often, I felt going in once a month is too much!So it maybe more of my personality when shopping than discipline.

 

[Julide]

@blydia — return to your heart’s content—you come across as so well put-together, no one will suspect you’re feeling wiggly inside.

OK, so maybe not the best time to pat myself on the back a bit more than I deserve for the few positive strides I’ve realized may show progress, despite a major FOMO commission today (more later).

Progress in last six months:
-no more vintage scarves as I’ve not the resources to clean and care for 70 yo scarves, and rehome opportunities are few.
-not buying scarves that don’t appear to tie well for me...hear that, Les Artisans?...no matter how beautiful you are—a photo for H scarves archives and eternal joy thereby.
-don’t settle for CW or format that isn’t the one you want, thinking you’ll sell it later to put toward the desired one.
-accept FOMO happens; see above for “reasons” to miss out and feel a bit more content as the opportunity fades.

FOMO confession: C’est la Fete 04 khaki on its way!!!!!

FELLOW ADDICTS: Save congratulations for reveal in 2-3 days on SOTD/SS2020. I don’t want to suffer guilt for derailing this thread as well as my other $in$.

I never thought about what kind of commitment it takes to care for a truly vintage scarf. Thank you for posting this Jbizzy this may “cure” my desire for a few “wishlist” items

 

[keodi]

I completely agree with you that the criteria with which to identify addiction by these definitions can be used against collectors and hobbyists.


1. compulsive engagement with the behaviour, a preoccupation with it

This is also the definition of love

2. impaired control over the behaviour

This is also a characteristic of love

3. persistence or relapse, despite evidence of harm

This is also a pattern of behaviour detected in 'love gone wrong'

4. dissatisfaction, irritability or intense craving when the object is not immediately available

This is also evident in grief over a loved one's absence, passing, unrequited response or disengagement

Ergo, I think I just need to get married to an Hermes scarf (or at least get married in one).

Seriously. I really like this thread because it makes us think. Particularly in view of no. 3. If someone has a serious shopping habit (as in drug-addiction habit not just visiting the scarf counter every few months) then they should seek help, addiction needs outside help.

I am having a problem atm, as I overdosed on luxury items the last few months of 2019 and that behaviour has impacted my SS20 scarf dosage a month after the season's scarf launch. Can't have everything, especially when one is addicted to multiple drugs from several different dealers.

Certainly I can relate to being a visually stimulated person, I can literally say I love the world of fashion as I love art, beauty and colour. I do feel I need it around me everyday, every day.

this post is so right on, i wish i can like it 1000 times!

 

[keodi]

A really great idea! I wait to end of the season to purchase my scarves. The first rush of excitement when the season is presented doesn’t work for me, every time I buy then I make a mistake. Also seeing how others model their scarves makes it easier to pick a scarf.

I did this for F/W 2019, it worked for me!

I never thought about what kind of commitment it takes to care for a truly vintage scarf. Thank you for posting this Jbizzy this may “cure” my desire for a few “wishlist” items

same that means no vintage for me!

 

[Julide]

I did this for F/W 2019, it worked for me!

same that means no vintage for me!

Nice!How did it go? AW 19 I started with 20+ items in my wishlist when the first pictures were posted. When I started seeing modeling pictures I was down to under 10 and finally settled on 4. It was tough! This next season is going to be painful!!I don’t know how I’m going to control myself!! I have been excited since the pictures have been up!