Scarves Scarfaholics Anonymous - shopping and mental health

Do you feel in control of your scarf consumption or do you struggle a bit?

  • I am fully in control, for me this is simply a pleasurable hobby

    Votes: 62 34.3%
  • I only rarely feel like I may be buying (or think about buying) more than I want to

    Votes: 49 27.1%
  • I have a problem :D

    Votes: 70 38.7%

  • Total voters
    181
Yes, I feel a bit out of control after a heavy 18 months of buying has matched my entire +15yr collection!

The good thing is that everything I've gotten was pre-identified and my SA is wonderful at procuring and waiting so I can make informed choices. The bad thing about information is that I am even making a list in the first place! Years ago it was pop in to the shop and get something that suited and filled a gap (say once a year!). Now my purchases have become more experiential with the researching and hunting. Pleased to say that only about 15% of my purchases are 'not quite right' after a year or so.

Also the SA relationship makes it tough (for me) to walk out empty handed and say no to 'limited' offers. I have been burned by saying no and then trying to hunt to no avail.

I like the rule to not buy unless it 100% suits, I may try to apply that to Wow double face but that design is so emotional to me...
 
I wonder if it is more difficult to stop buying the more scarves you have or the other way around? Is it easy to “disappear and loose yourself and your rational spending” in the wonderful world of H scarves?

Having a collection of H bags I have been feeling content for a while already, always been picky about my choices, which probably is a result of patience and planning my purchases, knowing what I like, my style etc. Even SOs don’t tempt me anymore in bags, hence shifting towards scarves. I assume the same will happen to me after a while with scarves/shawls, having a collection will result in happiness and I can follow what’s coming up in both bags and scarves but only occasionally add something to my collection.
 
I wonder if it is more difficult to stop buying the more scarves you have or the other way around? Is it easy to “disappear and loose yourself and your rational spending” in the wonderful world of H scarves?

Having a collection of H bags I have been feeling content for a while already, always been picky about my choices, which probably is a result of patience and planning my purchases, knowing what I like, my style etc. Even SOs don’t tempt me anymore in bags, hence shifting towards scarves. I assume the same will happen to me after a while with scarves/shawls, having a collection will result in happiness and I can follow what’s coming up in both bags and scarves but only occasionally add something to my collection.

I think there is a bell curve, yes. So at some point it drops off because you have enough of the CWs that suit you and the beauty of the multiple colours is that they can go perfectly years later with a new coat, suit etc.

Also there is a space issue.

There will always be something to turn efforts towards though!
 
@blydia — return to your heart’s content—you come across as so well put-together, no one will suspect you’re feeling wiggly inside.

OK, so maybe not the best time to pat myself on the back a bit more than I deserve for the few positive strides I’ve realized may show progress, despite a major FOMO commission today (more later).

Progress in last six months:
-no more vintage scarves as I’ve not the resources to clean and care for 70 yo scarves, and rehome opportunities are few.
-not buying scarves that don’t appear to tie well for me...hear that, Les Artisans?...no matter how beautiful you are—a photo for H scarves archives and eternal joy thereby.
-don’t settle for CW or format that isn’t the one you want, thinking you’ll sell it later to put toward the desired one.
-accept FOMO happens; see above for “reasons” to miss out and feel a bit more content as the opportunity fades.

FOMO confession: C’est la Fete 04 khaki on its way!!!!!

FELLOW ADDICTS: Save congratulations for reveal in 2-3 days on SOTD/SS2020. I don’t want to suffer guilt for derailing this thread as well as my other $in$.

aw, thank you so much for saying that. So nice to hear that you are making progress!

what a lovely thread! and so timely started! :biggrin:
As some of you might have noticed, i was not posting much, if at all, at the SOTD thread.
I am on a hard pause :angel:
i decided to cool down a bit, although i pay all my bills by myself, and i can afford all my "treats" financially still there are few things in my life that i decided to put forward, hence, step back in my expences and cut off something i don't really NEED.
I have all my bags and 'accessories' needs covered. I will (try) now buy only something that fills up the gap (if any) in my closet/style.
I know i might get blown away with nice mod shots i see posted every day, and i stayed away from temptation for a while, now when i feel more focused i am getting back slowly and will try to keep the cravings under control.
My 'missed out' vintage things are all caught up on, my current season offers are well thought and managed, i hope that i will stay on track :smile:
good for you to take a break from temptation when you needed it!! I also did that with the SOTD thread, as well as with quitting instagram. Good luck to both of us for staying on track :yes:

I guess the trouble with Hermès scarves is that it is easy to see them as more than mere accessoires – they are wearable works of art.
But since there is a wide variety of designs and these designs are very distinctive, the scarves are pretty much collector's items by default. Even if you do not consider yourself a "scarf collector" – the simple fact that you own more than four or five in total (in basic colours, two for spring/summer, three for autumn/winter) makes you a collector. I keep telling myself that I have scarves in every colour I need and that some of them get little wear because there are too many of them already. But then, there is this one vintage Hermès scarf that I'm still looking for and I think that once I've found it I'll have everything I'll ever need. But while I'm looking for it in the reseller market, I discover new designs I hadn't seen before and the wish list grows while it should get shorter. And this probably unhealthy.

Yet I can still control myself because I'm looking for specific designs in specific colourways and I have no fear of missing out since the reseller market is huge. If I do not get the scarf this time, I'll get it next time. I can be very patient if I really want something and sometimes I just lose interest in a design altogether and move on. Only if I still want a scarf after several months or even years, I buy it when I can (still) find it.
I guess you're right - I am a collector in a way, what I mean with not calling myself a collector is that I want to regularly wear the scarves. I have a scarf for pretty much every use now, I only have very limited "uncovered" functions, and for me the question "is this the one scarf that will now fill this space and will keep me from buying other scarves in the future?" is increasing the hurdle for me to pull the trigger. For example, if I have only 1 spot for a purple CSGM, it needs to be the ultimate one, so I'll happily wait season after season until one comes along that is it.

You should be proud of your analytical thinking (I'm being serious, it wasn't meant as some kind of irony!). You know which aspects you can work on:
- no more vintage scarves
- no scarves that please you only partly (I know that my next comment is counterproductive, but here it is anyway: you look wonderful in your 3 graces scarf!!!)
- learn to say no to SAs (or to people generally, that's one of the most important things in life, I think)
- be more patient

and about returning items/incubation time/...: I often buy scarves although there might be a CW x that I still want to see (and I do tell my SA that I still want to see CW x). I don't wear the scarf that I bought in the meantime, I visit a boutique more or less 3 weeks later (because of the 4 week return policy) and check whether CW x has arrived. If not, I ask my SA what to do. Depending on your SA/the store manager/the store... you might be allowed to exchange the scarf for the other CW even after 4 weeks. Or you might be able to get the second CW online in the meantime so that you can compare.

and a second thought concerning returns: you can always say that you realized that only very few items in your closet match your new scarf. or you realized that you have a scarf which is too similar to the new one that you bought. No one(!!!) thinks that you're out of control. Checking your scarf in relation to your wardrobe at home sounds reasonable to me, I wouldn't judge you at all. I assume that the SAs in your home store already know you to a certain degree, being a loyal costumer also means not having to worry about every little detail, you can exchange as much as you want. I'm sure that's fine in Switzerland, too. (I don't like to exchange things, either, but I think that at Hermes I don't have to worry at all, I'm a loyal costumer, I do buy on a regular basis (although not that much), I think no one judges me for returning stuff.)
Thank you for summarizing it so perfectly :smile: I think I'll really have to get better at giving myself a grace period before returning. and also, I think I have to also be a bit kinder to the fact that my decisions won't always be perfect. Sometimes I will buy a design that I end up not wearing as much and it's ok. Luckily that rate is pretty low, and there has definitely been a learning curve.

I think that is the collector coming out. I think there is a distinction between collectors and people who have them solely for accessories. Just MHO.:flowers:

I also worry about being a walking H advert, too many h items at once makes me self conscious.:flowers:

Thank you Blydia, I wish it was a trait I had. I don’t live near a store so I must rely upon other modeling pictures to determine if the colours were true to what H presented or if it is something that could fit into my wardrobe.

When I do live close to a store I actually don’t like to visit often, I felt going in once a month is too much!:lol:So it maybe more of my personality when shopping than discipline. :flowers:
I also try not to visit the store more than 1/month. The problem is my firm is moving by the end of the year and the new offices will be NEXT. DOOR. LITERALLY. So better build up the resistance stamina :wtf:

I think there is a bell curve, yes. So at some point it drops off because you have enough of the CWs that suit you and the beauty of the multiple colours is that they can go perfectly years later with a new coat, suit etc.

Also there is a space issue.

There will always be something to turn efforts towards though!
I think (and hope) you are right. I find it's easier to say no to new designs now when I have a similar colorway at home that I love.
Like les artisans is a good exercise for me. While I love the japan flair I don't like to have a dude's head and ponytail hanging down my shoulder (which is the case in some of the modeling pics and is actually pretty hilarious). Plus the cw is similar to my animapolis, which I LOVE.
 
Just out of curiosity, does anyone think it is actually possible to limit oneself constantly one scarf per season or better yet, one scarf per year? I very much like the idea of curating and letting go of something “old” when a new scarf comes in but I am afraid I will have second thoughts if I sell something and won’t be able to buy/find it ever again.
That's what I did with the last price increase. It changed the way I bought scarves. Now I ask myself the question : "Is it a "forever" scarf or not ?". Do I like it or love it ?
I bought only one scarf in 2019 and I'm interested in one for SS 2020.
 
I just realized, proximity might not cost me more in terms of purchasing dollar, but I "spend" more time. So, apart from cost per wear and pleasure per wear, there is also cost of time expended in appreciation (CTEA - :angel: I drink a lot of green tea at H).


I need to see Les Artisans IRL - hence the CTEA. There are several designs this season which look wonderful on others but which I've resisted. I'm not talking about want vs need. There's no way I can convince myself that I need H scarves to survive. Wanting though can come in many forms. I try to weigh want=greed/lust/other deadly sins vs want=love it but can live without it vs want=will wear it.

Not settling for cws is hard when I buy vintage and I don't know when I'll ever find the design again or if I'll ever encounter the cw of my dreams. I curb it somewhat by reminding myself that I look awful in vintage brown and some vintage greens. Leaves the field wide open for reds and blues of course :faint:

ahhhh, time—a value I haven’t fully factored in.
“settling factor”— yes-must balance against rarity factor. I just want to be more mindful in this rather than OMG! to BIN almost simultaneously.

CTEA—what means this?
 
aw, thank you so much for saying that. So nice to hear that you are making progress!


good for you to take a break from temptation when you needed it!! I also did that with the SOTD thread, as well as with quitting instagram. Good luck to both of us for staying on track :yes:


I guess you're right - I am a collector in a way, what I mean with not calling myself a collector is that I want to regularly wear the scarves. I have a scarf for pretty much every use now, I only have very limited "uncovered" functions, and for me the question "is this the one scarf that will now fill this space and will keep me from buying other scarves in the future?" is increasing the hurdle for me to pull the trigger. For example, if I have only 1 spot for a purple CSGM, it needs to be the ultimate one, so I'll happily wait season after season until one comes along that is it.


Thank you for summarizing it so perfectly :smile: I think I'll really have to get better at giving myself a grace period before returning. and also, I think I have to also be a bit kinder to the fact that my decisions won't always be perfect. Sometimes I will buy a design that I end up not wearing as much and it's ok. Luckily that rate is pretty low, and there has definitely been a learning curve.


I also try not to visit the store more than 1/month. The problem is my firm is moving by the end of the year and the new offices will be NEXT. DOOR. LITERALLY. So better build up the resistance stamina :wtf:


I think (and hope) you are right. I find it's easier to say no to new designs now when I have a similar colorway at home that I love.
Like les artisans is a good exercise for me. While I love the japan flair I don't like to have a dude's head and ponytail hanging down my shoulder (which is the case in some of the modeling pics and is actually pretty hilarious). Plus the cw is similar to my animapolis, which I LOVE.

Les Artisans—yes, wearing other people’s prominent faces generally doesn’t appeal to me.
 
Nice!:ghi5:How did it go? AW 19 I started with 20+ items in my wishlist:blush: when the first pictures were posted. When I started seeing modeling pictures I was down to under 10 and finally settled on 4. It was tough! This next season is going to be painful!!:doh:I don’t know how I’m going to control myself!! I have been excited since the pictures have been up!:lol:
AW19 was tough. Like you, I had a lot of items on my list, then as everyone posted their pics it got easier to whittle down, then the Hermes winter Paris sale helped removing items on the list. I ended up with 2 items, one of them we are scarf twins, and another one we are scarf cousins. Plus I was lucky to get an Alice Shirley holy grail (jaguar Quetzal in a sold out colour way) from the winter 2020 sale. This season, I have 2 on my list, and I'm also wanting a past season item from the Hermes summer 2020 sale in Paris we shall see!
 
what a lovely thread! and so timely started! :biggrin:
As some of you might have noticed, i was not posting much, if at all, at the SOTD thread.
I am on a hard pause :angel:
i decided to cool down a bit, although i pay all my bills by myself, and i can afford all my "treats" financially still there are few things in my life that i decided to put forward, hence, step back in my expences and cut off something i don't really NEED.
I have all my bags and 'accessories' needs covered. I will (try) now buy only something that fills up the gap (if any) in my closet/style.
I know i might get blown away with nice mod shots i see posted every day, and i stayed away from temptation for a while, now when i feel more focused i am getting back slowly and will try to keep the cravings under control.
My 'missed out' vintage things are all caught up on, my current season offers are well thought and managed, i hope that i will stay on track :smile:
This sounds very healthy and admirable!! Well done.
 
AW19 was tough. Like you, I had a lot of items on my list, then as everyone posted their pics it got easier to whittle down, then the Hermes winter Paris sale helped removing items on the list. I ended up with 2 items, one of them we are scarf twins, and another one we are scarf cousins. Plus I was lucky to get an Alice Shirley holy grail (jaguar Quetzal in a sold out colour way) from the winter 2020 sale. This season, I have 2 on my list, and I'm also wanting a past season item from the Hermes summer 2020 sale in Paris we shall see!

Yes you did well in the sales, I remember.
This is also my problem- I used to only buy at the sales which made boutique feel extremely overpriced in comparison. Now that I only go once every few years, I forget how not only has my collection doubled but it has done so at twice the cost!

For RTW it's difficult to forget the sale opportunity.
 
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I think that is the collector coming out. I think there is a distinction between collectors and people who have them solely for accessories. Just MHO.:flowers:

I also worry about being a walking H advert, too many h items at once makes me self conscious.:flowers:

Thank you Blydia, I wish it was a trait I had. I don’t live near a store so I must rely upon other modeling pictures to determine if the colours were true to what H presented or if it is something that could fit into my wardrobe.

When I do live close to a store I actually don’t like to visit often, I felt going in once a month is too much!:lol:So it maybe more of my personality when shopping than discipline. :flowers:
I think you are right. When we have had those discussions of "are you a collector or a wearer?" I realize that I'm both, in a way. BUT: If I'm a collector, I'm a lazy one, because I don't feel the need to have certain iconic designs that a collector would need. (I *did* briefly have that feeling, but I got over it!). And because I wear a scarf every day, so I'm a wearer. Does this make sense?
 
aw, thank you so much for saying that. So nice to hear that you are making progress!


good for you to take a break from temptation when you needed it!! I also did that with the SOTD thread, as well as with quitting instagram. Good luck to both of us for staying on track :yes:


I guess you're right - I am a collector in a way, what I mean with not calling myself a collector is that I want to regularly wear the scarves. I have a scarf for pretty much every use now, I only have very limited "uncovered" functions, and for me the question "is this the one scarf that will now fill this space and will keep me from buying other scarves in the future?" is increasing the hurdle for me to pull the trigger. For example, if I have only 1 spot for a purple CSGM, it needs to be the ultimate one, so I'll happily wait season after season until one comes along that is it.


Thank you for summarizing it so perfectly :smile: I think I'll really have to get better at giving myself a grace period before returning. and also, I think I have to also be a bit kinder to the fact that my decisions won't always be perfect. Sometimes I will buy a design that I end up not wearing as much and it's ok. Luckily that rate is pretty low, and there has definitely been a learning curve.


I also try not to visit the store more than 1/month. The problem is my firm is moving by the end of the year and the new offices will be NEXT. DOOR. LITERALLY. So better build up the resistance stamina :wtf:


I think (and hope) you are right. I find it's easier to say no to new designs now when I have a similar colorway at home that I love.
Like les artisans is a good exercise for me. While I love the japan flair I don't like to have a dude's head and ponytail hanging down my shoulder (which is the case in some of the modeling pics and is actually pretty hilarious). Plus the cw is similar to my animapolis, which I LOVE.
OMG - the office moving next door to H might be good in the long run. I mean, you wont' buy something every day, will you?
 
I think you are right. When we have had those discussions of "are you a collector or a wearer?" I realize that I'm both, in a way. BUT: If I'm a collector, I'm a lazy one, because I don't feel the need to have certain iconic designs that a collector would need. (I *did* briefly have that feeling, but I got over it!). And because I wear a scarf every day, so I'm a wearer. Does this make sense?

makes sense to me. particularly the “lazy” part.
I’ve simply stopped acquiring any silk I don’t trust to wash. I don’t have a trusted dry cleaner, or the inclination to find one half a country away. That decision alone saved me frustration and $2000 recently. May save more as a beloved CSGM grail has a lot of white!

that does open the question re: cleaning the CS creations accumulating in my drawers, so I’ll be visiting the threads to nerve up to washing CS as others do.
 
Hi all, Dropping by to say that buying, collecting and editing silks is a hobby for me. My general rule of thumb is that a scarf must work with more than a few outfits or doesn’t duplicate another colorway or design that I already have. i have not been buying as much of the last few seasons, mostly because many of the designs were too busy for me or did not make my heart leap. I would say my last ‘major’ scarf season of buying was the Samourai silks and GMs. I’ve loved the many scarves that I’ve had and I don’t regret when it is time to release one as I don’t need as many or have too many of a particular color palette. Obsession or hobby? In the early years of purchases, I was more in love with wearing an artistic silk because it might match my mood or outfit of the day. Through the experience I learned what works for me and think I’ve become more critical if a new design is worth the purchase.

Lately i have been buying vintage excellent condition silks that came before my collecting began. These designs have been marvelous and I appreciate them more for the quality or characteristics missing in a new season. The grail thread tells those stories of the hunt for them. So there is that obsession but fortunately the older designs can be found at great prices if you are patient.

I bought far too many pochettes and discovered formats that didn’t work for me like maxi twillys. I released those out of my collection. Maybe this post should go in the Editing and Curating thread, but since I’ve enjoyed the process of collecting and editing through the years, it is a pleasure and not a burden for me. Yes it was out of control when first buying silks because I had to learn what worked and what didn’t. But the passion for enjoying the artistry of the designs is always what keeps my interest. For me, its sad when H doesn’t issue some of their most beautiful designs again to be enjoyed in new ways, other than Brides de Gala for heaven sakes. HTH.
 
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