Scarves Scarfaholics Anonymous - shopping and mental health

[keodi]

I think you are right. When we have had those discussions of "are you a collector or a wearer?" I realize that I'm both, in a way. BUT: If I'm a collector, I'm a lazy one, because I don't feel the need to have certain iconic designs that a collector would need. (I *did* briefly have that feeling, but I got over it!). And because I wear a scarf every day, so I'm a wearer. Does this make sense?

makes sense to me!

 

[blydia]

OMG - the office moving next door to H might be good in the long run. I mean, you wont' buy something every day, will you?

haha you mean like it'll be a habituation as well? I certainly hope so

 

[blydia]

Hi all, Dropping by to say that buying, collecting and editing silks is a hobby for me. My general rule of thumb is that a scarf must work with more than a few outfits or doesn’t duplicate another colorway or design that I already have. i have not been buying as much of the last few seasons, mostly because many of the designs were too busy for me or did not make my heart leap. I would say my last ‘major’ scarf season of buying was the Samourai silks and GMs. I’ve loved the many scarfs that I’ve had and I don’t regret when it is time to release one as I don’t need as many or have too many of a particular color palette. Obsession or hobby? In the early years of purchases, I was more in love with wearing an artistic silk because it might match my mood or outfit of the day. Through the experience I learned what works for me and think I’ve become more critical if a new design is worth the purchase.

I bought far too many pochettes and discovered formats that didn’t work for me like maxi twillys. I released those out of my collection. Maybe this post should go in the Editing and Curating thread, but since I’ve enjoyed the process of collecting and editing through the years, it is a pleasure and not a burden for me. Yes it was out of control when first buying silks because I had to learn what worked and what didn’t. But the passion for enjoying the artistry of the designs is always what keeps my interest. For me, its sad when H doesn’t issue some of their most beautiful designs again to be enjoyed in new ways, other than Brides de Gala for heaven sakes. HTH.

so good to hear that it's a pleasure for you! I can certainly relate regarding the enjoyment of the artistry - it truly is like wearing art around one's neck

 

[momasaurus]

haha you mean like it'll be a habituation as well? I certainly hope so

Yes. Habituation. Plus you can keep us informed of all the latest comings and goings!

 

[Jbizzybeetle]

Hi all, Dropping by to say that buying, collecting and editing silks is a hobby for me. My general rule of thumb is that a scarf must work with more than a few outfits or doesn’t duplicate another colorway or design that I already have. i have not been buying as much of the last few seasons, mostly because many of the designs were too busy for me or did not make my heart leap. I would say my last ‘major’ scarf season of buying was the Samourai silks and GMs. I’ve loved the many scarves that I’ve had and I don’t regret when it is time to release one as I don’t need as many or have too many of a particular color palette. Obsession or hobby? In the early years of purchases, I was more in love with wearing an artistic silk because it might match my mood or outfit of the day. Through the experience I learned what works for me and think I’ve become more critical if a new design is worth the purchase.

Lately i have been buying vintage excellent condition silks that came before my collecting began. These designs have been marvelous and I appreciate them more for the quality or characteristics missing in a new season. The grail thread tells those stories of the hunt for them. So there is that obsession but fortunately the older designs can be found at great prices if you are patient.

I bought far too many pochettes and discovered formats that didn’t work for me like maxi twillys. I released those out of my collection. Maybe this post should go in the Editing and Curating thread, but since I’ve enjoyed the process of collecting and editing through the years, it is a pleasure and not a burden for me. Yes it was out of control when first buying silks because I had to learn what worked and what didn’t. But the passion for enjoying the artistry of the designs is always what keeps my interest. For me, its sad when H doesn’t issue some of their most beautiful designs again to be enjoyed in new ways, other than Brides de Gala for heaven sakes. HTH.

thank you—perspective much appreciated.

 

[De sac]

Thanks to this thread I've just emailed my SA that I'm returning the last CGSM I bought and will put that towards a bag offered instead. It's gorgeous but only one part of it stops my heart and the rest is too much like another SS20 I've just bought and haven't stopped wearing.

(Btw my SA totally fine and offered to extend return/ exchange period if my plans didn't work).


Thanks all

 

[kadmia]

This is such a thoughtful thread, thank you to the OP and all who have contributed!

I'm still newer to collecting (since ~2018 or so I think), and love H scarves both as accessories and pieces of art. I find that I mostly enjoy the older scarves (especially mousselines), and definitely find myself falling into the trap of "I might never find this again!" when coming across them.

I've slowly learned over time to be swayed a little less by what's popular historically and on this forum, and more by what I naturally enjoy. That being said, there have been numerous occasions when it was the expertise of the collectors on this forum that introduced me to some of my favorite beauties I wouldn't have otherwise discovered.

I do get caught up in bouts of collecting, and have been a bit MIA from this forum the past several months. (Partially due to work, a new baby, some bad online buying experiences, general life getting busy etc.) I also find that taking a break from the forum helps curb my scarf appetite too.

I keep coming back though, and so appreciate this place where I can share and enjoy everyone's contributions and discoveries! And I will keep this particular thread open on my browser as a sage reminder to be more thoughtful in my collecting. Thanks all!!

 

[eagle1002us]

I also want to clarify - I do not "use this AGAINST" anybody!!! Please do not understand this as a critique in any way shape or form. it's me being vulnerable as this is just something I am struggling with and I thought if there are others feeling similarly we could share tips as to deal with it - in the end it's not about how many scarves you buy - if you buy ALL of them and it doesn't cause you any suffering, then awesome! do it!

But if you're like me and notice that certain parts of your brain are getting activated that take (some) control away from you, then I hope that in this thread we can share tips and tricks as to how to deal with it while enjoying this beautiful hobby.

In the end, addiction is a very strong word, maybe obsession is better or minor compulsion - I don't know. it's a spectrum anyways... hope that clarifies this, I do not want to attack anybody!!

Constant craving? Preoccupation with HS? I don't think you are offending anyone at all. The beauty of the scarves themselves plus the potential they have to, in some sense, re-create our selves, complement our coloring, brighten up a crummy day, complete an outfit, etc. offer ample justifications for purchasing. Yes, Blydia, I'd like to know how you keep these justifications at bay. (Didn't you wear a Three Graces in brown/blue/green? If that was you, that was wonderful eye candy for me. I want one too in that cw -- even tho I already have the orange and the blue/red/white versions). But the store didn't have the brown/blue/green version! (How to be happy/content with what I have . . .??????)

 

[eagle1002us]

I know I can relate !
I fell down - hard - that orange slippery slope.. and not just for scarves, but a lot of other H items... for ten years i had a single H scarf and recently it’s become an obsession. I guess i am looking for something special, that people could recognise on me.. something to hand down to my daughters when i pass...
i would love you to share your tips !
It’s really strange because i feel like it’s perfectly acceptable to buy a €400 scarves when i am pretty sure a lot of my friends would consider €60 too expensive for an accessory.
Not sure if the meaning is the same in English but in French “accessoire” means something superfluous, that’s not needed. And H made these essential to me !!

Yeah, it's like the word "bijoux" in French = trinket. "Bagatelle" (trifle) is an even better word for conveying superfluousity.

 

[paula24jen]

that's the thing - the same behaviour can be source of joy and happiness for one person and source of stress and suffering for the next because it's the inner world around the behaviour that matters. Do you chose to do it or do you feel some sort of compulsion. And not feeling in control one of the big causations of stress in humans...

You bring up an important point. When I opened up to my husband about feeling compelled to shop, his answer was: - well if it's causing you so much stress, why don't you just stop?!

but that's not how this thing works, is it. for me it's an escape mechanism from feeling bad about certain struggles, bored (like you say), or also typical procrastination when I'm tired. So I'm trying to replace that with something that I want to be doing. I started singing lessons again and set myself a reading challenge on goodreads. it's not a cure-all but it helps to fill my time with other things that are less stress-causing to me.

This thread has really resonated with me, thanks for starting. I buy all my things, not just scarves, with my own money but as DD and DH are both very aware of the size and shape of H boxes, I have smuggled things in the house, and it made me think if I feel the need to do that it’s tacit acknowledgment that somethings not right. Occasionally DH remarks “what’s missing in your life that you keep buying scarves” and of course I say “nothing” but I recognise buying triggers, such as boredom. And as another has commented, those who say “if you can afford it, treat yourself” possibly don’t understand.

Yes, I am also aware the phrase “first world problem” applies...!

 

[Jbizzybeetle]

This thread has really resonated with me, thanks for starting. I buy all my things, not just scarves, with my own money but as DD and DH are both very aware of the size and shape of H boxes, I have smuggled things in the house, and it made me think if I feel the need to do that it’s tacit acknowledgment that somethings not right. Occasionally DH remarks “what’s missing in your life that you keep buying scarves” and of course I say “nothing” but I recognise buying triggers, such as boredom. And as another has commented, those who say “if you can afford it, treat yourself” possibly don’t understand.

Yes, I am also aware the phrase “first world problem” applies...!

Are we sure this feeling isn’t sometimes just an extension of “guilt” from children and spouses when we do something for ourselves?....and not to any benefit to them?

 

[Julide]

This thread has really resonated with me, thanks for starting. I buy all my things, not just scarves, with my own money but as DD and DH are both very aware of the size and shape of H boxes, I have smuggled things in the house, and it made me think if I feel the need to do that it’s tacit acknowledgment that somethings not right. Occasionally DH remarks “what’s missing in your life that you keep buying scarves” and of course I say “nothing” but I recognise buying triggers, such as boredom. And as another has commented, those who say “if you can afford it, treat yourself” possibly don’t understand.

Yes, I am also aware the phrase “first world problem” applies...!

I think that statement irks me. Just because one can buy something doesn’t mean one needs to. I think mindful purchases are what I want. Things purchased that are treasured and used. I try to remind myself of this when scarf buying, it sometimes works.

 

[klynneann]

This thread has really resonated with me, thanks for starting. I buy all my things, not just scarves, with my own money but as DD and DH are both very aware of the size and shape of H boxes, I have smuggled things in the house, and it made me think if I feel the need to do that it’s tacit acknowledgment that somethings not right. Occasionally DH remarks “what’s missing in your life that you keep buying scarves” and of course I say “nothing” but I recognise buying triggers, such as boredom. And as another has commented, those who say “if you can afford it, treat yourself” possibly don’t understand.

Yes, I am also aware the phrase “first world problem” applies...!

Occasionally DH remarks “what’s missing in your life that you keep buying scarves” - such food for thought here.

 

[paula24jen]

These are all things on my mind at this point, very true. Like with 30 scarves you wear them 1/month. That's an ok rate for me. 1 every 2 months... not really. so I think I am approaching a hard stop at some point.

For that reason I try not to buy vintage anymore. I pretty much have all the designs i want - so that should slow naturally as I've "caught up" in a way with old seasons.

And I soon will have to establish something like a 1 in 1 out rule if i want to acquire further. that means that I need to give up one of my scarves to buy a new one and that will up the hurdle massively (and more and more over time).
I was going for 2 per season as well (and already overshot, dang it). but will stickbut

I think that statement irks me. Just because one can buy something doesn’t mean one needs to. I think mindful purchases are what I want. Things purchased that are treasured and used. I try to remind myself of this when scarf buying, it sometimes works.

Mostly my scarves are used and enjoyed, but stemming I suppose from a similar sentiment as OP, I mused a little while ago about curating scarves, as I have some which I have either never worn or not worn in a while. It made me wonder then, and again now, why I bought them to not wear them? Was it the thrill of the chase? This isn’t a thought pattern which consumes my every waking moment of course, but I try to be a mindful consumer most of the time and so I muse over it occasionally...

 

[blydia]

This thread has really resonated with me, thanks for starting. I buy all my things, not just scarves, with my own money but as DD and DH are both very aware of the size and shape of H boxes, I have smuggled things in the house, and it made me think if I feel the need to do that it’s tacit acknowledgment that somethings not right. Occasionally DH remarks “what’s missing in your life that you keep buying scarves” and of course I say “nothing” but I recognise buying triggers, such as boredom. And as another has commented, those who say “if you can afford it, treat yourself” possibly don’t understand.

Yes, I am also aware the phrase “first world problem” applies...!

My husband will say similar things, and truly not because he feels I shouldn’t buy the scarves, he perceives that it sometimes causes me suffering. so it’s coming from a place of love.

Mostly my scarves are used and enjoyed, but stemming I suppose from a similar sentiment as OP, I mused a little while ago about curating scarves, as I have some which I have either never worn or not worn in a while. It made me wonder then, and again now, why I bought them to not wear them? Was it the thrill of the chase? This isn’t a thought pattern which consumes my every waking moment of course, but I try to be a mindful consumer most of the time and so I muse over it occasionally...

I‘m quite ruthless about rehoming my fails, so far it was 4 I believe. they all taught me something though. I think the skill is to understand that lesson with kindness and without guilt but with ruthless clarity