Ladies...Any RUDE/CATTY/SNIDE/NASTY Remarks about your Birkins or ANY Hermès Purchase

[meowlett]

Nice. Mine's an (ungilded) Salvi.
H and harps, both very expensive hobbies!

My gold one is the Salvi Iris. Still have 2 other pedal harps, one electric, and a few lever harps of various sizes. H and harps are fun hobbies. DH loves being the instigator and enjoys watching me spending my own $ while the other women think that he pays for them all. Kind of evil.

 

[rainnebeauxday]

Oh I totally agree with you! It's just so odd that she would go straight to him about this, when she could've come to me. I chalked it up to her being passive aggressive and instead of talking to the person that she's supposed to talk to, she talks about it with other people (who know the person she's talking about) instead. In this case it's DH. You are right she is closer to DH as they are in the same field and they talk shop with each other.

It's still odd and DH and I actually had to laugh at her because, seriously, who does this kind of thing?

It is strange that she is so oblivious about how it comes across...or she just doesn't care. Very passive aggressive yes, but I always try to think what people's (conscious or subconscious) motivations are. Was she trying to see if he would turn on you? It's just a yucky thing to do, lol, no better word for it.

 

[periogirl28]

that sounds like a pretty civilized response! I would totally say it, if the comment was made to me in the first place hahaha.

I know. Most people may not catch the double entendre! It is the most cowardly thing to say this to your DH as opposed to you directly.

 

[DR2014]

I'm glad! I learned about separate finances from my parents, both of whom have had their own (separate) careers for as long as I remember. I inherited my mom's eye for designer goods (altho she claimed that I took it to the next level, and then some ). She always buys them herself, even up to this day, and when my dad buys her something it is treated as something special. As for my DH, he always knows I like these things right from the start so it's not like he doesn't know what he's signing up for . This is probably a post for a separate thread (there's one that talks about "how you fund your H purchases") but yea, I'm lucky enough to be in a well-paying field and a career that I enjoy but gosh, women can be so catty about these things!

You are so right. Catty and downright mean. I live in NYC and I would think people are used to it, but I still get reactions implying that buying expensive bags is somehow morally corrupt.

 

[suziez]

It would definitely bother me if my ANYONE made such comments about my spending or appearance. I don't think she is jealous of you as much as she is just crushing on you. Looks like she wants more information on how you can afford your lifestyle and that's her passive aggressive way of going about that. Trust me , a lot of women want to be about "that orange box " life but they can't /don't want to for whatever reasons. Just look at her as a fan/groupie who low key thinks you are the real MVP! The older I get the bolder I have gotten with my confidence to be able to simply compliment women who are about that life! I see you at a bakery with nice purse, sandals, watch, biceps, hair, whatever. I look at you and Tell you how good you or your handbag looks. I choose to lift up other women instead of feeding into the "jealous girl" passive aggressive behavior that continues to not serve but set us back. I'm not apologetic about my penchant for the finer things in life and when I see like minded people, complimenting them is my way of "fist bumping" them...like proverbially.

here here, couldn't have said it better....

 

[catin]

"Well of course I don't have your PROBLEM with expensive bags" said a now ex-friend super dismissively as if It were something just so awful when I had never mentioned the bag and it was hidden under a jacket next to me at brunch (oh you sneaky Birkin always showing off!!).

This is the time for "Bless your heart!"

 

[Freckles1]

Since we're talking about behaviors in a few other threads, I want to share mine. Very recently, a female friend of DH, who is known for being passive aggressive, was chatting with DH and, out of the blue she said, "Dude, your wife has so many bags!" DH's response, "No, only Hermes bags, she sold her other ones. So?" to which she said, "Those are the most expensive! Aren't you concerned about her spending?"

For context - DH is cool with all my purchases. We are married but decided to have separate finances. We both make enough (dare I say, I make more) for our family of three to be able to live comfortably while still saving and spending on things we like without thinking too much about it. Also, spoiler alert: *gasp* I actually paid for the H purchases myself.

I really would love to confront her because I'm not passive aggressive, I'm just aggressive , but I probably should just let it go. However, if the opportunity ever presents itself I would tell her that it's the equivalent of me telling her DH that I thinks she eats WAY too much (truth), and isn't he concerned about how much she eats?

Okay, rant over. Thank you for listening.

Omg I love you!!

 

[DZK]

Since we're talking about behaviors in a few other threads, I want to share mine. Very recently, a female friend of DH, who is known for being passive aggressive, was chatting with DH and, out of the blue she said, "Dude, your wife has so many bags!" DH's response, "No, only Hermes bags, she sold her other ones. So?" to which she said, "Those are the most expensive! Aren't you concerned about her spending?"

For context - DH is cool with all my purchases. We are married but decided to have separate finances. We both make enough (dare I say, I make more) for our family of three to be able to live comfortably while still saving and spending on things we like without thinking too much about it. Also, spoiler alert: *gasp* I actually paid for the H purchases myself.

I really would love to confront her because I'm not passive aggressive, I'm just aggressive , but I probably should just let it go. However, if the opportunity ever presents itself I would tell her that it's the equivalent of me telling her DH that I thinks she eats WAY too much (truth), and isn't he concerned about how much she eats?

Okay, rant over. Thank you for listening.

That's horrible and worthy of a confrontation, even an amused, rational one in which you just point out that she shouldn't concern herself with what isn't her business. I hope I'm not being mean, but I think she deserves to feel embarrassed about this - after all, she didn't even have the courage to ask you to your face. Maybe your husband should have told her he's not concerned because his wife is worth 100 Hermes bags!

 

[DZK]

Once, I decided to experiment a bit with my scarves using the Hermes knotting cards and decided to try out the cow boy knot. I really liked it under my Chanel jacket, so I decided to wear it for the day. In the afternoon, I went to one of my local consignment stores. The minute I entered the store, one of the sales lady started laughing. At first, I did not understand why, but then she went to her colleague and told her, "look, it looks like she is wearing a bib!" The other then also started to laugh. I was not only shocked by how rude they were, but also how they were not even trying to hide it! To make things worse, I was the only customer in the store. It truly felt as if we were back to being in high school. I then decided to leave and have never stepped foot into the store. I just do not understand the need for people to by rude and mean.

People are so immature, that story is nuts. Sounds like they were pretty stupid, too, not caring if they could gain a customer or not.

 

[J'adoreHermes]

People are so immature, that story is nuts. Sounds like they were pretty stupid, too, not caring if they could gain a customer or not.

I totally agree with how people can be just so immature sometimes. I was even more shocked because I had been buying and consigning with them for over a year.

 

[Carrierae]

Once, I decided to experiment a bit with my scarves using the Hermes knotting cards and decided to try out the cow boy knot. I really liked it under my Chanel jacket, so I decided to wear it for the day. In the afternoon, I went to one of my local consignment stores. The minute I entered the store, one of the sales lady started laughing. At first, I did not understand why, but then she went to her colleague and told her, "look, it looks like she is wearing a bib!" The other then also started to laugh. I was not only shocked by how rude they were, but also how they were not even trying to hide it! To make things worse, I was the only customer in the store. It truly felt as if we were back to being in high school. I then decided to leave and have never stepped foot into the store. I just do not understand the need for people to by rude and mean.

You should have written a yelp review or at least contacted the owner. As a retail store owner, I would be appalled to hear a customer treated like that. It’s so bad, I don’t know if I could still employ them at that point. When you are that blatantly rude, you are missing a huge sensitivity chip. It’s not even being professional at that point....you’re not being a decent human being. Employees should never make fun of customers period...on and off the floor.

 

[A-Line]

"Well of course I don't have your PROBLEM with expensive bags" said a now ex-friend super dismissively as if It were something just so awful when I had never mentioned the bag and it was hidden under a jacket next to me at brunch (oh you sneaky Birkin always showing off!!).

You: "Well IMHO that's a GOOD problem have!"

 

[westcoastgal]

I suspect I am a fair bit older than the rest of you...
I say "meh!" Let it slide; not worthy of further consideration (outside, of course, of your right to vent to the rest of us on TPF, which we accept as an important part of our role here).
If there is anything I have learnt over the years: these things annoy me far more than they annoy the perpetuator (who had usually forgotten about them the moment they have uttered such words). So I have learn't to ignore.
(I hope that this is useful and doesn't come across as arrogant?! I just wish someone had told me these sorts of things when I was younger?!)
HTH.

Really great advice. Applies to many things. thank you.

 

[meowmeow94]

My Birkin of 10 year of is slouchy bc it’s Swift and I wear it often. Some friends made comment about how slouchy my bag it while discussing my handbags history, especially with H.
None of them had Birkin at that time while I have 3 *not that it really mattered to me but facts*.
Before that converstation, two of them came to me and ask for advices regarding H. One got the exact bag specifications I recommend her to get for her first B. I guees I’m too kind :/
I didn’t find out about the slouchy converstation until the girls there started hating each other. Needless to say I got so pissed and made them apologize. Still though because I would never comment anything on others’ property. It’s simply not how I’m educated to behave and to care for lol.

 

[papertiger]

My Birkin of 10 year of is slouchy bc it’s Swift and I wear it often. Some friends made comment about how slouchy my bag it while discussing my handbags history, especially with H.
None of them had Birkin at that time while I have 3 *not that it really mattered to me but facts*.
Before that converstation, two of them came to me and ask for advices regarding H. One got the exact bag specifications I recommend her to get for her first B. I guees I’m too kind :/
I didn’t find out about the slouchy converstation until the girls there started hating each other. Needless to say I got so pissed and made them apologize. Still though because I would never comment anything on others’ property. It’s simply not how I’m educated to behave and to care for lol.

You wrote about this before so obviously it was very upsetting. From what you say, your friends know nothing about H. It's obviously not about the bag as the bag is amazing. Either these are insecure people and you may need to ignore/forgive and forget it or these are more like frenemies and need to keep a distance, not invest yourself so much in giving time and advice etc. Either way since they've apologised, move on and wear your bag with pride.