Ladies...Any RUDE/CATTY/SNIDE/NASTY Remarks about your Birkins or ANY Hermès Purchase

[Hat Trick]

I suspect I am a fair bit older than the rest of you...
I say "meh!" Let it slide; not worthy of further consideration (outside, of course, of your right to vent to the rest of us on TPF, which we accept as an important part of our role here).
If there is anything I have learnt over the years: these things annoy me far more than they annoy the perpetuator (who had usually forgotten about them the moment they have uttered such words). So I have learn't to ignore.
(I hope that this is useful and doesn't come across as arrogant?! I just wish someone had told me these sorts of things when I was younger?!)
HTH.

 

[cocomlle]

Since we're talking about behaviors in a few other threads, I want to share mine. Very recently, a female friend of DH, who is known for being passive aggressive, was chatting with DH and, out of the blue she said, "Dude, your wife has so many bags!" DH's response, "No, only Hermes bags, she sold her other ones. So?" to which she said, "Those are the most expensive! Aren't you concerned about her spending?"

For context - DH is cool with all my purchases. We are married but decided to have separate finances. We both make enough (dare I say, I make more) for our family of three to be able to live comfortably while still saving and spending on things we like without thinking too much about it. Also, spoiler alert: *gasp* I actually paid for the H purchases myself.

I really would love to confront her because I'm not passive aggressive, I'm just aggressive , but I probably should just let it go. However, if the opportunity ever presents itself I would tell her that it's the equivalent of me telling her DH that I thinks she eats WAY too much (truth), and isn't he concerned about how much she eats?

Okay, rant over. Thank you for listening.

How annoying for you @Ang-Lin. It just amazes me how people feel the need to make comments like that or to try to create drama. She is likely jealous as others have noted, but I think her words and actions speak more about her ignorance and general lack of regard not just for others, but for herself. Sad really. I wouldn't give her another thought and if she tries to stir the pot again, just shut her down.

On a side note, so impressive that you make more than DH especially in the Bay Area (and hopefully one day I don't have to say it's impressive for a woman to make more than a man).

I suspect I am a fair bit older than the rest of you...
I say "meh!" Let it slide; not worthy of further consideration (outside, of course, of your right to vent to the rest of us on TPF, which we accept as an important part of our role here).
If there is anything I have learnt over the years: these things annoy me far more than they annoy the perpetuator (who had usually forgotten about them the moment they have uttered such words). So I have learn't to ignore.
(I hope that this is useful and doesn't come across as arrogant?! I just wish someone had told me these sorts of things when I was younger?!)
HTH.

This!

 

[Gigllee]

Since we're talking about behaviors in a few other threads, I want to share mine. Very recently, a female friend of DH, who is known for being passive aggressive, was chatting with DH and, out of the blue she said, "Dude, your wife has so many bags!" DH's response, "No, only Hermes bags, she sold her other ones. So?" to which she said, "Those are the most expensive! Aren't you concerned about her spending?"

For context - DH is cool with all my purchases. We are married but decided to have separate finances. We both make enough (dare I say, I make more) for our family of three to be able to live comfortably while still saving and spending on things we like without thinking too much about it. Also, spoiler alert: *gasp* I actually paid for the H purchases myself.

I really would love to confront her because I'm not passive aggressive, I'm just aggressive , but I probably should just let it go. However, if the opportunity ever presents itself I would tell her that it's the equivalent of me telling her DH that I thinks she eats WAY too much (truth), and isn't he concerned about how much she eats?

Okay, rant over. Thank you for listening.

It would definitely bother me if my ANYONE made such comments about my spending or appearance. I don't think she is jealous of you as much as she is just crushing on you. Looks like she wants more information on how you can afford your lifestyle and that's her passive aggressive way of going about that. Trust me , a lot of women want to be about "that orange box " life but they can't /don't want to for whatever reasons. Just look at her as a fan/groupie who low key thinks you are the real MVP! The older I get the bolder I have gotten with my confidence to be able to simply compliment women who are about that life! I see you at a bakery with nice purse, sandals, watch, biceps, hair, whatever. I look at you and Tell you how good you or your handbag looks. I choose to lift up other women instead of feeding into the "jealous girl" passive aggressive behavior that continues to not serve but set us back. I'm not apologetic about my penchant for the finer things in life and when I see like minded people, complimenting them is my way of "fist bumping" them...like proverbially.

 

[Murphy47]

Once, I decided to experiment a bit with my scarves using the Hermes knotting cards and decided to try out the cow boy knot. I really liked it under my Chanel jacket, so I decided to wear it for the day. In the afternoon, I went to one of my local consignment stores. The minute I entered the store, one of the sales lady started laughing. At first, I did not understand why, but then she went to her colleague and told her, "look, it looks like she is wearing a bib!" The other then also started to laugh. I was not only shocked by how rude they were, but also how they were not even trying to hide it! To make things worse, I was the only customer in the store. It truly felt as if we were back to being in high school. I then decided to leave and have never stepped foot into the store. I just do not understand the need for people to by rude and mean.

People can be a$$hats. Usually because they are jealous.
For far too many people, high school never really ends.

 

[ladysarah]

Once, I decided to experiment a bit with my scarves using the Hermes knotting cards and decided to try out the cow boy knot. I really liked it under my Chanel jacket, so I decided to wear it for the day. In the afternoon, I went to one of my local consignment stores. The minute I entered the store, one of the sales lady started laughing. At first, I did not understand why, but then she went to her colleague and told her, "look, it looks like she is wearing a bib!" The other then also started to laugh. I was not only shocked by how rude they were, but also how they were not even trying to hide it! To make things worse, I was the only customer in the store. It truly felt as if we were back to being in high school. I then decided to leave and have never stepped foot into the store. I just do not understand the need for people to by rude and mean.

that is very rude - shocking actually. You handled it with grace by simply ignoring them and walking out. No - one ever comments at my appearance. Living in London means most people have seen it all before and could not care less, if i walked down bond street naked, covered in gold leaf. i guess one just has to shrug things off - limited minds cannot help being who they are.

 

[catin]

Since we're talking about behaviors in a few other threads, I want to share mine. Very recently, a female friend of DH, who is known for being passive aggressive, was chatting with DH and, out of the blue she said, "Dude, your wife has so many bags!" DH's response, "No, only Hermes bags, she sold her other ones. So?" to which she said, "Those are the most expensive! Aren't you concerned about her spending?"

For context - DH is cool with all my purchases. We are married but decided to have separate finances. We both make enough (dare I say, I make more) for our family of three to be able to live comfortably while still saving and spending on things we like without thinking too much about it. Also, spoiler alert: *gasp* I actually paid for the H purchases myself.

I really would love to confront her because I'm not passive aggressive, I'm just aggressive , but I probably should just let it go. However, if the opportunity ever presents itself I would tell her that it's the equivalent of me telling her DH that I thinks she eats WAY too much (truth), and isn't he concerned about how much she eats?

Okay, rant over. Thank you for listening.

Wow why is that even her business to bring up the topic of another household's spending unsolicited. I'd be pissed too but yeah many of the scenarios for addressing the topic model out going south quickly.

 

[Tonimichelle]

that is very rude - shocking actually. You handled it with grace by simply ignoring them and walking out. No - one ever comments at my appearance. Living in London means most people have seen it all before and could not care less, if i walked down bond street naked, covered in gold leaf. i guess one just has to shrug things off - limited minds cannot help being who they are.

Lol, I’m popping to Bond Street tomorrow, if I spot anyone gold leaf covered I’ll say hi!

 

[Madam Bijoux]

Once, I decided to experiment a bit with my scarves using the Hermes knotting cards and decided to try out the cow boy knot. I really liked it under my Chanel jacket, so I decided to wear it for the day. In the afternoon, I went to one of my local consignment stores. The minute I entered the store, one of the sales lady started laughing. At first, I did not understand why, but then she went to her colleague and told her, "look, it looks like she is wearing a bib!" The other then also started to laugh. I was not only shocked by how rude they were, but also how they were not even trying to hide it! To make things worse, I was the only customer in the store. It truly felt as if we were back to being in high school. I then decided to leave and have never stepped foot into the store. I just do not understand the need for people to by rude and mean.

I would have given those SA'S a megawatt smile and said "Congratulations! You just lost a $5,000.00 sale!"

 

[cocomlle]

Once, I decided to experiment a bit with my scarves using the Hermes knotting cards and decided to try out the cow boy knot. I really liked it under my Chanel jacket, so I decided to wear it for the day. In the afternoon, I went to one of my local consignment stores. The minute I entered the store, one of the sales lady started laughing. At first, I did not understand why, but then she went to her colleague and told her, "look, it looks like she is wearing a bib!" The other then also started to laugh. I was not only shocked by how rude they were, but also how they were not even trying to hide it! To make things worse, I was the only customer in the store. It truly felt as if we were back to being in high school. I then decided to leave and have never stepped foot into the store. I just do not understand the need for people to by rude and mean.

What wretched people! Sometimes I wonder if they were just treated badly and just too pitiful to know not to pay such ugliness forward.

 

[littleming]

I think these spiteful people are just jealous.
An acquaintance of mine (sorry, I would not call her my friend) would always make a point to come up to me to look at my purse and say “oh I hate you” (in a tone that high school girls would understand) whenever she sees me with my Hermes. My husband could never understand that and asked me about it the other day. I explained to my husband that I think she really meant it every time she said it. So, I make a point to bring one of my Hermes purses out every time I know she will be present. [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

[Senbei]

I would have given those SA'S a megawatt smile and said "Congratulations! You just lost a $5,000.00 sale!"

In words of Vivian Ward portrayed by the great Julia Roberts, "Big mistake...huge!"

 

[Yoshi1296]

Since we're talking about behaviors in a few other threads, I want to share mine. Very recently, a female friend of DH, who is known for being passive aggressive, was chatting with DH and, out of the blue she said, "Dude, your wife has so many bags!" DH's response, "No, only Hermes bags, she sold her other ones. So?" to which she said, "Those are the most expensive! Aren't you concerned about her spending?"

For context - DH is cool with all my purchases. We are married but decided to have separate finances. We both make enough (dare I say, I make more) for our family of three to be able to live comfortably while still saving and spending on things we like without thinking too much about it. Also, spoiler alert: *gasp* I actually paid for the H purchases myself.

I really would love to confront her because I'm not passive aggressive, I'm just aggressive , but I probably should just let it go. However, if the opportunity ever presents itself I would tell her that it's the equivalent of me telling her DH that I thinks she eats WAY too much (truth), and isn't he concerned about how much she eats?

Okay, rant over. Thank you for listening.

I understand that you are angry and in this situation as I would be too. However, I think it is best to stay quiet in a situation like this.

And just my opinion, but I think criticizing someone based on how much they eat can be much more damaging than criticizing based on their spending habits, so I am glad you did not retaliate with that. Not saying that what she is saying about you is not damaging, because it is. But a lot of times criticism based on how much a person eats can potentially feed into a mindset that can lead that person to develop an eating disorder, which can be life-threatening. No harsh feelings to you, because I understand you're mad and want to retaliate, but I think commenting on their eating habits is not the right way to go so I am glad you are on the path of letting all this go. It is a much better route.

 

[A-Line]

Thank you @txrosegirl @odette57 @cocomlle @Gigllee @catin @Hat Trick @Yoshi1296 for taking the time to read and comment on my rant! I am grateful for this community because of the non-judgy vibe and the great pieces of advice. While I continue to be baffled by the fact that she brought this up to my DH unsolicited (seriously, who does that?), I would chalk it up to either (a) mean spirit or (b) social awkwardness. Either way, I wouldn't change the way I do things and unless she brings it up one more time, I'm not going to do anything about it.

And, @cocomlle - re my and DH's 'contribution' to the household, I won't go into detail but he's in a profession that maybe most of the dudes that live and work in the valley is in: highly technical and sought after but the pay 'maxes out' at a certain point. I lucked out in that mine doesn't have that ceiling. Like you, I am looking forward to the day when it's no longer a big deal that the wife makes more than the husband!

I would, however, borrow from @littleming's playbook and make sure I bring one of my H bags if there is a chance I might run into her at mutual friends' events! Brilliant idea, thank you!

Hope everyone had a great weekend. Again, THANK YOU for indulging me and offering your perspectives, which are all so valuable.

 

[rainnebeauxday]

I am grateful for this community because of the non-judgy vibe and the great pieces of advice. While I continue to be baffled by the fact that she brought this up to my DH unsolicited (seriously, who does that?), I would chalk it up to either (a) mean spirit or (b) social awkwardness. Either way, I wouldn't change the way I do things and unless she brings it up one more time, I'm not going to do anything about it.

I kind of stated it in my last post, but I want to be very frank. I don't trust your DH's friend's motivations. It is not so much what she said, but that she said it to him, apart from you, and not directly to you. It doesn't seem that her heart was in the right place. I understand that she is a mutual friend, and closer to your DH (?) but, if she were genuinely curious about how you can afford your bags, she could have come to you and approached it in a much more mature manner. If she never brings it up again, great. But, I would caution you and your DH to keep a heightened awareness of her motivations (in all situations), because who needs people like that hanging about anyway? Best of luck!

 

[dangerouscurves]

I understand that you are angry and in this situation as I would be too. However, I think it is best to stay quiet in a situation like this.

And just my opinion, but I think criticizing someone based on how much they eat can be much more damaging than criticizing based on their spending habits, so I am glad you did not retaliate with that. Not saying that what she is saying about you is not damaging, because it is. But a lot of times criticism based on how much a person eats can potentially feed into a mindset that can lead that person to develop an eating disorder, which can be life-threatening. No harsh feelings to you, because I understand you're mad and want to retaliate, but I think commenting on their eating habits is not the right way to go so I am glad you are on the path of letting all this go. It is a much better route.

You're a better person than I. I'd be like, 'That food will go straight to your love handles!'. [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]