Shopping for an e-ring as a couple

IntlSet

IntlSet

Bonjour!
Jan 29, 2006
12,369
63
#1
Gosh, I hope this doesn't sound stupid, but here goes... do couples really shop for engagement rings together? Is this abnormal? Then how does the proposal go?

I do not want my current boyfriend to pick my ring. He has very definite tastes about what he likes that do not align with my own, but I'll be the one to wear it. I would be perfectly happy shopping for a ring with him, picking out the one I want, and putting it on -- voila, no big song and dance show with bended knee, etc. Call me unsentimental!

Did anyone else do something like that? How does this work? I've seen couples together in private consultations at Tiffany... hmm.
 
#2
We shopped for our ring together, because I have very particular taste and he wanted me to be happy with the final product. After deciding on a style together, he took care of ordering, sizing, and setting the ring. He has the ring in his position and will decide when/how to propose.

Truth to be told, I want to be surprised how he's doing it but I don't need to be surprised that he IS asking, I mean we already know we're marrying each other. Every woman is different though and I suppose some wouldn't think this was very romantic.

ETA: He did, however, shop for the diamond alone and had all the control over the specifications and/or budget.
 
#3
It's not abnormal at all for couples to go ring shopping together. Many times, a guy may want to buy his future fiancee exactly what she wants, instead of trying to go off of instinct and what he thinks she may want in an engagement ring. LOL imagine a man using his instinct to try and figure out what a woman wants! That would be tough ;)

I've read many stories of couples going ring shopping together. The ring is picked out and purchased either at that time, or the boyfriend may come back to the store without his girlfriend and buy the ring. When he proposes is the surprise.

BF knows exactly what kind of ring I want (1.5 carat, round brilliant, 6 prong Tiffany style setting in white gold or platinum). I've dropped this hint more than once, and he and I have looked at rings online. LOL by now he can reiterate exactly what ring I want - he just has to go out and buy it ;) He is the type of guy who wants the proposal to be a complete surprise, down to the purchasing of the ring.

If you and your guy feel comfortable ring shopping together, go for it. I think it's a great idea for couples who want to share the experience, and for a girl who knows exactly what she wants in a ring. You'll be wearing it for the rest of your life, it had better suit you and your taste!
 
#4
Hi there! If you're close to getting engaged... congrats in advance!

I definitely wanted to give input into my setting, since like you said, I'll be the one wearing it for the rest of my life, but I also wanted DH to have some input too. And of course DH wanted me to be happy with it.

For some reason though, I didn't want much to do with the picking of the stone. I did say I preferred a round, and I'd go for quality over size. DH's mom knows jewelry so I trusted her to guide him when looking for a good quality stone.

That's how we did it - we picked a setting together (once we saw 'the one', we knew it immediately, we both wanted a classic soliatire w/ a twist, I've posted pics on the engagement ring thread) then I was relegated to browse the other section of the store as DH and MIL were shown stones. Once they were done, I was told they put a few stones on hold to think things over, when in reality DH made a decision and the jeweler was putting it all together. DH proposed a few weeks later, and I saw the completed ring for the first time - my setting and my stone! Both the proposal and the ring were wonderful!

Do you want a say in both the setting and the stone?
 
#5
I wanted a super plain 6 prong round solitaire no sidestones.... husb did not want to get a plain solitaire ring so he kept showing me stuff to see if I liked until he found one I did. I did not know when I was getting the ring though... so that part was a nice surprise. And if he had gone with my original request that wouldn't have been a surprise either so no difference really.

So what I meant to say is I don't think checking things out as a couple really takes away anything & you'll end up with something you both love.
 
#6
Almost everyone I know either showed their bf what they wanted or went shopping together.

I showed him and we shopped together, so he could get a sense of prices. We didn't buy it together though, I didn't even know he had bought it. And ultimately, the decision is his.

It was sort of funny because we had looked at one style almost every time we went shopping, and I 100% expected that style to be what I was agiven, then I was given something slightly different and it was so unexpected I didn't like it at first, lol. It took like 20 minutes for that to wear off and now I do love my ring. He took what I wanted and really considered that and then he added something he really liked. I sort of like that it has his touch on it :smile:
 
#7
OH, and mostly how we ended up looking... we never set out with it in mind (or at least he probably never did) but I'd jokingly say something about looking at diamonds and the pretty rings he could buy me, and we'd try some on and find out about them. I guess you just have to feel your guy out and see. After we had had serious talks about marriage, I sort of felt like it was OK for me to bring up a ring and put ideas into his head.
 
#8
I guess we fall into the abnormal category, DH and I looked for rings together. He actually enjoyed learning about diamond specs, etc. We also made the final purchase together. Then when we got the ring after the stone was set we went to a fancy restaurant and he officially proposed. No worries about not liking the ring!
 
#9
Annie! Are you and the BF pretty serious?
I remember when you started dating. . . .:girlsigh:

Either way is 'normal'.
When DH and I were daing we talked about what I wanted and he actually patronized me by going into a store or 2 to see first.
Now the internet is so much more usable and searchable, I think I'd start a little photo folder on my computer w/ rings I'd love to receive. Maybe that could be a happy medium? {I have one of these folders now :biggrin:}

I know why people are torn, the romantics in a lot of us yearn for that surprise but the realist in us want to make sure it's something we can live w/ on our finger forever - or close to it ;) {unless you're like me and you upgrade! :P}
The ring should reflect your style.
 
#10
oh, since we upgraded recently, I've learned A LOT about dimaonds. . . most people don't care to but the knowledge really broadens your choices. Paying retail can seriously shrink what is ultimately purchased.
 
#11
LOL... lots of couples go ring shopping together...there's nothing odd about it, and if you can do it, you'll wind up with something you know you'll be happy wearing for the rest of your life! (or at least till the upgrade).

Someone said, and I agree... only the actual proposal (how it happens) should be a surprise... both of you should agree and be aware that a proposal is in the works at some point in the (preferably near) future.

For myself, i just couldn't do couples' ring shopping. I love looking at sparklies, but i'm self-conscious about letting the SO just how enamored I am. LOL So, i did my research, collected the diamond info (cut, color, clarity), gave him a few pics of settings I liked, and left the rest up to him! I trust him to find something I like (he's got good taste, i like all the jewelry he's bought me so far) and as long as he follows the diamond specs i gave him, he can't go wrong with that.

Now....I'm just waiting, waiting, waiting till he decides what the best moment to surprise me is.
 
#12
Swanky Mama Of Three said:
Annie! Are you and the BF pretty serious?
I remember when you started dating. . . .:girlsigh:

Either way is 'normal'.
When DH and I were daing we talked about what I wanted and he actually patronized me by going into a store or 2 to see first.
Now the internet is so much more usable and searchable, I think I'd start a little photo folder on my computer w/ rings I'd love to receive. Maybe that could be a happy medium? {I have one of these folders now :biggrin:}

I know why people are torn, the romantics in a lot of us yearn for that surprise but the realist in us want to make sure it's something we can live w/ on our finger forever - or close to it ;) {unless you're like me and you upgrade! :P}
The ring should reflect your style.
Click to expand...

We're serious but I don't think we're too close to marriage! I was asking out of curiousity... sort of putting the cart before the horse! :shame: I've been scoping out engaging rings in the crib, practically...
 
#13
My DH and I shopped for our rings together. I'm a hopeless romantic, but was ok with not being "surprised". I figure when we renew our vows he knows what I like and I can then be surprised.
 
#15
Everyone is different, so whatever you and your BF are comfortable with is the way that you should go. My DH and I did not shop for rings together, and I did not want to because I wanted him to pick it out himself and have the proposal be a surprise as well. All I told him was that I wanted a pear shape diamond, and I did not say anything about size...he did the rest.
 
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