What would you say to this engagement ring?

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#61
Perhaps this is an issue that should be discussed between your friend and her fiance. I think an open communication and mutual respect is key to any successful relationship.
 
#62
DiorDeVille said:
That said, two things seem upsetting: 1. as noted above, if she's shy only around him, that's a bad sign. She should be able to more or less be herself around a man she's promising to spend her life with. And 2., I would go up in flames if my SO got his ex a better ring than he got me. Petty, yes. But . What's your read? Do you think she mostly wants to get married and he's the first to ask? Is it a good relationship aside from the ring issue?
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I agree completely. The ring itself really doesn't matter and I don't think that's what any of us are saying, it's more the fact that it doesn't seem like he put any thought, effort, or care into the ring at all, except in trying to make it seem better than it is by putting it in a different box. That would be a huge red flag to me about the relationship as a whole.



How long have they been together? Does he really know her very well? From what you've said it seems like he doesn't know her style or what she will or won't like and if he can't read that she doesn't like the ring then he doesn't seem very tuned-in to her. I know a lot of guys don't care about that kind of thing but most men at least know that women DO care about it and if a man knows that he knows nothing about jewelry and what his girl would like, he should ask for help from her friends, relatives...someone.

I am concerned about this on many levels. Was this a spontaneous proposal? $150.00 sure doesn't seem like much for a 35 year-old man to spend on a ring. He could have saved for a while to add to it if he can't afford much. I lived with my fiance for almost 4 years before he finally got me a ring (and that was after a long-distance relationship of a few years before that). It's not about the money, it just shows...I don't know, lack of caring on his part.

I know a woman having to admit she doesn't like the ring must be petrifying, but if she truly hates it and he truly loves her, he should want her to have something she loves.

I know we don't know them or their relationship, but everything I'm reading is making me very concerned about their relationship in general.
 
#63
If she doesn't like the ring then she should "kindly" suggest they go shopping together to pick one out together. (I did read the part about her being shy but not the whole 5 pages worth. I am also skipping the part about the relationship possibly not being what it should and addressing only the initial question).

Personally, the ring is not my taste. If it was me, I would prefer a "non diamond" ring of quaility, say something like Janeen suggested on the first page.
 
#65
no, i would not say yes to a 35 yr old man that would walk in and buy a $150 target ring of low quality and then put it in a jewelry box.

at his age, he should be able to afford a gorgeous ring, and if he can't, well why not?

if he could afford $1000 at 17, that was 18 yrs ago. Does he have a career now?

The guy doesn't sound like much of a catch if all he thinks his future bride is worth is $150 and a crappy diamond.

I know tons of people say it's all about love and the ring doesn't matter. But it did matter to me, and was a part of the whole experience. Being ashamed of the ring doesn't lend itself to a good start. And any 35 yr old man has to know that Target isn't a jewelry store. He could have went into any chain jewelry store, or local owned shop and bought a nice ring on layaway.
 
#66
alliemia said:
no, i would not say yes to a 35 yr old man that would walk in and buy a $150 target ring of low quality and then put it in a jewelry box.

at his age, he should be able to afford a gorgeous ring, and if he can't, well why not?

if he could afford $1000 at 17, that was 18 yrs ago. Does he have a career now?

The guy doesn't sound like much of a catch if all he thinks his future bride is worth is $150 and a crappy diamond.

I know tons of people say it's all about love and the ring doesn't matter. But it did matter to me, and was a part of the whole experience. Being ashamed of the ring doesn't lend itself to a good start. And any 35 yr old man has to know that Target isn't a jewelry store. He could have went into any chain jewelry store, or local owned shop and bought a nice ring on layaway.
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Totally agree!!!!
 
#67
sorry for the late response everyone! :(

their relationship is strange like that...i would say that theyre generally happy though. we have talked about this for a while and her mind is set on him so what can you do. thank you for everyones concerns though :) and i appreciated everyones help.

so i have good news, she spoke to him about the ring and he came to me for advice :)
so we looked and looked and it came down to this...she wanted something designer.
so we went to a couple stores and then went to tiffanys.
he saw something he liked (they made the agreement that he gets to still choose) it was a cute ring. so we got it :)

he put in $200. and guess who got stuck paying the rest lol.

oh well :)

http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/Ite...5-p+5-c+287466-r+101323338-x+-n+6-ri+-ni+0-t+
 
#68
I am glad he made some concessions...but may I ask why you had to pay for most of it? Is it due to his current lack of funds, his disagreeing with the whole thing on "principle", or something else?

Miss Chrisi said:
sorry for the late response everyone! :(

their relationship is strange like that...i would say that theyre generally happy though. we have talked about this for a while and her mind is set on him so what can you do. thank you for everyones concerns though :) and i appreciated everyones help.

so i have good news, she spoke to him about the ring and he came to me for advice :)
so we looked and looked and it came down to this...she wanted something designer.
so we went to a couple stores and then went to tiffanys.
he saw something he liked (they made the agreement that he gets to still choose) it was a cute ring. so we got it :)

he put in $200. and guess who got stuck paying the rest lol.

oh well :)

http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/Ite...5-p+5-c+287466-r+101323338-x+-n+6-ri+-ni+0-t+
Click to expand...
 
#71
Purseluvnmama, it was his lack of funds. he actually seemed upset that the ring is only silver.
he didnt ask me to pay but he couldnt find something that had a stone under 200. and he kept going back to that ring so i decided just to help. shes like my sister. and we always dreamed about tiffany engagement rings lol. so its not much but its tiffanys lol.

thank you lanasyogamama :)
its not a biggie, but we decided to tell her it was all him, i know she would feel bad if she knew i helped :/
i just want her to enjoy it.

Stephie2800, im not holding this against him because he does have to dish out quite a lot for their wedding. shes going all out with everything, and i mean everything. wedding favors and table decorations alone will probably be 1k.

if it was up to me, i would rather have a cheap wedding than a cheap ring...what do you guys think?
i know a wedding is a memorable day but you only have pictures and memories months after. a sparkly ring is forever :D
 
#72
Oh, ok. This makes me feel better about his attitude. May they enjoy their wedding and a long life together in good health!

ETA: I also think the ring is very pretty!

Miss Chrisi said:
Purseluvnmama, it was his lack of funds. he actually seemed upset that the ring is only silver.
he didnt ask me to pay but he couldnt find something that had a stone under 200. and he kept going back to that ring so i decided just to help. shes like my sister. and we always dreamed about tiffany engagement rings lol. so its not much but its tiffanys lol.

thank you lanasyogamama :)
its not a biggie, but we decided to tell her it was all him, i know she would feel bad if she knew i helped :/
i just want her to enjoy it.

Stephie2800, im not holding this against him because he does have to dish out quite a lot for their wedding. shes going all out with everything, and i mean everything. wedding favors and table decorations alone will probably be 1k.

if it was up to me, i would rather have a cheap wedding than a cheap ring...what do you guys think?
i know a wedding is a memorable day but you only have pictures and memories months after. a sparkly ring is forever :D
Click to expand...
 
#73
Glad that it worked out in the end!
The ring is much, much nice than the original one. You should tell that dude he needs to set up a fund to do an upgrade in 5 years.
 
#74
This is the best that a 35 year old man can do for his fiancee? I'm sorry, but I think there is something very wrong going on here. And you, as her dear friend, had to pick up the slack! Red alert:police:
 
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