hi!! im jeff! im 18 and my passion is acting!! im quite popular here in our village, but i have a secret.. i have a bad skin beneath my clothes.
for 11 years i studied in an all boys school, from prep to 4th year. when i was in grade 5, i wonder of myself: why do i get pimples every so often while the others dont? i may be the most sociable person in school but i was shy for my pimples, i get to have them on my face and on my body.but it was a bit of a problem for they were few and as an optimistic person i thought it would just go away by itself. but when 1st year high school and 2nd year high school had come, my pimples got even worse! as a person, i am very jolly, enthusiastic and funny. im very popular in school, but i was suffering severe acne in my face as well as in my body and behind my cheerfulness i was living in fear and anxiety. my parents didn't know about it because they work in abroad, they stay only a month every year and so i dont know them and i dont have guts to tell them; i only live with my grandmother and my sister. i keep telling my grandmother about it but she was just too optimistic, she doesn't seem to understand what i feel. i remember during those times i always bring a hanky to cover my face because i was ashamed. luckily i was admired by fellow students because i have a talent of acting and making people laugh. they respected me as who i am..but it just hurts my feeling everytime they try to stare at me or ask me about it. they ask me, "why do you have a lot of pimples?" but the honestly i dont really know it myself. i feel also special when the other boys can change clothes easily while i try to avoid them seeing my body pimples. i was optimistic, i thought to myself, "one day, my pimples will be gone."
late 3rd year, my pimples on my face began to disappear but leaving some marks to remind me of who i was before. but..on my body, i was wondering, why were the pimples become soft and pinkish...i was not aware they have already become KELOIDS. 1 week, 2 weeks have passed, ignorantly i decided i would pick it with a needle then remove all the puss. but when i picked it, there were no puss, there was just blood! i thought, "this is different!?" ...though i was not aware of keloids at that time, i already knew...they were permanent.
you know, if i dont really have this bad skin i would have become much happier with my life! honestly, im contented with myself and i dont want to be anyone else but when i think of this, i feel different from other people. i realize without keloids, maybe i was able to play basketball topless with my friends, maybe id become a good swimmer.. maybe i was able to go to beach normally and have some fun, maybe i met people i did not met.
last year, 4th year i gathered all my guts and told my mom about this. she brought me to a far derma clinic. to make the story short, i had more or less 35 injection in all of my keloids, honestly i dont feel much pain as much as when i feel anxious when i would swim in PE class. and honestly saying, i dont fear injection at all, i like the pain, its somewhat itchy, stingy but feels like "Ahhh.." after the injection. i never went back to it for it was far, and also i never went back when a doctor nearby told me im just wasting my money because keloids can never be treated and would just come back.
now that im going to college, life is expected to be different. people that i will encounter are not the same as highschool. they would judge me wrongly.
sometimes i blame myself for being optimistic..why didn't i be realistic and went to a derma immediately when i was still young. but what happens happens. it already happened, i dont have time to be a pessimist. i have to deal with it. i just wish SOMEONE would help people like me who are suffering from this evil keloids. sometimes i think im not qualified to marry because i might scare the girl that i will love... i already accepted myself, but im still hopeful someone might help people like us!!! PLEASE DOCTOR HELP!!!