Struggling With Luxury: Time to Get Off the Merry-go-round?!

[EmilyM111]

There was a time in my life where I made a good salary but didn't have enough for the down payment to buy a house, and it would take a really long time to save for that, especially since I lived in a place where housing prices were really high. So I spent my money on lots of nonessential items. It didn't occur to me to spend that money on purses. Maybe it was so long ago that hardly anyone who was working did that. I carried Coach back then, leather - this was before signature, but I don't remember noticing what anyone else carried. I had nice clothes too. I only bought one purse a year and wore it for that year before replacing it with a new one. I remember ordering fancy food through the mail, like Omaha steaks.

Years later, after I was married, we had plenty of money, along with the nice house, but again, it didn't occur to me to buy designer purses. We were starting a family, and I spent money on furnishings and baby stuff. We traveled a lot. I didn't notice anyone carrying designer purses. We lived in the country among horse people and no one dressed up much. Maybe it would have been different if we were in a big city.

I didn't start collecting purses until my teenage daughter spent the money she made working at McDonald's on a Coach purse. It cost $400. It was her money and she could spend it however she wanted. I thought it was ridiculous to spend so much, especially when she didn't have unlimited resources, so I started looking on ebay to see if I could find a similar purse for a lot less, just to show her. That's what got me started, and I couldn't have predicted the collection I have acquired since then. My daughter is grown now, has a career, and isn't interested in collecting luxury items. The last purse related item I got her was a Michael Kors tote - her choice. Now she spends her money on things to decorate her house.

I still live in a small town and don't see luxury items every day, except online. There aren't any stores here that are higher priced than Macy's.

I think the vast majority of people who don't own luxury items don't desire to and don't really notice them on other people.

I mean I'm only quoting the book - I'm not an American and hard to get me into a mindset of person from the UK or the US. London, Warsaw, Berlin - these are full of designer bags (I even saw a girl wearing LV and another girl wearing Chanel (!!!) at a corporate offsite yesterday). Also you are right - people who are not into luxury don't notice.
And finally 'stuff' probably means more Apple, maybe more premium car rather than handbags. Still in the less privileged parts for the world (my home country for example) this is beyond luxury. Not to mention the onset of social media - 10 years ago when I had tonnes of cash let's say and could buy Chanel affordably I had no idea.
On the separate note: when i was a child, my country went through hyperinflation and a lot of savings were wiped out (also a lot of housing deposits were cancelled by the state). That changed my perspective on long term returns from investment. Not to say I don't save but chose lower threshold for myself to start splurging

 

[youngster]

So, for what it's worth, here is my opinion. A lot of people jump on the luxury train way too early in life. They don't build up to it but start so young, in their teens and 20's, buying the highest of high-end items: shoes, clothes, bags, jewelry. So, yeah, I can imagine that after time passes, you'd get bored or jaded or exhausted from it all, especially if it builds to obsession level and you are always thinking, planning, plotting for the next purchase. So, having your ah ha moment about it is a good thing and maybe will be the opportunity to examine your life and your priorities. Ultimately, it's just stuff and stuff falls apart, no matter how high quality it is.

 

[BigPurseSue]

So, for what it's worth, here is my opinion. A lot of people jump on the luxury train way too early in life. They don't build up to it but start so young, in their teens and 20's, buying the highest of high-end items: shoes, clothes, bags, jewelry.

My mom once said that the problem with buying designer stuff in your teens and twenties is that it becomes so hard to later step back and buy cheaper stuff. That is so true!

 

[Emily1830]

My mom once said that the problem with buying designer stuff in your teens and twenties is that it becomes so hard to later step back and buy cheaper stuff. That is so true!

Interesting, but I don’t find this to be entirely true for me. Yes, I prefer premier designers when it comes to bags, but I still wear high street clothes and now have almost eliminated designer clothes purchases. (I bought designer clothes in my 20s and early 30s.) While I still enjoy and wear my designer clothes, I am content with cheaper labels now. I think part of this is having kids. Life gets messier now.

Also, as I mentioned before, if I add any more designer bags, they will be cheaper ones than I’ve bought in the past. I will no longer buy past 2k for a bag anymore. I feel like there is a shift in my thinking now that retirement is not that far away. I am now mid-career and middle-aged, so maybe that has something to do with it.

 

[whateve]

Interesting, but I don’t find this to be entirely true for me. Yes, I prefer premier designers when it comes to bags, but I still wear high street clothes and now have almost eliminated designer clothes purchases. (I bought designer clothes in my 20s and early 30s.) While I still enjoy and wear my designer clothes, I am content with cheaper labels now. I think part of this is having kids. Life gets messier now.

Also, as I mentioned before, if I add any more designer bags, they will be cheaper ones than I’ve bought in the past. I will no longer buy past 2k for a bag anymore. I feel like there is a shift in my thinking now that retirement is not that far away. I am now mid-career and middle-aged, so maybe that has something to do with it.

My struggle is that I'm already retired and worrying about not getting my money's worth out of my bags because of my lifestyle. I'm worried that at some point, I won't be healthy enough to go out and about with my bags so they will just sit there. Then I'm worried about my kids having to deal with my collection after I'm gone. I worry they will give everything to Goodwill instead of selling them or using them.

 

[MamaSleepy]

Interesting, but I don’t find this to be entirely true for me. Yes, I prefer premier designers when it comes to bags, but I still wear high street clothes and now have almost eliminated designer clothes purchases. (I bought designer clothes in my 20s and early 30s.) While I still enjoy and wear my designer clothes, I am content with cheaper labels now. I think part of this is having kids. Life gets messier now.

Also, as I mentioned before, if I add any more designer bags, they will be cheaper ones than I’ve bought in the past. I will no longer buy past 2k for a bag anymore. I feel like there is a shift in my thinking now that retirement is not that far away. I am now mid-career and middle-aged, so maybe that has something to do with it.

What are "high street" clothes, please? Big Box stores? Like Target? TIA

 

[Emily1830]

What are "high street" clothes, please? Big Box stores? Like Target? TIA

Zara, Topshop, H&M, etc. I would not categorize Target as high street at all.

I usually only shop at Zara, however, or contemporary brands like Theory, Maje, Kenzo, etc. I feel that Zara is better quality than H&M and I tend to wear my clothes for a long time (I don’t dispose of them after a season).

 

[MamaSleepy]

Zara, Topshop, H&M, etc. I would not categorize Target as high street at all.

I usually only shop at Zara, however, or contemporary brands like Theory, Maje, Kenzo, etc. I feel that Zara is better quality than H&M and I tend to wear my clothes for a long time (I don’t dispose of them after a season).

Thank you! So are/can department stores be "high street?"

 

[cjj]

What an insightful thread. For what it's worth, here's my 2 cents:

Some time ago, I asked a very dear friend "How much money do you REALLY need to be happy?" It was a question asked of her at a time that her life was taking some extremely dangerous turns. Her need to have more, to have the best and what she was doing to make it happen/continue it was killing her; literally.

That conversation made me stop and think. There have been and are some serious issues in my life and though my love for the luxury items isn't gone, my need just about has. The need for things has been replaced with the need to take care of: to take care of myself, my family and most important, my disabled son. His accident placed our world upside down and made his life Hell on Earth. I can justify a nice candle. I can justify an expensive pair of shoes if I NEED them (because my one pair of black pumps has worn out and my messed up feet can only wear a specific brand), etc. I look at my closet and see 5 black bags with a value over $50,000 (today's market), and ask myself "Do I really need ANOTHER expensive black bag?!" No, no I don't. And so, I don't purchase it or anything else.

I said in another thread that I love Hermes and wish I could purchase those items without having to go through the hassle it has now become. After I wrote that, I asked myself would I really spend the money on an item if it was easy to acquire? And for the first time I thought "Probably not". For me, I can't justify the price of many things anymore and sometimes I think perhaps I'm not being realistic; things do cost more because of inflation, taxes, tariffs, material but.. but....do they REALLY or is just greed on the part of the company.

....How much money do you really need to be happy?
....How much PROFIT do you really need to make to be doing well?

I don't know but I do know this: the luxury houses aren't making their profit off of me. Not anymore. I can only carry one purse at a time, wear one pair of shoes at a time, wear one scarf at a time so....how many do I need? Exactly the number I already own.

 

[lovingmybags]

My mom once said that the problem with buying designer stuff in your teens and twenties is that it becomes so hard to later step back and buy cheaper stuff. That is so true!

Maybe true for some, but if contemporary brands and Cole Haan doesn't count in the designer bracket, then my shopping habits are actually getting cheaper. Maybe that's because I never went for more expensive bags than LV's lowest range, or Mulberry, but I'm buying more contemporary than premier these days. And I've been shopping high-end since over 10 years ago in college, but always new via secondary markets, so supposedly I'd fall into that age group, lol

 

[youngster]

My struggle is that I'm already retired and worrying about not getting my money's worth out of my bags because of my lifestyle. I'm worried that at some point, I won't be healthy enough to go out and about with my bags so they will just sit there. Then I'm worried about my kids having to deal with my collection after I'm gone. I worry they will give everything to Goodwill instead of selling them or using them.

Hopefully, you have many, many years ahead to enjoy your collection! Not to get too off topic, but you might consider leaving a letter of instruction with your will or other important documents. This could include how you advise your kids to dispose of your bag collection. (No tossing them out. Yes to sending them to Fashionphile or some other consignment place.) You can also include your jewelry or other important items or memorabilia in the letter and what you would like done with the items or who you would prefer to have them. At least, then they would have a starting point.

 

[remainsilly]

I'll be real: your life choices are yours.
Expecting heirs to follow little instruction notes for bulk possessions is kinda pushy, imo.
If you're giving stuff to them, as inheritance, it becomes theirs.
And part of their life's choices. Not yours any longer.

All the more reason to enjoy what you own now.
Because no one else will see/feel it same way.

 

[youngster]

This is what our estate planning attorney advised us to do and I was just passing it along. It's very common where I live. A good letter of instruction tells people where to find things (safe deposit box keys, important papers, passwords, the name of your accountant, etc.) as well as who gets what sentimental items when it would be too cumbersome to list them separately in a will. You can also include specific instructions about beloved items whether it's a pet or your antique book collection or your handbags lol! It gives you a chance to express your wishes to your heirs and gives the executor some really valuable information that they might otherwise spend hours and hours trying to figure out.

 

[remainsilly]

A good letter of instruction tells people where to find things (safe deposit box keys, important papers, passwords, the name of your accountant, etc.) as well as who gets what sentimental items when it would be too cumbersome to list them separately in a will.

This would be helpful, agreed.

You can also include specific instructions about beloved items whether it's a pet or your antique book collection or your handbags lol! It gives you a chance to express your wishes to your heirs and gives the executor some really valuable information that they might otherwise spend hours and hours trying to figure out.

As an executrix, I received specific instruction notes about stuff.
But not pets.
These were wildly sentimental descriptions. With little basis in reality.
Cannot say they helped much.
I admit to ignoring them & doing what I needed to do.
Perhaps others would not. And would appreciate such notes more.

 

[whateve]

This would be helpful, agreed.

As an executrix, I received specific instruction notes about stuff.
But not pets.
These were wildly sentimental descriptions. With little basis in reality.
Cannot say they helped much.
I admit to ignoring them & doing what I needed to do.
Perhaps others would not. And would appreciate such notes more.

I have a pet that will outlive me if he doesn't get sick. I have to make sure he is taken care of when I'm gone.

My mother planned everything out. She had given instructions to the funeral home and everything was prepaid. It made everything easier. When my father died, it didn't matter what was in the will since he had already changed the title of his home and car, and added his heir as a signer on his bank accounts.