Struggling With Luxury: Time to Get Off the Merry-go-round?!

[Annie J]

I don't have the problem many of you do because I live in a small town where I almost never see most premium brands. So I'm not surrounded by the culture of luxury. There is no pressure to keep up with the Joneses, and I'm not constantly seeing IRL bags I covet. My exposure to luxury comes from tpf and traveling. It is much easier to stay off the merry-go-round when you aren't surrounded by people who are on it.

Unfortunately I do everything online ... It’s all out there and too tempting!

 

[fabuleux]

It's a great thread with lots of different points of view on the topic.

The saddest part of all of this comes when we see TPF members stuck in the "buy buy buy sell sell sell" cycle (although many don't admit they sold the bags until much later). A lot of folks are stretching their budget to afford these luxury items... and I was guilty of such unhealthy behavior myself when I first started buying luxury brands too.

That's so dangerous and I hate that the forum, instagram, the internet, etc. foster this illusion that it's totally normal for middle-class families to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on bags and wallet every few weeks. The constant worry about "resale value" and "timelessness" highlights the underlying anxiety that comes with spending so much money on these items.

 

[DaBish]

When I first joined this site, I assumed most were wealthy because they talked about getting bags from the boutique every week or every few weeks.
I couldn't do that because I have bills to pay and other priorities. I also don't put these types of things on credit cards . ( If I do it to get the added protection and points, I make sure I have the cash to pay the card 100% right away)
It wasn't until I really began reading for a while that I noticed that some are really wealthy and getting bags frequently but others are playing the return and or resell game.
I personally wouldn't do it that way but I guess it's a reality for some. I think some purchase things for the wrong reasons and that might be where things get a little hairy.
A designer label won't make or break us. It's important to remember that marketing is just that, marketing. We don't NEED these things and they don't make us who we are as people.
Lines can get crossed and people begin to judge their worth by a label. That's powerful marketing.
Of course this isn't everyone here and only represents a small fraction of members.
Everyone will have their own reasons for buying or for not buying. These reasons will vary between most people and not everyone can be lumped together as materialistic designer dependent enthusiasts.

 

[Emily1830]

It's a great thread with lots of different points of view on the topic.

The saddest part of all of this comes when we see TPF members stuck in the "buy buy buy sell sell sell" cycle (although many don't admit they sold the bags until much later). A lot of folks are stretching their budget to afford these luxury items... and I was guilty of such unhealthy behavior myself when I first started buying luxury brands too.

That's so dangerous and I hate that the forum, instagram, the internet, etc. foster this illusion that it's totally normal for middle-class families to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on bags and wallet every few weeks. The constant worry about "resale value" and "timelessness" highlights the underlying anxiety that comes with spending so much money on these items.

When I first joined this site, I assumed most were wealthy because they talked about getting bags from the boutique every week or every few weeks.
I couldn't do that because I have bills to pay and other priorities. I also don't put these types of things on credit cards . ( If I do it to get the added protection and points, I make sure I have the cash to pay the card 100% right away)
It wasn't until I really began reading for a while that I noticed that some are really wealthy and getting bags frequently but others are playing the return and or resell game.
I personally wouldn't do it that way but I guess it's a reality for some. I think some purchase things for the wrong reasons and that might be where things get a little hairy.
A designer label won't make or break us. It's important to remember that marketing is just that, marketing. We don't NEED these things and they don't make us who we are as people.
Lines can get crossed and people begin to judge their worth by a label. That's powerful marketing.
Of course this isn't everyone here and only represents a small fraction of members.
Everyone will have their own reasons for buying or for not buying. These reasons will vary between most people and not everyone can be lumped together as materialistic designer dependent enthusiasts.

I have never been a buy-sell-buy type of gal. I buy with the intent to keep. Even now I struggle sometimes to let things go. I am personally amazed by some Youtubers/Instagrammers who are constantly buying and selling. I don’t judge, but it looks exhausting sometimes. I think once in a while is fine, but there are some that do so almost weekly. It is dizzying to watch.

I agree that there is a distorted sense of financial wealth out there. This is especially true in New York City. Almost everyone (I am exaggerating but you get my drift) has a designer bag. Rent or a mortgage is extremely high. Cost of living, school, food, etc. are all really high. You wonder how some people manage. Personally I have never believed in going into debt for anything, and while I have enough to buy things right away, I usually “save” for them by cutting back on other things in order to feel financially wiser. I also force myself to wait a few months to make sure I really want and would use that item. To me, that’s the only way it makes sense.

 

[Annie J]

It's a great thread with lots of different points of view on the topic.

The saddest part of all of this comes when we see TPF members stuck in the "buy buy buy sell sell sell" cycle (although many don't admit they sold the bags until much later). A lot of folks are stretching their budget to afford these luxury items... and I was guilty of such unhealthy behavior myself when I first started buying luxury brands too.

That's so dangerous and I hate that the forum, instagram, the internet, etc. foster this illusion that it's totally normal for middle-class families to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on bags and wallet every few weeks. The constant worry about "resale value" and "timelessness" highlights the underlying anxiety that comes with spending so much money on these items.

You’re so right, especially about the underlying anxiety that is shown in concerns about resale value and so on. The forum is a nice place to chat about things we enjoy but we also have to admit to ourselves we may well be validating and seeking validation! The darker side of this is that we may be encouraging truly damaging habits in those who can’t afford them by normalising this focus on expensive and essentially unnecessary goods. I’m as guilty of this as anybody. It’s always important to remember that the forum, or any other similar platform, draws a self-selecting group which, like the internet as a whole and all the various bubbles it hosts, feeds back a false impression of normality.

I’m lucky, I think, that I worked out fairly quickly that there was a clear limit. I’ve been foolish enough, in these middle years of mine, to justify to myself unhealthy spending on expensive items that won’t stand the test of time, and I have sold them (of course, at a loss) or donated them to charity (so at least somebody benefits from my mistakes). It’s always wise to note that resale value most often shouldn’t come into the justification of buying these items; it may mitigate it, but it’s ridiculously unreliable.

I don’t mind spending large sums on things that will last, which serve a purpose and/or which please me aesthetically, BUT I didn’t do it until I had surplus funds and could really afford it without detriment to those I am responsible for or have responsibility to, and without depriving charities of what I would otherwise have given. Obviously, if I didn’t buy a bag, I could give that money too. But I am human and and imperfect and I derive some pleasure from the ownership and use of beautiful and/or functional objects. I acknowledge that ownership of ‘luxury’ is unnecessary and also unusual. I wouldn’t have suffered if I couldn’t have it, but I appreciate that I can. I’ve more or less got enough now, I’ve covered all the bases I could want to. Buying shouldn’t become a way of life and it’s refreshing to remember that.

I find myself tending to buy hopefully discreet ‘luxury’ so that I can quietly enjoy the benefits without making a great show of it; I don’t want to make anybody feel dissatisfied with what they have themselves. Apart from anything else, I don’t think there’s any reason for them to be. I wasn’t too bothered when I didn’t have the stuff. (I might be deluding myself about how discreet my purchases are, though; that’s a definite possibility!)

It’s a definite worry that we may be encouraging and enabling people to spend beyond their means here, or encouraging the idea that this is normal — it’s available only to a certain group of people, and that includes those of us who work hard and save hard — the world is full of people who work hard and diligently for little more than survival, so those of us who can work and save for these things are, whether we admit it to ourselves or not, still privileged — not that we need to denigrate ourselves for that good fortune.

These items we buy don’t matter really, except for the small amount of pleasure, lightness and ease they might bring into our lives, or to the lives of those we give them to, and in their hopefully positive impact on the lives of those who produce them. They do create jobs, and I’d rather spend money on one piece of quality produced by people who are properly paid for their work than on a hundred pieces of fast fashion that are produced in sweatshops by exploited workers.

Nobody should feel they are leading less significant a life for not being able to afford such things, or that it is the norm to be able to do so. I do worry that people do feel this pressure and I might be contributing to it. This is just a bit of (expensive) fun. Nobody is a lesser person either for participating or for not participating in it, whether by choice or necessity, though I have a creeping feeling there are people out there who do judge themselves by this false standard, and I might be part of the problem rather than the solution.

I do actually get the feeling from the posts I read that most people here have a realistic and decent perspective, but am sometimes shocked by materialistic and superior attitudes expressed, and would be devastated to think we played a part in the normalisation of disproportionate, unwise, unnecessary and addictive spending.

I have to apologise as I so often do for rambling on for so long! I came to the forum initially for advice about bag care, because I wanted to take care of the expensive items I had bought, to make them last. I got intrigued by various threads and found this one to be one of the most interesting and thought-provoking. Isn’t it great how one apparently insignificant focus — handbags!! — can lead us into all these areas? I love being able to discuss all these aspects of modern life here and take on board everyone’s points of view.

Thanks to the OP for giving us all something to chew over.

 

[Coconuts40]

I too find this thread thought provoking. I find the need for new and more can be exhausting emotionally, and not just on a bank account. I only purchase what I can pay right away, but I still think twice when I consider a purchase. I am now in my mid-40's and I am so happy that a 'uniform' or 'capsule collection' is a much more acceptable concept and practice, now more than ever. I personally feel very comfortable wearing my items for years and years, especially bags and jewelry. This is how I can justify spending more for items I love, but purchasing less. I know that the jewelry I collected and the handbags I have chosen to buy will be worn and enjoyed by me for years and years. It is acceptable, more than ever, to be seen wearing the same items. Even Kate Middleton recycles her clothing -what a fresh statement that makes!! (not like I need acceptance from the British Monarchy) but it's a refreshing thing to see.

 

[BigPurseSue]

This is so true.

When my DH and I were looking for a wedding venue, we took a tour of an old Victorian mansion. They pointed out to us that the pinnacle of luxury was to have these machine engraved strike plates on doors. The kind of thing we could do in 30 seconds on brass today if we wanted to.

The strike plates illustrate something very interesting: in the rise of the middle class during the industrial revolution it was considered more prestigious to have in your home things that were manufactured, preferably far away and at great expense, instead of items that were made by local craftspeople or anything that looked, gasp, home-made. That attitude endured well into the 20th century.

When my mom was young all budding fashionistas desired clothing with a department store, ready-to-wear sheen. Heaven forbid that one should venture out in the world in clothing that looked home-made. After all you didn't just come from the farm! (I was always puzzled because my grandmothers made clothing that was far more beautiful and had better workmanship than anything store-bought. But store-bought was considered fashionable and lux.)

We've flipped that attitude around. So much better to have things in your home or wardrobe that were hand-made by etsy craftspeople rather than churned out in a factory faraway.

Hermes is one company that lucratively pushes that button. They call their employees craftspeople and claim that their art is so slow and painstaking they can manufacture only a limited number of purses and must charge tens of thousands of dollars for them. The reality is that they're an industrial manufacturer just like the rest of them.

 

[Annie J]

The strike plates illustrate something very interesting: in the rise of the middle class during the industrial revolution it was considered more prestigious to have in your home things that were manufactured, preferably far away and at great expense, instead of items that were made by local craftspeople or anything that looked, gasp, home-made. That attitude endured well into the 20th century.

When my mom was young all budding fashionistas desired clothing with a department store, ready-to-wear sheen. Heaven forbid that one should venture out in the world in clothing that looked home-made. After all you didn't just come from the farm! (I was always puzzled because my grandmothers made clothing that was far more beautiful and had better workmanship than anything store-bought. But store-bought was considered fashionable and lux.)

We've flipped that attitude around. So much better to have things in your home or wardrobe that were hand-made by etsy craftspeople rather than churned out in a factory faraway.

Hermes is one company that lucratively pushes that button. They call their employees craftspeople and claim that their art is so slow and painstaking they can manufacture only a limited number of purses and must charge tens of thousands of dollars for them. The reality is that they're an industrial manufacturer just like the rest of them.

Yes, and those signifiers (like the strike plates) were a means of signalling rising influence and projecting power, and such a signifier gets turned around once mass production becomes the norm and rarity value shifts back to the handmade. Isn’t it fascinating to view ourselves in a social-historical context? The internet age is such a massive social shift, as great as that occasioned by the invention of the printing press and later the industrial revolution, and here we are slap bang in the middle of it — or the middle of the beginning, anyway. Talking about handbags (which I like). [emoji849][emoji6]

I’m glad you share my view of Hermès! I was a little worried when I posted about them that I could be hounded from the forum for handbag heresy! [emoji6]

They certainly have pulled it off, haven’t they? They’ve managed to create this phenomenal myth of slow craftsmanship while actually producing on an industrial scale just like the rest of them, or at least, they have the capacity and wherewithal to do so but limit production to give the impression of rarity (but by a lot less than they contrive to make it appear). I don’t mind the products, nice quality and all, but I don’t want to play the game.

 

[gillianna]

I think we live in a very materialistic society. Marketing is directed to make one feel they have to have something or need it. Social media pushing products. Ads on every site on the internet. I have been on a journey to simply my life and have let go of many things that I feel no need to own anymore. I have 4 bags ready to go to consignment this week once I get quotes. I have no problem getting rid of them. At one point they served my needs but I just don’t want all this stuff in my life anymore.

We hope to move next year and I want to downsize and lead a more simple life. I have used and enjoyed many luxury items in my life but they can go to new homes. I have given away some great things to relatives who I know will enjoy using them. Special jewelry items saved for my daughter.

I know people who are very happy spending money on luxury items. Some feel they can’t be caught wearing the same dress twice at social events. While I can appreciate the beauty of a well made luxury item I have felt no great desire to go overboard in buying them. I have hit some great sales, bought some preloved vintage items and my best friend was able to purchase some designer purses for me with her 40% store discount for years. I doubt I would have paid full price for many of these items.

I have one relative who buys jewelry but never wears it. I could never understand the need to have to own it but can’t wear it to work and won’t wear it at home. So it sits in jewelry boxes unused. I have a few friends who won’t wear their engagement rings because they feel they are too flashy. Some have rules with clothing too. Their designer clothing cost so much money that they can only wear it for a special occasion or are afraid to use it because something might happen if they wear it. It reminds me of many purse threads here, the fear of actually wearing a new purse. The curse of a water stain or a purse showing a mark from use can cause a panic. So what buy it?

My LV backpack is 22 years old and still in excellent condition, way better than most I see for sale. Spending the money buying a quality piece can be a good investment if you use it. Break down the cost per wear for a item. I have one friend who lusts after a LV purse. She has made comments when I wear LV. While I can have a LV purse for 20 years and wear it often she can buy a dress for $500.00 and wear it once and then have it hang in her closet. So who in the long run is getting value for their money spent.

It is very easy to see the quality has really gone downhill for most designers who to me are just mass producing products to the mass market today. I think calling them luxury is in name only due to the expense. For the past three years I feel I have been on a journey to lead a minimalistic life. I have slowly been building a capsule wardrobe and it is so much easier to get dressed and feel good about what I am wearing. While I was never into the latest fads I realize that classic looks in good quality clothing work well for me. I have made mistakes in many choices in the past but have also learned as I aged. Maybe with age one can gain wisdom and want more out of life than what they thought was important in the past?

I do most of my shopping online if I find the need to shop. I have no desire to go to malls or stores. I feel no need for them. People,think I am crazy because I don’t go shopping. And I only buy when I think I need something. I have friends who shop weekly and always complain they have nothing to wear. I see so many impulse buys with them. My daughter is in college and she and her friends love the malls but she is slowly changing her choices to spend her money on a great vacation versus the latest fads.

As far as luxury is concerned it can vary person to person. While a designer name can be luxury to one person a weekend alone pampering yourself can be luxury to another. If we look at real estate bigger is better. People always want a bigger house. Square footage is the most important. One always needs a bigger house so they can have a place for all their stuff.

People live their lives and make choices for what they feel is right for them. What is good for one person doesn’t not mean it is right for another.

 

[pureplatinum]

I started buying luxury items a decade or so ago. At that time, I already regretted not buying way before because of what I thought, back then, were already significant price increases. Throughout the years I have acquired a small collection of pieces that I use and some that I don’t use as often as I should.

Fast forward to today with the current price hikes on luxury goods. Today, even with seeming price desensitization, the likelihood of me buying both from brands I own and do not yet, shiny new from the shops, is on a rapid decline. At today’s prices vis-à-vis quality issues, I’d be inclined to look at the second hand market more specifically for handbags and SLGs that interest me. For shoes, I don’t mind waiting for a good sale or use of points. Except for that last pair or two on my list which I’m in no rush to get, I am okay with my current shoe closet. Same with my watches and jewelry.

I still enjoy looking at all these goods online and in stores. To me, they are eye candy. For one who appreciates things sparkly, well-made and beautiful, I could invent “reasons” for me to buy more. But at the rate the prices are going up, quality going down, and considering its use in my life these days (quite honestly, I don’t have the time and patience to switch from one purse/watch/etc to another on a daily basis) - I simply can’t justify a brand new purchase. I find that I am more at peace with myself making full use of my collection, serving my purpose and needs, and in my own tiny way, contributing to the environment by not buying any more than what I need.

 

[Pimpernel]

I find myself coming back time and again to this thread because of the many insights. I´d never thought about the insidious "prize desensitization" - how true!

I think there´s a funny aspect in that many luxury item purchases (the spontaneous ones, not those who are planned months ahead, thoroughly researched and budgeted for) are triggered by a combination of "fear of missing out" - all the limited editions, holiday editions, artist collaborations, Europe-only editions, etc - and of by overexposure both online and in meatspace. This irresistible double trigger manages to convey an impossible, contradictory message: that luxe items have rarity value while, at the same time, being literally everywhere around us!

 

[Evia]

I find myself coming back time and again to this thread because of the many insights. I´d never thought about the insidious "prize desensitization" - how true!

I think there´s a funny aspect in that many luxury item purchases (the spontaneous ones, not those who are planned months ahead, thoroughly researched and budgeted for) are triggered by a combination of "fear of missing out" - all the limited editions, holiday editions, artist collaborations, Europe-only editions, etc - and of by overexposure both online and in meatspace. This irresistible double trigger manages to convey an impossible, contradictory message: that luxe items have rarity value while, at the same time, being literally everywhere around us!

BMW have this trick down to a T - an “aspirational” “luxury” brand, that’s one of the most common cars on the road.

 

[lenarmc]

The buy-sell merry-go-round is ludicrous. I don’t think about resell value. I buy things with the intention of using it. I only sell things that my family doesn’t want. Recently, I was with my sister, and she was carrying a bag that I gave her. It looked amazing in her shoulder. As much as I loved the bag, it was more her style than mine. She loves the bag. It just made more sense to give to her and see her enjoy it than to go through the hassle of selling it to finance another.

Before I drop any money on a bag, I research and set my limit on how much that I’m willing to pay. I stick to that. Basically, if I need to sell things in order to buy things, then I can’t afford it.

 

[Annie J]

The buy-sell merry-go-round is ludicrous. I don’t think about resell value. I buy things with the intention of using it. I only sell things that my family doesn’t want. Recently, I was with my sister, and she was carrying a bag that I gave her. It looked amazing in her shoulder. As much as I loved the bag, it was more her style than mine. She loves the bag. It just made more sense to give to her and see her enjoy it than to go through the hassle of selling it to finance another.

Before I drop any money on a bag, I research and set my limit on how much that I’m willing to pay. I stick to that. Basically, if I need to sell things in order to buy things, then I can’t afford it.

Good approach!

I don’t buy intending to resell either (no such thing as an investment in the financial sense, with a few extremely rare exceptions), but I think for a while I fooled myself that it was ok to make impulse purchases because I could get a bit of the money back if I wanted to. I’ve been glad to be able to recoup a little of the outlay on items that were mistakes. But I’ve had enough of that selling! Lesson learned. I make fewer mistakes now, and buy just what I know I will use, or give to others to use. It’s such a relief, and I’m looking forward to closing my seller account on a resale site because I won’t need it any more! Bliss [emoji16]. So tired of it!

 

[Annie J]

At today’s prices vis-à-vis quality issues, I’d be inclined to look at the second hand market more specifically for handbags and SLGs that interest me.

I agree about the price/quality issue, but I’ve kind of ended up feeling now that this means that when I do want to buy something, I’ll just have to look harder for the quality in new items, maybe beyond the obvious big names, if they’re not really producing it any more. I’ve bought a few items pre-owned, and I’ve sold things, but I think I’ve had enough of the headaches and worries that can bring from both sides. I suppose I don’t feel any more that any particular object is worth taking the risks entailed by buying pre-owned. Quite a relief, really! All these first-world problems I’ve been giving myself! Back to real life! [emoji38]