Struggling With Luxury: Time to Get Off the Merry-go-round?!

[Sparkletastic]

I don’t have to get off the merry go round because I never really got on. I was on the other end being overly frugal and denying myself the pleasure of things I wanted because I felt the cost was “too high”. (So arbitrary. SMH)

In the last decade, I’ve moderated. I buy exactly what I want...at the lowest price possible. I like premier bags. Some I get new, some preloved. It just depends on what will make me happy.

I tend to think of categories. What I spend depends on how much I’m involved in the category. Housing/home decor, fine jewelry and, to a lesser extent, travel are very important to me. So, I spend more there. But, other categories? I spend as little as possible to get the baseline quality & specs I want. Then I want to stop thinking about that thing. For example - I have a luxury car only because I know the brand and it’s quality / safety record are great. No more thinking about a car for a decade. And, I bought it preloved and haggled like I was in a Morracan bazaar.
Bottom line, I happily choose luxury in prioritized categories when it also meets my quality, style and functional needs. Otherwise why waste the money?


Today, I had on jewelry worth 5 figures, a purse worth four figures with a sundress I just got on clearance at Nordstrom Rack for $9.99. And, I very was happy with it all.

 

[catsinthebag]

I don’t have to get off the merry go round because I never really got on. I was on the other end being overly frugal and denying myself the pleasure of things I wanted because I felt the cost was “too high”. (So arbitrary. SMH)

In the last decade, I’ve moderated. I buy exactly what I want...at the lowest price possible. I like premier bags. Some I get new, some preloved. It just depends on what will make me happy.

I tend to think of categories. What I spend depends on how much I’m involved in the category. Housing/home decor, fine jewelry and, to a lesser extent, travel are very important to me. So, I spend more there. But, other categories? I spend as little as possible to get the baseline quality & specs I want. Then I want to stop thinking about that thing. For example - I have a luxury car only because I know the brand and it’s quality / safety record are great. No more thinking about a car for a decade. And, I bought it preloved and haggled like I was in a Morracan bazaar.
Bottom line, I happily choose luxury in prioritized categories when it also meets my quality, style and functional needs. Otherwise why waste the money?


Today, I had on jewelry worth 5 figures, a purse worth four figures with a sundress I just got on clearance at Nordstrom Rack for $9.99. And, I very was happy with it all.

You’re like Carrie from Sex and the City! Remember that line about shopping at the flea market for a $7 dress to go with her $400 Manolo Blahnik shoes?

 

[shopaholicsister]

I guess what I am asking is when people feel like too much is too much. That goes for cost as well as the number of possessions. I know this is subjective, but I’d love to hear what other people think. I doubt I can forego luxury altogether, but I certainly find myself less likely to indulge in it. For example, I remember when $500 was the upper limit with shoes. Now it is closer to 1k. 2k for boots. I want a pair of Gucci Princetowns but I am having a hard time justifying the cost. Can I afford it? Yes. But should I? It is a question about perceived value for money. I just struggle with that.

I always thought the whole point of luxury was to choose special items and use and cherish them for years. That doesn't mean that the person with the most wins, which I think sometimes gets lost on social media or even on this forum. The luxury is in how much you enjoy what you have, isn't it? So my dear, there is no way for you to forego luxury altogether. Just enjoy the luxury pieces you already own. Now when it comes time to add new items to your wardrobe, you can decide on a case by case basis if it makes sense to buy luxury or not. For me, when it comes to handbags, luxury brands are where it's at. I don't have much wiggle room on that one because while I can appreciate the offerings from non-designer brands, I have no desire to own and use them. For various reasons they just don't make my heart sing. Since I already have a handbag for every occasion, I have no need to buy anything except those pieces that make my heart sing. And at this point in my collection, I would really only look to add items that bring something different to the table versus what I already have. In the past I've operated on full on acquisition mode where it seemed like the most important thing was getting the next new thing but now it's important to me to do the opposite. I try to live on the side of fully enjoying what I have while only occasionally considering the addition of a special piece here and there. It all feels much more balanced that way.

Regarding the financial aspect of your question, I do think it is absurd that companies charge thousands of dollars for a handbag just to further pad their bottom line. And it's not even like they are going to do anything remotely philanthropic with that money. It just seems like a waste and like I'm contributing to a cycle of greed (even considering my own greed in owning multiple expensive handbags). Even if I don't peek down that slippery slope of ethics and philosophic concerns over expensive fashion items, I'll still occasionally think about how much I've spent on my handbags and have a mini heart attack just from a numbers perspective. But then I remember how much enjoyment they've brought me. I feel strongly about having a balance between financial goals and enjoying life in the moment and these fashion indulgences are a part of that equation for me. I will own and enjoy these items unless that ever changes.

To wrap up I want to touch on your point about perceived value for money. The value is in what these items add to your life. If you feel that they don't add anything other than eye candy, then there really is no value there. I can tell you what they add for me. I most appreciate the small moments like when I get to choose between multiple gorgeous bags to pick the one that will go best with my outfit for whatever outing I'm preparing for. It gives me a little extra something to be excited for when getting ready or going out - it adds to the experience. I love when I open my bag to grab my phone or keys or whatever and I can appreciate beautiful hardware or the softness of the leather or the feel of a luxurious lining. It's a quick moment of luxury in the middle of whatever else is going on. This is why I buy these things and love owning them. I consider the experience to be priceless.

 

[papertiger]

I could never buy used shoes. I buy preloved bags all the time. Most of my bags are preloved. I have more trouble getting myself to buy preloved clothes. I know they can be washed or cleaned, but it is harder for me to put something used next to my skin than to put my wallet into a used purse. Yet, I don't usually have a problem trying on clothes in stores where other people have tried them on before me. I usually clean my preloved bags thoroughly before I use them.

My grandfather was very frugal because of living through the depression. My mom inherited that same frugality. My dad grew up in the same era, probably with a lot less money than my mom's family had, but had no problem spending.

Some people don't spend a lot because they don't want a lot. DH doesn't like to have a lot of clothes but he also doesn't care what they cost. He thinks sales are gimmicks.

And I agree with your DH .

 

[papertiger]

You’re like Carrie from Sex and the City! Remember that line about shopping at the flea market for a $7 dress to go with her $400 Manolo Blahnik shoes?

It worked because she loved both

 

[remainsilly]

I always thought the whole point of luxury was to choose special items and use and cherish them for years. That doesn't mean that the person with the most wins, which I think sometimes gets lost on social media or even on this forum.

God, yes!
Anyone rotating through 150 handbags, with little tick-mark lists & resell schedules...damn. Is that supposed to feel luxurious?!

 

[Emily1830]

I always thought the whole point of luxury was to choose special items and use and cherish them for years. That doesn't mean that the person with the most wins, which I think sometimes gets lost on social media or even on this forum. The luxury is in how much you enjoy what you have, isn't it? So my dear, there is no way for you to forego luxury altogether. Just enjoy the luxury pieces you already own. Now when it comes time to add new items to your wardrobe, you can decide on a case by case basis if it makes sense to buy luxury or not. For me, when it comes to handbags, luxury brands are where it's at. I don't have much wiggle room on that one because while I can appreciate the offerings from non-designer brands, I have no desire to own and use them. For various reasons they just don't make my heart sing. Since I already have a handbag for every occasion, I have no need to buy anything except those pieces that make my heart sing. And at this point in my collection, I would really only look to add items that bring something different to the table versus what I already have. In the past I've operated on full on acquisition mode where it seemed like the most important thing was getting the next new thing but now it's important to me to do the opposite. I try to live on the side of fully enjoying what I have while only occasionally considering the addition of a special piece here and there. It all feels much more balanced that way.

Regarding the financial aspect of your question, I do think it is absurd that companies charge thousands of dollars for a handbag just to further pad their bottom line. And it's not even like they are going to do anything remotely philanthropic with that money. It just seems like a waste and like I'm contributing to a cycle of greed (even considering my own greed in owning multiple expensive handbags). Even if I don't peek down that slippery slope of ethics and philosophic concerns over expensive fashion items, I'll still occasionally think about how much I've spent on my handbags and have a mini heart attack just from a numbers perspective. But then I remember how much enjoyment they've brought me. I feel strongly about having a balance between financial goals and enjoying life in the moment and these fashion indulgences are a part of that equation for me. I will own and enjoy these items unless that ever changes.

To wrap up I want to touch on your point about perceived value for money. The value is in what these items add to your life. If you feel that they don't add anything other than eye candy, then there really is no value there. I can tell you what they add for me. I most appreciate the small moments like when I get to choose between multiple gorgeous bags to pick the one that will go best with my outfit for whatever outing I'm preparing for. It gives me a little extra something to be excited for when getting ready or going out - it adds to the experience. I love when I open my bag to grab my phone or keys or whatever and I can appreciate beautiful hardware or the softness of the leather or the feel of a luxurious lining. It's a quick moment of luxury in the middle of whatever else is going on. This is why I buy these things and love owning them. I consider the experience to be priceless.

Thank you for your response!! I agree [emoji817]. I guess this is where I struggle. I know I will enjoy the item; I just don’t know if this is enough of a justification when it comes to the cost. I am trying to achieve the balance you’re describing now by buying fewer items and cherishing what I have. I have built up a good luxury collection, one I truly love. At this point I need much more.

 

[rawrsnacks]

I had been obsessively buying luxury bags, sunglasses, and SLGs because they make me happy; having a gorgeous collection that is well crafted makes me appreciate the items more. No shoes, because I have horribly wide feet that fit into nothing.

Very recently I obtained my holy grail, a Chanel jumbo caviar double flap SHW--I didn't realize how much I needed this bag in my life until 3 years ago. I kind of want a Hermes Bastia to brighten up the interior of my bag for a cute pop of color, but when I opened the box with my bag, it hit me my purse collection was complete. It's not a bag that is an in the moment perfect for me like some of my other bags...I'm looking at you, Fendi Peekaboo.

Previously I would buy and covet the next bag (I bought a Gucci Disco Soho only a matter of days before the Chanel), but I feel like I am done. Other than the Bastia, I also don't find myself looking through the stores or websites for SLGs either.

For me, the prices aren't so much a deterrent as they are a bit of a hindrance. If people want them and can afford them, they will still buy. I do agree the quality has gone down over the years compared to 17 years ago, but that's kind of across the board. If I ever see anything again that makes me stop my breath, if it brings me joy, I'll buy it even if the prices are astronomical.

 

[ksuromax]

I don’t have to get off the merry go round because I never really got on. I was on the other end being overly frugal and denying myself the pleasure of things I wanted because I felt the cost was “too high”. (So arbitrary. SMH)

In the last decade, I’ve moderated. I buy exactly what I want...at the lowest price possible. I like premier bags. Some I get new, some preloved. It just depends on what will make me happy.

I tend to think of categories. What I spend depends on how much I’m involved in the category. Housing/home decor, fine jewelry and, to a lesser extent, travel are very important to me. So, I spend more there. But, other categories? I spend as little as possible to get the baseline quality & specs I want. Then I want to stop thinking about that thing. For example - I have a luxury car only because I know the brand and it’s quality / safety record are great. No more thinking about a car for a decade. And, I bought it preloved and haggled like I was in a Morracan bazaar.
Bottom line, I happily choose luxury in prioritized categories when it also meets my quality, style and functional needs. Otherwise why waste the money?


Today, I had on jewelry worth 5 figures, a purse worth four figures with a sundress I just got on clearance at Nordstrom Rack for $9.99. And, I very was happy with it all.

+1 on all points!

 

[leechiyong]

I don’t have to get off the merry go round because I never really got on. I was on the other end being overly frugal and denying myself the pleasure of things I wanted because I felt the cost was “too high”. (So arbitrary. SMH)

In the last decade, I’ve moderated. I buy exactly what I want...at the lowest price possible. I like premier bags. Some I get new, some preloved. It just depends on what will make me happy.

I tend to think of categories. What I spend depends on how much I’m involved in the category. Housing/home decor, fine jewelry and, to a lesser extent, travel are very important to me. So, I spend more there. But, other categories? I spend as little as possible to get the baseline quality & specs I want. Then I want to stop thinking about that thing. For example - I have a luxury car only because I know the brand and it’s quality / safety record are great. No more thinking about a car for a decade. And, I bought it preloved and haggled like I was in a Morracan bazaar.
Bottom line, I happily choose luxury in prioritized categories when it also meets my quality, style and functional needs. Otherwise why waste the money?


Today, I had on jewelry worth 5 figures, a purse worth four figures with a sundress I just got on clearance at Nordstrom Rack for $9.99. And, I very was happy with it all.

This is how I define true luxury. Being able to spend what you want, how you want. With the earlier talk of the really wealthy, it's not necessarily about having the most expensive of everything. It's about having what one wants. That looks different for everyone.

 

[Lake Effect]

Today, I had on jewelry worth 5 figures, a purse worth four figures with a sundress I just got on clearance at Nordstrom Rack for $9.99. And, I very was happy with it all.

This!

God, yes!
Anyone rotating through 150 handbags, with little tick-mark lists & resell schedules...damn. Is that supposed to feel luxurious?!

If one enjoys being that detailed oriented, why not?

What keeps it all in perspective for me is remembering the last days and final morning I spent with a close friend that died. And that nothing I could ever possess could touch what it felt like to have a friendship with her, and be there at the end.
I enjoy stuff and would certainly like to upgrade some of my stuff! But it is all secondary to the people in my life.

 

[Sparkletastic]

God, yes!
Anyone rotating through 150 handbags, with little tick-mark lists & resell schedules...damn. Is that supposed to feel luxurious?!

LOL! Actually it can. Luxurious doesn’t necessitate carelessness. I’m a rotating, tick marking, evaluating gal because along with adoring premier / luxe bags, they’re one of my hobbies. I love “futzing” with them.

It’s no different than a man with a collection of sports cars who polishes some chrome thing-a-majig with Q tips.

 

[whateve]

This!

If one enjoys being that detailed oriented, why not?

What keeps it all in perspective for me is remembering the last days and final morning I spent with a close friend that died. And that nothing I could ever possess could touch what it felt like to have a friendship with her, and be there at the end.
I enjoy stuff and would certainly like to upgrade some of my stuff! But it is all secondary to the people in my life.

I understand. Recently we had a health scare in our family that reminded me of how everything could change in a heartbeat.

I have spreadsheets of my purses and what they cost, but I don't keep track of how often I carry them. I don't want to know the cost per wear, except of the purse I'm carrying now because that one was free!

 

[catsinthebag]

I understand. Recently we had a health scare in our family that reminded me of how everything could change in a heartbeat.

I have spreadsheets of my purses and what they cost, but I don't keep track of how often I carry them. I don't want to know the cost per wear, except of the purse I'm carrying now because that one was free!

I keep track of what’s getting worn. Not for cost-per-wear, but just to have an accurate idea of which bags are getting used and which aren’t. You’d think this would be obvious, but I’ve been doing it since January (with the intention of tracking for a full calendar year) and some of the results have been illuminating!

 

[Antigone]

I've decided to stick with bags that make me happy when looking at them. I was chasing bags after bags because I saw them somewhere, because they're a hit here in TPF, or because I read here that they have good resell value, etc. No more hoarding for me, no more getting every colour of the same bag just because they exist. No more buying bags I find mildly attractive over bags I like aesthetically just because I can resell them for a higher price.

I'm tired of the buy-sell cycle.