Struggling With Luxury: Time to Get Off the Merry-go-round?!

[Coconuts40]

I have been buying luxury items for almost twenty years. During that time, I have bought designer shoes, bags, clothes, jewelry and SLGs. I love luxury items, am obsessed with TPF and Instagram, and just recently added a Cartier piece.

However, I am finding myself wondering whether it is all worth it. I know this is subjective, but with the upcoming price increases at some fashion houses like Chanel, I am beginning to feel “done” with luxury. I have a few items still on my wishlist, but I am wondering if I should stop or at least shop rarely from now on. I mean, I already have over twenty designer bags that I struggle to use. I have more shoes than can fit in my large shoe closet. It is starting to feel excessive. Also, these insane price increases make me feel like a duped customer who knows she is being duped and is willingly allowing it. I sometimes feel like I’m in an abusive relationship where I see the signs but do nothing about it. I mean, at what point do we stop paying these insane prices? Are shoes going to be $2k now? 3k? Will bags be easily over $10k soon? I don’t know what to think. At what point do we stop?

Does anyone else feel done with luxury? Or am I too mired in this world to separate? I would love to hear other people’s thoughts about this. When do luxury lovers say no to luxury?

Perhaps you feel this way because you feel content with what you already have, which is wonderful!! Now you can shop in your own closet and you feel like you have everything you really need for some time to come.

I too feel a bit duped by these price increases. My first love is VCA jewelry and I purchased many pieces feverishly because of the price increases. I can tell you, although it was a lot of money in a short period of time, I am so glad I bought the pieces I own because I love them and wear them 4 years now and going strong. I say I am happy I purchased them, because I look at the price increase of this jewelry now, and I honestly don't think I can justify purchasing any more!! At what point is enough, well enough!! Enough accepting these price increases.

I think my purchase ebbs and flows depending on what I need, but I no doubt am also curbing my spending because I am so happy with what I already own.

 

[Emily1830]

I think the below was an interesting article on the psychology of luxury buying AND the evolution of the luxury buyer. I think it's fair to assume that everyone evolves in most areas of their lives, or at least aspires to evolve, so why would buying patterns not also evolve in kind?

I think shopping, like sleep, eating, sex, music, exercise (and of course drinking, drugs, etc) are all forms of self-medicating, which is not a bad thing. (It's only bad when it becomes addictive and destabilizes other areas of your life) So it's doing things that enhance the way you feel. For me, I shop, work out, take long baths, take naps, go on hikes, play in my "lab" of essential oils, listen to music, which all change the way I feel in a good way. But if I listened to the same song over and over again, I would become desensitized to the (once amazing) effect of it. I think shopping can be like this. My first few Chanel bags I was so over the moon I might as well have kicked my husband out and slept with those. Now, it's like, meh. The declining quality and increasing prices likewise leave me feeling like such a sucker, because it removes at least some justification I need to spend that much. Way too much cognitive dissonance lately (you can ask my friends as I am in my own conflict about where I am with my lifelong luxury buying star fading out).

My friend showed me a pic of some ladies in LV last week spending tons of $$ at H on these exotics at what, 50k a pop, and they were all having so much fun. Before I might have said, wow, that would be so great if I had no limits like this. Right now I found myself seeing those pictures with some pity, as in, that is SO much money I hope I never become that much of a sucker or so desensitized that I validate these houses that easily make many of us think WE will be enhanced as a person b/c of certain "exclusive" ownership. I am not judging those ladies, by all means, this is MY perception of how I want to look at myself in the mirror only.

I am also evolving. I am right there with you. I am excited to "finish" and move on to something else. Scuba diving perhaps?? Bread making? Who knows.

https://www.luxurysociety.com/en/articles/2017/01/post-luxury-consumer/

TraceySH, I love your post so much! It really resonated with me. I wonder if I have gone down the rabbit hole so deeply that I have become desensitized to pricing, that somehow 2k is a good price for a luxury bag since Chanel and Hermès charge more. My first Gucci bag was $600 and I lusted after that like you wouldn’t believe before I was able to get it. Maybe I am evolving and I wonder why I feel the need to buy only expensive items when a cheaper one would be fine too. For example, it is only in the last two years I bought Zara shoes. I was amazed at how good the quality was considering the price. Somehow I had fed into the narrative that only luxury shoes were good quality, beautiful, and chic.

The article you posted also was so interesting. My husband always says that really wealthy people don’t flaunt their wealth. They also tend to be less into luxury. He’s basing this on his experience growing up in a wealthy environment. He often cites Warren Buffet, who is notoriously frugal. Now that we are doing better and now that I am older I am finding myself evaluating things differently. In twenty years, will I really care if I have a designer bag on my arm? He is still waiting for me to outgrow luxury lol.

Clearly I am not there yet, but I do feel I am getting there...slowly.

 

[Emily1830]

Perhaps you feel this way because you feel content with what you already have, which is wonderful!! Now you can shop in your own closet and you feel like you have everything you really need for some time to come.

I too feel a bit duped by these price increases. My first love is VCA jewelry and I purchased many pieces feverishly because of the price increases. I can tell you, although it was a lot of money in a short period of time, I am so glad I bought the pieces I own because I love them and wear them 4 years now and going strong. I say I am happy I purchased them, because I look at the price increase of this jewelry now, and I honestly don't think I can justify purchasing any more!! At what point is enough, well enough!! Enough accepting these price increases.

I think my purchase ebbs and flows depending on what I need, but I no doubt am also curbing my spending because I am so happy with what I already own.

I know what you mean—I was on a Chanel buying frenzy a few years back and now I’m glad I did so when the prices were more manageable. I made the conscious decision a while ago to buy classic pieces that had longevity. So far, mostly everything I’ve bought I can still enjoy. There are a few bags left I haven’t had the heart to sell but I’m working on parting with them.

I do feel like it’s the end of an era somewhat. There will always be Chanel buyers but I’m no longer going to be one of them.

 

[Purseonic Woman]

TraceySH, I love your post so much! It really resonated with me. I wonder if I have gone down the rabbit hole so deeply that I have become desensitized to pricing, that somehow 2k is a good price for a luxury bag since Chanel and Hermès charge more. My first Gucci bag was $600 and I lusted after that like you wouldn’t believe before I was able to get it. Maybe I am evolving and I wonder why I feel the need to buy only expensive items when a cheaper one would be fine too. For example, it is only in the last two years I bought Zara shoes. I was amazed at how good the quality was considering the price. Somehow I had fed into the narrative that only luxury shoes were good quality, beautiful, and chic.

The article you posted also was so interesting. My husband always says that really wealthy people don’t flaunt their wealth. They also tend to be less into luxury. He’s basing this on his experience growing up in a wealthy environment. He often cites Warren Buffet, who is notoriously frugal. Now that we are doing better and now that I am older I am finding myself evaluating things differently. In twenty years, will I really care if I have a designer bag on my arm? He is still waiting for me to outgrow luxury lol.

Clearly I am not there yet, but I do feel I am getting there...slowly.

To examine yourself, ask these questions, and re-evaluate makes you a wise woman, indeed.

 

[Pimpernel]

To OP, stop, take a deep breath, then perhaps you´d like to consider this fun little exercise: put inside a box (or several boxes) all items you possess and consider real luxury, be it a Hermès bag, a Rolex watch, a Tiffany necklace or Louboutins, and put it out of your sight for two weeks. Simply do without. Then, try to extend it to two more weeks.

How does it feel? Painful, stressful, so-so, indifferent? Does your mind keep going back to the items in the box, do you feel naked without them or scratch off the days in your calendar until you "are allowed" to use them again, do you agonize that you have nothing worthy to wear instead, does it feel like you´re going cold turkey? (of course you don´t need to reply publicly, just observe your feelings and reactions, and acknowledge them honestly, to see were these things rank in your personal scale of priorities).

(For me, luxury is measured by time: the time an artisan took to carve, sew or tool a one-off item, the time I can actually enjoy the item, and above all, the unrecoverable hours of my life I have spent working, and exchanged it for whichever luxury item I desired (yes, I´ve re-re-read "Your Money Or Your Life", by Joe Dominguez and Vicky Whatshername). So most of my "luxury" is now bought preloved and authenticated, and I´d rather splurge thirty hours of my salary in an original painting, a pleasure trip or a hand-carved semiprecious stone bangle than in a mass-produced fashion item, no matter how big the H or the CC or the D stamped upon it).

 

[BlueCherry]

I look at my bags, slg’s and scarves and think why? My first luxury purchase was a Fendi bag at just under £900, I had seen it and just adored it and had to have it. I remember saying to myself that’s an awful lot of money for a bag. A month later I bought another in a different colour. I then bought more one more expensive and on it went until I had so much. Anything nice would result in me buying it in another colour and storing it. I’m now indifferent, when I buy a new bag I can leave it unwrapped for weeks. That’s told me enough is enough. I don’t use half of what I have.

I never wanted a Chanel bag but I fell prey to the idea that it’s a must have in any collection. I bought a classic flap, used it a week or two and now it too is just stored. Was it worth £3500 - absolutely no way. Thankfully I was wise enough at this point to realise I’m not into Chanel bags (slg’s another story) and didn’t purchase again and won’t at the current prices.

I love my Céline bags, again I’m paying for the brand name, but the quality is superb as is customer service and the Phoebe styles just suit me so much.

SM has definitely encouraged my buying, I see something and think oh yes I gotta buy that but don’t need it and can’t realistically use all I have.

I can’t see myself buying any more and yes I do feel mugged off a lot of the time but I chose to buy so can’t grumble.

For me it’s the fact that I seem to have lost interest and excitement in my luxury goods that’s ultimately caused me to stop buying. There may be the odd slip up as old habits die hard but fingers crossed I can stay off the merry go round.

 

[ccbaggirl89]

Buy your luxury items preloved, that's a great way to not feel as guilty about buying what you want. Designer handbags and shoes are not like sweaters where you need 5 in the same color because one will wear out. The bags and shoes are made to last many many years, and often will last longer than your lifetime if taken care of. Buying too much luxury is wasteful after a certain point. It's just a desire to shop and spend and collect. Fulfill that desire more cost-effectively through preloved designer stuff and use the extra money for the things in your life that are far more meaningful than shopping.

 

[LanaA]

I have been buying luxury items for almost twenty years. During that time, I have bought designer shoes, bags, clothes, jewelry and SLGs. I love luxury items, am obsessed with TPF and Instagram, and just recently added a Cartier piece.

However, I am finding myself wondering whether it is all worth it. I know this is subjective, but with the upcoming price increases at some fashion houses like Chanel, I am beginning to feel “done” with luxury. I have a few items still on my wishlist, but I am wondering if I should stop or at least shop rarely from now on. I mean, I already have over twenty designer bags that I struggle to use. I have more shoes than can fit in my large shoe closet. It is starting to feel excessive. Also, these insane price increases make me feel like a duped customer who knows she is being duped and is willingly allowing it. I sometimes feel like I’m in an abusive relationship where I see the signs but do nothing about it. I mean, at what point do we stop paying these insane prices? Are shoes going to be $2k now? 3k? Will bags be easily over $10k soon? I don’t know what to think. At what point do we stop?

Does anyone else feel done with luxury? Or am I too mired in this world to separate? I would love to hear other people’s thoughts about this. When do luxury lovers say no to luxury?

I get what you're saying. Personally, I found myself wearing only one piece of jewelry when I have a dresser full. I thought about all the money wasted. Took me some time to figure out what I really like and want. I sold some and put that money towards vacations and savings. I think being true to yourself and style cuts out clutter. i.e. I grew up on the beach in California, my wardrobe was shorts and hoop earrings, when I moved away I started acquiring things i didn't need nor wear because of the people around me. I went back to my roots and it made me happier. -- my vancleef ring is one of the most expensive pieces I have but Its the only one I absolutely do not regret because I love it so much. I'll probably wear it in my grave

 

[OsloChic]

I think I know your feeling.

I bought a Chanel boy this fall and absolutely love it, but I feel like at that price, I just can’t keep going back for more. But there’s also that voice telling me that it’s going to get more expensive so i better hurry and buy now! Or rather, 5 years ago ‍♀️

I’m at the beginning of my career so I have to save for things like a house, kids possibly and so on, but I still have more money to spend on myself than I used to, so I’ve been craving tons of things lately. It gets a bit exhausting, and is it really time well spent? I like the idea of having a set limit for yourself, like 1 bag, 1 pair of shoes, 1 piece of jewelry or whatever a year. That way I really have to think about whether or not I love an item before I get it.

Also I’m not sure about the whole “luxury items lasts a lifetime” thing. They are still things, and at least if you live a normal, busy life, things get ruined(especially shoes in my experience), and you could’ve gotten several moderately priced ones for one pair of designer shoes. I can treat my bags fairly nicely but other things tend to break/wear more than I would like. (I don’t really buy jewelry)

 

[Emily1830]

I look at my bags, slg’s and scarves and think why? My first luxury purchase was a Fendi bag at just under £900, I had seen it and just adored it and had to have it. I remember saying to myself that’s an awful lot of money for a bag. A month later I bought another in a different colour. I then bought more one more expensive and on it went until I had so much. Anything nice would result in me buying it in another colour and storing it. I’m now indifferent, when I buy a new bag I can leave it unwrapped for weeks. That’s told me enough is enough. I don’t use half of what I have.

I never wanted a Chanel bag but I fell prey to the idea that it’s a must have in any collection. I bought a classic flap, used it a week or two and now it too is just stored. Was it worth £3500 - absolutely no way. Thankfully I was wise enough at this point to realise I’m not into Chanel bags (slg’s another story) and didn’t purchase again and won’t at the current prices.

I love my Céline bags, again I’m paying for the brand name, but the quality is superb as is customer service and the Phoebe styles just suit me so much.

SM has definitely encouraged my buying, I see something and think oh yes I gotta buy that but don’t need it and can’t realistically use all I have.

I can’t see myself buying any more and yes I do feel mugged off a lot of the time but I chose to buy so can’t grumble.

For me it’s the fact that I seem to have lost interest and excitement in my luxury goods that’s ultimately caused me to stop buying. There may be the odd slip up as old habits die hard but fingers crossed I can stay off the merry go round.

I recently got a Cartier bracelet and for the first few days I struggled because I knew it was so overpriced for what it was. Yes, I was paying for the name. I decided to keep it but I don’t think I’ll be buying much more.

I still love my designer items. I wear them everyday and derive pleasure from using them. Cost per wear is very important in my decision to purchase something now. I keep wishlists and agonize over purchases now for weeks and sometimes months before I buy something.

I would like to get a pair of Gucci Jordan’s and a belt, but after that I am going to take a break. Hopefully next year will be the year I save more than spend.

 

[Emily1830]

I think I know your feeling.

I bought a Chanel boy this fall and absolutely love it, but I feel like at that price, I just can’t keep going back for more. But there’s also that voice telling me that it’s going to get more expensive so i better hurry and buy now! Or rather, 5 years ago ‍♀️

I’m at the beginning of my career so I have to save for things like a house, kids possibly and so on, but I still have more money to spend on myself than I used to, so I’ve been craving tons of things lately. It gets a bit exhausting, and is it really time well spent? I like the idea of having a set limit for yourself, like 1 bag, 1 pair of shoes, 1 piece of jewelry or whatever a year. That way I really have to think about whether or not I love an item before I get it.

Also I’m not sure about the whole “luxury items lasts a lifetime” thing. They are still things, and at least if you live a normal, busy life, things get ruined(especially shoes in my experience), and you could’ve gotten several moderately priced ones for one pair of designer shoes. I can treat my bags fairly nicely but other things tend to break/wear more than I would like. (I don’t really buy jewelry)

I think a “lifetime” can be a bit of a stretch too, but I will say I still wear designer things I’ve bought almost twenty years ago. I have shoes that are definitely over ten years old that still look great. But I think this depends on how you treat the item.

I’ve wanted a Boy bag for a while but I couldn’t justify 5k for it. I could for a Jumbo or a reissue, but not for a boy. I finally told myself that it wasn’t going to happen. I still admire it from afar. You’re lucky you have one, and if I had one it would definitely be the only one. And that’s okay. It makes it more special to you in my opinion. [emoji4]

 

[Emily1830]

Buy your luxury items preloved, that's a great way to not feel as guilty about buying what you want. Designer handbags and shoes are not like sweaters where you need 5 in the same color because one will wear out. The bags and shoes are made to last many many years, and often will last longer than your lifetime if taken care of. Buying too much luxury is wasteful after a certain point. It's just a desire to shop and spend and collect. Fulfill that desire more cost-effectively through preloved designer stuff and use the extra money for the things in your life that are far more meaningful than shopping.

I have bought some items preloved (clothes mainly) but have not bought shoes or bags preloved. I’m a bit of a germaphobe when it comes to shoes so only new ones for me. But maybe in the future I’ll consider preloved bags. At this point though I have more bags than I can use, and I’m generally content with my collection. (I do tell myself I don’t need the Gucci Marmont bag in nude many times though.)

 

[papertiger]

1. I think it's natural to start with wants and needs, buy some lovely things and then think that;s enough.

2. As we learn quality quite often has little to do with real cost we can focus on quality and let that become the determining factor.

3 Experiences are supposed to be the new in thing (the media have been saying that for 20 years) but it's not easy carrying a laptop in a holiday or wearing a balloon trip around our necks. Great to do special things but they can also be a fantasy escape. What I'm saying is, luxury needn't make anyone feel guilty or be a luxury, it can be about adding pleasure and practicality to our daily lives.

 

[papertiger]

TraceySH, I love your post so much! It really resonated with me. I wonder if I have gone down the rabbit hole so deeply that I have become desensitized to pricing, that somehow 2k is a good price for a luxury bag since Chanel and Hermès charge more. My first Gucci bag was $600 and I lusted after that like you wouldn’t believe before I was able to get it. Maybe I am evolving and I wonder why I feel the need to buy only expensive items when a cheaper one would be fine too. For example, it is only in the last two years I bought Zara shoes. I was amazed at how good the quality was considering the price. Somehow I had fed into the narrative that only luxury shoes were good quality, beautiful, and chic.

The article you posted also was so interesting. My husband always says that really wealthy people don’t flaunt their wealth. They also tend to be less into luxury. He’s basing this on his experience growing up in a wealthy environment. He often cites Warren Buffet, who is notoriously frugal. Now that we are doing better and now that I am older I am finding myself evaluating things differently. In twenty years, will I really care if I have a designer bag on my arm? He is still waiting for me to outgrow luxury lol.

Clearly I am not there yet, but I do feel I am getting there...slowly.

Total myth about very rich people. Some spend and some don't. Spending or saving money does't make anyone a better person or a role model. Some rich people obsessively save money when they don't need to because it's a sickness, the opposite is true too.

One thing is for sure the average price of bags and designer goods across the board has gone way beyond inflation or reason. So glad the new 'it' bags and other items are from newer ad lesser known companies.

 

[whateve]

I have bought some items preloved (clothes mainly) but have not bought shoes or bags preloved. I’m a bit of a germaphobe when it comes to shoes so only new ones for me. But maybe in the future I’ll consider preloved bags. At this point though I have more bags than I can use, and I’m generally content with my collection. (I do tell myself I don’t need the Gucci Marmont bag in nude many times though.)

I could never buy used shoes. I buy preloved bags all the time. Most of my bags are preloved. I have more trouble getting myself to buy preloved clothes. I know they can be washed or cleaned, but it is harder for me to put something used next to my skin than to put my wallet into a used purse. Yet, I don't usually have a problem trying on clothes in stores where other people have tried them on before me. I usually clean my preloved bags thoroughly before I use them.

Total myth about very rich people. Some spend and some don't. Spending or saving money does't make anyone a better person or a role model. Some rich people obsessively save money when they don't need to because it's a sickness, the opposite is true too.

One thing is for sure the average price of bags and designer goods across the board has gone way beyond inflation or reason. So glad the new 'it' bags and other items are from newer ad lesser known companies.

My grandfather was very frugal because of living through the depression. My mom inherited that same frugality. My dad grew up in the same era, probably with a lot less money than my mom's family had, but had no problem spending.

Some people don't spend a lot because they don't want a lot. DH doesn't like to have a lot of clothes but he also doesn't care what they cost. He thinks sales are gimmicks.