Relationship Troubles

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#32
abandonedimages said:
:shame:

I can relate, ugh! :Push: And he refuses to let me have a. . .uh. . .substitute. He says if I get one I wont need him anymore so when he wants it I wont want to.

But yeah. Lila give that man some lube and paper towels!
Click to expand...

Abandoned, I can probably dig up some good articles and info on...substitutes...that you can print out and show your guy to help him understand:idea:

PM me if you'd like any info:yes:
(and pm me to let me know if you don't want info, just so I know you saw this)

~Tracey
 
#33
Lila, I think the advice given here is sound. You might want to rethink your relationship to him as men generally don't get better with age.

abandonedimages said:
I can relate, ugh! :Push: And he refuses to let me have a. . .uh. . .substitute. He says if I get one I wont need him anymore so when he wants it I wont want to.
Click to expand...
Tell him you can both play with the sub nudge, nudge, wink wink.
 
#34
wah i hate men beeing pissed just because you are not in the mood
so my advice butt it takes some guts to do so.
the next time he is bragging allow him to sleep with you but then in the middle grab a vogue and start reading or get on the phone talking with you friend about grocery shopping.
you´ll see he will never foce you again when you are not in the mood
 
#35
Oh! That's terrible! My concern is your health. You can get STD from him but I am not saying that you get STD or anything. Just remember to ask him if he had ever had sex with his ex gf or girls in the past. If so, ask him to buy some extra condom. You will be fine with it. But it's not always 100% safety. So, be careful. I hate the stupid pervert men! Ew...

But... I'm glad you told him no-no for sex.. Good girl! :o)
 
#36
I had a similar problem with my b/f a long time ago. If I said no he would roll over and turn his back to me. I ended up telling him that when I wasn't in the mood for sex and he started acting like a child because of it....all it did was make me NOT wanna have sex with him even more.

I told him that once he started acting like an adult about sex then it was likely he'd see a change in our sex life.

That did the trick!! He still has his moments every now and then but it's nothing like it was before.
 
#37
here's a thought-if you dont want to have sex with him then dont spend the night. Once you get home-wait an hour drive by his house and see if his car is there-if it is he'll come around about the "reward" thing and if he's not then you'll know if there is a bigger problem to deal with.
 
#38
I'm with pursegalsf and abandoned - When my fiancee asks if I'm tired, my usual reply is "yes, but not that tired". :graucho:
There was a time though, in a previous marriage that our "drives" were not in sync. For me though, it was because the sex simply sucked :yucky: There's nothing worse than a selfish lover, not saying that is your case but it certainly was mine. Soooooo glad those days are behind me.
 
#39
northernbelle33 said:
Abandoned, I can probably dig up some good articles and info on...substitutes...that you can print out and show your guy to help him understand:idea:

PM me if you'd like any info:yes:
(and pm me to let me know if you don't want info, just so I know you saw this)

~Tracey
Click to expand...
lol Thanks Tracey! I'll be PMing you back.

Perja said:
Tell him you can both play with the sub nudge, nudge, wink wink.
Click to expand...

lol I know :roflmfao: Maybe that'll butter him up.
 
#41
We've all been there in a relationship when your sex drives just don't sync up. I have had to deal with this exact issue recently.

I agree that he's being childish by pouting on the couch and I appreciate everyone's attempts at humor to address your situation.

But, my advice is slightly different.

You DO want to be intimate with him, just not as frequently as he would like, right?

Well, let's be proactive about it.

He's expressing his desire and affection for you, right? That, in itself, is a good thing. He's probably feeling terribly rejected when you are too tired. Men often express themselves better physically. From his perspective, he's found this awesome lady whom he's crazy about and he wants you all the time. (I think his calling it a "reward" is just an immature way to be cute about it. It's inappropriate, but let's give him the benefit of the doubt.)

When you tell him that you're too tired, he could be taking that to mean that you've lost interest in him or that you aren't really as attracted to him as he is to you. The only thing more insecure than a woman is a man. How would you want him to treat you if you felt insecure, rejected by him, or if you felt like he wasn't attracted to you?

If he's a good guy, which I assume he is, then he probably isn't trying to "use" you. He's just doing a terrible job of communicating with you and then he sulks and pouts.

When I was in this situation I asked for advice, too. This is the advice my sister gave me and it worked really well.

First, talk to him about it over dinner or sometime other than bedtime. This is really important. You need to have the talk when you are both calm and no one has their feelings hurt at the moment.

Tell him that you want to have sex with him, but that sometimes you are legitimately tired. Tell him that you are every bit as attracted to him/in love with him, etc. as ever. Let him know it isn't a rejection of him, it's just bad timing.

Then, explain to him that the way he's handling it IS a turn off (like others have said) and childish and explain that you want each time to be fun for both of you---not an obligation. Ask him if he really wants you to just go along with it for his sake. I doubt he does.

Then, as others have said, tell him that if he can be patient until a night when you aren't so tired, then it will be really fantastic for both of you. Once you are really in the mood and he rocks your world then your libido may increase--which he wants, right? Explain that a tired, worn out girl does not feel sexy.

Finally, you have to follow this up by initiating sex when you ARE ready. If he respects you, then after this conversation he might be afraid to ask you for awhile. If he doesnt ask and you don't offer then he'll think he was right and that you don't really desire him. Avoid that landmine by showing him you want him the NEXT time you're in the mood after you have this talk with him.

Once he sees that it's a timing issue and once he sees that quality sex (when you both want to) is better than guilt tripping you into it, he'll probably stop acting this way.

If he doesn't, then you are dealing with an immature jerk.

But before we crucify him, start by trying to talk it out and fix it.

My boyfriend told me that my waning libido made him feel rejected and made him worry that I was withdrawing from him. He also admitted that he thought most women used "I'm too tired" as an excuse when they don't desire their mate anymore.

After we spoke and after I pounced on him a couple of times when I wasn't so exhausted he completed stopped the immature begging and pouting.

I hope this works for you.

Good luck!! I know it's an awkward talk at first.
 
#42
A "reward" for what? Isn't spending time with you a reward enough? I like sex as much as any woman, but I sure don't want to be guilted into it and then have the man just totally shut off all contact because I'm not up to it!
Maybe you need another boyfriend. Life's too short for petulant men.
Kate
 
#43
tanyadh said:
We've all been there in a relationship when your sex drives just don't sync up. I have had to deal with this exact issue recently.

I agree that he's being childish by pouting on the couch and I appreciate everyone's attempts at humor to address your situation.

But, my advice is slightly different.

You DO want to be intimate with him, just not as frequently as he would like, right?

Well, let's be proactive about it.

He's expressing his desire and affection for you, right? That, in itself, is a good thing. He's probably feeling terribly rejected when you are too tired. Men often express themselves better physically. From his perspective, he's found this awesome lady whom he's crazy about and he wants you all the time. (I think his calling it a "reward" is just an immature way to be cute about it. It's inappropriate, but let's give him the benefit of the doubt.)

When you tell him that you're too tired, he could be taking that to mean that you've lost interest in him or that you aren't really as attracted to him as he is to you. The only thing more insecure than a woman is a man. How would you want him to treat you if you felt insecure, rejected by him, or if you felt like he wasn't attracted to you?

If he's a good guy, which I assume he is, then he probably isn't trying to "use" you. He's just doing a terrible job of communicating with you and then he sulks and pouts.

When I was in this situation I asked for advice, too. This is the advice my sister gave me and it worked really well.

First, talk to him about it over dinner or sometime other than bedtime. This is really important. You need to have the talk when you are both calm and no one has their feelings hurt at the moment.

Tell him that you want to have sex with him, but that sometimes you are legitimately tired. Tell him that you are every bit as attracted to him/in love with him, etc. as ever. Let him know it isn't a rejection of him, it's just bad timing.

Then, explain to him that the way he's handling it IS a turn off (like others have said) and childish and explain that you want each time to be fun for both of you---not an obligation. Ask him if he really wants you to just go along with it for his sake. I doubt he does.

Then, as others have said, tell him that if he can be patient until a night when you aren't so tired, then it will be really fantastic for both of you. Once you are really in the mood and he rocks your world then your libido may increase--which he wants, right? Explain that a tired, worn out girl does not feel sexy.

Finally, you have to follow this up by initiating sex when you ARE ready. If he respects you, then after this conversation he might be afraid to ask you for awhile. If he doesnt ask and you don't offer then he'll think he was right and that you don't really desire him. Avoid that landmine by showing him you want him the NEXT time you're in the mood after you have this talk with him.

Once he sees that it's a timing issue and once he sees that quality sex (when you both want to) is better than guilt tripping you into it, he'll probably stop acting this way.

If he doesn't, then you are dealing with an immature jerk.

But before we crucify him, start by trying to talk it out and fix it.

My boyfriend told me that my waning libido made him feel rejected and made him worry that I was withdrawing from him. He also admitted that he thought most women used "I'm too tired" as an excuse when they don't desire their mate anymore.

After we spoke and after I pounced on him a couple of times when I wasn't so exhausted he completed stopped the immature begging and pouting.

I hope this works for you.

Good luck!! I know it's an awkward talk at first.
Click to expand...

Awesome advice!!
 
#45
tanyadh said:
We've all been there in a relationship when your sex drives just don't sync up. I have had to deal with this exact issue recently.

I agree that he's being childish by pouting on the couch and I appreciate everyone's attempts at humor to address your situation.

But, my advice is slightly different.

You DO want to be intimate with him, just not as frequently as he would like, right?

Well, let's be proactive about it.

He's expressing his desire and affection for you, right? That, in itself, is a good thing. He's probably feeling terribly rejected when you are too tired. Men often express themselves better physically. From his perspective, he's found this awesome lady whom he's crazy about and he wants you all the time. (I think his calling it a "reward" is just an immature way to be cute about it. It's inappropriate, but let's give him the benefit of the doubt.)

When you tell him that you're too tired, he could be taking that to mean that you've lost interest in him or that you aren't really as attracted to him as he is to you. The only thing more insecure than a woman is a man. How would you want him to treat you if you felt insecure, rejected by him, or if you felt like he wasn't attracted to you?

If he's a good guy, which I assume he is, then he probably isn't trying to "use" you. He's just doing a terrible job of communicating with you and then he sulks and pouts.

When I was in this situation I asked for advice, too. This is the advice my sister gave me and it worked really well.

First, talk to him about it over dinner or sometime other than bedtime. This is really important. You need to have the talk when you are both calm and no one has their feelings hurt at the moment.

Tell him that you want to have sex with him, but that sometimes you are legitimately tired. Tell him that you are every bit as attracted to him/in love with him, etc. as ever. Let him know it isn't a rejection of him, it's just bad timing.

Then, explain to him that the way he's handling it IS a turn off (like others have said) and childish and explain that you want each time to be fun for both of you---not an obligation. Ask him if he really wants you to just go along with it for his sake. I doubt he does.

Then, as others have said, tell him that if he can be patient until a night when you aren't so tired, then it will be really fantastic for both of you. Once you are really in the mood and he rocks your world then your libido may increase--which he wants, right? Explain that a tired, worn out girl does not feel sexy.

Finally, you have to follow this up by initiating sex when you ARE ready. If he respects you, then after this conversation he might be afraid to ask you for awhile. If he doesnt ask and you don't offer then he'll think he was right and that you don't really desire him. Avoid that landmine by showing him you want him the NEXT time you're in the mood after you have this talk with him.

Once he sees that it's a timing issue and once he sees that quality sex (when you both want to) is better than guilt tripping you into it, he'll probably stop acting this way.

If he doesn't, then you are dealing with an immature jerk.

But before we crucify him, start by trying to talk it out and fix it.

My boyfriend told me that my waning libido made him feel rejected and made him worry that I was withdrawing from him. He also admitted that he thought most women used "I'm too tired" as an excuse when they don't desire their mate anymore.

After we spoke and after I pounced on him a couple of times when I wasn't so exhausted he completed stopped the immature begging and pouting.

I hope this works for you.

Good luck!! I know it's an awkward talk at first.
Click to expand...
WOW, THANK YOU soo much! It's like the best advice anyone could give me! Thanks once again.:biggrin::flowers:
 
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