spit_fire, that does hurt. I think you may be overpersonalizing the events, though. I would guess that both of your friends actually do know that you are a good, generous, and fiscally-responsible person, but both are. . . jealous. For their own unique reasons, they could both use more disposable income in their lives, and they--unkindly--are using you as an emblem of their own issues. Jealousy is an awful emotion; it blinds us to everything except our own dissatisfaction. I am speaking from experience here: There was a time when my jealously almost ruined a relationship and my feelings about the envied other were 99% projection--images of my own insecurity and unhappiness--totally unrelated to who she really was. Please understand that I am not excusing their rudeness, just saying that their remarks represent where THEY are right now, and not who YOU are. And I suspect that deep down, they both know this, but that green-eyed monster can really distort our thinking.
Ladies...Any RUDE/CATTY/SNIDE/NASTY Remarks about your Birkins or ANY Hermès Purchase
- Thread starter Sambina
- Start date
TPF may earn a commission from merchant affiliate
links, including eBay, Amazon, and others
You sound like a very generous woman, and a very good friend. Wanna move to my street? I have a place to put you and everything.
This is such a stickey wicket. Money/stuff and friends, siblings, family is terribly complicated......................especially when it is brought to your door. I never loan money; if I can I would give it, but calling in a loan is painful, therefore in the spirit of good mental health - I do not loan things.
Maybe the root issue is that if someone wants me for my stuff, or to get stuff from me, what do they really want from ME? So, why am I wasting my time?
I am really sorry for this experience. Maybe a little "breather" from these friends and perhaps some new people? Pls PM any time, I have had many people disappoint me, and many surprise me, the good news is that now you know, you can make an assesment and go forth!
Oh, a last thought, why did she have to say those things to you? Was she being a real bud and saying: "right now my life is not great, it sucks,.....and I wish I had what you had, YOUR life looks so perfect!"................ Instead, in the interest of civility, friendship, and being "un-rude" you had to swallow down your feelings. What would be the worst thing to happen if you "told it like it is"! best, bonnie
It's so interesting to read through the thread and see such different experiences we have all had with luxury goods. IMO, it's NEVER ok for someone of "higher means" to insult someone of "lesser means", therefore, it is NEVER ok for someone of "lesser means" to insult someone of "higher means". There are always people that are more fortunate than I and there will always be people that are less fortunate. BUT when I encounter someone who is more fortunate, I do not look condescendingly on their 500k bracelet & make comments such as, "I could've paid half my mortgage with that!" I usually compliment, if appropriate. But that's just me! 
And if someone hits me with a snide remark I may choose to ignore or I may choose to respond w sarcasm. I'm not perfect! My therapist brain usually yells at me when I retort back with a snitty remark but my non-therapist brain gets miffed later on if I feel I didn't stand up for myself & my beliefs. Sometimes it can be a catch 22.
And if someone hits me with a snide remark I may choose to ignore or I may choose to respond w sarcasm. I'm not perfect! My therapist brain usually yells at me when I retort back with a snitty remark but my non-therapist brain gets miffed later on if I feel I didn't stand up for myself & my beliefs. Sometimes it can be a catch 22.
OMG, Mindi, I always love your views on the world!
ITA with this sentiment. Sometimes, folks just need to be reminded that real life isn't like blogging, where people feel free to say whatever is on their mind with no filters! 
It is so sad that we women are often judged and wrongly perceived on visible (and often imagined) assets rather than attributes or even actions ... actions that seem extravagant to some are merely a practical lifestyle formula for others. I've had my (un)fair share of undue curiosity, jealousy, sheer nastiness and even obsessional strangers and "frenemies" but am always comforted by two sayings, "No man is an island" and "Not all fingers are equal" Between these two, and the age old Do unto others as you would have them do .. somehow one copes with slightly lowered expectations of loyalty, kindness etc, but with a fairly serene smile, and then, every so often, one comes across such truly inspirational lovely and kind-spirited individuals that the unpleasant encounters are greatly diminished. Such is life.
This thread has gotten really boring, no more fun "rude" stories. Just debate after debate about whats right and wrong....
i have been lurking reading this thread, i will start by saying that i come from the other side of the fence, honestly, a H bag is totally out of my price range (although when i count my addiction could have bought a kelly:shame
why would i grudge anyone the fact that they can afford H? i have no idea of your background, is your wealth is inherited,stolen,the result of hard work,savings,etc. what i see in your arm (neck,fingers,etc) is an object of beauty not an object of envy.
i had a really nice experience with a customer once, she was carrying a kelly on which i commented saying that it was the first one i saw IRL and how beautiful it was, she was quite gracious, it was a present from her family for her 40th and she let me try it! we spoke about the craftsmanship, the lines of the bag, the materials. i enjoyed the chat with her, she treated me like an equal and didn't give herself airs.
i have served customers waltzing in with screeching fake bags or real ones that treated me and my colleagues like we were ignorant, dropped hints of how loaded they were and haggled the price of high end items. i had also customers carrying fake bags that have treated us with grace and consideration, same with customers carrying real high end bags.
where i am going with this loooooong post: enjoy your bags ladies, they are there to be admired and they are not a reflection of who you are inside or a critique of how you choose to live your life, for me they are just that: a beautifully crafted object to be admired, to congratulate their owner and to have a chat about the history, the materials or simply how har is to get one!
and if i win lotto i am sooo getting a picotin!
why would i grudge anyone the fact that they can afford H? i have no idea of your background, is your wealth is inherited,stolen,the result of hard work,savings,etc. what i see in your arm (neck,fingers,etc) is an object of beauty not an object of envy.
i had a really nice experience with a customer once, she was carrying a kelly on which i commented saying that it was the first one i saw IRL and how beautiful it was, she was quite gracious, it was a present from her family for her 40th and she let me try it! we spoke about the craftsmanship, the lines of the bag, the materials. i enjoyed the chat with her, she treated me like an equal and didn't give herself airs.
i have served customers waltzing in with screeching fake bags or real ones that treated me and my colleagues like we were ignorant, dropped hints of how loaded they were and haggled the price of high end items. i had also customers carrying fake bags that have treated us with grace and consideration, same with customers carrying real high end bags.
where i am going with this loooooong post: enjoy your bags ladies, they are there to be admired and they are not a reflection of who you are inside or a critique of how you choose to live your life, for me they are just that: a beautifully crafted object to be admired, to congratulate their owner and to have a chat about the history, the materials or simply how har is to get one!
and if i win lotto i am sooo getting a picotin!
Sometimes discussing rude remarks from others/stories brings out the opinions of others about what they would do in a similar situation. It can also elicit responses from others that have strong feelings about the way others have been treated. To be expected with a topic such as this, no?
Thank you for your words of wisdom. This really did bother me because I would give either one of them the shirt off my back in a heartbeat. And your last two sentences ring so true, and is basically the reason why I smile each day. I am simply happy because I have all 5 major senses and can be independent and self-sufficient. After watching a considerable number of people in my life get ill and/or have to rely on others, trust me, I completely recognize that it's those things in life that matter. What made me rock back was I really thought these would be the last two people who would judge me by perceived assets rather than attributes/actions. SMH....I think I will definitely take Hermesforlife's advice and speak to both of them, individually, on what motivated them to say the things they did and to just get an idea of where we stand....I don't want to give up friendships with either of them, but I also don't want to be judged when I am with them. So, I will tell them how I feel and move on from there. This has never ever happened to me, not with family and not with friends (until now).
I think you're exactly right --I have been friends with both of them for over 8 years--and until now, they have never so much as hinted at me overspending or anything related to this....thus, my surprise....I think I caught them in the moment, as you say "where they are right now." But wow, my heart dropped into my stomach both times....it really hurt. I appreciate your directness because it actually makes me feel much better about the situation. I have never heard a situation like this explained from the perspective you outlined. I also happen to agree with your assessment and hope to speak with both of them in the coming weeks.
Exactly...and thank you. I appreciate your humor and wise words. I cherish those I consider friends....and I'm generous because I truly do love and care about them. This is the very first time this has happened to me (yes, at this late stage) so I can only imagine what it must feel like to have it happen multiple times. Sheesh. Not cool, at all. But thank you again. Wonderful tips and advice.