How about you tell him that’s just not a bag. That’s also a investment. LV price going up every year. So that’s even good investment than a house
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How to handle an unsupportive husband
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I like the idea that luxury brands have resale value and can be an investment, especially in items that are functional. My husband insisted for years in buying a more expensive MacBook Pro because we would be able to update and resell them later, and with how much care I put in electronics I've been able to recover over 80% of the original price from ones I've used for more than 6 years, now I experience the purchase in a totally different way and doesn't make me anxious. It isn't the same saving money from the product's price than knowing why it has that price and that you are actually saving money by expending a bit more less often.
Maybe explaining to your husband those aspects and intricacies about purses can make him understand that it isn't just about accumulating things, but that there's actual value in owning them and why you enjoy them.
Maybe explaining to your husband those aspects and intricacies about purses can make him understand that it isn't just about accumulating things, but that there's actual value in owning them and why you enjoy them.
I have the same issue atm with my husband and believe me. We fought about this so many times over the course of 4 years that we've been living together.
First of all, We both have 6 figure salaries and he only makes 10K more than I do. I work from home while also doing full time childcare of our almost 2yo son. We save between 60-70% of our salaries. He works full time so he saves 1k more than I do. He pays for rent and utilities and I spend the same amount on food. On his birthday, I gave him money so he can buy whatever he wanted which he ended up just buying a video game subscription. On my birthday, I wanted a gucci belt and knowing he doesn't approve of such things, I offered to pay for half of it which he gladly accepted.
Whenever I want to buy anything luxurious like a bracelet, a bag or shoes I know deep down what he thinks of it. Sometimes he tells me his coworkers don't buy fancy bags. But he works in a manufacturing business and I work in a corporate job despite now working from home. I'm not asking him to buy me the things I want. But I hate that I feel the need to even ask for his permission when I'm going to spend my money on something that I actually worked hard for. I'm starting to have a bit of resentment towards him for being close minded about other people's wants in life. If I want nice things, it doesn't mean I'm materialistic. It's just my preference over other things. The same way that he wants video games. Not because it's cheap, doesn't mean it's better than what I want.
I don't know what to do. I'm actually frustrated. Whereas some people I know, don't even work and their husband's are OK with them buying luxury goods. Whereas I work and will be spending my own money and to him that's not OK.
PS
We also don't go on vacations. We don't go out for dinner. He doesn't make an effort on presents for valentines, mothers day or Christmas.
First of all, We both have 6 figure salaries and he only makes 10K more than I do. I work from home while also doing full time childcare of our almost 2yo son. We save between 60-70% of our salaries. He works full time so he saves 1k more than I do. He pays for rent and utilities and I spend the same amount on food. On his birthday, I gave him money so he can buy whatever he wanted which he ended up just buying a video game subscription. On my birthday, I wanted a gucci belt and knowing he doesn't approve of such things, I offered to pay for half of it which he gladly accepted.
Whenever I want to buy anything luxurious like a bracelet, a bag or shoes I know deep down what he thinks of it. Sometimes he tells me his coworkers don't buy fancy bags. But he works in a manufacturing business and I work in a corporate job despite now working from home. I'm not asking him to buy me the things I want. But I hate that I feel the need to even ask for his permission when I'm going to spend my money on something that I actually worked hard for. I'm starting to have a bit of resentment towards him for being close minded about other people's wants in life. If I want nice things, it doesn't mean I'm materialistic. It's just my preference over other things. The same way that he wants video games. Not because it's cheap, doesn't mean it's better than what I want.
I don't know what to do. I'm actually frustrated. Whereas some people I know, don't even work and their husband's are OK with them buying luxury goods. Whereas I work and will be spending my own money and to him that's not OK.
PS
We also don't go on vacations. We don't go out for dinner. He doesn't make an effort on presents for valentines, mothers day or Christmas.
Some time ago I wrote a similar problem down for you all. My husband was very unsupportive, really hating my bags and other luxury things I own or bought. So maybe I can help you, because this has gotten much better.
We’ve been together for 9 years now, 2 of those married. I guess, this helped a lot, because with each year, you get to know the each other better. He learned that people who like luxury goods are not bad or weak people, who have got some kind of inferiority complex. He learned to accept that my interests differ from his, but are not worth less than his. So, first factor for me is: time.
I also promised him to never buy too much. As Long as I can pay my bills, it’s ok to buy whatever I want.
Furthermore, I promised to never buy something over a certain amount. In Reverse, he is not allowed to say anything bad about my purchases.
And lastly, he has seen how happy I am, when I buy myself something special. I sold some of my bags in order to buy something new. He literally told me, he doesn’t want me to sell my bags, because they make me happy. And he said that he doesn’t want me to sell them because he doesn’t like them. They are a part of me, a part of my life. That doesn’t mean he is ok with everything I buy.
I guess, the most important thing is, whatever issue two people have with each other, both have to believe in their relationship and both must want to do whatever is needed to keep it. These problems might not be solved, but both have to accept each other with every bit of the other one’s personality. Then, both can appreciate what’s really precious and what’s not.
Thank you for saying this. It gives me a bit of hope. My husband said once that people who like luxury goods are insecure. I had to tell him there's nothing wrong with wanting something better. And he also said that he felt I'm not contented with what we have or what he can provide which isn't the case. I am contented with our life. We have no debt. We just bought a property with very minimal mortgage that we can pay off in 7 years or under. And in general, I don't buy items all the time. But I want to buy something when something special happens like I got a promotion or a raise, I got a bonus, etc. To him, I'm wasting my money. And he also sometimes tells me I didnt save money when I was single. Truth is, I didn't because I spent it on traveling and experiencing life. He was the same. He basically only have money now because of his inheritance from his grandparents. So to him, the fact that I want to purchase luxury goods now is me not being practical although I put more than half of my salary into our joint savings account. I told him before that everytime I want to buy something for myself, I get stressed. Because I know what he will think. And so I never really get to enjoy what I bought. I also don't spend above $1600 BTW. So chanel or hermes isn't in my list at all. I'm just aiming for a nice little collection of below $1600 pieces which is within what I can afford without a credit card.
I'm hoping he will get to that point - - when he can just accept me for wanting nice things. After all, I work for what I want. I've never asked him to buy me any of the things I want. I just need a bit of understanding.
This sounds so familiar! I guess our husbands would be great friends if they ever met
.In general, either people can understand spending money on luxury goods or they can’t. This is often a very delicate issue. In the end, it was more my husband‘s insecurity than mine. He thought, he would have to pay me a standard of living he can’t afford somewhere in the future. I ne er asked him for anything. I also don’t really need gifts from him, I just need his peace for what I’m doing with my money, even if it’s not on what he would spend his money on.
Keep talking to each other.
Btw, I didn’t stop buying things when he had a problem with those luxury things back then. But I told him, that all those things mean nothing if I had to chose between him and my bags. I think that also gave him peace of mind.
I bet they would be hahaha! That's exactly what I am going through now. I need his support and understanding that my outlet is buying myself something nice. He doesn't even have to buy me things I want. In fact, I'm happy with a card or flowers. Which BTW, he actually doesn't give me flowers because he said "they die. It's a waste of money" Lord help me. Hahaha I'm hoping my husband eventually understand me. I'm so drained these days because of this. It's been weighing on my mind. It's making me sad.This sounds so familiar! I guess our husbands would be great friends if they ever met
In general, either people can understand spending money on luxury goods or they can’t. This is often a very delicate issue. In the end, it was more my husband‘s insecurity than mine. He thought, he would have to pay me a standard of living he can’t afford somewhere in the future. I ne er asked him for anything. I also don’t really need gifts from him, I just need his peace for what I’m doing with my money, even if it’s not on what he would spend his money on.
Keep talking to each other.
Btw, I didn’t stop buying things when he had a problem with those luxury things back then. But I told him, that all those things mean nothing if I had to chose between him and my bags. I think that also gave him peace of mind.
Hold on!
Maybe he just needs more time to understand your interests.And btw… not giving you flowers because they die is just an excuse. He could give you a potted plant, so you can cherish it for many many years like your relationship, it can grow and get bigger
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I mean, his views are all outward looking (what are people going to think) and based upon stereotypes.
If you were to do that you could easily point out that the money that he spends on video games goes into thin air, without anything to show for it. And, if he is worried about what others might think of your purchases, stereotypically people see video game players as immature and unsuccessful people who live out their lives in their mom’s basement.
My point is, stereotypes are ridiculous. People should be able to do and buy what makes them happy if they can afford it, it is in keeping with their values and it does not impact their family. Especially when you are using the funds you make for the purchase and they are not excessive.
It sounds like he has financial fears. Is that possible? Is he worried that your family is going to eat into his inheritance?
If you were to do that you could easily point out that the money that he spends on video games goes into thin air, without anything to show for it. And, if he is worried about what others might think of your purchases, stereotypically people see video game players as immature and unsuccessful people who live out their lives in their mom’s basement.
My point is, stereotypes are ridiculous. People should be able to do and buy what makes them happy if they can afford it, it is in keeping with their values and it does not impact their family. Especially when you are using the funds you make for the purchase and they are not excessive.
It sounds like he has financial fears. Is that possible? Is he worried that your family is going to eat into his inheritance?
Ikr. I told him now he can't give me flowers because all I will think about is what he said. That they die and is a waste of money.Hold on!
And btw… not giving you flowers because they die is just an excuse. He could give you a potted plant, so you can cherish it for many many years like your relationship, it can grow and get bigger
The other day, he told me that either I wanna enjoy now and not have a lot of money when we retire to be able to do what we want. Or just keep saving now so when we retire we can travel and all. I told him, some people never reach retirement age. I would be mortified if I stop myself from enjoying now while I can
I honestly do not understand it myself. I'm trying to figure it out. He's an only child. His parents invested in property and have money saved. That's separate from the inheritance that he has already received from his grandparents in his 20's. Thinking about it, he owns whatever his parents own. And I work. I also have retirement savings (like a 401K in the US or a superannuation in Australia). Even if I spend $1600 on a bag once a year, it won't make us broke. On the contrary, I'm very supportive of his wants. He wanted video games, he never hears a thing from me about it. Recently he's been saying we should save up for an electric car. I said OK without a fuss. At the end of the day, he will be driving it more than I will. I work from home. He doesn't. And that's going to be purchased using our combined effort to save. But that's OK. Whereas bags are not.
Wow, I can so relate to this thread. Curious how things are going for the OP 
My DH is similar…..minimalist, equates $$$ in the bank as security and is much happier to see the 000s on the bank statements growing rather than enjoying what is could provide us. Similarly only child of immigrant family who struggled and are very frugal. Even though they are now at a point they could buy anything they want and can’t even spend how much they have coming in from pensions each month, they drive a 16-year-old entry-level car and shop at thrift stores! Drives me a bit batty….driving all over town to get broccoli on sale is the definition of “penny-wise, pound-foolish” imho!
On the other end of the spectrum, as my income grew during my career I got more interested in luxury. It started to create lots of tension and resentments between us. We went through the whole gamut of arguments, from me hiding purchases to explaining they were an “investment” to being driven back to a boutique to return a $2000 bag I’d bought on a whim. It became quite a tug-of-war for a while there!
But now we’ve found peace, and it’s all come down to this simple compromise: each year we agree on my budget of “play” money. He sometimes still gripes that he thinks it “ridiculous to spend so much on xxx” but I just gently remind him it’s within my budget. He just needed assurance that my passion for luxury was not going to threaten our financial security. And now he’s actually starting to come around and saying things like “okay, get it, you really deserve it!”
My DH is similar…..minimalist, equates $$$ in the bank as security and is much happier to see the 000s on the bank statements growing rather than enjoying what is could provide us. Similarly only child of immigrant family who struggled and are very frugal. Even though they are now at a point they could buy anything they want and can’t even spend how much they have coming in from pensions each month, they drive a 16-year-old entry-level car and shop at thrift stores! Drives me a bit batty….driving all over town to get broccoli on sale is the definition of “penny-wise, pound-foolish” imho!
On the other end of the spectrum, as my income grew during my career I got more interested in luxury. It started to create lots of tension and resentments between us. We went through the whole gamut of arguments, from me hiding purchases to explaining they were an “investment” to being driven back to a boutique to return a $2000 bag I’d bought on a whim. It became quite a tug-of-war for a while there!
But now we’ve found peace, and it’s all come down to this simple compromise: each year we agree on my budget of “play” money. He sometimes still gripes that he thinks it “ridiculous to spend so much on xxx” but I just gently remind him it’s within my budget. He just needed assurance that my passion for luxury was not going to threaten our financial security. And now he’s actually starting to come around and saying things like “okay, get it, you really deserve it!”
Wow, I can so relate to this thread. Curious how things are going for the OP
My DH is similar…..minimalist, equates $$$ in the bank as security and is much happier to see the 000s on the bank statements growing rather than enjoying what is could provide us. Similarly only child of immigrant family who struggled and are very frugal. Even though they are now at a point they could buy anything they want and can’t even spend how much they have coming in from pensions each month, they drive a 16-year-old entry-level car and shop at thrift stores! Drives me a bit batty….driving all over town to get broccoli on sale is the definition of “penny-wise, pound-foolish” imho!
On the other end of the spectrum, as my income grew during my career I got more interested in luxury. It started to create lots of tension and resentments between us. We went through the whole gamut of arguments, from me hiding purchases to explaining they were an “investment” to being driven back to a boutique to return a $2000 bag I’d bought on a whim. It became quite a tug-of-war for a while there!
But now we’ve found peace, and it’s all come down to this simple compromise: each year we agree on my budget of “play” money. He sometimes still gripes that he thinks it “ridiculous to spend so much on xxx” but I just gently remind him it’s within my budget. He just needed assurance that my passion for luxury was not going to threaten our financial security. And now he’s actually starting to come around and saying things like “okay, get it, you really deserve it!”
That's amazing. I'm curious but what do you suggest as a reasonable amount to spend on bags? I'm gonna get a big bonus this quarter and I was thinking I can probably spend $1650 max. But I'm also thinking if this will get me in trouble lol
That really depends on everyone’s financial situation…for some couples starting out a reasonable “play” budget may be $500 and for others it may be 5+ figures! My DH and I settled on a figure that works for our financial picture, and it’s not just for bags but everything discretionary like jewelry, shoes, etc. So within that I could get tons of inexpensive items or just 1-2 big splurges.
To be honest, I kinda have fun with it too, figuring out what I need to add to my collection each year and what I can add within my budget. We’re retired but I pick up little contract gigs, so that $ also gets added to my pot. Plus birthdays/anniversary presents, etc - I literally say “are you okay getting this $XXX for my bday?” and order it, otherwise it would just be wasted if he tried to pick,lol! I have a little book where I track everything for the year’s budget.
@7th House so much of your situation reminds me of me and DH about 15 years ago. It will improve over time!
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That really depends on everyone’s financial situation…for some couples starting out a reasonable “play” budget may be $500 and for others it may be 5+ figures! My DH and I settled on a figure that works for our financial picture, and it’s not just for bags but everything discretionary like jewelry, shoes, etc. So within that I could get tons of inexpensive items or just 1-2 big splurges.
To be honest, I kinda have fun with it too, figuring out what I need to add to my collection each year and what I can add within my budget. We’re retired but I pick up little contract gigs, so that $ also gets added to my pot. Plus birthdays/anniversary presents, etc - I literally say “are you okay getting this $XXX for my bday?” and order it, otherwise it would just be wasted if he tried to pick,lol! I have a little book where I track everything for the year’s budget.
@7th House so much of your situation reminds me of me and DH about 15 years ago. It will improve over time!
I sure hope it will improve! Life is short. I feel I need to do what I love we have conversations about it here and there and I'm slowly seeing the light in the tunnel. We reviewed our finances few days ago and realised how much we made, spent and saved. We did so well this year so I think I can squeeze in a $1650 bag lol I was looking at Prada re edition (black) , Gucci mini vanity (canvas) or Mulberry mini bayswater (hot pink) to add to my collection. If only I can buy all of them in one go