**Hermes Chat**

#14,596
Ay, caramba. Vibes for my parents, please. It's a mess: neither is doing all that well cognitively or physically and they are at each others' throats. My mom is struggling with her memory and my dad is making it worse by being--well, I call it emotionally abusive, but at the very least utterly unsupportive. I am trying to get them to have some in-house help and they are both resisting, for whatever reasons. Did I mention it's a mess? My flying out there helps some while I'm physically present, but it isn't a fix as (obviously) I can't live with them indefinitely. And my father won't even consider moving to assisted living, let alone moving closer to me.
Not a good day chez Mindi.
Also, it's official: Mabel likes to eat poo.
Is there no goodness in the world anymore? :P
 
#14,597
Mindi B said:
Ay, caramba. Vibes for my parents, please. It's a mess: neither is doing all that well cognitively or physically and they are at each others' throats. My mom is struggling with her memory and my dad is making it worse by being--well, I call it emotionally abusive, but at the very least utterly unsupportive. I am trying to get them to have some in-house help and they are both resisting, for whatever reasons. Did I mention it's a mess? My flying out there helps some while I'm physically present, but it isn't a fix as (obviously) I can't live with them indefinitely. And my father won't even consider moving to assisted living, let alone moving closer to me.
Not a good day chez Mindi.
Also, it's official: Mabel likes to eat poo.
Is there no goodness in the world anymore? :P
Click to expand...

Well, Mabel would likely say there's lots of goodness in the world, as long as she finds it edible. Sorry you are having these issues with your parents. It's doubly difficult being far away. When my FIL was living on his own (MIL was in assisted care) and had dementia, we could not move him until we went to court to get power of attorney, which my husband did not have for him. Until then, we were informed by caretakers, we might need to let disaster take its course as that would have forced a move or a placement into assisted care. Sorry to say you may have to deal with a similar situation.
 
#14,598
Thank you, misti. Fortunately, I am now their trustee and we updated wills and PsoA when I was out for my December visit, so I am hoping all the legal stuff is in place. That doesn't solve the psychological nor the financial issues that are still hard limits for what can be done, but it is at least supposed to obviate the sort of legal struggle your DH faced. I'm doing what I can, but it doesn't feel sufficient.
 
#14,600
I wish I had anything more helpful to add regarding aging parents or dogs. Sending lots of virtual hugs to you!!!
You ARE a great daughter. Don’t beat yourself up over things that are not in your power to change.
 
#14,605
Thank you, guys. OB: LOL! Tell me about it. But what's a little poo among friends? :P
chanel, that's just it. But my parents are extremely resistant to any concrete efforts to help them in a "reverse-parenty" way. What my mom seems to want most is that I listen to a litany of complaints ranging from trivial to alarming, and sympathize, and do nothing that would require her to make any decision or any change. I really feel poised on a sort of moral knife's edge: how much power can I try to exert and still be respectful and kind? Is it even possible to "insist" my parents do anything? It's not legally possible, but is it even functionally possible? So far they have resisted every effort to safeguard them for more than a decade and I just don't see that changing, even as things become increasingly urgent. Seriously, the sensation of deep concern linked with general helplessness is killing me.
 
#14,609
@Mindi B
*hugs *Sending good positive vibes over to you! Life is tough and it's full of ups and downs. I often have a good day on one day and another which feels like everything seems to be going wrong. It always feels more trying when it comes to relationships and family problems because it is not as easy to solve and the problem won't go away by itself.
I often feel like I'm a parent to my parents as well and we just have to hang in there!
 
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