Dealing with Others when Wearing Jewelry

[SR22]

Your DH sounds like an amazing guy! I'm having a hard time imagining any male of my acquaintance doing something like that. Wear your ring with pride.

When someone comments, I'd just say "My husband bought it for me when I recovered from open heart surgery".
Most people will stop judging or commenting at that point -
1) They don't want to be seen as beating up the survivor (while attacking the person with different priorities is considered acceptable?!?)
2) They will understand that you do have an emotional connection to the ring. And 3) that it was your DH's decision; he wants to treat you well, it wasn't something you demanded or purchased for yourself.

As for the other circumstances - I'd complain to your dentist, and either change dentist or demand a new hygenist. Someone trying to take your jewelry from you while you are in the chair is threatening, and you should feel safe when you go to the dentist!

I have no recommends on family, other than simply saying "NO!" and giving the lemur face.

Hi Vintage Leather & thanks -- he is! As much as nobody should have to justify ththemselves to anybody else, I guess you are right and it's best to fire off a direct comeback and nip it in the bud! I guess I will have to channel my inner non-shy self and try harder to implement all of that. I'm pretty sure that aunt already got quite the interesting, even if unintentional, look on my face when that question came up! Seriously, the nerve of some people...

 

[BigPurseSue]

What a wonderful story, SR22! Like Vintage Leather said in her most-wonderful reply, I too am "having a hard time imagining any male of my acquaintance doing something like that."

Wear the ring with pride! Both you and your husband have been through a lot, and it's truly a beautiful and meaningful symbol of your lives together. Congratulations on getting through such a horrifying medical ordeal!

And truly, you need to get a new dental hygenist. That is seriously bad behavior.

Maybe you guys can think of an appropriate response to this question I hear every so often: "What a lovely ring! Was it a gift for a special occasion?" Maybe I'm crazy but having grown up around some seriously nosey (and judgemental) women, that causes my privacy-radar to go crazy. I usually just say "No" but even still I feel like that's saying too much.

 

[lanasyogamama]

It's so interesting to see this discussion here. I'm a newlywed who has experienced several uncomfortable moments recently as well. As some people are drawn to my wedding set because of size, I'm personally drawn to it genuinely for an entirely different, very meaningful reason. When we first got engaged, I spotted a ring in a window display that I loved and called it my dream ring. I never even asked for it and went on to choose a very simple and practical diamond band as our engagement ring. The band was beautiful to me, and I was totally ecstatic about it. Long story short, I unexpectedly fell very ill during the wedding planning and ended up enduring open-heart surgery and fighting for my life across the country from home, with him by my side throughout . The whole journey set us back over a year and bonded us beyond words. Anyways, after I was in the clear, he surprised me with that same dream ring from the window, rededicated himself and his proposal to me, and we cut the hoopla and got married in a simple courthouse ceremony. Sorry for the saga The point I'm trying to explain here is that when I look at my rings, regardless of what they look like, they are symbolic to me of so much more than just our wedding day. To me, it is a symbol of what we overcame together. With all that meaning behind it, I get extra offended when people react rudely. I have experienced everything from the aunt asking if she can "borrow it to wear to a party", to the dental assistant actually trying to pull it off my finger to try on (while I'm in the chair in the middle of having work done!!), to all the very hurtful "I can see why you married him" comments. DH is my prince charming in many ways, none of which have anything to do with jewelry, and I would adore him just the same ring-or-no-ring. I am typically very shy and non-confrontational, so when these moments occur, I am too busy being uncomfortable to say anything to them. It makes me quite sad that I have actually recently been thinking that I may be better off just parking the ring in the safe and not wearing it at all anymore, simply because it has put me in so many awkward situations. Apparently jewelry can instigate quite the experiment in human psychology, am I right ladies?

Oh my goodness, what a story! I'm so happy you are ok! Maybe we need to see a pic of this ring, you know, just to get a visual.

 

[Onebagtoomany]

SR22, what a wonderful husband you have and congratulations for getting through your terrible ordeal

I seriously can't believe how rude some people can be when it comes to questioning other people's choices or making them feel uncomfortable for wearing things of a high value! And taking a ring off someone's finger, really?!? Personally I notice other women's jewellery and purses in particular (as I love both, lol!) but always in an admiring way and I would never, ever make a comment unless it was intended as a genuine compliment designed to make them feel good. I do receive quite a lot of comments for my engagement ring, mainly from cashiers, but not so much for my wedding ring as I went with a very plain 18k gold band to offset the 'blinginess' of my engagement ring. None of the comments I have had for my e-ring have been intrusive or rude though. I don't wear much other jewellery on a day-to-day basis, at most just a tiny diamond pendant in a gold setting on a gold chain and/or either some diamond or over-sized pearl studs, but I have to admit I would worry about wearing some of my more valuable stuff which my mother passed down to me from my grandmother for fear of inviting negative comments from my DH's family or some friends of mine. My DH's family are not particularly well-off, mainly due to bad financial planning on their part, and I know one of them made nasty comments after our wedding earlier this year regarding my family's supposed wealth (they gave us some money towards the wedding), which is ridiculous as although it was a nice wedding by anyone's standards it was not flashy in any way. I just don't want to invite any similar comments by wearing an obviously valuable piece of jewellery, even if I didn't buy it myself. I really shouldn't have to feel that way.

I have experienced some very negative comments with my purses - one of my friends is really unpleasant when it comes to my Mulberry bags in particular and if she spots a new bag she will always say things like 'how can you afford that' or 'how can you justify buying that when you work part-time'. I find it so offensive and like it forces me to defend my lifestyle, financial situation and choice in purses when I shouldn't have to be on the defensive for anything!

 

[SR22]

@ BigPurseSue: Thank you! He certainly is wonderful Also, I'm totally with you on that giving nosy people even the simplest, one-word answer often times still feels like one word too many!

@ lanasyogamama: Thanks I've never posted any jewelry here, I will have to see what pics I can dig up...and then learn how to post the darn thing! I'm technologically-challenged :giggles:

@ onebagtoomany: Aww thanks! Like you, I too am an avid admirer of other people's things and find myself often paying very genuine compliments. However, I NEVER say or ask anything intrusive because isn't it just common sense that that's in poor taste? Although it sounds like some of these people we have all encountered never got that memo! You are also SO right that none of us should have to feel defensive about our blessings, and it's terrible that we should have to feel that way.

 

[frick&frack]

The only time someone ever asked to try on my jewelry was in Tiffany. My SA asked to tried on my VCA Lotus ring, and I was okay with her request because I knew her for a long time. Maybe I give off an unapproachable vibe, but really, no one else ever asked to try on my jewelry.

^please teach me how to do that...seriously

It's so interesting to see this discussion here. I'm a newlywed who has experienced several uncomfortable moments recently as well. As some people are drawn to my wedding set because of size, I'm personally drawn to it genuinely for an entirely different, very meaningful reason. When we first got engaged, I spotted a ring in a window display that I loved and called it my dream ring. I never even asked for it and went on to choose a very simple and practical diamond band as our engagement ring. The band was beautiful to me, and I was totally ecstatic about it. Long story short, I unexpectedly fell very ill during the wedding planning and ended up enduring open-heart surgery and fighting for my life across the country from home, with him by my side throughout. The whole journey set us back over a year and bonded us beyond words. Anyways, after I was in the clear, he surprised me with that same dream ring from the window, rededicated himself and his proposal to me, and we cut the hoopla and got married in a simple courthouse ceremony. Sorry for the saga. The point I'm trying to explain here is that when I look at my rings, regardless of what they look like, they are symbolic to me of so much more than just our wedding day. To me, it is a symbol of what we overcame together. With all that meaning behind it, I get extra offended when people react rudely. I have experienced everything from the aunt asking if she can "borrow it to wear to a party", to the dental assistant actually trying to pull it off my finger to try on (while I'm in the chair in the middle of having work done!!), to all the very hurtful "I can see why you married him" comments. DH is my prince charming in many ways, none of which have anything to do with jewelry, and I would adore him just the same ring-or-no-ring. I am typically very shy and non-confrontational, so when these moments occur, I am too busy being uncomfortable to say anything to them. It makes me quite sad that I have actually recently been thinking that I may be better off just parking the ring in the safe and not wearing it at all anymore, simply because it has put me in so many awkward situations. Apparently jewelry can instigate quite the experiment in human psychology, am I right ladies?

^WHAT A BEAUTIFUL ROMANTIC STORY!!! thanks so much for sharing that. & BRAVO to you for surviving.

I'm so sorry you've had to deal with inappropriate comments & behavior about your ring. DO NOT stop wearing it!!! other people's bad behavior is their problem, but I know it's difficult to deal with. I'm usually a more reserved person myself, so I actually practice responses in my head so they will come to mind when I'm shocked by rude jewelry gawking/questions.

Some people just cannot contain their hate for anyone else being happy or having anything better than they do, and the medusa comes out. They don't know anything about your life, your experiences, your finances, and I really wish people would just keep it to themselves! Wear it proudly. You survived, you beat it, and you deserve it. F them in the eye if they have something negative to say about it! yeaaa!

I have some "friends" that say SO many ignorant things to me, and my stone is not that big. One specific person.

^+1

On another note... anyone know of any cute evil eye bracelets?? Out of necessity, of course...jk.

^I've seen very pretty glass ones from greece. lily25 can advise you...hehe

Your DH sounds like an amazing guy! I'm having a hard time imagining any male of my acquaintance doing something like that. Wear your ring with pride.

When someone comments, I'd just say "My husband bought it for me when I recovered from open heart surgery".
Most people will stop judging or commenting at that point -
1) They don't want to be seen as beating up the survivor (while attacking the person with different priorities is considered acceptable?!?)
2) They will understand that you do have an emotional connection to the ring. And 3) that it was your DH's decision; he wants to treat you well, it wasn't something you demanded or purchased for yourself.

As for the other circumstances - I'd complain to your dentist, and either change dentist or demand a new hygenist. Someone trying to take your jewelry from you while you are in the chair is threatening, and you should feel safe when you go to the dentist!

I have no recommends on family, other than simply saying "NO!" and giving the lemur face.

^I agree with EVERY SINGLE WORD you said

Maybe you guys can think of an appropriate response to this question I hear every so often: "What a lovely ring! Was it a gift for a special occasion?" Maybe I'm crazy but having grown up around some seriously nosey (and judgemental) women, that causes my privacy-radar to go crazy. I usually just say "No" but even still I feel like that's saying too much.

^how about this: yes, it was a special occasion. my DH says every day with me is a special occasion

Oh my goodness, what a story! I'm so happy you are ok! Maybe we need to see a pic of this ring, you know, just to get a visual. :

^definitely agree!!! those were my exact thoughts...lol

I seriously can't believe how rude some people can be when it comes to questioning other people's choices or making them feel uncomfortable for wearing things of a high value! And taking a ring off someone's finger, really?!? Personally I notice other women's jewellery and purses in particular (as I love both, lol!) but always in an admiring way and I would never, ever make a comment unless it was intended as a genuine compliment designed to make them feel good. I do receive quite a lot of comments for my engagement ring, mainly from cashiers, but not so much for my wedding ring as I went with a very plain 18k gold band to offset the 'blinginess' of my engagement ring. None of the comments I have had for my e-ring have been intrusive or rude though. I don't wear much other jewellery on a day-to-day basis, at most just a tiny diamond pendant in a gold setting on a gold chain and/or either some diamond or over-sized pearl studs, but I have to admit I would worry about wearing some of my more valuable stuff which my mother passed down to me from my grandmother for fear of inviting negative comments from my DH's family or some friends of mine. My DH's family are not particularly well-off, mainly due to bad financial planning on their part, and I know one of them made nasty comments after our wedding earlier this year regarding my family's supposed wealth (they gave us some money towards the wedding), which is ridiculous as although it was a nice wedding by anyone's standards it was not flashy in any way. I just don't want to invite any similar comments by wearing an obviously valuable piece of jewellery, even if I didn't buy it myself. I really shouldn't have to feel that way.

I have experienced some very negative comments with my purses - one of my friends is really unpleasant when it comes to my Mulberry bags in particular and if she spots a new bag she will always say things like 'how can you afford that' or 'how can you justify buying that when you work part-time'. I find it so offensive and like it forces me to defend my lifestyle, financial situation and choice in purses when I shouldn't have to be on the defensive for anything!

^ugh...another horrible rudeness story. envy is such an ugly thing. I'm sorry for you too.

 

[black jade]

Wonderful romantic story. Great guy you have--definitely a keeper.

It's so interesting to see this discussion here. I'm a newlywed who has experienced several uncomfortable moments recently as well. As some people are drawn to my wedding set because of size, I'm personally drawn to it genuinely for an entirely different, very meaningful reason. When we first got engaged, I spotted a ring in a window display that I loved and called it my dream ring. I never even asked for it and went on to choose a very simple and practical diamond band as our engagement ring. The band was beautiful to me, and I was totally ecstatic about it. Long story short, I unexpectedly fell very ill during the wedding planning and ended up enduring open-heart surgery and fighting for my life across the country from home, with him by my side throughout . The whole journey set us back over a year and bonded us beyond words. Anyways, after I was in the clear, he surprised me with that same dream ring from the window, rededicated himself and his proposal to me, and we cut the hoopla and got married in a simple courthouse ceremony. Sorry for the saga The point I'm trying to explain here is that when I look at my rings, regardless of what they look like, they are symbolic to me of so much more than just our wedding day. To me, it is a symbol of what we overcame together. With all that meaning behind it, I get extra offended when people react rudely. I have experienced everything from the aunt asking if she can "borrow it to wear to a party", to the dental assistant actually trying to pull it off my finger to try on (while I'm in the chair in the middle of having work done!!), to all the very hurtful "I can see why you married him" comments. DH is my prince charming in many ways, none of which have anything to do with jewelry, and I would adore him just the same ring-or-no-ring. I am typically very shy and non-confrontational, so when these moments occur, I am too busy being uncomfortable to say anything to them. It makes me quite sad that I have actually recently been thinking that I may be better off just parking the ring in the safe and not wearing it at all anymore, simply because it has put me in so many awkward situations. Apparently jewelry can instigate quite the experiment in human psychology, am I right ladies?

 

[black jade]

People don't usually ask me cost of my jewelry (which does seem tacky).
Most expensive jewelry I have is pair of earrings and I think people think they are fake. When someone (I have a couple of friends who know they are real and do this occasionally) says aren't my earrings beautiful, people generally look extremely surprised. I think people around here assume all larger earrings are CZ.

The biggest diamond I have is a ring I bought in pawn shop and got a good deal. It wasn't very expensive--nowhere even near the cost of my earrings, but its a lot more noticeable and blingy. People always look at that ring, although the only comments I have got on it have been "is the big diamond real?" Not in a snarky way, but in a surprised way. However it is a RHR and I don't wear it all around, just for special occasions. I can understand why this is not an option with an e-ring which you want to wear all the time, because it is your e-ring, but with another ring, it's nice to have the option. I don't ever wear it to work. People aren't jealous types there but it is a very small college where we get no salary to speak of and no one wears anything expensive so it just seemed tactless.

The only nasty remarks I get are my brothers and sister. They assume my jewelry is real (sometimes even when it isn't) because they like to say how my husband is 'rich'. to tell the truth, all three of them have spent way more money than me and him ever made (they aren't very indepedent and hang around my mother and ask her for money and things and whine and complain and waste) but they all say we are rich because we have carefully saved and so have a house we paid for ourselves and now, some nicer things that we are getting older that we have because we didn't run up credit card debt and waste money in our youth. My sister especially has yard-saled fancier things than I ever owned, used to go on cruises constantly, wore designer everything--and now that she has run through a bunch of money (and three husbands) sits around whining that I was lucky and that she hasn't had anything but bad luck all her life. I don't wear my really nice things around her, either, but it doesn't matter, she still goes on and on and on and I just ignore it at this point, because there's nothing really to say. She knows the truth and I know the truth already and she wants me to say something so that she can pick a fight and feel better that way about her bad life choices, in thinking how mean I am to her.

 

[BigPurseSue]

^how about this: yes, it was a special occasion. my DH says every day with me is a special occasion

Oh, great response! I'm tempted to reply "It's from my Brazilian lover" and let the chips fall where they may.

The only nasty remarks I get are my brothers and sister. They assume my jewelry is real (sometimes even when it isn't) because they like to say how my husband is 'rich'. to tell the truth, all three of them have spent way more money than me and him ever made (they aren't very indepedent and hang around my mother and ask her for money and things and whine and complain and waste) but they all say we are rich because we have carefully saved and so have a house we paid for ourselves and now, some nicer things that we are getting older that we have because we didn't run up credit card debt and waste money in our youth. My sister especially has yard-saled fancier things than I ever owned, used to go on cruises constantly, wore designer everything--and now that she has run through a bunch of money (and three husbands) sits around whining that I was lucky and that she hasn't had anything but bad luck all her life. I don't wear my really nice things around her, either, but it doesn't matter, she still goes on and on and on and I just ignore it at this point, because there's nothing really to say. She knows the truth and I know the truth already and she wants me to say something so that she can pick a fight and feel better that way about her bad life choices, in thinking how mean I am to her.

Have a GF who enjoys a similar endearing relationship with her spendthrift sister. The sister even has her kids going around the GF's house asking how much things cost. GF has given strict orders to her friends that should she suddenly die we are to go to her house immediately and clear out her jewelry box and divvy it up, because her sister will surely be driving all night to get to that jewelry box first. She's even passed out keys and security codes.

Reading these messages it's amazing how jewelry is such a lightning rod for those who use it to define wealth and status, and to make searing judgements about whether one has made responsible choices in life. Is it because it's a woman thing? I know people who spend more on their triathlon bikes than women in this forum, diamond-lovers that they are, spend on their rings. Yet they aren't subject to such scrutiny and judgement.

 

[darkangel07760]

Actually, I had a customer ask me today about my VCA necklace today. Nothing blingy... Just the mother of pearl clover pendant in yellow gold. One of VCA's most affordable pieces; to me, it was a fortune, and I am proud to wear it!
As I was handing her coffee to her through the drive through, she commented how much she liked my "cross" necklace. I thanked her. Then she asked where I got it from, and I said a shop in Florida while I was on vacation last month. THEN she asked what the name of the shop was, and I answered "Van Cleef & Arpels" (I won't lie, but I only provide the information if asked... but I am extremely reluctant to reveal prices, I don't know why...). She commented about how that is a pricey place, but she didn't say it in a negative way. We then got into a nice discussion about VCA, the price of gold going up, I informed her how VCA makes their jewelry by hand...
Most people around here only know what is in our local mall. I don't say that to be rude... In all honesty, I knew nothing about VCA until I came onto this forum.

 

[frick&frack]

Oh, great response! I'm tempted to reply "It's from my Brazilian lover" and let the chips fall where they may.

^ LOVE it!!!

 

[I.WANT.IT.ALL]

I never get noticed. No comments.

I rarely leave the house with the kids so when my husband decides to take us shopping I get so excited that i wear as much as I can. Wedding set, watch, studs, bracelet and necklace. My husband laughs and says, "dang everythings coming out!"

Wonder why that is?

 

[claypot]

It's so interesting to see this discussion here. I'm a newlywed who has experienced several uncomfortable moments recently as well. As some people are drawn to my wedding set because of size, I'm personally drawn to it genuinely for an entirely different, very meaningful reason. When we first got engaged, I spotted a ring in a window display that I loved and called it my dream ring. I never even asked for it and went on to choose a very simple and practical diamond band as our engagement ring. The band was beautiful to me, and I was totally ecstatic about it. Long story short, I unexpectedly fell very ill during the wedding planning and ended up enduring open-heart surgery and fighting for my life across the country from home, with him by my side throughout . The whole journey set us back over a year and bonded us beyond words. Anyways, after I was in the clear, he surprised me with that same dream ring from the window, rededicated himself and his proposal to me, and we cut the hoopla and got married in a simple courthouse ceremony. Sorry for the saga The point I'm trying to explain here is that when I look at my rings, regardless of what they look like, they are symbolic to me of so much more than just our wedding day. To me, it is a symbol of what we overcame together. With all that meaning behind it, I get extra offended when people react rudely. I have experienced everything from the aunt asking if she can "borrow it to wear to a party", to the dental assistant actually trying to pull it off my finger to try on (while I'm in the chair in the middle of having work done!!), to all the very hurtful "I can see why you married him" comments. DH is my prince charming in many ways, none of which have anything to do with jewelry, and I would adore him just the same ring-or-no-ring. I am typically very shy and non-confrontational, so when these moments occur, I am too busy being uncomfortable to say anything to them. It makes me quite sad that I have actually recently been thinking that I may be better off just parking the ring in the safe and not wearing it at all anymore, simply because it has put me in so many awkward situations. Apparently jewelry can instigate quite the experiment in human psychology, am I right ladies?

What a beautiful story. But your aunt ... really?! And the dental nurse ... really?! Gosh what did you say to them?

 

[purseinsanity]

I have some standard responses. When people comment on the size of my ER, I say "yeah, but he made me wait a million years for it!". Someone asked how much my Love was and I just said "Ugh, I don't want to say, I'll be embarrassed". The thing I'm struggling with right now is that my 5 year old likes to show off my stuff, probably because she knows how much I love it, but it's kind of embarassing when she shoves my wrist at someone and says "My Mommy has a REAL GOLD BRACELET."

LOL, that's so cute!

 

[purseinsanity]

It's so interesting to see this discussion here. I'm a newlywed who has experienced several uncomfortable moments recently as well. As some people are drawn to my wedding set because of size, I'm personally drawn to it genuinely for an entirely different, very meaningful reason. When we first got engaged, I spotted a ring in a window display that I loved and called it my dream ring. I never even asked for it and went on to choose a very simple and practical diamond band as our engagement ring. The band was beautiful to me, and I was totally ecstatic about it. Long story short, I unexpectedly fell very ill during the wedding planning and ended up enduring open-heart surgery and fighting for my life across the country from home, with him by my side throughout . The whole journey set us back over a year and bonded us beyond words. Anyways, after I was in the clear, he surprised me with that same dream ring from the window, rededicated himself and his proposal to me, and we cut the hoopla and got married in a simple courthouse ceremony. Sorry for the saga The point I'm trying to explain here is that when I look at my rings, regardless of what they look like, they are symbolic to me of so much more than just our wedding day. To me, it is a symbol of what we overcame together. With all that meaning behind it, I get extra offended when people react rudely. I have experienced everything from the aunt asking if she can "borrow it to wear to a party", to the dental assistant actually trying to pull it off my finger to try on (while I'm in the chair in the middle of having work done!!), to all the very hurtful "I can see why you married him" comments. DH is my prince charming in many ways, none of which have anything to do with jewelry, and I would adore him just the same ring-or-no-ring. I am typically very shy and non-confrontational, so when these moments occur, I am too busy being uncomfortable to say anything to them. It makes me quite sad that I have actually recently been thinking that I may be better off just parking the ring in the safe and not wearing it at all anymore, simply because it has put me in so many awkward situations. Apparently jewelry can instigate quite the experiment in human psychology, am I right ladies?

Congrats on beating your illness and snagging the best gem of all...your DH!