Worst (racist) bag shaming from a "BFF"

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#46
ruox1 said:
Yeah I was pretty drunk too but I didn't start judging her financial situations. Let me just vent a bit (only on TPF Haha), my friend was broken up with her boyfriend and living off of people's places for the past two months. I insisted on offering to lend her some money last month under the condition she was going to rent a new place for her own. She went back to her loser ex and I asked for my money back and she sent it with no problem. She got kicked out of the house by her bf again, and asked if I could lend her money this time, but I didn't have because I spent them on bags and my international tuition fees lol. Then she moved back in with her ex this week.
Maybe the fact that she couldn't afford her own place has something to do with her comments about my bag collection this time. I would've felt slightly sour too if I broke up and can't afford daily essentials even, then my friend brags about her fiancé buying her a thousand euro bag.
That being said, It still takes a tiny bit away of others' joy by being so judgmental. Even though I understand where she's coming from.

And btw I'm super proud to be the over spending fancy Asian too with my logos and stuff! Speaking of positive stereotyping, Lafayette paris is the only place where I get treated like royals just by being Asian lol.
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I think everything you have described about her raises more than a few red flags about her personality and character, and while i might not dump her as a friend because of this, I will certainly distance myself and not be so close to her. From what I know, people like her have issues and are trouble, especially when drunk.

I am Asian and have discussed Asian materialism with my non-Asian friends before. Our discussions are reflective, interesting and philosophical. Friends can talk about anything if it is in the right way. But her tone to you is judging, dismissive and arrogant. You do not need an intervention, she does.
 
#47
I wouldn't read too much into it, however, as others have mentioned it might be a good idea to distance yourself a bit. I agree with the other poster who said displaying them in this manner opens you up to comments so perhaps place them out of site when you have people come over. Most people don't understand spending money on luxury bags, I think everyone I know would respond negatively especially when you see such a beautiful collection all together! Enjoy your amazing collection and don't let it bother you.
 
#48
I think the stereotype that Asians like luxury goods is a good one! Much better than assuming the opposite. I would laugh it off. My MIL thinks it's silly that I carry luxury purses but she buys Louboutins. Everyone has their"vice ".
 
#49
Some people just won't get it... Honestly, I get crap from my friends but they too, spend a lot on nights out and alcohol, it adds up, I don't buy a new bag every weekend but they spend hundreds every weekend. I get it, it's just different interests, but they don't get it.
 
#50
ruox1 said:
Hahaha I gave her like 5 bags last night. They are not brand bags but very nice looking and great condition (I bought them before I got into designer handbags). I thought I couldn't sell them for more than a bottle of wine each and donating them seems a bit strange (I don't think our local refugees needs my clutches). If she hadn't said all those awful things I would have given her my Michael Kors bags that I know she likes a lot (she has one MK - influenced by me - and she was so happy)!!
Come and we will have a coffee next time you fly to holland :)) my fiancé is gotten into Louis Vuitton after I bought him some SLGs and is thinking about a Keepall DG for business trips - he hates carry-on suitcases!
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Hahaha I knew it... Lucky you didn't give her any MK bags, they sell really well in Europe! Maybe after a while of MK she suddenly will convert to LV lol. Then who would have the last laugh? :) yes we really should have a coffee ~ I am often in Holland : smile:
 
#51
I agree with a lot of you here, I will distance myself from this friend from now on, no matter her intentions (jealousy or just judgmental or racist), this kind of negativity is just not what I need around. My fiancé came home yesterday and he told me to stop being friends with her too.
I feel like we have gotten a little too far away from each other in our lives, she has money issues and man issues and probably has addictions (alcohol and weed do this do your head; maybe one of the reasons she moves back to an abusive relationship - unlimited weed supply); and I live happily with my fiancé and can afford within my capacities what I like. When she was over she said a lot of strange things regarding our relationship too: she told me he was cheating when I basically said nothing; we got a 4th cat, she asked me who gets what cat if we split.. She told me I should change men and not the other way around.. Etc.
At one point she kept on telling me I should've invested (saved up) my money instead of buying bags, in case my fiancé leaves me. I tried to tell her that I can handle myself financially just fine, while I have no problem with my man spending on me, I'm not a gold digger, and designer handbags can sell easily second hand too, but... Our views are so different regarding genders and relationships I guess.

And I agree with most of your opinions regarding Asian's love for luxury goods, I think it's a sign of taste and emphasis on appearance, nothing wrong with that. Yes materialism is quite prevalent there but that's another sociological discussion. She could've pointed that out like any of you did or initiate a healthy discussion without sounding like a dumb white supremacist lol.

I am proud of my collection and the display of them make me happy and use all of my bags more. To be honest none of my other guests have ever said anything about it, some girls don't know bags much and just think it's nice. This girl just has problems. She probably came over and all she could see was $$$ whereas any other girl just sees "oh yeah she likes bags".

Maybe she shouldn't come over anymore then.
 
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#52
truelvoe said:
Hahaha I knew it... Lucky you didn't give her any MK bags, they sell really well in Europe! Maybe after a while of MK she suddenly will convert to LV lol. Then who would have the last laugh? :) yes we really should have a coffee ~ I am often in Holland : smile:
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Yes we definitely should!
Haha she can't afford Louis Vuitton. She can't even afford to live on her own at this moment and probably never will - I don't really see her career aspirations being realistic.
She got the one and only MK bag (that looks exactly like Totally) after asking permission from her bf but she was so happy with it. Since now I'm not into MK that much anymore I thought I would eventually get rid of them when I have more pricier bags; too bad for her, they could've been hers.
 
#53
ruox1 said:
Yes we definitely should!
Haha she can't afford Louis Vuitton. She can't even afford to live on her own at this moment and probably never will - I don't really see her career aspirations being realistic.
She got the one and only MK bag (that looks exactly like Totally) after asking permission from her bf but she was so happy with it. Since now I'm not into MK that much anymore I thought I would eventually get rid of them when I have more pricier bags; too bad for her, they could've been hers.
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Yes, I think besides being rude she was stupid too. You could really have given her some bags you don't use anymore. Anyway, the thing is when people have personal issues, they have inferiority issues they tend to be rude and say things that will hurt you. While I get angry with them most of the times, I also pity them because this envy they feel for people who have done something more in their lives is eating them up. I would definitely keep my distance from her as eventually she might do damage to you and your fiance as a couple. It is not your bags that she is jealous of, it is your life. I would be more careful around her and I would definitely never invite her to my home. And you are not going to hide any bags for anyone. This is your home, whoever doesn't like your decoration can find another place to have their coffee or drinks.
 
#54
Everyone has their own perspective, it doesn't help to put a 'tribal' slant on things. Although people can't help to notice visual differences so 'race' (if different from each other) comes up. Otherwise it would be tall vs short, blonde vs brunette, athlete vs geek. You get what I mean.
If your friend came from same country / genetic background she might try to explain her disapproval in terms of being brought up in the country not the city, or having frugal parents.
Rather than her judging you why not judge her for a bit and consider her culture. She comes from a country which has a fairly strong left- wing socialist slant, and flamboyant displays of wealth are generally frowned upon. Australians prefer 'experiences'. They are not exactly like the Europeans who revel in aesthetic beauty and wealth (as a generalisation lol).
Not your fault she's a yob with no finesse! *joke*
 
#55
I am an Asian living in Paris and I experience this quite a lot - "you like shopping cuz you're asian" "you do this cuz you're asian" "you're like that cuz you're asian." One of my good friends who is europeans make a lot of these type of remarks that always takes me aback but I brush it off. I understand it more as ignorance than racism (you can only make sense of what you see and a lot of asians do line up outside of the lux stores in paris). My friend doesn't think she's better than me, and she respects me, and that's what matters to me the most.

If you don't think your friend respects you, and is mocking you or insulting you because of your race or habits, then yes, it's time to be rid of her.
 
#56
Oh if it's any consolation I had a good friend give me a thorough dressing down because she was jealous of a bracelet I had bought for myself. She interrogated me about the worth of the jewellery outfit etc I was wearing during the visit and she was so rude I broke the friendship over it :( and no cross cultural issues involved.

Ps: probably not helpful to invoke a 'dumb white supremacist' racist stereotype not fair either is it.
 
#57
People on hard times or have never had money react differently when exposed to it. It sounds as if she liked one of your bags that might have been affordable to her. Encouraging her rather than trashing the MK brand might have sent the conversation in a different direction. If her ever owning an entry level purse isnt going to get respect from you, then a thousands dollar purse is a level to which she probably believes she cannot obtain. Consciously or not, she was going to defend her current position of not needing handbags.

Every person is different on how they react to comments on race and culture. It's either never say anything or expect the other person to respond when out of line and then learn.

If she is your BFF, you should (without accusation) explain to her how her words hurt you and made you feel. See how she reacts. She may not have realized she crossed a line in her opinions or that there was even a line she could cross that would make you drop her as a friend.

Friends dont have to like the same things or agree. She should be a friend because you care about each other and try to be honest and respect each other. While you feel she wasnt respectful, to not tell her how you feel isnt honest and talking about her to others isnt respectful. She might be a horrible person, but give her a fair chance to respond before writing her off.

Hopefully it was all a drunk misunderstanding.
 
#58
all7s said:
People on hard times or have never had money react differently when exposed to it. It sounds as if she liked one of your bags that might have been affordable to her. Encouraging her rather than trashing the MK brand might have sent the conversation in a different direction. If her ever owning an entry level purse isnt going to get respect from you, then a thousands dollar purse is a level to which she probably believes she cannot obtain. Consciously or not, she was going to defend her current position of not needing handbags.

Every person is different on how they react to comments on race and culture. It's either never say anything or expect the other person to respond when out of line and then learn.

If she is your BFF, you should (without accusation) explain to her how her words hurt you and made you feel. See how she reacts. She may not have realized she crossed a line in her opinions or that there was even a line she could cross that would make you drop her as a friend.

Friends dont have to like the same things or agree. She should be a friend because you care about each other and try to be honest and respect each other. While you feel she wasnt respectful, to not tell her how you feel isnt honest and talking about her to others isnt respectful. She might be a horrible person, but give her a fair chance to respond before writing her off.

Hopefully it was all a drunk misunderstanding.
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I like your answer.
It's thought out intelligently & caring.
And mature.

It's much better than my answer to problems (credit to Allie Brosh book):
http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTurMlusW7g9S_9NgJgHk7UVQAWW5rlsgvGC_crpNVVKhblHn1khw
 
#59
'Dumb white supremacist' seems a lot nastier than 'Asians love handbags' lol. This is a whole dynamic that really shouldn't come up if she was ever a good friend to you. At some point we all have to take our friends on their own terms and their own perspectives / previous experiences. Did she seem like a hopeless racist when the friendship was struck up? You seem to have become quite strong friends at one stage. You need to have a bottom line of trust to interact positively and respectfully.
 
#60
The funny thing is people like the OPs "friend" change their judgment once they, themselves, are able to afford designer bags.

I always take the snide comments as they really want the bags but it's easier to try to talk negatively about others so they can feel better about themselves. Misery loves company.
 
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