Worst (racist) bag shaming from a "BFF"

[ruox1]

I am speechless. That is so unbelievably offensive. I do wonder sometimes if people like this have been raised by wolves.



But, there's good news...when we first met, my French boyfriend thought that my bags/clothes/jewellery were ridiculous and wasteful. He also had never had sushi or curry, and didn't have much interest in trying. Now, he's starting up a little collection of SLGs and watches, and drags me out to Japanese and Thai restaurants at any available opportunity. There's hope

Oh that's so cute your boyfriend is starting to share the love! My ex is French and when he learnt that I spent €660 on a LV speedy (my first lux item) he told me he could not see the worth and that French people don't buy Louis Vuitton and Chanel (what an ignorant prank). Only foreigners are obsessed with it he said. One of the reasons he's the ex.
My fiancé complimented on my Speedy on my first date. Throughout the time he fully supported me to purchase my first Chanel (he loved going in there haha and think the SAs are nicer than the LV ones lol) and more and more nice LV bags. He loved the little first pocket organizer in DG I bought him!
I also share the similar experience with you regarding the food. His stupid mother never allowed him to eat Chinese takeouts because she thinks they're dog meat, and he never tried sushi before because he was afraid of bacteria ([emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]). Now he happily eats all the guts and intestines and ears and all our strange stuff in Chinese food and love judging others for putting wasabi directly into the soy sauce when he's at Japanese restaurants [emoji57][emoji57]

 

[ruox1]

In our global world there will be cultural exchange and people will make connections between cultures and behaviours. Eventually we won't be noticeably different from each other and the idea of 'race' will be largely gone. People will still make observations (true and false) based on what they see of culture though. Race is a false idea based on old ideas of genetics. I am completely European in appearance but I have Asian growth patterns in my teeth.

I couldn've said it better. The idea of race is ridiculous and hopefully will disappear one day.
What's Asian growth patterns in your teeth btw?

 

[floatinglili]

I couldn've said it better. The idea of race is ridiculous and hopefully will disappear one day.
What's Asian growth patterns in your teeth btw?

Oh thanks for being kind! I thought I may be flamed!

My dentist asked me if I had Asian heritage. I said not to my knowledge no (English, Scottish, maybe wild card Spanish afaik).

He said my teeth formation was Asian in appearance - at the back of the front teeth where they connect through to the gum. It is a whorl formation which leads deep into the root of the tooth. Apparently worthy of comment! I take it as a sign of the interconnectedness of humanity.

My sister is very dark. She definitely looks mixed race lol - but another race, not 'asian' (very broad terms aren't they - 'Asian', 'European' etc).

Another interesting example - Aboriginal people in Australia have definitely been genetically linked to the people of southern India now.

 

[SpeedyJC]

If she makes you uncomfortable about who you are or what you like then she really isn't a good friend is she? Maybe it's time to distant yourself from her if she upsets you this much.

Also personally I wouldn't call your collection humble I mean designer bags are not really affordable per say atleast not to many people that's why they are luxury goods. I mean yes maybe humble by TPF standards but your friend isn't judging by TPF standards. I think maybe she is jealous that you are able to own these bags. Jealousy could be wicked I know I had a jealous type friend and we aren't friends anymore. Anyways what your collection is is its fabulous and you should enjoy it

 

[Lady.B]

My fiancé is Swedish! He went to Stockholm last week for a business trip and came back to tell me that almost women he saw wore designer bags, unlike in Holland! Hahaha
My friends don't share a passion regarding bags, European or Asian.. My Asian friends always comment on the fact that they notice I've been buying a lot of new luxurious stuff lately, and my friends are mostly students so yeah... Not a lot of bag enthusiasts.
That being said I'm definitely desperate for friends who know BAGS and can afford a few nice ones themselves! No more "I would never spend that much on..."!!

Oh that's great news, I hope the two of you will visit Stockholm sometime soon! Rumor has it that Chanel will be opening here next spring

I think it's very tacky to comment the cost of someone's hobby like that, especially the comments like "oh you could have fed a whole African village with that money". What I find interesting is that the people who say stuff like that are the ones that definitely DON'T give money to charity. I work hard, I give money to charity and sometimes I like to buy myself an expensive bag. But by all means, go ahead and judge me and then buy yourself a fake bag and support child labour


Friends should support you, respect you and make you feel better. Anyone who doesn't do that is not a friend imho.

 

[cat1967]

Hey guys, it is 6am where I am at and I can't sleep because of what my supposedly BFF was saying to me last night when she was over.

(You can jump to last paragraph - racist part - if you find it too long.)

I have one of those ikea expedit book shelves where I loaded all my handbags onto three rows. It is right inside my small apartment's living room so naturally, when she came over after a while all she noticed was bags. She told me I probably shouldn't put all of my bags out, I responded I hardly think anybody who comes to visit is going to plot to steal all of my handbags. Plus I have home content insurance (I only said that to "comfort" her. Really don't know how much my insurance covers).
She nodded. Seemingly approving. For god's sake I only have a few designer bags. One Chanel GST, one neverful azur, one classic Noé, one Speedy DE, one Turenne. One MCM bucket bag (which the style she wasn't a fan of - that is including my Noé), one Marc by Marc Jacobs tote, two Rebecca minkoff, one see by Chloe, and some Michael Kors. And my newest addition to the family, an Alma Pm (from my profile pic) sits there so I told her that my fiancé was so nice to buy me that one. She goes over and says she prefers another red bag I have - a Michael Kors Hamilton, to my Alma! Yes yes yes, I have 3 Michael Kors bags from when I started buying brand bags. I don't hate the brand as much as most purse experts do, but I wouldn't buy more of it, and I certainly wouldn't even begin to compare it to a LV.

View attachment 3104275
(Excuse that strange red Adidas bag from le fiancé)
See my collection is so humble and most of the bags I own are actually quite affordable.


Fast forward two bottles of wine and a pack of cigarettes, she started giving me an intervention in the name of a helping friend. I tried to shrug it off by telling her that I don't find it wrong but I do have a rule to not exceed my three rows while I'm still living in this rental. So every time I buy a new handbag I'll sell or give away an old one. And to be honest, as a new handbag enthusiastic, now I only want better and more expensive handbags. So I thought this was a natural way to go, just like when we age as women, we naturally dress better (better quality and more classic style) instead of only trendy and young, and I stopped buying cheap and loads of drug store makeup, and my shoe collection does not contain 30 bucks hooker stilettos anymore ( yes I bought a lot of those during my nightclubbing years - cheaper and wouldn't hurt me when they get dirty). I tried to explain to her that I believe when you hit an age as a girl, all the materialistic things you despised when you're in your hippie phase are going to come around and you would start appreciating investing in them. She of course lays out the most classic bag shaming sentence "I would never in my life buy such brand bags but you..." despite my rational and calm explaining and trying to chat like a normal girl. The intervention continues, where she compares me to some hoarding people you watch on TLC (even though I said I use all of my bags), and to her collecting stamps and coins. Bla bla bla.

Then she ofc used another classic bag shaming line - imagine all the things you could've gotten / bought with that kind of money! She mentioned traveling, and nice dinners out. I said I've been to at least 20 countries and while traveling is nice, I don't feel as enthusiastic as my European peers do sometimes. And my fiancé either. We just like to go to a new city and drink nice alcohol in bars, going to try local foods and wandering around. Basically what we like to do at home. And I pointed out to her we dine out all the time. The only thing i couldn't have pointed out more clearly was that our spending habits are different and I can afford some bags after even I satisfy all of my daily needs; alcohol, cigarettes, takeouts, going out, nice TV, nice outfits, digital gadgets, four cats...
Anyways it's okay for people to express their concerns regarding my bags I guess. I even found it amusing to prompt her to say more, that's when she said:


(TL; DR
That she doesn't know why but the two Asian friends she has always needs to buy luxurious brands. She mentions of this Indonesian guy who bought a luxurious brand of vacuum cleaner and how it broke. She said without filter that she feels Asians try too hard with their logos and brands to impress people or show off status symbol, and that I should adapt my ways to be European, now that I am living here for 5 years.

Excuse my long long whining but that my friend, is very racist and extreme bag shaming there. If any European ladies care to share with me your bag obsessions, I would be happy to hear if we are after all that different

What you have written here is as if I have written it. I am 48 and I started collecting designer bags five years ago. A have a huge collection of Balenciaga and LV bags that I adore. I don't have this ikea thing you have to put them so I have them in my big closet. But yours looks so nice.

I have a bigger problem than you meaning that things like you friend says, I hear it from my mom and sister and aunt whenever they see my bags. They despise me and my bags and you can see this on the look of their face. Unfortunately my mom lives downstairs and she makes comments all the time. Me having two kids to support, and that I should spend money more wisely etc. With the situation in Greece my income has dropped a lot, so since this year to buy a new bag I have to sell one or probably two if the new one is more expensive. This is my decision though, and this is something I want to do for my self, and I don't feel I have to justify it to anyone since I don't have any debts, I don't owe money, I never borrow, I provide everything my kids need, I support my family and my house, I pay my taxes on time and I have save quite enough all the previous years that I never did anything for myself. I have decided to stop buying bags now and travel a little, but that again is my decision.

What you spend your money on is your decision and yours only and keep in mind that most commonly those who criticize are jealous of your possessions and I think your friend is.

You are absolutely right about the things you get when you are younger. I see my daughter who is 22, clubbing a lot and going here and there, she buys inexpensive stuff so that she feels more careless. I have given her a Gucci bag I had in perfect condition and now it feels so used up. But she doesn't care. She wouldn't dare to ask for a Balenciaga as the leather is delicate and she wouldn't be able to throw it here and there.

I don't buy expensive clothes but I do buy expensive bags and shoes because I like them so much. Who says European ladies don't do what you do. I am sure you see them around. Those who have some money to spend many times decide to spend it on designer bags that is why the market has expanded so much.

Go on doing what you like. You live for yourself not for the judgement of the people around you. A good friend is one who expresses their opinion by saying, 'I would never buy so expensive stuff, but since you do enjoy them in good health' and not judge you or say mean things to hurt your feelings. I wouldn't want to be that close to that person, she obviously feels jealous.

So live your life the way you want and just ignore those harsh comments. Your collection is very nice, the way you have organized your stuff is very clever and I am sure that soon enough you will need a bigger closet for your designer bags. Be proud of your bags and of whatever you do. I am sure you have earned this.

 

[Bijans]

Sometime I wonder if these kind of remarks aren't because of jealousy! I have a friend who always makes remarks about my bags when I wear a different one .. I like to change mine around ! I get how many of those bags do you have .. Is that a new one ? I'm not sure what to think about it ! It makes me feel uncomfortable but that's just who I am I like bags and I'm not going to stop just because of remarks from others .. I see that same person spending money on other things much more than I spend . I guess I'm just different I find it rude and never do that to others !

 

[cat1967]

Sometime I wonder if these kind of remarks aren't because of jealousy! I have a friend who always makes remarks about my bags when I wear a different one .. I like to change mine around ! I get how many of those bags do you have .. Is that a new one ? I'm not sure what to think about it ! It makes me feel uncomfortable but that's just who I am I like bags and I'm not going to stop just because of remarks from others .. I see that same person spending money on other things much more than I spend . I guess I'm just different I find it rude and never do that to others !

My point exactly!

 

[emms2381]

I would not worry about it too much......

Fact of life is we as humans are always going to have differences in opinions... even the bestest of friends.

Just carry on enjoying your handbags.. regardless of her opinions you still must be pretty good friends since she is going to be a key figure at your wedding right?? So you must share a lot in common??

Some people will never get the whole luxury designer thing.... which is cool.

I think you should just get over it and put it down to a difference in opinion with a mixture of booze...

Btw... your collection looks lovely but putting these items on show is kind of opening yourself up to comments... possitive or negative.

Enjoy your wedding and have a fab day with your new husband and bff!!

X

 

[Catash]

I think people should have a better outlook on our bag-collecting hobby! If it makes us happier and more motivated, that is worth thousands of dollars IMO! Haha...

Some people tend to be opinionated and worse is that they are vocal about their opinions. We shouldn't care about those comments so much unless they are constructive.

 

[weezie602]

I'm actually not sure I would agree she was being the "worst" racist or "extreme" bag shaming, maybe that's her observation of certain friends in her circle and maybe she was just having a friendly back and forth with you about the money aspect. I don't know, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, pointing out personal observations of cultural or racial differences, isn't always immediately racist. And people get so touchy at the mere mention of ethnic or racial differences. But I would agree that she needed to be reminded that "blanket" generalized statements are rarely accurate. And come off as biased or judgmental. We are all different based on upbringing, culture, personality, means, stage of life, etc.. and we should embrace our differences. And that whole "live and let live" line comes to mind. I think in this moment you were already feeling defensive and maybe took her drunken rant a little more seriously than you should have. If she's that close of a friend that she's in your wedding, let it go. She could have just been jealous. Or tipsy. Lol. I've always felt that what other people want to say or think about me, is none of my business. (But I'd keep on eye on her you certainly don't want a close friend in life that is small-minded or immature, or one that talks behind your back.)

Agree!

 

[leechiyong]

I actually find that most people-non asian- have this opinion, or feeling that all asians have luxury brand accessories, bags, etc. in fact, someone saw me at the mall getting out of my car and they didn't realize it was me and they told me they thought, "here we go, another asian with an expensive purse" they literally said that to me. i wasn't offended, but it did catch me off guard. most times i "forget" about my bags, or don't realize other people notice them. idk why people have this stereotype of asian people having luxury items. furthermore, I'm not sure why they care.

IMO, if she is your friend and you want to move passed this, i would let it go and just move on. but if you don't feel like your friendship can weather this, life is too short to have "friends" you can't be 100% yourself around.

This. Unless you pay my bills or I ask your opinion (and can respect if I don't necessarily follow it), there's no reason to make judgmental comments on my purchases. I don't have time to feed people's negativity.

 

[SpeedyJC]

I actually find that most people-non asian- have this opinion, or feeling that all asians have luxury brand accessories, bags, etc. in fact, someone saw me at the mall getting out of my car and they didn't realize it was me and they told me they thought, "here we go, another asian with an expensive purse" they literally said that to me. i wasn't offended, but it did catch me off guard. most times i "forget" about my bags, or don't realize other people notice them. idk why people have this stereotype of asian people having luxury items. furthermore, I'm not sure why they care.

IMO, if she is your friend and you want to move passed this, i would let it go and just move on. but if you don't feel like your friendship can weather this, life is too short to have "friends" you can't be 100% yourself around.

I think that its only natural to catch you off guard. I was caught off guard when a friend of mines back when I was in high school seriously asked me if my father was in the mafia (my fathers family is from Sicily) I was really taken back and little offended that she was assuming that my family must make money illegally and she wasn't the only person to assume that either.

 

[Evia]

Any friend who intentionally makes you feel bad is not a real friend. I think she's jealous of you and that's not nice either.

 

[lvuittonaddict]

I think that its only natural to catch you off guard. I was caught off guard when a friend of mines back when I was in high school seriously asked me if my father was in the mafia (my fathers family is from Sicily) I was really taken back and little offended that she was assuming that my family must make money illegally and she wasn't the only person to assume that either.

wow! something like THIS would have offended me.