Truthfully, I'm impressed you were open to the viewpoints expressed here. Many such threads basically exist to get a free back rub, which you definitely didn't.
Hope it goes terrifically well!
Hope it goes terrifically well!
Workplace Work dinner group—— who not to invite?
- Thread starter zinacef
- Start date
Omg...this is worst than junior high....there is nothing nice or positive about this attitude.
Edit : on a general note, I understand friendship outside work, I have these too....and I think it’s ok to keep it very separate from work, if you think it will change the dynamic of the special evening, invite your friends and don’t mention it at work at all.
Otherwise it’s also ok to accept it will change the dynamic of the evening and invite her as a nice gesture and be nice with it.
Edit : on a general note, I understand friendship outside work, I have these too....and I think it’s ok to keep it very separate from work, if you think it will change the dynamic of the special evening, invite your friends and don’t mention it at work at all.
Otherwise it’s also ok to accept it will change the dynamic of the evening and invite her as a nice gesture and be nice with it.
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You def sound a bit clique-ey and superficial...but, whatever. Not everyone has to be invited to everything. I have a close friends group and sometimes we just want to chill and catch up without having to deal with people who we're not as close with. With that being said, if your only issue is her being quiet, perhaps if she's invited more, she'll be a bit more comfortable and open up?
True, actually the nature of my job actually makes me think that my concern is actually -0 compared to what people are actually going thru in life. I’m actually embarrassed that I opened this thread at all. I know just on my own perspective, I actually shouldn’t complain or seek some advice to something as shallow as this, my work experience always play a great role to what my actions should be in life BUT I’m human, I falter and things like this comes up then we hopefully get better.
Anyways, I’m actually so over it now, can’t thank enough everybody , the beauty of opening threads whether it is negative or positive or just about over nothing, you expose yourself to different people who has different opinions and experiences in life —- it either make you stronger or meh! Again, thank you for everybody’s solicited advices and opinions.
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@zinacef, you definitely handled this well - both by inviting this co-worker and by dealing with the comments in this thread. I can only assume that the things you are dealing with at work are much more stressful than this, and sometimes it is difficult to see the forest for the trees. Your will to decompress and have fun with people like you and people you like is definitely understandable. It is the optics that don't work in a work environment for the reasons mentioned in earlier posts. You should definitely not be embarrassed you opened this thread - those threads end up helping many people.
I was thinking the same thing. After working in various offices over the years I've noticed it's usually groups of young women in their 20s. They only want to hang out with people just like them. Then by the time they hit their 30s and have started marrying, having kids, etc., they have matured enough where they can handle having close friends of all ages and backgrounds.
Exclusion in any shape or form is whats wrong with this world. All are always welcome at my table. The only thing that will get you banned is being an a-hole. And even then there is room for forgiveness and acceptance if there is remorse.
OP you have handled the replies quite well and I commend you. I do hope you can see the issue with new eyes and understand and accept people for all their quirkiness and flaws. It will open your heart.
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She might be nervous and hence quiet, especially if she knows she was invited out of pity. But she will not come if she doesn't want to, and she won't if she is not having fun.
I do think excluding people is good behaviour, there is no excuse to that. When I was 11 I was the only girl from my class not invited to a birthday party because my friend's mother didn't like me (for whatever reason). I still remember it.
In my opinion you can go just the four of you or then invite everyone if it's a small unit. Leaving only a few out is plain mean.
I do think excluding people is good behaviour, there is no excuse to that. When I was 11 I was the only girl from my class not invited to a birthday party because my friend's mother didn't like me (for whatever reason). I still remember it.
In my opinion you can go just the four of you or then invite everyone if it's a small unit. Leaving only a few out is plain mean.
At least OP was thoughtful enough to think about this (and eventually decide to include the co-worker). There are some who are so insensitive they don't even stop to think about the feelings of others. I worked with a group of women who would go out drinking together and on the day they were going they'd be all happy about their outing talking about it in front of me and not ever thinking to invite me. We were a larger group. They weren't in my immediate dept or anything but I was friendly particularly with one of them.
Honestly I would not have gone due to having a longer commute and not really being interested in drinking after work and driving that long drive home.
But it bothered me that they would merrily talk about it in front of me and never think to say "wanna join us?"
Guess we have all been on both sides of this at one time or another
Honestly I would not have gone due to having a longer commute and not really being interested in drinking after work and driving that long drive home.
But it bothered me that they would merrily talk about it in front of me and never think to say "wanna join us?"
Guess we have all been on both sides of this at one time or another
Eh...I think you're being a tad self righteous here. You're telling me you've never only invited a couple friends out somewhere cause you had a special bond and you wanted to vent to them or get advice...or wanted to tell them something delicate in manner? You're telling me that if you had something private you wanted to share with friends, if some acquaintance you barely know asked to join you'd say "Sure...come on!" and spill your guts with some random there? You're telling me that you ALWAYS extend open invites? I find that hard to believe.
Like I said, there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be with certain people...certain times. OP said this was a monthly thing. My only issue was her description of herself and her friends. That seemed a bit snotty, but I didn't see anything wrong with how she handled the friend events she was asking about. If OP wants to go out with a few of her friends only, go for it! BUT, I also feel she should try to extend her work mate an invite to something that's not so personal so she can get to know her...which she seems to be open to.
Believe what you want. Ask anyone I’ve ever worked with (I would be happy to provide you with contact info!) In a work environment (and thats what this is about it wasn’t about needing to talk with close friends about a personal issue), I ABSOLUTELY have always invited EVERYONE I work with, whether it be to my home, lunch, dinner, whatever. Thats who I am. I just know what its like to be excluded and I never want anyone I work with to feel that way.
So thanks alot for the self righteous comment. I’m far from it.
These are women who are her close friends...who she happens to work with. It's not a "work" event. She mentioned there was another work holiday gathering.
So again, when you want to spend time with your close friends, you ALWAYS invite everyone?
I’ve already explained myself.
This gathering is within the work environment. It is not an outside of work gathering otherwise the OP would have made that clear. Even she admits it is a little catty.
My policy is if I am advertising a gathering around everyone I work with EVERYONE is included otherwise I’d keep my mouth shut.
It is not cool to broadcast a gathering at work if others are not invited IMO.
To further elaborate since you are so focused on what “I” would do, here is an illustration on how I would handle a similar sitch:
I plan a dinner with 3 people/friends I work with.
Another person we work with (ie in the SAME section/group/unit, etc.) finds out and is hurt they were not invited.
I pull that person aside and say, “I didn’t know you wanted to be included. You are welcome to join us!”
The end.
PS The title of the thread - WORK DINNER GROUP
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OP here, YOU are right about the title—— it is misleading, I realized that after few post. Should titled it as WHO’S coming to dinner?