Wedding invite does not say "plus one" or "guest"?
- Thread starter jordanjordan
- Start date
3 wedding planner books I had at home. One was budget weddings, one was from Bride's magazine and another was one I got from a bridal show.
Good for you! It's in very bad taste to bring an univited guest. No one knows what the story is in any family (well-to-do, or not) They may have space restrictions, budget restrictions, or assume that you will attend with your mother. What ever the reason is, it is their right to invite who they want. Simply go if you wish, or if you decline AND they ask you (don't give this info unsolicited) explain that as much as you would love to attend, you would feel uncomfortable attending without your bf. Then if they want they may ask him, or not. If not, wish them well and send a nice card.
Soery to bump an old post but I have an update!
Recently I caught up with another old friend and the wedding came up. Turns out she was invited but her BF of several years (who has hung out with bride/groom before) was not invited either. She is quite miffed as well especially because she helped throw their engagement party. Another girl's BF was invited despite them only being together for a few weeks. Word from one of the bridesmaids is she only invited plus ones for those in a "serious relationship". Knowing that is her criteria and I was still excluded I have decided for sure not to attend. Just wanted to throw all this out there for those who had asked questions about the situation!
Recently I caught up with another old friend and the wedding came up. Turns out she was invited but her BF of several years (who has hung out with bride/groom before) was not invited either. She is quite miffed as well especially because she helped throw their engagement party. Another girl's BF was invited despite them only being together for a few weeks. Word from one of the bridesmaids is she only invited plus ones for those in a "serious relationship". Knowing that is her criteria and I was still excluded I have decided for sure not to attend. Just wanted to throw all this out there for those who had asked questions about the situation!
Is it possible that the bride and groom only invited the +1s that they actually know well? That might explain the +1 that was invited after only a few weeks of dating...
Since you said you don't want to attend alone, I think you made the right decision in declining the invitation.
Just a side note since I'm late to the thread... when DH and I were planning our wedding, we invited married couples, engaged couples, +1s if we knew both people, and the rest were singles. We did invite some friends who we had not seen in a long time - it turned out to be an opportunity for several people to reconnect with us and with one another. Every female invited to the wedding (with the exception of a few wives of DH's friends who I did not know well) was invited to my shower. I did have one guest who RSVPd with a +1 (invitation did not include a guest), and she brought a female friend (not a girlfriend) with her. To be honest, I was a bit annoyed that we had to pay $150 to feed a woman we had never met, who wasn't invited, and wasn't the SO of one of our guests. As much as I enjoyed seeing my friend, I would have preferred she decline the invitation if she didn't want to come alone.
Since you said you don't want to attend alone, I think you made the right decision in declining the invitation.
Just a side note since I'm late to the thread... when DH and I were planning our wedding, we invited married couples, engaged couples, +1s if we knew both people, and the rest were singles. We did invite some friends who we had not seen in a long time - it turned out to be an opportunity for several people to reconnect with us and with one another. Every female invited to the wedding (with the exception of a few wives of DH's friends who I did not know well) was invited to my shower. I did have one guest who RSVPd with a +1 (invitation did not include a guest), and she brought a female friend (not a girlfriend) with her. To be honest, I was a bit annoyed that we had to pay $150 to feed a woman we had never met, who wasn't invited, and wasn't the SO of one of our guests. As much as I enjoyed seeing my friend, I would have preferred she decline the invitation if she didn't want to come alone.
That was my original thought, but the girl I spoke with recently who has been dating her BF for several years, her BF does know the bride and groom well... and the girl with a BF for two weeks I think knows the bride and groom the same or less.
It could be that the bride's parents were the ones who had final say over the guest list - they may have made adjustments before the info went to the calligrapher or whomever sent them out...
Sounds like you made the right choice, OP! Weddings are so often, so easily excruciatingly awkward for single people anyway, and to be asked to attend solo definitely sets you up for a very unpleasant experience. Unless she was a very close friend, then I probably would have simply sent my congratulations and a gift and opted out anyway...so I think you definitely did the right thing!!! 
My Mom won't be attending, so I would be going alone. I guess I was wrong if you all disagree, I Just thought that traditional etiquette was that if you invite someone that you always invite their spouse or live in partner, and that typically you let a single person have a guest. I definitely won't be going if I really can't bring a guest, and it's a shame as I was really looking forward to this wedding.
i believe that it is proper etiquette to invite someone with a guest, but i know that for many it is not financially viable. it comes down to choices, too.
i invited everyone with a guest whether i knew the date or not, and i trusted that people would use their own discretion (many of my friends were concerned that someone would bring 'just anyone' to my wedding. if a guest of mine wanted to do that, i didn't care. but no one really did that.)
i was in a wedding, i lived with a bf, and i had been friends with the bride since we were 6 and i had to travel across the country for the wedding and i was not invited with a guest. my parents were not invited. the bride's mom would only let ppl who were engaged have a guest and she dictated the guest list. it was horrible and many people were insulted at the way they were treated. maybe your friend is in a position that is bigger than her?
Interesting article on this:
http://www.tressugar.com/Modern-Wedding-Invitation-Etiquette-8273868
so this does not include boyfriends who are not live in.
http://www.tressugar.com/Modern-Wedding-Invitation-Etiquette-8273868
so this does not include boyfriends who are not live in.
Interesting... I've been dating my bf for over 5 years and we are very serious. But I guess Emily post would dictate that we wouldn't be a required invite, although someone who met a few months ago but are now living together would make the guest list, or even a couple who have dated 6 months and the girl has a ring on her finger so she'd be invited just for that reason. LOL Sometimes "etiquette" completely lacks in, um, etiquette.
Yeah I did this for my wedding too, although I couldn't invite a lot of friends because our families had so many extended cousins/relatives and what not. I never even thought about which friend could bring a date - I just allowed everyone to bring one date because I know how boring it could be for someone to not know anyone sitting at their table.
I did have one friend who was out of line - I invited her and a guest, which I thought would be a bf at the time. Closer to the wedding date she said she's bring a friend b/c she broke up with her bf, which I said fine, but she wanted to bring her three kids as well, to which I said no. She kept trying to change my mind but I was very firm on my decision. At the end I pretty much said she can either bring one kid or no friend, or just no kids at all. If her kids show up there would be no space for them. So she came with this friend who was rude and arrogant, but whatever. I'm not mad about that, but more ticked off at the fact that neither of them showed up with a gift or even a card! That is so tacky - who does that?
Another thing is, with Chinese weddings people almost never RSVP, so sometimes people show up unexpectedly and there's not much the couple could do. I'm not saying that's right in any way, but I'm not that shocked about it either. I couldn't even do a seating plan for my husband's side of friends and family because I had no idea who would show up, and his family was absolutely no help.
I think if I were invited to a wedding by myself I wouldn't ask if I could bring a guest - I can make the decision myself. I would be offended, but it's my choice to whether show up or not anyway.