Ungrateful!

#31
^That is a very valid point, I don't want to burn any bridges because the bf and I are long term and someday I would very much like us to take it to that next level :heart:

In the beginning I tried to be someone for him to turn to when he needed something and my bf said thats why he got comfortable, because I made him too comfortable. However now that I'm on board for not making him comfortable at all the bf is having a hard time doing it :cursing:

caley said:
berlyn, i had no idea it had gotten this bad. i think you and the bf need to discuss an ultimatum for his brother, especially when he goes underway and you go on vacation. you could potentially be dealing with stolen property, damaged property, and maybe even miffed neighbors. in all honesty, your bf should be the one to put his foot down. getting in the middle of family squabbles can be quite tricky and may have horrible consequences.

the idea of him staying with friends while you two are gone is a good one. however, if he demands to stay you should threaten him with being thrown out if anything happens to your condo. like you said, you are the woman of the house. yours along with your bf's home priorities come first!

sorry, spongers just bother me to no end.
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Thank you for the words Caley, spongers bother me too! Which is why I am so sad it has come to this, one in my own home.

I was thinking about just not going on vacation altogether, but that would be really crappy because I've been looking forward to it. I also shouldnt have to babysit his brother, its not my job and quite frankly I really dont feel inclined to give a rat's behind anymore. I am going to have my part of the condo locked down and also move the more expensive things to another location. I don't want to take any risks. When trust is gone, its gone.

With regard to if the behavior is just loser-ish or actually criminal. I think its the former but it could easily turn into the latter now that I've taken all the luxuries away from him. I'm sure he knows I'm angry. I just wonder what things are going to be like with my bf gone soon :cry:
 
#32
has any teacher or counselor suggest he see a doctor about ADD?
he seems to have a short attention span (can't watch the laundry, quitting school, getting fired from a job) and it may be a chemical imbalance instead of just being a plain old loser.

have to say that freddie the freeloader is taking advantage of your goodwill though. time for him to hit the road. putting locks and moving your valuables is something you shouldn't have to do. good luck, hope everything works out.
 
#33
^He actually was diagnosed with something like that but I don't think anyone ever really sought treatment for him, well in the medical sense. So that may be something to look into, hopefully he still has some kind of medical insurance.

I really shouldnt have to do any of that stuff :Push: Oh well, I helped contribute to the problem so if this is the way it has to be so be it. In a way its good that this happened now, so I can better prepare for when he may be alone here. I was actually just thinking of leaving my part of the place unlocked because I trusted him.
 
#34
There is no excuse for this crap, I would tell my boyfriend its me or the loser sibling, then kick the loser out.

If it was me his stuff would have already been outside and the locks changed.
 
#35
In case anyone was following the story :roflmfao:

I did have a talk with the bf yesterday and I think what it comes down to for him is pity. He feels as though he should have treated his brother better when they were younger so he owes him something now. IMO they were little kids it shouldn't really make a difference. How can you hold something against your sibling for something they did when they were like 5? And if anything my bf got the crap end of the stick in that area, this same brother that is on our couch now threw a bicycle at my bf from a tree or something, not sure how that happened but he actually still has the scar from that. A lot of other crap like that happened too, so if anything I'd consider them equal or maybe even less negative on the part of my bf. I can't really know because I wasn't there, but to the outside observer.

My bf has also always been the go to for the entire family. He sends them money or helps them out in ways that don't seem reciprocated. I guess thats what you do when it comes to family, but wheres the gratitude?

What really got me going though, was the fact that my bf CONFIRMED that his brother thinks he and I are equals. He feels like he "cleans" more than I do...which is laughable because he hasn't even cleaned the oven after he spilled pizza cheese in there and let it bake onto the door :rolleyes:. He said he was going to clean that a while back and it hasn't happened. So I'll probably have to do it or break down and have someone come in a couple of times a week for that kind of thing. I grew up not having to clean up after myself, and now that I'm out on my own I don't really mind looking after my own things however I'll clean up after someone else over my dead body :cursing:

I told my bf to tell his brother, or that I'd tell him myself, that we are NOT equals in this place at all. First of all in terms of ownership my name appears on the documents to this place, and 2nd of all his brother has not invested even half or even 1% as much as I have on this place. I bought Fendi Casa for this place for goodness sake, I keep this place up to date with all the latest things, and he just reaps the benefit of staying here for free, eating all our food, and watching HD cable.

I'm just venting. I really can't believe he'd go there and call us equals. I want to confront him about that but I'm not sure theres a proper segue into a conversation like that? And I don't want to come off as a pompous ass just bursting out about how we're not equals. Is there any semi-nice way of saying that? Or am I being unreasonable :cry:
 
#36
how the heck did he get a bicycle up a tree? he must be one hard working kid when it comes to bad behavior because a lazy SOB wouldn't bother to lug it up there. your bf has a good heart but he's going to be taken advantage of his whole life and then it's going to turn into resentment. it's best for him to cut off the charity and make them stand on their own two feet.

did you get Fendi Casa from Inspiration Home Design Center? because husband flopped on the bed there and the SA told him he had good taste and how much it was. never seen him move off a bed so fast lol.
 
#37
hehe yes we got our Fendi Casa @ Inspiration :smile: We just got a couple of the Fendi Selleria couches for the beach house recently too, they are TDF!

Yes, my bf does need to cut it out. I guess he'll have to do that on his own though, I don't think I can force him to and I don't want him resenting me for it.

I think I'm just going to have to help his bro get a GED and get out of here ASAP. I guess to help him help himself and ultimately help me :roflmfao:
 
#38
I've seen this kind of situation with a friend of mine. Her boyfriend's sister moved in with them. It puts you in a very sticky situation. In the end, it caused a raft of problems with my friend and her SO, when in reality it was the sister in the wrong being lazy and not contributing. I would hate to see this situation cause problems between your SO and you. I would be strong and stand up to the brother a bit more. You sound like you've been as nice as you can, now it's time to be a bit more frank and direct with him about his behaviour.
 
#41
Bubble: I really hope it doesn't come to that either. I don't think it will, although my bf does seem extremely uncomfortable when I mention the situation to friends or even when we're talking about it. It all goes back to him feeling sorry for his brother. Which I can understand but at the same time I know there needs to be change.

I suggested going to take the prelim test for the GED which is a required pre-test here, but he claims he wants to "study" for it....I don't know how much he can "study" for a reading level test...you can either read at a good enough level or you can't. A week isn't going to change that. I know hes just stalling :cursing:

So I told my bf that today and hopefully it means we can get him going on his way to that exam by tomorrow. I hate being dicked around!
 
#42
If he's not focused on straightening up his life, I honestly don't think he'll be moving out anytime soon. It takes time to get a GED and to actually find a job after that. So to lessen the stress and tension of having him around, maybe you can try talking to him directly? Obviously your bf will have a hard time confronting his brother because of the "pity" aspect. So since he is the source that is making you feel uncomfortable in your own home, approach him and speak your mind. I know it sounds crude, but knock some sense into him. Maybe it's better compared to being subtle or letting him slide by everytime. As you said, you're the lady of the house. Demand some respect from him lol
 
#43
^:roflmfao: Oh how I wish I could knock some sense into him!!!!!! Seriously though, I can't stand it anymore. I am pushing for him to get his GED so he can join the coast guard. I already talked to one of my friends who is a recruiter so that its pretty much guaranteed, all he needs is the GED and an ASVAB score of any kind so he can just get in and ship out to boot camp. I guess that takes away from the whole having to look for a job thing after the GED is in his hands.
 
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