True confessions and a compromise.
- Thread starter Bagpuss
- Start date
Does your husband have any expensive hobbies/tastes? I find this thread really interesting because my boyfriend is much more conservative about money than me - but he will spend on large purchases, i.e. Tiffanys for me.
I've thought about us in the future and I guess I just believe in keeping finances mostly separate, paying for somethings together (on a pro rata basis depending on our respective incomes), setting retirement and savings goals together, but then leaving freedom for each person's discretionary income and to a certain extent investment strategies. I think its also an interesting issue because if we have kids and I set aside my career for it, I expect the money to be ours - including our own private discretionary money. I think honesty is important, but it seems to me that a certain level of absolute freedom to save up for things that don't affect your finances badly is important too. Just my opinion.
I've thought about us in the future and I guess I just believe in keeping finances mostly separate, paying for somethings together (on a pro rata basis depending on our respective incomes), setting retirement and savings goals together, but then leaving freedom for each person's discretionary income and to a certain extent investment strategies. I think its also an interesting issue because if we have kids and I set aside my career for it, I expect the money to be ours - including our own private discretionary money. I think honesty is important, but it seems to me that a certain level of absolute freedom to save up for things that don't affect your finances badly is important too. Just my opinion.
Hi Bagpuss, thanks for sharing...I enjoyed reading this thread & I think everyone has different views on how to manage finances in a marriage.
For me, I never keep my husband in the dark about my expensive purchases even though it is my own money. I don't exactly ask him for "permission", but just like you, I do want his blessing. Once, I told him that it means a lot to me that he said yes, & he replied, "Not as much as the YES that you said to me 8 years ago." That really touched me.
Now that you've communicated clearly with your husband, which I thought was really wonderful, I'm sure you'll be happier when you get your Kelly or Birkin...Good luck with your Bolide sale!!!
For me, I never keep my husband in the dark about my expensive purchases even though it is my own money. I don't exactly ask him for "permission", but just like you, I do want his blessing. Once, I told him that it means a lot to me that he said yes, & he replied, "Not as much as the YES that you said to me 8 years ago." That really touched me.
Now that you've communicated clearly with your husband, which I thought was really wonderful, I'm sure you'll be happier when you get your Kelly or Birkin...Good luck with your Bolide sale!!!
Bagpuss, I hope that your Bolide finds a new home soon and in no time, you'll find your dream Birkin.
I never keep stuff from my husband because I'm always so excited when I buy new things and I have to show it to him
We both work and have no kids yet. We have a joint account and we just take our expenses from there. However, when it comes to Birkins and Kellys, we need to be in agreement because it is a large purchase. I also would not like it if he suddenly buys a small car without telling me.
I never keep stuff from my husband because I'm always so excited when I buy new things and I have to show it to him
We both work and have no kids yet. We have a joint account and we just take our expenses from there. However, when it comes to Birkins and Kellys, we need to be in agreement because it is a large purchase. I also would not like it if he suddenly buys a small car without telling me.
hmmm, interesting thread... i remember a few years ago when a guy i was dating asked me how much i had ever spent on a bag - mind you, this was when my birkin was sitting right next to me on a chair in the restaurant.. and i fended him off by saying "oh, more than you think but less than i deserve".. of course, we ended up breaking up a few months later (for reasons not relating to my nasty purse buying/ accessory addiction) but makes me think that bagpuss had it right in "confessing" to DH
That's sooo sweet, Gigi!gigi leung said:Hi Bagpuss, thanks for sharing...I enjoyed reading this thread & I think everyone has different views on how to manage finances in a marriage.
For me, I never keep my husband in the dark about my expensive purchases even though it is my own money. I don't exactly ask him for "permission", but just like you, I do want his blessing. Once, I told him that it means a lot to me that he said yes, & he replied, "Not as much as the YES that you said to me 8 years ago." That really touched me.
Now that you've communicated clearly with your husband, which I thought was really wonderful, I'm sure you'll be happier when you get your Kelly or Birkin...Good luck with your Bolide sale!!!
bp,
You show great character, and great self-respect for sure. Believe me, I think we all have been there!!! It feels soooooooo good, doesn't it? Just think of how much you will treasure your next handbag....it will be sweeter!!! Ive been there!!! lots of luck and you are an inspiration!
gigi,
your cognac chevre de coramandel birkin is magnificent!!! enjoy your treasures immensely and thanx for showing your collection which is marvelous!!!!!
You show great character, and great self-respect for sure. Believe me, I think we all have been there!!! It feels soooooooo good, doesn't it? Just think of how much you will treasure your next handbag....it will be sweeter!!! Ive been there!!! lots of luck and you are an inspiration!
gigi,
your cognac chevre de coramandel birkin is magnificent!!! enjoy your treasures immensely and thanx for showing your collection which is marvelous!!!!!
A VERY interesting topic!!! BP, I commend you on your honesty and courage. It's also great that your husband comes to a compromise with you.
I'm not yet married but I do have a SO. I've tried to communicate with him about my purchases but it didn't work with him. For him, Hermes is a namebrand and he believes that all namebrands are evil. He also does not believe that I will use my bags forever. He feels that the only reason I should spend is if I'm going to use it forever (and he doesn't believe that anything will last forever). Here's the interesting thing, he would splurge and get speakers and coffee machines, things that will depreciate and become defunct over the years. Yet he justifies it by saying it brings him enjoyment and helps him relax. I've tried but cannot communicate with him about this, I've even told him that Hermes bags appreciate in value over time so it's a good investment. To that, he answered, "Well in that case, you should just buy it, not use it at all, and sell it in a year. The moment you start using it, it's not for investment purposes anymore". None of this makes any sense to him. :cry:
So in conclusion, if I marry my SO, I will never be able to tell him about this. I'm of the belief that if I get married, I will have my own account as well as a joint account with my husband. However, I still won't be able to tell him (if my husband turns out to be this SO) about it as he will never approve or understand. It's pretty sad considering it's my money, but he does feel that I should get "permission" as he felt that his value system is better than mine ...
I'm not yet married but I do have a SO. I've tried to communicate with him about my purchases but it didn't work with him. For him, Hermes is a namebrand and he believes that all namebrands are evil. He also does not believe that I will use my bags forever. He feels that the only reason I should spend is if I'm going to use it forever (and he doesn't believe that anything will last forever). Here's the interesting thing, he would splurge and get speakers and coffee machines, things that will depreciate and become defunct over the years. Yet he justifies it by saying it brings him enjoyment and helps him relax. I've tried but cannot communicate with him about this, I've even told him that Hermes bags appreciate in value over time so it's a good investment. To that, he answered, "Well in that case, you should just buy it, not use it at all, and sell it in a year. The moment you start using it, it's not for investment purposes anymore". None of this makes any sense to him. :cry:
So in conclusion, if I marry my SO, I will never be able to tell him about this. I'm of the belief that if I get married, I will have my own account as well as a joint account with my husband. However, I still won't be able to tell him (if my husband turns out to be this SO) about it as he will never approve or understand. It's pretty sad considering it's my money, but he does feel that I should get "permission" as he felt that his value system is better than mine ...
Kou - I feel for you on this one with your SO. I think that if you try to understand him with his electronics purchases he should also try to understand you. If your husband turns out to be your SO, then your own account will be very helpful but it's so sad to know that you won't be able to share a lot of your "Hermès handbag excitements" with him, especially because Hermès (like his stuff) is part of you.
In my case, we do have a joint account and we both work. I do not need to ask permission from my husband but I do tell him which bags I would like to buy just for FYI. He did tell me though that for croc handbags, I need to wait later in life. He said that I also need a goal with my handbags .. start off with normal leather then progress to lizard, ostrich, and ultimately croc!
The only thing is I already have normal and ostrich handbags so I don't how long I can wait for croc LOL! I'm trying to tell him that they'll get more expensive later so I need to buy them now hahaha!
In my case, we do have a joint account and we both work. I do not need to ask permission from my husband but I do tell him which bags I would like to buy just for FYI. He did tell me though that for croc handbags, I need to wait later in life. He said that I also need a goal with my handbags .. start off with normal leather then progress to lizard, ostrich, and ultimately croc!
The only thing is I already have normal and ostrich handbags so I don't how long I can wait for croc LOL! I'm trying to tell him that they'll get more expensive later so I need to buy them now hahaha!
This is indeed a very tricky subject - and what works for one couple may not work for another....thankfully, in our marriage, I am the only one with expensive taste! DH does have his hobbies though which cost money - he does not see that the same as my 'collection'....but that's okay...it works...I do not share the cost though as sometimes DH just couldn't handle that....and I know it!!!
koukanamiya said:A VERY interesting topic!!! BP, I commend you on your honesty and courage. It's also great that your husband comes to a compromise with you.
I'm not yet married but I do have a SO. I've tried to communicate with him about my purchases but it didn't work with him. For him, Hermes is a namebrand and he believes that all namebrands are evil... It's pretty sad considering it's my money, but he does feel that I should get "permission" as he felt that his value system is better than mine ...
Hi kou, remember me?
your post isn't really about purses and sound systems, it's about respect and shared values. don't rush into anything (but don't give up your purses either - lilach has a post with a warning that you might heed
) http://forum.purseblog.com/hermes/why-hermes-bags-are-an-investment-20849.html
HiHeels said:Hi kou, remember me?
your post isn't really about purses and sound systems, it's about respect and shared values. don't rush into anything (but don't give up your purses either - lilach has a post with a warning that you might heed
http://forum.purseblog.com/hermes/why-hermes-bags-are-an-investment-20849.html
HiHeels!! Where have you been! Hadn't seen you on TFS in eons! I agree, it's definitely about trust and respect, which he is not giving me. At least I stand up for myself now, I used to just "take it" like I do with my parents. Anyways, I digress. Thank you very much for the link! Hermes is definitely an investment! It's also great for emergency!