After hiding some of my expensive handbag purchases from DH I got busted. I had already bought my Bolide and planned to add a Birkin or Kelly some day after saving up for them. They were my true love and the Bolide that I got from Susi Norman was just to get me through the wait interim. Then I watched a show on "financial infidelity" or secret spending in a marriage and how it can hurt the relationship so I decided to clearly communicate with DH what I wanted and how I planned to save for it etc. It is my money that I've earned but I felt as though our goals for saving were different and I wanted his blessing if I could get it. I felt like I couldn't really enjoy the purse while I was feeling guilty about it. Well I wouldn't call what I got as a blessing but more of a compromise. He already knew that I owned one "expensive" bag but I told him I didn't want to say more than that it was into four figures. I told him I wanted to save for another one that was even better and I wanted it even more passionately than the Bolide. He rightly intrepreted that to mean more expensive (did I say we communicate clearly?) Anyway the end note of the two hour conversation is that I should have one mega purse at a time and I had better choose the one that I can happily end the rest of my life with.(This because I convinced him how classic the Hermes handbag was and that you could wear it forever). I have to pay off my share of the bills and then set aside money after that. So..I have put my Bolide back on eBay- makes me sad because I love her but if I can get a Birkin somewhere and someday and still have my great friendship with DH it will be worth it. Hope my little story helps any of you that struggle with the DH like I do.
I am sorry you have to part with your Bolide but I think you made the right decision. It's a partnership and bags will come and go, but your relationship wit DH is far more important!!!! A birkin will be worth it!!!
Although you'll miss the Bolide, the Birkin or Kelly will surely ease the sting! And, Bolides are easy to get so never say never. Maybe in a few years, after the B or K, you'll stumble across another one and will be able to snag it. Good luck finding your dream bag!!
Very brave and honest for you to open up the lines of communication with DH! Good luck on selling your Bolide. Now if I could only tell my BF about my high-end purchases...
While I'm proud of you for that....somehow you brought out my own guilt -- my DH would just NEVER understand! You are very strong....be proud of that!
Thanks everyone for the supportive comments- I feel a lot less guilt already. Yes the Bolide is the bluejean one- I haven't listed it on the marketplace yet so I don't want to post the link here.
I commend you for your confession - as I don't think I could ever do that. But we are all different, and I admit after reading this I feel a tad bit guilty. I know of the show you're speaking of...and I don't want to watch it (but it's on my DVR). Hope you're able to sell you bolide quickly!
I justify my purchases by what I have to put up with at home, working nonstop from the moment I get home. It's all in the attitude. I would never tell DH how I spend my money. He has rich relatives whose wives don't even have to work and they get to buy $6k designer bags and brag about it too. Why feel guilty for spending my own money when the other wives get to spend their husband's? I deserve it!
Thanks BB!! I also justify it as my reward for putting up with DH for almost 19 yrs and have THREE teenagers!!! I've gotten him up to about $500-$1000 for a bag (just knowing) - we'll let it rest there for now...:blink:
Please don't think that I think everyone should feel guilty about spending or telling or not telling etc. This was my own personal experience and there is a lot of history behind it that I am not comfortable going into. Suffice it to say that poor DH has had a tough row to hoe with me- not the other way around.:shame: I needed to come clean with him or give him a medal or something.
This was quite and interesting thread...part truly honest and lovely and part secretive and funny. I should add my husband knows my passion for the high end Hermes bags and I don't need any justification. He knows when my mind is set it is set. Somehow, I can have the bag here and there if it does not affect our financial situation in any way, shape, or form. I just find a way to make it all work. Call it creative financing? I don't buy many bags...just the few I truly love. He is a pretty wonderful man and he is really interested in quality products. Good Luck Ladies however you get those bags!
Good for you, Bagpuss. I'm sorry you have to sell your Bolide, but you'll probably be happier with your Birkin/Kelly. Good luck!
