The Wit and Wisdom of TPF

#61
Oh Caitlin, there are so many posts I love from you. I'm just too exhausted from cleaning up poo and what not from my god forsaken cess pool backing up to look for them. I am totally hooking myself up to intravenous cocktails tonite.

You truly are a gift to tPF, hon!
 
#62
Club BagnShoo is now OPEN (highlights)

  • I sure did, I just emailed a thank you. It wasn't necessary to send me all those naked pictures of yourself but I forwarded them to all my friends. Hope that's okay. ;) :lol: (Japster)
  • You could always become a groupie, Megs.

    Oh. Wait.

    Vlad might not like that.

    Never mind. :weird: (Leah411)
  • Official Club Bagnshoo Disclaimer:

    Please No Posting Of Disgusting Bodily Functional Occurances Or Other Questionable Material That May Cause Patrons Of The Bagnshoo To Lose Their Lunch. We Do Not Have A "mop" Budget To Clear Projectile Virtual Vomit. Please Refrain From Any Inclination To Post Said Images.

    Thank You.
    The Management (bagnshoo)
  • okay 2 guys are walking down the park and they see a german shepherd licking himself. one guy says, "I wish I could do that" the other guy says, "you better pet him first!" (bagnshoo)
  • *pouring myself some Absinthe*

    Okay, based on what I've read, I'm going to contribute to the conversation. Rather then gross everyone out over time, I thought I'd do the whole "Tear the band-aid off really fast" route:

    Item 1: The Logo Channel did a TV show called Trans-Generation. It's about four trangendered college kids. This girl was going to have the final surgery so she could actually become a girl. (Changing around the . . . you know . . . downstairs plumbing.) The doctor was explaining the risks involved. One of them was the possibility that they could get some 'pipes' crossed and she could end up pooping through her vagina.

    Item 2: One morning I woke up and I noticed something gray and furry. I thought maybe they must've left their toy on the kitchen floor. I thought it odd because this thing's fur was a little darker than their toy. Thank God I didn't pick it up, because getting a closer look, I realized it was a decapitated mouse. (Which is wierd, because they're indoor cats . . . but this just proves they're good mousers.) I absolutey drew the line at picking it up because I'm the one that cleans up hairballs and scoops out the litter box. My mom was more upset about the fact that if they killed a mouse in the house, there must've been mice in the house to begin with. (My dad wound up flushing it down the toilet.)

    Item 3: In a particular Cosmo Confessions, this woman wrote in about her and her boyfriend babysitting their little nephew. They decided to get a little 'funny' with the toys and she wound up having to go to the doctor to remove the child's Lego from her vagina.

    In a different Cosmo Confession, this couple were celebrating their wedding night. They decided to play a sort of dirty ring toss with some Tiffany's sterling silver napkin rings. One got stuck, and they had to go the emergency room to have it reomoved from his penis. (caitlin1214)
  • that's what she says. i don't believe her.

    perhaps that's because she discribed antelopes to her boyfriend as "what the heck are those ballerina things bouncing on the mountains?"

    poetic if you think about it....:cool: (ilzabet)
  • (I was trying to put a really cute dancing Smiley from Smiley Central, but it didn't work!)

    Just thought I'd drop in to say "Hello! I must be going!"



    Have a wonderful night, everyone! (caitlin1214)
  • *Runs back in*


    Sorry! I forgot my purse!


    *Runs back out again* (caitlin1214)
  • "I do not, for one, believe that the problem was that the band was down. I believe the problem may have been that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being crushed by a dwarf. Alright? That tended to understate the hugeness of the object." (bagnshoo)
  • I think I would have told him, "okay but I stalked the last guy that didn't show up!" and gave him an evil "off balanced" smile! I'm fun like that. (bagnshoo)
 
#63
Club BagnShoo is now OPEN (cont'd)

  • Newsflash just in:

    Vlad has turned into an LV whore. And he's loving it. (Vlad)
  • I am like a crack whore who found the biggest rock on the street! :graucho:

    I haven't been this excited since I blew $3k on my laptop. But this feels better. (Vlad)
  • Originally Posted by tr444
    Mac inside an LV, is there anything better?
    Double orgasm, back to back. No downtime. Very satisfying. (Vlad)
  • "dear sweet tiny infant lord baby jesus, in your golden fleecy diapers and dear cherubic cheeks..." (ilzabet)
  • OH the zoo!!!! :roflmfao: :roflmfao: I thought you had elephants at your house!!!!! Or like a farm or something!!!! Well, I am a bit tired, not functioning at full mental capacity right now.:shame: (Traci)
  • :roflmfao: yeah I think our neighbors would have a little objection to the smell..... (bagnshoo)
  • What is up with you comparing yourself to whores? :roflmfao: (caitlin1214)
  • BAG whores, not, you know, whore whores. (Traci)
  • oh & LVad is a dirty whore, show off tease.[she said with love] (taco)
  • Originally Posted by ilzabet
    has anyone else ever noticed the quieter you try to be, the louder you are?? :yucky:
    What I hate is trying not to laugh at an inappropriate time when you think of something really funny.


    Did anybody see the UK series Coupling? Remember the episode where Jeff talked about the Giggle Loop? It's TOTALLY like that!

    "You are surrounded by people for a moment of silence when the Giggle Loop begins... "Suddenly out of nowhere this thought comes into your head: the worst thing I could possibly do during a minute's silence is laugh. And as soon as you think that you almost do laugh -- automatic reaction. But you don't, you control yourself, you're fine. Whew."

    "But then you think how terrible it would have been if you laughed out loud in the middle of a minutes silence. And so you nearly do again, only this time it's a bigger laugh. And then you think how awful this bigger laugh would have been. And so you nearly laugh again, only this time it's a very big laugh, it is an enormous laugh. Let this bastard out, and you get whiplash. And suddenly you are in the middle of this completely silent room and your shoulders are going like you are drilling the road. And what do you think of this situation? Oh dear Christ, you think it's funny!" (caitlin1214)
  • Well, in the purse forum charm ad, it does say to buy one so Vlad won't have to sell his body on the streets of London. (You know . . . so I kind of wondered . . . .) (caitlin1214)
  • this is going to sound bad, but this is EXACTLY how i feel when forced to go to funerals of people i don't know....usually just sit in the back and pass the shoulder shaking off as crying though....

    i'm a terrible person...it's alright. i've come to terms with it and moved on. :yes: (ilzabet)
 
#64
Club Bagnshoo is now OPEN (cont'd)


  • well I didn't drink all the booze. Geesh what do you think I am? Don't answer that.... (taco)
  • under the freeway? LOL that's hardcore, blueberries & beer...:lol: I love that story. (taco)
  • we all saw Lvad whip it out in the LV forum didn't we?
    or did I imagine it? (taco)
  • *Sits at the bar, pours some Absinthe*


    Okay, so I was reading this thing in the Boston Globe the other day. It seems that more and more young people are peppering their conversations with profanities and the mass media is NOT to blame.

    I'd agree with that. They even censor things that aren't even dirty but sound it. (I'd be watching a movie going, "Oh come ON! What's wrong with that!?!")

    While I don't think you should pepper your conversations with f- this, f- that, f-ing this . . . . if you're REALLY mad about something and want to make a point, 'consarn it' won't work. Sometimes you just need to say F:cursing:CK!


    Any thoughts? (caitlin1214)
  • I don't see the f*ing problem with using the odd profanity. (taco)
  • I can swear like a sailor if I want to, I just choose not to. I don't need to yell out profanities for shock value. (And this is coming from someone who heard her father say "Sh:cursing:t!" and "Goddamn it!" from a young age.) (caitlin1214)
  • and for the record, breastfeeding is not only accepted at the club, but it is strongly encouraged. we have a very accomodating lounge for the shy and a table up front for anyone who wants to let it all hang out! hell, you don't even have to have a baby! (bagnshoo)
  • You mean I can just whip 'em out at the club?? Hot dang! :yahoo: (Pursegrrl)
  • I have to walk my doggy around the block. can you guys keep an eye on things till I get back? you know, check i.d.'s, work the bar, keep people off the chandeliers? (bagnshoo)
  • Can I dance on the piano? (Pursegrrl)
  • mmm clooney...

    wedding rings are like barbed wire fences...keeps you in line without obscuring the view. :supacool: (ilzabet)
  • once i walked into the doorway and i thought i broke my nose....and the only thing i could think was that scene from the brady bunch where marcia gets hit with the football. didn't help that my husband was laughing hysterically while i was curled up on the floor in agony. great EMT, eh? :rolleyes: (ilzabet)
  • When I was in practice and patients would ask "how can I survive the holidays" I would tell them to drink heavily. Forget the silly crap the other psychologists tell ya, do it my way.. (Irishgal)
  • Oh man, sorry about the Oscars! But seriously, wish I could get nominated for something! Congrats are still in order. And by congrats I mean lots and lots of alcohol. For you, I mean. I'm still being nerdelicious. (nerdphanie)
  • wow. thats deep. heres my birth plan -
    EVERYONE OUT OF THE ROOM AND KNOCK ME OUT COLD LIKE GOD INTENDED! Wake me when the kids in college. (bagnshoo)
  • i just borrow other people's babies then give then back hyped on sugar with new noisy toys.

    i've decided i'm sticking to puppies. or maybe just a plant. (ilzabet)
  • Crap, I am busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest this week. (Irishgal)


    For the most part, though, the most I'll go is "dammit" unless it's necessary (by necessary, I mean stubbing my toe into a door, or something.)
 
#65
Club BagnShoo is now OPEN (cont'd)

  • YOU GOTTA LOVE OLD MEN

    I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court.

    I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him.

    The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red,

    orange, and blue.

    The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the

    old man staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he

    sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything
    wild in your life?"

    The old man did not bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and had

    sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son." (BagAngel)
  • Originally Posted by Litigatrix
    do you have the buttery nipples in here? :graucho:
    lemme check (looking down blouse...) (bagnshoo)
  • Originally Posted by Irishgal
    ^^and the verdict is?
    I only see a fuzzy navel. (bagnshoo)
 
#66
Highlights from Roo:

  • At least she didn't ask the cops about their sugar tits. :roflmfao: (Vivica A. Gets Racial)
  • Anyone notice the person in the article is called ALICE SMELLIE? :roflmfao:

    I never wear a g-string unless I am sunbathing.

    In my backyard.

    Where no one can see me.

    (Even the dog.)     :wtf: (The C String?!)
  • The robbers wouldn't get away with it. I'd call them honeybunny and tell them to give me back the bag that has "bad mother f*cker" on it.

    Then Vlad could quote something from the bible. :roflmfao: (If you could have coffee with anyone on TPF...)
 
#68
About Paris H :

Originally Posted by print*model
House arrest for 40 days with ankle bracelet. They released her due to a "medical condition".

I wasn't aware that airhead was considered "medical condition". H-Addict
Maybe they're refering to her wonky eye . Prada`s Meadow
I guess they didn't have Valtrex at the prison so they had to let her go. ~Fabulousity~
Its probably 'Luxury Withdrawal Symptoms' Ali-bagpuss

Lets see now!

Paris got a rash
Paris was freezing
Paris wouldn't eat or drink anything.
There were spiders in her cell.

Hello its prison you pathetic snob. Prada`s Meadow

The legal system should let everyone serve their time in their own house. This saves the government a lot of money. BTBF

Yeah sure, like her vulgar video........"It wasn't a porno, it was a documentary on skankism". dallas

They should take her co-inmates that don't feel well mentally, and "reassign" them to the Hilton Mansion for the rest of their sentence. impasto

I just heard one of the talking heads on the news call Paris's 'ordeal' "The Shawskank Redemption" Roo


Drunk drivers should be lined up against a wall and repeatedly zapped in the ass with a cattle prod. Paris can be the first....Prada Psycho

"She can get out of more things than David Copperfield." The View - Prada`s Meadow

I just watched a show with Dan Abrams tonight, he showed the jail Paris is currently residing.... The good news for Paris is.... its coed. Prada`s Meadow


 Originally Posted by Prada's Meadow
The great escape via a team of lawyers is more like it.
I wonder if she is asleep yet ?
maybe a nurse could just smother her with a pillow. bagnshoofetish

Originally Posted by Prada's Meadow
Actually, I read in the Paris Hilton complaint list that pillows were not provided in this "Hotel" So she had to roll up a stinky blanket and use that. So I guess that's what she is doing again tonight.
First the slaughter in Darfur, now this!? bagnshoofetish

She did contribute several adult-oriented tapes to the pleasure of males around the globe!! Give her some credit g'damnit! Vlad

I think it's more that she's suffering from a lifeSTYLE threatening condition. It's called JAIL.... Prada Psycho

Originally Posted by BTBF
P.S. I am surprised Paris knew how to spell Afghanistan.
I'm sure one of her staff typed it out from the original crayon draft. bagnshoofetish
Does she know that there is a country called Afghanistan? merika
Yeah, it's overseas, like Canada... Sweetlove

Suck it up Paris. 39 more days without going to the IVY and crashing your Bentley isnt going to kill you. Socalgrl86

Originally Posted by LoriB
Ok, no more dumb act. Can't wait to see her smart act.
God help us all. Roo

 Originally Posted by la miss
You know... I should quit working toward a law career and find a more lucrative job like professional drunkard. Sheesh.
Yeah, la miss.....but you'd also have to devote a lot of time to flashing your vajayjay to the unsuspecting public........:sad: Compass Rose

Originally Posted by karo
Kathy Hilton also told PEOPLE that Paris appears to be in good shape – though she is upset with her situation.
"She's sick of orange," says her mother.
That would TOTALLY upset me too.
Thanks for sharing Kathy. la miss
Now, if someone would please explain to Paris and her family that the way Paris feels about orange, well, that is how the country feels about Paris. tabbyco
 
#74
Litigatrix said:
I thought this one was so funny that I looked it up the other night to show my husband:

by Cal in "Haggling over H Items--is it ever done?":

Hmmmm...............I might try this next time I go in. Ideally it will go like this:

Me: May I have a look at that Croc Birkin please?
SA: Most certainly Cal. May I just say that you're looking exceptionally fabulous today.
Me: *blush*
SA: *giggle*
Me: Oh yes, this is beautiful and would look great in my *cough* collection. May I ask the price?
SA: 14 Gagillion Dollars.
Me: Hmmmm.....how about $500, a pack of gum, my kids and my nice Tiffany keychain *wiggles keychain in front of SA*
SA: Throw in that Juicebox that your kid is holding and you've got a deal.
Me: Done! Wrap it up.
SA: Excellent! Did I mention how fabulous you look today?
Me: Yes you did. Can I have your belt?
SA: No.
Me: It was worth a try.
Click to expand...

Love her:roflmfao:
 
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