Social- Are you and if you're not is it a disorder?

[passerby]

I am dreadfully shy and find it very difficult to speak to people. Hope this is not construed as a disorder?

 

[JoeyJo21]

Funny you brought this up as it was just on my mind.

Just got home from a meeting where the Vicar of all people called me quiet, which I'm not at all but I've only met him twice so how should he know. Just because I wasn't joining in when they were *****ing about the other members of staff not present, he called me quiet.

I was like 'wtf?' you're not supposed to talk about anyone like that, especially as a member of the church, and there I was youngest member of the group by like 20 years and the only one behaving myself. They're grown adults and should know better. I just think if you haven't got anything nice to say don't say anything at all.

 

[Neeya]

Hey, the world takes all kinds!!

I'm not as social as my sister; I like parties with some friends, but I don't like parties where I don't know anyone or only know one person there. I don't like concerts and bars because they're crowded with people, etc. I don't feel the need to have tons and tons of friends (my phone contact list has 90 people on it including family, my sister's has 250, lol). I don't feel the need or desire to meet new people all the time. I keep maybe 5 of my friends close to me, and that's it.

My SO balances me out in a way because he's an extrovert, and I think he'd be lost and sad if he couldn't meet and befriend new people on a regular basis. We can go anywhere and he'll chat someone up, and I usually just don't think about or bother to talk to anyone, lol. It isn't out of rudeness, I just don't feel the need to get into conversations with completely random people.

 

[lilpicotin]

if you have heart palpitations and nearly stroke yourself at the thought of attending a party, then you have a disorder - but otherwise, you're just introverted and that's a natural part of the personality spectrum. thank GOD we're not all carbon copies of one another - there's a definitely wide range of "normal" personalities out there. besides, you DO have relationships. if you didn't socialize with ANYONE then you'd also have a problem - but you do speak to people other than your reflection in the mirror, so i'm sure you're fine.

i wonder if most people who log on regularly to tPF and other internet forums are more introverted?

anyway, for a long time i thought i had to attend parties and do everything with everyone else, and the thought of attending parties would stress me out so much i would just flake in the end. i'm just not a joiner. i'm happier with a few quality relationships than many superficial ones...

 

[Azumie]

I'm glad you brought up this question, and I'm glad there are actually a lot of people who are like me. I'm not the only child, I have 1 sister and 1 brother. So, its not like I'm always alone all the time and get used to it. I just prefer to be alone most of the time.

I only have a couple of friends, part of the reason is that I dont trust people easily and there are only little people I feel comfortable with. But still, I prefer to do things on my own. I go shopping only with my parents or bf.

I always thought there is something wrong with me, and I tried hard to change, but i cant, and actually i'm pretty content with the way I am now.

 

[Liz_x3]

Of course it's not a disorder!! It just means you're more introverted then most which is completely normal! Now if you start hiding under your bed day and night to avoid contact with any other human beings.....then I would start worrying..LOL.

Me, I am a very social person. I get my energy off of people. I love being around them and I love interacting with others. I've always been like this..I just LOVE people! If I had to spend either a week partying or a week stuck at home alone, I would pick the partying hands down because I'd go crazy being by myself for a whole entire week! I'm just a huge extrovert!

 

[MAGs]

I was quite the social bee growing up. But things you go through changes you ALOT. I'm not a loner but I tend to observe the crowd before even striking a conversation with any of them.

 

[caitlin1214]

Growing up, I always wanted to be surrounded by lots of friends and I always want to be out doing things with people. That never happened. I was devastated at first, but growing up, I realized that I don't need to be around people all the time.

I like dividing my time between social things and solitary things.

And I don't see it as a disorder at all.

 

[kirsten]

I am exactly like you. I have no friends really and don’t really like or care to socialize. I have a fiancé and I am just happy hanging out with him. Also I am the only child and am close to my mom and dad who are divorced, so I visit them both weekly. I have 3 pugs (my children) so they take up plenty of my time too. Fiancé, family and pets pretty much occupy all of my time and I am happy as can be just having those 3 close to me.

I don’t really feel the need to have tons of friends and go out all the time. That has never been me. I like just hanging out at home and watching a movie or doing something low-key. Going out all the time can be exhausting. I get very anxious in social situations, like parties and such. I really do not like to be around crowds or groups of people at all. I am best one-on-one with someone.

I actually was prescribed Paxil for “social anxiety” when I was about 22. It really didn’t help me at all. I was still just as shy. I don’t think any type of medicine can cure that because it’s just who you are as a person. All that matters is if you are happy. I realized I was and am so I stopped taking Paxil and just accepted that is who I am.

 

[~Fabulousity~]

It's called introverted. I am the same. Don't worry, it's not a personality disorder, just a personality trait. There's nothing wrong with being quiet. If you are purposely staying inside out of fear of meeting people and your nervous system is so overworked that you are constantly sweating and breaking out in hives and palpitations at the thought of social interaction, then I think you have concern. Remember, it is not a problem until it interferes with normal everyday functioning. I've never understood why American society glamorizes popularity and trains young people to believe that happiness is only attainable if you have 100 people surrounding you at all times. To me, that's called narcissism and that is a disorder.

I'm this way too I don't even have a handful of friends that I hang out with. I'm very private and NEVER entertain at my home. I just don't enjoy having people in my personal space. Its nothing personal just the way I am. But I am also very trustworthy, and loving to those I care about, so I guess it balances out.

 

[Zophie]

I can be somewhat unsocial and I don't consider that a disorder. My brother is the same way too. I have a friend that is the opposite and always seems to have people at his house. I never have people come over except occasionally. I go out some but not much and I really don't care either way whether I stay home or go out. If you are happy that way, there is no problem. Those drug companies are just trying to sell you a pill so they tell you there is something wrong.

 

[azaelea]

i don't think it's a disorder at all! i am naturally happy keeping myself company. however, for the longest time i convinced myself that i wouldn't be happy unless i surrounded myself with friends and went out all the time. i found out that i wasn't really happy in those situations. now i'm much more happy just chilling by myself than constantly interacting with people.

btw... totally agree with everything you said cutiepie21. we have been trained to be social and to want to interact constantly with othes. however, i don't think that is the road to happiness and fulfillment for everyone.

 

[misskt]

I guess I'm somewhere in the middle. I enjoy going out with friends, having them over, doing lunch, and all that stuff. But I also know how to entertain myself, I'm someone who can go for a week without hearing from anyone, and that's okay with me. Sometimes, as much as I love my friends, they drive me crazy and I just need to get away! I'll usually spend a day or two at home and read a book or watch TV, or cook. I really enjoy doing that.

When I was younger my parents would take me to a lot of social events, or parties with other children to play with while the adults talked amongst themselves. So I guess that in a way helped me develop the social skills I have today

 

[missmustard]

funny you mentioned this... i just talked to my bf, and he was saying that his friends think i'm anti-social and dislike them, just because i'm a little more quiet and reserved than they are! i'll admit that i am rather shy when meeting new people, and especially in larger groups. i wouldn't say i'm anti-social... i'm just not very outgoing, and i've always been this way. when i was growing up, i was somewhat of a loner, had very few friends, and was always doing things on my own.

as an adult, i have no problems making friends.. it takes me awhile to feel comfortable enough to open up and be more talkative around them... but i tend to be more of a listener than a talker. i have a handful of close friends, and many acquaintances that i've met through mutual friends. it really depends on the person i'm talking to... if i can find something in common, i can be really chatty... otherwise, not so much.

i don't think it's necessarily a disorder either... i'm sure if you feel that it is really a problem and hinders your daily life, you can get it checked out.

For a moment there I thought you were describing ME! I'm not an overly social person. In fact, I don't think I'm even considered normally social. I have a few good friends (around 4-5) whom I'll go out with or visit or have over, but that's about it. I'm not very talkative when meeting new people unless we have something in common or find an interesting topic AND they are not annoying. I find myself annoyed by most "extroverts". The fact that most of them talk out of their arses all the time really annoys me. Besides, I'm not one to keep my real opinions to myself so I'd rather keep quiet 'cause I know I'll make people uncomfortable even though I don't mean to. Or get into an argument when there's no need for it. I guess those are the only times I'm talkative, when I'm defending my point.

Besides, what's so great about barely knowing a hundred people? I'd much rather know my few friends deeply and enjoy my time with a book or a movie (my passions).

 

[stacmck]

As long as the thought of being with other people doesn't interfere with your life (like having extreme panic attacks at the thought) you are perfectly fine! Some people are just more social than others. I think only children are especially more prone to wanting to be by themselves (I'm an only child too) - because we grew up that way. I know people who wouldn't dream of going out to eat by themselves, but I do it all the time. I think that only children are naturally more independent.

I had a friend in college who was the exact opposite - needed to have plans every weekend, needed to be around people all the time, and was preoccupied with fear of being alone. I'd rather be more on the independent end of the spectrum!