Both DH and I work very hard and we share everything that we have so it's never like his money or my money. If we buy something for me, it's always from him, and if we buy something for him, it's always from me. It makes us appreciate the "gift" more so anyway, about the telling or hiding part, I think it's more about respect than anything else. True, I don't have to tell him what I buy, especially when I know I went overboard, but I think he would get mad for not telling him, just like if he went overboard on his cars and parts spending and if he didn't tell me ahead of time, I would get mad. So we generally try our best to tell each other what we are buying. But I know it's hard sometimes, I am now hiding a Chanel wallet from him because I had just bought a purse and a woc during the past two months so it was more of my self consicious not to disclose the wallet until a later time. It's somewhere hidden in the closet and I don't plan on using it until couple things later.
Secret Jewels- How many? How do you finally reveal?
- Thread starter AntiqueShopper
- Start date
TPF may earn a commission from merchant affiliate
links, including eBay, Amazon, and others
Ugh, I wouldn't get away with it for 5 minutes, all our money is together. Probably for the best in the end.
We have a jointed account so it is pointless for me to try to hide any purchases from dh. I'm a sahm so technically it is HIS money I'm spending but we don't think like that. It was never HIS or MINE. It belongs to both os us. We both know our priorities so spending on our personal indulgences isn't really a big issue with us. He tells me about his purchases before and after the fact and I do the same. Sometimes, I will give dh a heads up of my intention by saying, "I'm going to XYZ store for a few hours, want me to bring home dinner? We can make it a date night." 
I am glad I am not the only one who is addicted to diamonds! Boy this is a serious illness. I just picked up my new anniversary ring today but I have been secretly looking at yellow and pink cushion diamonds for the past few days. DH told me it's ok to look but he doesn't want me to get it until our next anniversary or some other special holiday... He wants me to appreciate things and feel that if I keep buying jewelry one after another, I am not really appreciating it!? Does he have a point?
I think that's a wonderful attitude to have.
I support my DH -- he is a househusband, and I would not be able to devote as much time to my work if he wasn't at home taking care of all the chores and errands. I never think of it as "my money" because the things he does for me contribute to my earning potential.
He never complains when I splurge on myself, but I know he feels it's completely decadent. He is frugal by nature and his wants are minimal. He prefers to spend money on meals rather than on gems.
I did have a funny experience when he asked me if I was carrying a new bag (it was a Chanel, but bless him for not knowing brands!) and I said, "I told you about this bag like 10 times! You never listen to me!" It was the truth, but it really shut him up fast. So there is a tip for those of you with "secret stashes".
I have a sparkle addiction and he knows it - but I would never hide anything from him nor would I ever feel the need to...I am a grown-ass woman in full control of my/our finances and would never do anything reckless that jeopardizes my/our goals. So if I decide to make an impulse VCA buy (guilty), there is never a question of whether or not it was a "right" or "wrong" thing to do.
I think the key is "why" one keeps it a secret. I agree that a purchase that will jeopardize the household finances can't be kept a secret for long, sooner or later the spouse will know and it will not be a good thing.
But for those who just splurged with their own spending money it is a different thing isn't it?
But for those who just splurged with their own spending money it is a different thing isn't it?
I don't have a secret stash... but i think it's because we don't have much money to play with and he pays for everything. I don't even carry a wallet. He could easier buy things without my knowledge (although i doubt he would ever do that) but there's no way i could buy without his knowledge. I don't even know my pin numbers on my credit cards! I have an addiction to shopping so maybe it is a good thing....
I totally agree. My personal secret purchasese would not in any way jeopardize our household.
Part of me, I have to say, kind of likes the secret when I first get the item. I do not know why; it is like a kid stealing an extra cookie without mommy knowing about it.
BTW- this is a behavior I witnessed my mother do countless times. Many jewelry items she purchased for me as a teenager/ young adult were secret purchase items. She even helps now with my secret purchase reveals. (I know- I have a sickness.)
Anything I buy isn't really secret since I use the CC and he's the one who looks at it and pays it. I'm not a spend-thrift, anything I bought that was a big purchase would be discussed before hand and I'd be bargain shopping for best value for my money. But I still don't run to him with everything I've bought, it just gets integrated into what I already have as if it's always been there.
Everyone should be able to buy some things that don't need to be discussed or pre-approved.
Everyone should be able to buy some things that don't need to be discussed or pre-approved.
My DH is never bothered what I buy ,so jewels and bags ,I never hide or discuss with him .I buy whatever i like ,so no secrets or reveals .
My mom was like this as well. She had secret stashes of cash and jewels that my father didn't know about. I respect her strong independent mind for justifying that the purchases were from her hard earn money but I also know that my father knew about it but didn't say anything all those years. He wanted to keep the peace in the family.
If "secret shopping" involves adding risk into the family dynamics--financial, psychological, emotional--I'd want to understand that better. Trust issue? Expectation of being judged? Fear? Or utterly harmless and just for kicks? Surely there's a message in this kind of shopping, and losing a hangup is always better than perpetuating one.