*SCREAMING* Very loudly btw

#31
MissyBaby said:
You all simply DO NOT understand what I mean when I say I have no time. And no, I can't find a job near campus becase campus is 65 miles from home. School, and assignments for it, take up 95 percent of my time. My Dad and his illness, which is much more serious that I've let on with ya'll, takes up the other five percent, and somewhere between percentages, I find time to work. I HAVE looked for other jobs, but no one wants to hire a 17 year old. Ok. Sorry, just ain't gonna happen. I had the job lined up at David's but I doubt she kept holding it after she heard I took a job somewhere else.

When I say my boss is too young to be owning and operating a business, I mean, that just because she's waitressed her whole life does not mean she has the knowledge and understanding to properly own and operate a restaurant. She doesn't even count the money before taking it to the bank! We're going to get into serious trouble because of that some day soon! It's irresponsible to let Bri (Still ya'll, not short for anything you've mentioned. Just letters in her name....) count it out at night and accept that, well we're 20 bucks short again on Bri's watch. No employees should count out money drawers at the end of the night. My parents own a business I know what I'm talking about. Just because my Boss's parents are some of the richest people in town does not mean I have to roll over and play dead to suit her.

Before my Dad got sick, I was laying around the house 50% of the time, playing the piano all day, being generally very lazy. I had the chance to be lazy and I took it. My family is very tight and when my grandparents became ill, I took it upon myself to set vigil at their bedside. That's draining. They all passed on and I went back to being me...the musician/actor who sleeps through the day and gets up at night. I finished high school that way. Then the real world hit. Life just happens that way. Dad comes in from work looking like he's just seen a ghost and 3 weeks later we find out he's got stage 4 cancer EVERYWHERE! I spent the rest of the summer in and out of hospitals with him being not just physicaly drained, but emotionall drained as well. With college time approaching, and very little moola in my bank account I decided I needed job to help out with my gas bills and Dad's doctor bills. I could have at least found one that pays halfway decent.

I don't want you all to feel sorry for me or think of me like some little upity ***** or anything but my life ain't a bed of roses. I do need to quit this job but because no one around here is hiring I can't exactly get another job here in town. I'm in my car enough as it is! I don't want to spend another hour in the car JUST to get to work! I'm in the car most of my life and I'm missing out on what time my dad has left. I get in from school every night around 8pm and because I've been up since 4am, I'm so tired I can't see to walk so I fall out and sleep for an hour, wake up, eat something, go back to sleep, get up and do it all again the next day. On the days I work, I get up a little later than 4am, 6am, and get ready and go to work leaving around 1:30, but then I have assignemtns for school. I can't just write these down on paper. I have to shoot rolls and rolls of film, and it's not as easy as it looks.....


You know what....me going on about this is pointless. I hate my job. I hate my life. I want to be someone different.....there is nothing else in the world I want to do right now, only get in a 1957 Ford Fairlane Skyliner convirtible (teal and white) with my two best friends and head for the beach and never ever come home. But life ain't a movie is it?

So go ahead and yell at me, do what you want, cause I don't give a ****. I'm tired of this life.
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woo Missy I am sorry, but I think you need to get some help :wtf:
 
#32
MissyBaby said:
Christine, if you had this job you would understand. My boss is a year older than I am, and that's still practically a child, and she had no business running a restaurant. She doesn't even know how to count out the drawer at the end of the shift! We don't even get paid. I had to wait three weeks for a paycheck that poverty stricken people would think was laughable. Our uniforms don't fit. Our food is ****. Our service is alright depending on which waitress you get. Yes, in the beginning I was SO excited about this job because it was close to home, still in my town, but then I get there and see that we have no real reason to be open at all right now. Working out the kinks? The entire place is a kink. Everyone that's been there says they hate it. I understand why. I hate being associated with a place that is known for bad food.

Why don't I get another job? I don't have time to look for another one. School is consuming my every waking moment, no joke. Besides, with this being a hometown, family run business, I am more apt to be able to get off work the minute I need to if something comes up with my Dad as opposed to if I was working at David's Bridal. Like next month, I've got a HUGE photography job that I'm doing. I'm getting paid more for 2 nights work than I got paid in 3 weeks working at the restaurant. And on top of that I'm selling the pics I'm taking. I doubt I'd get 6 dollars an hour at David's. However my ridiculous boss is only letting me work 12 hours a week when I was originally working 30. Hmmm.....

Anyway....I guess for now I just have to go on hating it until I can open my studio!
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I think her running a buisness is know ones buisness. If someone is dum enough to stay there and not get paid that is there fault.:okay:
 
#33
Im so sorry u r in so much pain.
I think that maybe instead of using this time to post here on the PF...maybe u could b using that time for "GIRL CHAT" or for finding a better situation to work in?
There are also tons of support groups for children and families of cancer patients..U should look it up at your doctors office or local hospital.I myself went thru a horrific year last year watching someone I loved dearly die from Cancer.So I DO UNDERSTAND.
Sometimes when things are THIS BAD.....u need to get off the PF...and get some help.Seriously look into support groups..they really help!!!
Good luck!!!!
 
#34
I agree ^^^ with Jill's advice. When my dad was dying of Alzheimer's Disease, I found a support group that was incredibly helpful. A support group or therapy could help you with this negativity you are feeling. It's time to deal with these things, Missy. Best wishes to you. We've all had times in our lives that seem unbearable at the time, but we get through them.
 
#35
Jill said:
Im so sorry u r in so much pain.
I think that maybe instead of using this time to post here on the PF...maybe u could b using that time for "GIRL CHAT" or for finding a better situation to work in?
There are also tons of support groups for children and families of cancer patients..U should look it up at your doctors office or local hospital.I myself went thru a horrific year last year watching someone I loved dearly die from Cancer.So I DO UNDERSTAND.
Sometimes when things are THIS BAD.....u need to get off the PF...and get some help.Seriously look into support groups..they really help!!!
Good luck!!!!
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I too went through last year watching someone I loved very much die from a horrific kind of cancer. I understand what you're going through, Missy, but I agree with Jill and the others here that you really need to get some professional help with what you're dealing with before things get bad enough that you hurt yourself or others around you. Good luck. :heart:
 
#36
It sounds like you've lost hope. Please know that you can change your life for the better.

Perhaps now is not the time to be in school full time. Doing school part time for a semester was one of the best decisions that I made. It could give you precious time with your father & perhaps you could focus some time on finding a better job. Would it be possible to transfer to a school that is closer to your home? A long commute is an energy/time drainer. Ask yourself if it is worthwhile in the long run.:confused1:

Also, as previously posted, it certainly is time to get help. Not pf help but professional help. Every school has a counseling center. If you are a member of a church or similar perhaps you can speak with a clergy person. You do not have to carry your burdens alone. There are very caring people who are trained to help those in difficult situations.:yes:
 
#37
MissyBaby said:
I'm missing out on what time my dad has left.
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I think you hit on something here, Missy. I do not think the $130/month (which you haven't even been paid) is going to make a significant difference to your budget or in helping to pay for your dad's cancer treatments.

Spending the time with him (at least a few of the 7 hours you are expected to spend at the restaurant today, for instance) will seem priceless in a few years.

I'll go out on a limb here and guess that all this rage (at the restaurant, the cook, the preacher's boy from another thread) has a lot more to do with fear (of losing your dad, not having him there when you graduate etc) than with anything else.

I think you're very young and very scared and, really, how could you be otherwise when, all within the span of 3 weeks, your father goes from seemingly healthy to being diagnosed with stage IV cancer?

I'd do three things:

1). quit the restaurant (even though I agree, in principle, with the posters that said you need to tough it out and build a spine in the adult world. You're getting enough of a taste --more than most people get in their 30s-- of the "real world" by seeing your dad struggle with a horrific illness and realizing that there isn't a damn thing you can do to help)

2). divide the free time from quiting a job between seeing a counselor (preferably someone who won't mistake anticipatory grief for brattiness)

and 3). AND SPENDING TIME WITH DAD (This is going to be hard right now and invaluable in a few years. Hard because it's a lot easier to run away from the reality at home by developing a schedule that doesn't allow for a maximum of time to interact with your dad. But, just be around him. Try not to see the illness; try to see him. You won't regret this. I promise you).
 
#39
I think as a few others have said, you need to see a professional. With your father dying, you need to forget about whether or not the cook at work wants to go out with you, and concentrate on your dad as much as possible at this time. If your job is that unbearable, go ahead and quit. It's not that much money per month, and if it's truly that bad, it's just not worth it. You need to worry about yourself and your dad right now and let the rest go.
 
#41
Everyone is giving you great advice Missy. I hope you take it and see someone on a regular basis. It really does help. Also, I think it is a great idea for you to try to get involved with a support group. Call your local hospital and I'm sure you can find one. I had cancer 2 years ago and I can tell you that it is amazing what getting together with others that have the same fears, questions, and common bonds can do for you. Good Luck!
 
#42
There is a lot of good advice in this thread. Unfortunately it's been being given for months and not followed. Having a terminally ill parent is very hard. I've been through it before too. Trying to work and go to school in the middle of that is pretty stressful. Maybe it's time to take a break from EVERYTHING and focus on what's important. I don't think that creating dramas elsewhere as a distraction is very healthy but it is totally understandable considering the circumstances.
 
#43
Missy Missy Missy. I've run out of things to say. Please don't take this the wrong way but probably everyone here (myself included) has gone through what you have gone through. You are right. Life can suck. I had to watch my mom die a slow painful death in and out of a coma for weeks. This at a time when I was starting a new job and she lived 90 miles away from me. Oh yeah and did I mention my DH was in and out of rehab at that time too? Point being, no matter how old you are or what kind of large city or small town you live in, life treats us all the same way and throws us all the same curve balls. You can roll over and let it crush you or you can be the daughter your parents raised and accept that you are an adult now and can no longer whine like a child about everything. Time to grow up kiddo. You speak alot about going to church and that being a big part of your life. You already know what I'm going to say - give your overwhelming problems to God - get into scripture and meditate on it. *****ing and criticizing your co-workers is not at all Christ-like, the example we are to follow. But you will not get to that point by osmosis. Your dad needs you. He does not need you to run away with your friends in a large gas-guzzling automobile. Get back into your faith. Start walking the walk. God is only waiting for you to stop complaining long enough to listen to Him.

you can PM me anytime if you need a pep talk. I don't want this to turn into a religious discussion.
 
#44
Missy - here's an idea from someone who's been there: TAKE A BREAK FROM SCHOOL!

If this situation is as dire as it sounds, then you can just NOT go to school for a semester (or year) and spend this time closer to home, spending time with your family, and taking care of immediate needs. Seems to me that a) being home will cut down on your commute time and thus, need to work to finance the gas bills, and b) be much less stressful, allow you to get some much needed sleep and mental refreshment, and c) provide some support during this difficult time.

YES, you CAN take a formal "Educational Leave" from school and return under the same conditions as you entered (very likely just weeks ago). It's the rare school that will not allow a leave from campus for emergency situations (and even non-emergencies) and allow you to pick back up in a few months when things are better. School will ALWAYS be there - your father may not.

If you're tired of the life you have, then make a change. Listen to Bagnshoo - find God, find your family, and you'll find peace.

Good luck.
 
#45
bagnshoofetish said:
Missy Missy Missy. I've run out of things to say. Please don't take this the wrong way but probably everyone here (myself included) has gone through what you have gone through. You are right. Life can suck. I had to watch my mom die a slow painful death in and out of a coma for weeks. This at a time when I was starting a new job and she lived 90 miles away from me. Oh yeah and did I mention my DH was in and out of rehab at that time too? Point being, no matter how old you are or what kind of large city or small town you live in, life treats us all the same way and throws us all the same curve balls. You can roll over and let it crush you or you can be the daughter your parents raised and accept that you are an adult now and can no longer whine like a child about everything. Time to grow up kiddo. You speak alot about going to church and that being a big part of your life. You already know what I'm going to say - give your overwhelming problems to God - get into scripture and meditate on it. *****ing and criticizing your co-workers is not at all Christ-like, the example we are to follow. But you will not get to that point by osmosis. Your dad needs you. He does not need you to run away with your friends in a large gas-guzzling automobile. Get back into your faith. Start walking the walk. God is only waiting for you to stop complaining long enough to listen to Him.

you can PM me anytime if you need a pep talk. I don't want this to turn into a religious discussion.
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You are so right. It is not what happens to someone, but how they deal with it, that determines the character.

Missy - of the three things causing stress here, all but one can be eliminated. School can be put on hold and the job can be given up. That leaves your dying father - and that situation cannot be controlled.

So, control what can be controlled and shift focus from the 5% you are currently giving him, to 100% on your father. You won't get the chance to 'redo' this with him. The school and job can wait, he can't.

Simple.
 
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