Well, I've been spending the whole day trying to calm down by reading posts and responding to them. However, it's now the end of a work day and I am not feeling better. So, this is going to be a long-winded post. This actually happened last night but it's an on-going issue that is probably never going to end because apparently I'm very worthless, absolutely evil, and just plain sucks ... And for those who wonders why I stressed over things easily and have a tendency to get walked all over, here's the answer.
I hadn't been getting much sleep because of real life drama and work stuff - on 3 hour sleep for a while. Last night I got home around 6pm and proceeded to take a nap. I would've slept the whole way through if it weren't for the fact that my Mom called and said some things that just upset me greatly. The incident alone shouldn't be a big deal, but it's just everything that is implied behind it that drudged up all these bad feelings. Anyways, I'll get to the point.
Mom basically called me up and started yelling at me. I don't know what happened but since she opens up my bank statements, credit statements and phonebills, she must've saw one of them that didn't please her eyes. She said that she saw that I had paid one of my bills via billpay instead of checks and that if she sees me doing that again, she's going to hit me. She said that billpay is unsafe because people will get all my info that way (not true - writing check isn't any safer). Then she proceeded to saying how I have the intelligence and common sense of a kindergartener and that I don't know how to manage my money.
Therefore, she said she is going to assume full control of my finance. She made me print out all my paystub, citing that it's for my own good because I need to make sure my company didn't make any mistakes on my paycheck. The truth was, she just wanted to make sure that every dime I makes go straight to my bank account and nowhere else. Now THIS is a problem for me. I WORK and FUND all my purchases. I put 80% of my income into my normal bank account and the other 20% into an account that I didn't tell my Mom about. I simply told her I'm making X amount of money when I'm really making Y amount of money. With her seeing the paystub she's going to figure out I make more than I claim and will demand to know where the money has gone.
In addition, after she ranted about my income, she proceeded to say how I am a failure because I didn't make as much money as everyone else. She talked about how my sister makes more than I do and has managed to get so many points on her frequent flyer miles and hotel that she was able to get free tickets and upgrade hotel rooms for Mom. Mom also talked about how everyone else my age is already buying a house yet I still didn't.
After that, she started criticizing my appearance, saying how nobody decent will ever want to date me because I look horrible and am lazy. She said that because I have no common sense, am stupid, am a failure, and is totally inept, that's why I am never going to be able to finda decent guy to marry. She also said that if I do get married, my mother-in-law will hate me for being such an idiot.
In a nutshell, my Mom is controlling, manipulative, and hurtful. She and I are in a toxic relationship that I cannot break free of (will explain later). She controls my spending, cellphone usage, what I eat, how I dress, how long my hair is, whether I can go out or even use my own car. I can NEVER gain a bit of weight because once I get pass 130lbs, she will start complaining about how I'm fat and therefore to lose weight I have to do all the household chores. Yet when I'm thin (below 115lb), she starts criticizing about how I don't have a chest and that no guy will want to date another "guy". And when my weight was in between, she'll complain about how I have no muscle mass.
I NEVER had any curfews because I rarely get to go out at all. One time I went out with my SO (she didn't even know he's my SO at the time - had she known she wouldn't even let me go out at all) and she called EVERY HALF AN HOUR!!! Eventually I had to come back after 3 hours of being out because she was giving me so much Hell about going out.
Everybody tells me I should take control of my life and not let my Mom control everything. That's easier said than done. My Mom is what one would call a very traditional and old school Asian (to the extreme). Yes I'm an adult but my family dynamics is very different. Basically, we cannot talk back to our parents. My Mom still hits me (I'm in my late 20s) and she throws things at me when she's in one of those crappy moods. A lot of times as long as I'm around, she will try to find something (anything) to yell at me about. Then at times when she's mad at me but I wasn't around, she takes it out on my dog.
I cannot NOT give her control over my things, as doing so will mean that she'll disown me. I mean, I cannot even move out or not answer her calls or talk back to her because she WILL disown me over the stupidest things and neither my Dad nor my sister would dare to disobey her. I've talked to counselors before but it does not help when I'm the person who is asking for assistance. My Mom is insistent that I am the one with issues. She keeps thinking that I have mental issues and that I'm ungrateful. If it wasn't for the fact that so much is at stake, I would've gotten up and left already.
My Dad and my sister were not supportive in this at all. They told me to just "deal with it" and that none of this would've happened if I had done well in University. Of course my Dad and my sister wouldn't understand. After all, they were not the ones being targeted by my Mom. Essentially, anything I do right now that disagrees with her will either earn me a beating, hurt my dog, or get me disowned (and then my Dad will be caught in the cross-fire). So I've figured out the ONLY way to get out of this situation - GET A JOB OUT OF STATE (OR COUNTRY) THAT PAYS BETTER THAN THIS ONE
That is the ONLY way my Mom will let me go without trying to disown me - of which the repercussion is great. I'll have to get a job that pays more than the current one (so it can cover my rent expenses and all that) because otherwise she'll guilt trip me about how they bought a house in Orange County to save me money and now I had to move out for some job (note that she would say this even though she has wanted to rent out that house to other ppl for the longest time) ANd disown me for not doing what she wants. At the moment, the only route is going to CONSULTING FIELD since it's something I like to do, pays well, and will give me ways to get away from my Mom. But as my luck would have it, I cannot get my foot in the door. *sigh*
So anyways, that's my rant. If anyone can give me advice on this or any help with employment contacts, I'll really appreciate it ... Sorry for this long post but i'm still feeling really stressed and upset ... It's come to the point where it's affecting my work AND that I don't even want to deal with the future anymore. I'm not suicidal, just need a good time-out from all this crap but I can't even do that.
I hadn't been getting much sleep because of real life drama and work stuff - on 3 hour sleep for a while. Last night I got home around 6pm and proceeded to take a nap. I would've slept the whole way through if it weren't for the fact that my Mom called and said some things that just upset me greatly. The incident alone shouldn't be a big deal, but it's just everything that is implied behind it that drudged up all these bad feelings. Anyways, I'll get to the point.
Mom basically called me up and started yelling at me. I don't know what happened but since she opens up my bank statements, credit statements and phonebills, she must've saw one of them that didn't please her eyes. She said that she saw that I had paid one of my bills via billpay instead of checks and that if she sees me doing that again, she's going to hit me. She said that billpay is unsafe because people will get all my info that way (not true - writing check isn't any safer). Then she proceeded to saying how I have the intelligence and common sense of a kindergartener and that I don't know how to manage my money.
Therefore, she said she is going to assume full control of my finance. She made me print out all my paystub, citing that it's for my own good because I need to make sure my company didn't make any mistakes on my paycheck. The truth was, she just wanted to make sure that every dime I makes go straight to my bank account and nowhere else. Now THIS is a problem for me. I WORK and FUND all my purchases. I put 80% of my income into my normal bank account and the other 20% into an account that I didn't tell my Mom about. I simply told her I'm making X amount of money when I'm really making Y amount of money. With her seeing the paystub she's going to figure out I make more than I claim and will demand to know where the money has gone.
In addition, after she ranted about my income, she proceeded to say how I am a failure because I didn't make as much money as everyone else. She talked about how my sister makes more than I do and has managed to get so many points on her frequent flyer miles and hotel that she was able to get free tickets and upgrade hotel rooms for Mom. Mom also talked about how everyone else my age is already buying a house yet I still didn't.
After that, she started criticizing my appearance, saying how nobody decent will ever want to date me because I look horrible and am lazy. She said that because I have no common sense, am stupid, am a failure, and is totally inept, that's why I am never going to be able to finda decent guy to marry. She also said that if I do get married, my mother-in-law will hate me for being such an idiot.
In a nutshell, my Mom is controlling, manipulative, and hurtful. She and I are in a toxic relationship that I cannot break free of (will explain later). She controls my spending, cellphone usage, what I eat, how I dress, how long my hair is, whether I can go out or even use my own car. I can NEVER gain a bit of weight because once I get pass 130lbs, she will start complaining about how I'm fat and therefore to lose weight I have to do all the household chores. Yet when I'm thin (below 115lb), she starts criticizing about how I don't have a chest and that no guy will want to date another "guy". And when my weight was in between, she'll complain about how I have no muscle mass.
I NEVER had any curfews because I rarely get to go out at all. One time I went out with my SO (she didn't even know he's my SO at the time - had she known she wouldn't even let me go out at all) and she called EVERY HALF AN HOUR!!! Eventually I had to come back after 3 hours of being out because she was giving me so much Hell about going out.
Everybody tells me I should take control of my life and not let my Mom control everything. That's easier said than done. My Mom is what one would call a very traditional and old school Asian (to the extreme). Yes I'm an adult but my family dynamics is very different. Basically, we cannot talk back to our parents. My Mom still hits me (I'm in my late 20s) and she throws things at me when she's in one of those crappy moods. A lot of times as long as I'm around, she will try to find something (anything) to yell at me about. Then at times when she's mad at me but I wasn't around, she takes it out on my dog.
I cannot NOT give her control over my things, as doing so will mean that she'll disown me. I mean, I cannot even move out or not answer her calls or talk back to her because she WILL disown me over the stupidest things and neither my Dad nor my sister would dare to disobey her. I've talked to counselors before but it does not help when I'm the person who is asking for assistance. My Mom is insistent that I am the one with issues. She keeps thinking that I have mental issues and that I'm ungrateful. If it wasn't for the fact that so much is at stake, I would've gotten up and left already.
My Dad and my sister were not supportive in this at all. They told me to just "deal with it" and that none of this would've happened if I had done well in University. Of course my Dad and my sister wouldn't understand. After all, they were not the ones being targeted by my Mom. Essentially, anything I do right now that disagrees with her will either earn me a beating, hurt my dog, or get me disowned (and then my Dad will be caught in the cross-fire). So I've figured out the ONLY way to get out of this situation - GET A JOB OUT OF STATE (OR COUNTRY) THAT PAYS BETTER THAN THIS ONE
That is the ONLY way my Mom will let me go without trying to disown me - of which the repercussion is great. I'll have to get a job that pays more than the current one (so it can cover my rent expenses and all that) because otherwise she'll guilt trip me about how they bought a house in Orange County to save me money and now I had to move out for some job (note that she would say this even though she has wanted to rent out that house to other ppl for the longest time) ANd disown me for not doing what she wants. At the moment, the only route is going to CONSULTING FIELD since it's something I like to do, pays well, and will give me ways to get away from my Mom. But as my luck would have it, I cannot get my foot in the door. *sigh*
So anyways, that's my rant. If anyone can give me advice on this or any help with employment contacts, I'll really appreciate it ... Sorry for this long post but i'm still feeling really stressed and upset ... It's come to the point where it's affecting my work AND that I don't even want to deal with the future anymore. I'm not suicidal, just need a good time-out from all this crap but I can't even do that.
!
