Question regarding tacky people and carat size....

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#31
Bitten said:
Mmmm... I might not express myself well but I'm just very wary of people who dress up blunt and intrusive questions with wide-eyed innocence of being 'just curious'. Women, in particular, can be very snide in a disingenuous way that is almost impossible to pinpoint directly. And really, asking questions just because is inane and tedious. Kids ask 'Why is the sky blue? Why is that woman so fat? Why does that man drink so much? Why does daddy sleep in a different bed to mummy?' Those questions are of the same genre: blunt, direct, tactless. Why is it excused? Because children are asking. Are we children? No, we're adults. Different behaviour is appropriate - if I were to ask 'How much money do you make?' or 'How often do you and your partner have sex?' would it be acceptable as long as I add the 'What's the big deal, I'm just curious.' afterwards? No, and really a blunt question of carat size of another person's ring is no different. It's tactless at best. And I know, good manners don't have anywhere near the importance they used to (in fact, I think these days many people can't even tell what is good manners and what isn't) but to me, they still count.

My position is always, if I'm asking a question, why am I asking? Is it necessary? Is it my business? Curiousity can be phrased nicely and nastily and in the absence of personal experience (this being a web forum after all) I prefer discretion and subtlety in behaviour over gauche OTT 'Well, I was just asking!'.
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-- I agree that some women can be snide and so forth--SOME--but based on what you're saying, they ALL are that way. Anybody who asks automatically is snide and disingenuous. I couldn't disagree with that more. I'm trying to understand what would make someone think that way, and the only thing that occurs to me is that perhaps the circle of women around you happen to be that way for whatever reason, so you're assuming they ALL are. I don't know.

-- Curiosity, regardless of were it stems from, seeks and often produces answers. How is asking the size of a ring inane or tedious when the person asking wants to know the size and the person answering provides that size?

-- As to the money and sex...do you wear them on your finger? IMO, people who have the habit of putting their wealth and sex life out there, on exhibition, should be ready to answer questions kuz that's exactly what they're asking for when they're showing off what they have. I'm not saying everyone who's wealthy rubs it off on other people's faces, but SOME do. Some are all about their wealth and the parties they get invited to and the many outrageously expensive things they have--homes, cars, jewels, clothes, handbags, vacation homes, state-of-the-art appliances, gardens.... Sooner or later, they are going to get the questions, and while some don't mind, I've seen others pretend they don't like it after they've worked sooo hard at getting the attention. IMO, that indignation is not genuine kuz it contradicts their behavior.

-- If you have to ask yourself why you're asking, isn't it because there are more than one possible answers to that question? And other than wanting to know, what could the answer be? What other reasons can someone have to ask the size of a ring other than wanting to know? Perhaps it is at this point that the snide and disingenuous behavior you were describing happens. Is it possible that you're assuming malice in others when they ask these questions kuz of what goes through your mind when it's you asking them? I'm not saying this is the case nor trying to say anything other than what I'm typing; I'm just asking about a possible connection between what you said in the beginning to the question at the end. :D
 
#32
I usually just answer the question honestly, especially for women that are on the verge of getting engaged or are thinking of upgrading. It really helps them to see a certain carat size on someone else's finger. When DH and I were shopping for my ring, I polled a lot of my close friends and made mental notes about what I thought would be the right size for MY finger. I mentally catalogued the ones that I thought were too small or too big. I really don't get offended very easily, though.
 
#34
dusty paws said:
If I ask its most likely because I'm insanely jealous and in awe of a gorgeous gem. :)
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same. My boyfriend's friend's wife (whew) has a huge rock on her finger. She talks with her hands so its not hard to noticed the shine on her ring. I told her that it was beautiful and I think I asked about the size after I glazed over her hand for 5 minutes. LOL

she was a good sport and clearly proud of it

I just wanted to know so that if I get engaged, I would know what I want. lol
 
#35
I think if you have a massive ring like that it is somewhat expected to get a lot of attention (again depending on location) My ring is not big but big enough where I'm from and a few people have asked me that question. I don't think it's tacky- I guess it depends on how they ask. If it's just the carat size, I tell them with pride. It is something that my husband has worked for and I've waited for. I think it comes with the territory of having something not a lot of people can have/afford. People get curious.
 
#36
Would you ask someone what size jeans they're wearing? Or how much they weigh? They're wearing the jeans, they're walking around, so they're putting it out there, right? Would you ask someone what they paid for their house? Well, you invited me over, so you're showing off your house. Just trying to point out the flaws of that argument.

Asking the carat size of a diamond is thisclose to asking the price. There's a "formula" of sorts; typically diamonds are a certain price per carat so if one were to ask how many carats, they might just be calculating the price in their head.
 
#37
Nobody has ever asked me! But I do live in LA where my 1.75 ct. is average.

Once in awhile I'll get a comment like "your husband must really love you" which I don't like. I'm pretty sure he "really loved me" when he bought my first diamond, too, which was 1 ct.
 
#38
My e-ring is the exact same size, 2.11 (great minds think alike), but it's a princess cut. I've had some people ask me the size, but it's really been because they're truly admiring it, not because they think it's in poor taste. But I also work in downtown San Francisco so my ring is really nothing out of the ordinary -- large stones are the norm here.

Usually people just ask me if it's 2 carats, and I tell them yes.
 
#39
I'd probably say something like, "Thank you. I love it." And make it sound only like a compliment to you, and not regard it as a demand for information. Because you don't owe anyone a specific answer if you consider it too personal, too risky in terms of your personal safety to disclose, or rude. Nor is it particularly nice to seem braggy about it.

Too often, that kind of question arises when you can already tell that the two people involved are unequal in resources, making it icky, so...sidestep it.
 
#41
KZ, it doesn't really bother me, but I kind of get why people think it's tacky. Engagement rings are very personal and A LOT of people are still old fashioned about discussing money. I agree about the part of how people ask sort of to fish for price as the equation in their head becomes easy.
It depends on how people ask I guess. For me it's usually a giddy female so I just answer :shrugs:
I don't talk about $, but this question doesn't bother me personally.


ahertz said:
Once in awhile I'll get a comment like "your husband must really love you" which I don't like. I'm pretty sure he "really loved me" when he bought my first diamond, too, which was 1 ct.
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OMG, I AGREE!!!!! I actually get this comment a lot!
I'm like "um yeah, but he wouldn't love me less if it were smaller. . . . duh"
so stupid, LOL!
 
#42
Swankz: I understand and agree with you that it depends on how someone asks and the vibe you get from them. The point I was trying to make...and maybe I sucked at it and wasn't clear...is that I believe not everyone has the same intentions when they ask you something like that, KWIM? Some are truly curious without any malice. Others, like some mentioned earlier, are sort of shopping for their own rings and ask when they see something they like. And yet others are jealous, tacky, nasty, whatever. I hope that's better explained.
 
#45
People usually just ask if mine is real, and I just say "It had better be for as much money as my husband spent! ;)"

All together mine is a little over 4 carats, and it will one day be even bigger ;)

I find people looking at my hand on a regular basis, and they smirk or comment to someone else about it, but very rarely do they actually say something to me.

In all honesty you should take it as a compliment, even though some people are a little rude about it :)
 
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