hey guys, sorry this is long
sorry i just need to vent, im so upset i just started bawling at work, and usually im so self contained and happy, its just wierd...
the reason im upset is actually a reallllly long story but basically im in love w/ this guy and im pretty sure he loves me but we cant be together for reasons beyond our control. last night i realized that it wont ever happen for us, regardless of how much either of us wants it. and on top of everything, im his best friend. so last night i told him i cant talk to him anymore, and cant be a part of his life. and im just sooo upset cuz i feel so torn b/w swallowing my feelings and being there for him versus pretending that we dont exist to each other. i just cant ever imagine moving on if i stay friends w/ him because i compare everyone i meet to him. i truly think hes my soulmate and if i cant be w/ him i dunno if i should torture myself be being in his life.
then on top of that i feel bad cuz i told him id always be there for him and now he really needs me cuz hes going thru alotta personal issues, but it hurts me so much to be there with him yet not be able to be w/ him. the last thing he said to me was "leave me alone and let me be miserable, dont call me dont text me etc" cuz he was pissed that im so back and forth on this issue
aggh!! thanks for letting me vent