I really like bobbi brown. But its a little pricey, so go with MAC as an alternative. Also, liquid and gel liners are only a harsh as you make them. If you try a gel liner that isn't pure black (maybe a hint of grey), it would lighten it slightly.
consider permanent makeup. It's basically a tattoo, done right in your lash line. It's done by an aesthetician- call around to your local spas and see if they have someone doing it. You can still augment it with makeup if you want, but this gives a good basic lashline.