Incredible crisis advice.....some questions?

#16
To find an attorney - go to the courthouse in your county. (ie: I live in bergen county, NJ - I go to the courthouse in Hackensack, the county's courthouse). Ask lots of questions. Hit child support area and ask around. check legal aid(even though you may not need it), check domestic violence (even though you don't need it) someone can point you in the direction for an attorney.

Here is a tip: If you consult with a top divorce attorney, even if you don't hire him, your husband cannot hire him. Once you speak to an attorney; that attorney cannot be retained by your husband. conflict of interest because you spoke to him first. This is a tatic the very wealthy use to cut one spouse out of a top notch lawyer.

Second: Breath deep. and relax. you're just protecting yourself. speak to your medical doctor if you have too. He has to keep conversations private.

Good luck.
 
#17
giselle said:
I am confused and scared about the money. Can he just take it all and leave me??? My name is on the accounts too, but we can each write checks without the other knowing.

Which book tells me how to protect the money?? A couple titles were mentioned.
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Just reread your entry, about the money part. You have to make sure you have enough to get by on your own for a while. If it means taking a chunk from the bank account, so be it. You'll know when the time is right.

And don't let him abuse you! My ex was abusive too. I hate that! A man who has to pick on a woman in order to make himself feel better is a coward.
 
#18
I think that you should also find out how to close joint credit card accounts/lines of credit when that time comes. I don't know if you have any credit card debt, but if you have joint accounts you'll want to be prepared to get yourself taken off of them. Maybe someone here has more advice on how that's done. Maybe you should also open an individual account and have the bill sent somewhere else? Maybe someone here has advice on that too. I think you should have some cash and credit for your own piece of mind. Can you talk to your family?

I think in a year or two you're going to be relieved that you left and off to a new and better future.

Selena, a bunch of good karma is coming your way.
 
#19
shushopn said:
giselle- let Selena help you...She sounds right on the money about everything. Follow her instructions and be as devious as he has been to you in his cheating. I think maybe you should open your own a/c and start socking some of the money in your joint a/c's away, slowly and inconspicuously.

Let us offer you support and courage through this. You will rise to this occasion and make your life far better then it was. More hugs!
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DONT PUT MONEY IN THE BANK!! Even if you have an account in your own name it is still marital property and subject to division. Sock it away in an old purse in the back of your closet it he NEVER know! Document nothing that you do or have and document EVERYTHING that he does or he has. That is the only way to survive this. Also get a credit card in your own name NOW. No tied to him. As soon as a divorce starts he will take you off the credit cards. Its very hard for a homemaker to get a credit card. Call your credit card company and tell them you want to establish credit in your own name. Not tied to your husbands social. They totally understand and help you out.
Selena
 
#20
winternight said:
I think that you should also find out how to close joint credit card accounts/lines of credit when that time comes. I don't know if you have any credit card debt, but if you have joint accounts you'll want to be prepared to get yourself taken off of them. Maybe someone here has more advice on how that's done. Maybe you should also open an individual account and have the bill sent somewhere else? Maybe someone here has advice on that too. I think you should have some cash and credit for your own piece of mind. Can you talk to your family?

I think in a year or two you're going to be relieved that you left and off to a new and better future.

Selena, a bunch of good karma is coming your way.
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Thanks winter! :smile:

I have seen to many of my friends get traded in for younger models after putting in 20 plus years and ended up with nothing. An ouce of prevention is my motto.
Dont get me wrong, I am a second wife and a "younger model" but we as women have to empower ourselves and take charge of our destinies.
Selena
 
#24
OMG! DO NOT LOOK IN THE YELLOW PAGES FOR AN ATTORNEY! And a court house will not necessarily give you the best attorney names.

The best attorneys are found by word of mouth! THey do not advertise! I work as an Associate for one of the most well respected attorney out there- he has been practicing for 50 years! Please, tell me where you live and I will ask him to give you a referral!

One more thing I have to add: A big firm, or even a medium sized firm does not guarantee you a good or even a competent attorney. In fact, some of the best attorneys go out on their own, and for very good reason!

Bottom line is that there are fantastic attorneys in small firms as there are some great ones in big firms. The best way to find them though is by word of mouth.
 
#25
I don't have any legal advise either-- sounds like you are getting really good advice from others-- I just wanted to offer my support too. I've gone through a divorce from an abusive husband and it was not easy. Take care and reach out whenever you need someone to talk to.
 
#26
As stated before , Research is key . And its time ( excuse my language) to start stacking your "F" you money. If done correctly u can and u will come out on top. Get everything u can get your hands on , and stash it some where. ( ie bank statements , etc.....)

I am pulling for you

Best of Luck

Heaven
 
#27
Gisele,
Sorrie to hear that it has to come to this...I really like Selena's advice, you gotta stock up some money (just in case you have to be on your own for a while).
Good luck... and cheer!!!
 
#29
Giselle, I'm so glad you have decided to do the smart thing - just think about the divorce planning as the only way to get even with him for the cheating & the abuse.

You have a lot of possibilities - your children are big enough not to need constant care, you're still young and have a new, better life ahead of you. I wish you the best of luck!!!
 
#30
gosh, this is incredible!!
i can't give you any kind of advice, because i'm pretty sure here in Italy things work in a different way....just wanted to say i'm sorry and
WISH YOU GOOD LUCK!!!
**********HUGS***********
 
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