I'm sure that most women do not associate the value of a ring with the value of their marriage.
Cultural differences aside, rude is rude.
How much did you spend on your engagement ring?
- Thread starter Levo
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Cultural differences aside, rude is rude.
Take the ring back. Use the money as a cushion in case he can't find a job, or for the start of a house down payment if he does. Sit down and figure out how much disposable income he has on hand after 6 months of your bills are paid--make that budget together--and use that amount to buy a simple, well-made band in 18k or platinum, instead of the large low quality diamond. And if you find out he charged those rings--b/c how could he get 2 for 9k, no matter the quality compromise?--run like h*ll.
Example: if his monthly expenses come to 5k, including paying down debt, make sure he has 30k saved up. If there's more than that, you could use that amount towards a ring--though still risky, b/c of course you want a house downpayment, a nest egg, retirement, and there's the possibility in a recession that he won't get a job in 6 months. It may not seem romantic to think about this stuff, but a marriage is a financial partnership, and money issues are the #1 cause of divorce. If he's willing to spend 9k on a ring, you need to know that he's making a sound decision, because it's your future, too.
Example: if his monthly expenses come to 5k, including paying down debt, make sure he has 30k saved up. If there's more than that, you could use that amount towards a ring--though still risky, b/c of course you want a house downpayment, a nest egg, retirement, and there's the possibility in a recession that he won't get a job in 6 months. It may not seem romantic to think about this stuff, but a marriage is a financial partnership, and money issues are the #1 cause of divorce. If he's willing to spend 9k on a ring, you need to know that he's making a sound decision, because it's your future, too.
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I first married at the age of 21 a few months after I graduated college. My engagement ring was a .52 round solitaire on a gold band (this was in the 90’s). I thought it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. My ‘then’ husband purchased the solitaire and setting separately. The diamond was F color, VVS2 clarity, Ex cut (I remember all this because I still have a copy of the appraisal and the ring was recently sold on eBay). I think back then, the solitaire was about $2300 and the setting was about $300 to make, the band was a simple gold band that cost $199. We were young and DID NOT want to start out in debt so he saved the money and already had a budget in mind of how much he would spend. Our wedding was paid for by both our parents and my ‘then’ husband had a job (military). I said all of that to say, live within your means!! Your fiancé not having a job is already the answer to your question. Spending $9K on a ring is way too much for a couple just starting out with such an obstacle already in place and that’s at any age!
DH spent less than 1 month's salary on my ring, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I value financial responsibility, and to me, the ring is a symbol, not a status piece. 
You clearly hit the nail on the head here. I would like to upgrade to a diamond, but it's only because I'm deeply ashamed I found my soulmate at 19.
I've found that almost invariably, women who like to insinuate that women seeking upgrades are materialistic or compensating for a broken relationship have themselves large, gorgeous rings. They got theirs, so other women can just pound sand.
DH spent less than 1 month's salary on my ring, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I value financial responsibility, and to me, the ring is a symbol, not a status piece.
Thank you for your advice, the yellow diamond alone was around 9K. They are very beautiful rings in person, definitely not low quality. They sparkle the same amount as a Tiffany, I have my standards when it comes to diamond. I think I would rather not have a diamond if I have to go for something that doesn't fit my standards. I agree there will be a lot of expenses latter on, having an amazing ring is not the most important thing for a happy marriage.
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DH spent less than 1 month's salary on my ring, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I value financial responsibility, and to me, the ring is a symbol, not a status piece.
I will keep the white one, thank you for asking.I can always upgrade to yellow diamond when we have more money.
I liked the setting of the white one the best. Have you two set a date yet?
In fact we are going on a trip next week to Japan, it will be pre-honeymoon trip.You're like me! I want a simple private courthouse wedding then a long honeymoon. A piece of advice: stand your ground and make sure you two have a united front about a courthouse wedding. My fiance's family is causing us trouble because they're insisting on a big wedding.