How do you deal with friends that say.....

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#16
I always have the same problem too. I have been into bags for as long as I can remember. Every occasion I asked for a purse and it's always been that way. No one else that I know shares that same love for handbags and I'm always on the recieving end of comments and side ways looks. What they don't understand is that I never spend money that I don't have on these bags. None get put on credit cards or such. Normally I sell my no longer used bags and use that money to buy a different one. My responsibilities are always taken care of first. They spend their money on what they like and I spend mine on handbags. Oh well if they don't like it because I do. [emoji6]
 
#17
You should tell them to go spend a few minutes on the Chanel or Hermes sub-forums! We would look savvy by comparison! :D

In seriousness, it's really none of anybody's business (other than your partner's if your finances are shared). It would bother me that a friend would deem it acceptable to judge my money management in any way. If this was a one-off, I'd let it go. But if she makes "judgy" comments a regular thing, I'd begin taking steps back from the friendship.
 
#18
Thank you all for your input, it was all so helpful. I am so grateful to all of my fellow TPFrs because this is a place where we can truly get to share our enjoyment, excitement and enthusiasm with absolutely no judgement.

I feel so much better for being able to be to vent my feelings. Thank you again for all your great supportive comments and insight into this all too common situation.
 
#19
momtok said:
I agree with the above, particularly HesitantShopper, and Wildflower's story of "pride in both directions". I think that anecdote is very true, and I can see why it stuck with her.

Me? I just don't say anything. If someone compliments a bag, I do a polite thank you, and on those rarer occasions where someone wants to talk about something they have or are planning to purchase, I will *happily* join in. :graucho:

What makes all the difference, in *your* case, is that your friend spends freely on plenty of other non-necessities .... obviously, that's what makes her comments completely out of line and completely uncalled for.

Ironically, the closest I've ever had to a bad reaction from a friend, came from the mother of one of daughter's good friends. This is a wonderful woman who I really like, and with whom my friendship has genuinely grown over the years... but who, unfortunately, cannot afford little luxuries like bags. She and her husband provide perfectly fine for their girls, but it doesn't leave a lot extra. She never said anything outright, but her eyes would constantly go to my bag, and sometimes I would just get an impression of annoyance or innocent jealousy. I felt genuinely, honestly, bad for her, and over the last year or so I've given her three brand new Coach bags, two brand new Coach wallets, and another Poppy wallet that I had used for a grand total of three days. I never made a big deal out of it (if I find a nice bag at the outlet that I know would work for her, I give it to her and say "Happy Hanukkah!", the joke being that it'll be nowhere near Hanukkah at the time, and neither of us are Jewish anyway ;) ), but since then she's used nothing but these bags. And you can tell she's honestly very proud of them.

........ But see, *she* was always polite and never outright snarky ... and I love how the whole thing turned out. I love seeing her happy like that. She's also the only person that I do feel comfortable mentioning something about my bag to, and we both get to happily enjoy the conversation.
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What a nice friend you are and I'm sure your friend thinks so too.
 
#20
There are very few lines from movies that I actually remember but these two from one of my favorite movies-To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar come to mind every time this type of question appears:
"Your Approval is not Needed" and "Approval Neither Desired Nor Required"
It's your money, you can do what you want. Enjoy your bags!
 
#21
I'm so glad you started this thread! I have one "friend" in particular that doesn't say anything...but I keep my bag in a certain area of my workspace and she constantly comes up and will just go over, pick it up, twirl it around and then continue normal conversation as she puts it back down. It seems harmless enough but I feel as if I have done something wrong. I am not one to like having any level of attention put upon me so while she may not mean it to be judgey (sp?), I feel like its a public shaming (she'll do it when others are there also). I have chalked it up to me being too sensitive but now I've gone as far as putting my bags in a drawer so it avoids the issue.
I am very fortunate that I can afford several bags during a year's time, but that has not always been the case. I need to just suck it up, smile, and say "yep, that's my bag"...and not care, but sad as it may be, its comforting to hear others have the same feelings as I do.
As others have said, there are many times that I've read threads here (like this one) that make me laugh after a hard day, make me excited about a new bag or just give me a feeling of feeling part of a larger group of really great people! THANKS!
 
#23
My husband doesn't say anything because he has a music studio in our house. None of my family members get my purse obsession. I have a few co-workers who enjoy bags, but are no where near as crazed as I am. Once I was asked how many bags i have, and I said, "not enough":p
On a side note, I don't tell any of my-coworkers about TPF. It is my little secret and a place I can enjoy my love of bags - so just hang out here!
 
#24
pbmuffin said:
It would bother me that a friend would deem it acceptable to judge my money management in any way. If this was a one-off, I'd let it go. But if she makes "judgy" comments a regular thing, I'd begin taking steps back from the friendship.
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This exactly. Everyone has their thing they spend "too much" on in the eyes of others who do not share their enthusiasm for whatever that thing is. Friends recognize this and don't judge. If that sort of thing continues, you may need to update your friends.

Teagaggle said:
I'm so glad you started this thread! I have one "friend" in particular that doesn't say anything...but I keep my bag in a certain area of my workspace and she constantly comes up and will just go over, pick it up, twirl it around and then continue normal conversation as she puts it back down.
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That "friend" is just weird! Who thinks it's OK to come in and handle someone else's things like that? I'm not overly germophobic but someone handling my bag like that... who knows what else she's handled before that? *shudder*

I had a parting of the ways with a "friend" over my choice in sunglasses. She kept snarking at me for having some expensive ones and I decided that was a stupid and petty thing for someone to harass another person about, so I stopped hanging out. Life's too short.

This thread reminds me of that image I see often:
 

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#25
stardustgirl said:
This exactly. Everyone has their thing they spend "too much" on in the eyes of others who do not share their enthusiasm for whatever that thing is. Friends recognize this and don't judge. If that sort of thing continues, you may need to update your friends.







That "friend" is just weird! Who thinks it's OK to come in and handle someone else's things like that? I'm not overly germophobic but someone handling my bag like that... who knows what else she's handled before that? *shudder*



I had a parting of the ways with a "friend" over my choice in sunglasses. She kept snarking at me for having some expensive ones and I decided that was a stupid and petty thing for someone to harass another person about, so I stopped hanging out. Life's too short.



This thread reminds me of that image I see often:
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Love that image
 
#26
When I think about being a REAL friend, for me that means being happy for my friends when they do or have something that makes them happy, regardless of what it is as long as it's not something dangerous or illegal! :laugh:

There's a Project Manager at work who I consider to be a friend and she only buys Chanel and other high-end handbags. She's very discreet about the bag she actually brings to work and I only know that the bag is Givenchy or Tod's because I have an interest in handbags, even the ones I don't own. Personally, I've never paid more than $500 for a handbag.

Regardless of this, I would never judge her about how much she spends on her bags. Last year, she spent 3k on a Chanel and I could tell she was excited. I was just as excited for her and I asked her to send me a picture of her bag. I told her how beautiful it was and joked that maybe someday I'd be able to buy one when I hit the lottery! We both had a good laugh. Now she's talking about a Celine bag that's 4k. Even though our handbag purchases fall in different categories, I'm not going to steal her joy. I think it's cool when she's happy and I always show my approval with a "Go on Girl with your bad self!"
 
#27
I think some people are "experience" people and some are "things" people, and most fall somewhere in-between. It sounds like your friend is an extreme "experience" type person and probably will never understand your bag purchases.

Maybe she was speaking preemptively and trying to keep you from "wasting" your $ in her eyes. Or maybe she just had a snark moment, or put her foot in her mouth. Just because you carry designer bags doesn't mean she's taken note, especially if it's not her thing.

IMHO you should give her the benefit of the doubt and try to be happy for her and her indulgences, even if her myopic view won't let her reciprocate with some of yours. Just stay bonded with her over common interests and let the others be bygones.

But if she brings it up again just calmly and firmly let her know that it's off the discussion table. And if she won't stop then start distancing yourself from her, and let her know why if she asks.
 
#28
To answer this friend of the OP, I'd only say "since I don't like going to see plays, I just spend those money on this bag I prefer instead". :)

Sometime, people just forget to look back at themselves. Maybe they mean well, but everyone has their own flaws. :)
 
#29
I love this forum.... I'm quite new here but I love the fact that most of the posts are so positive, encouraging and just feels like friends talking to one another, even though we are all strangers....with a common trait....love for bags. Louisprada25, I'm with you and I'd say, just do what makes you happy with your own money. It's really not her business to judge. Thanks for starting this thread. Nice to hear positive vibes from everyone.
 
#30
SunkistSunkiss said:
I love this forum.... I'm quite new here but I love the fact that most of the posts are so positive, encouraging and just feels like friends talking to one another, even though we are all strangers....with a common trait....love for bags. Louisprada25, I'm with you and I'd say, just do what makes you happy with your own money. It's really not her business to judge. Thanks for starting this thread. Nice to hear positive vibes from everyone.
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Welcome! Yeah, it's a pretty cool forum to hang out in which is why I'm always sneaking on when I'm at work! :laugh:


I just love pretty handbags, and shoes, and sweaters, and coats.............
 
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