How do you deal with friends that say.....

TPF may earn a commission from merchant affiliate
links, including eBay, Amazon, and others

louisprada25

louisprada25

Member
Oct 8, 2013
427
219
#1
I was so hurt and surprised yesterday when talking to a friend of mine. She is someone who has never had any interest in handbags which I respect, but has other interests instead. She would think nothing of dropping a few hundred dollars a couple of times a month to see a play, takes fairly lavish vacations each year and all in all lives a great life. I couldn't be happier for her and share in her enthusiasm when she tells me about the plays she saw and her upcoming trips.

I live well within my means, don't go to plays or take lavish vacations but yes....I love and buy handbags. I only buy what I can afford--Coach, Longchamp and a few preloved LVs. Sometimes I save up quite some time to buy a special bag here and there. I can't afford the higher priced bags and I'm happy as a clam with the bags I can afford. I use them and love them. I feel that a handbag truly makes an outfit pop whether it's casual or dressy. I never judge anyone by what they spend their discretionary income on and I'm always happy for them.

I was excited about a great F&F Sale on a Coach bag that I purchased recently and my friend said to me that she's careful with her money and doesn't waste it on handbags. My head exploded but I calmly said that buying handbags has nothing to do with being careful with your money. I live a very quiet low key life. Everyone spends their money (after bills are paid) on what gives them pleasure. One person may want to spend their money on a dinner at an elegant restaurant with a hundred dollar bottle of wine which is great for them. I would never judge that but I am so sick of people making judgement on so many of us for our love of handbags. I will never share anything about any of my new bags again because I just can't deal with this.

Have you ever had this happen and how do you deal with it?
 
#2
In these situations, there is nothing you can say that will help. Your friend doesn't seem like a really good friend if she is going to judge your purse choices! Please never feel the need to justify your purchases, and be confident you own your beautiful bags!

I saw the advice on here regarding just this issue, and I have used it before with NO apologies. If someone is cranky about your choices (which is none of their business), simply state to them to you work hard and play harder.

And don't ever feel badly about your handbags. Wear them with pride!!
 
#3
She was out of order especially if she takes lavish vacations and attends pricey plays... the snark in me probably would have shot that back.. "I am careful with my money, so don't attend plays nor participate is costly vacations" :p

Personally, if your close to her overall, i would take the high road and say that you felt hurt by such comments, she spends her extra funds in different ways than you but that doesn't make one way right or wrong, just different and no need for it to put a damper on the friendship.
 
#4
Your issue with your friend just reminded me of something from high school. As a preface, sometimes altering perspective in an uncomfortable situation can make it more bearable.

When I was in church, we watched this really old video, and I thought it was so stupid, but something stuck with me like glue. The video was on pride, and I'll never forget - the scene was students in a high school, and the video discussed the dangers of feeling prideful because you have something more (or are richer) than someone else. That's not what stuck. Then they talked about feeling prideful when someone has something more than you, and that is just as bad as the other way around!

My father constantly disparages those with money, and it happens all of the time around our country and the world. It is acceptable to be critical and demeaning of another's financial choices, even if they can easily afford them. Even if they give most to charity.

It doesn't make it right, but your friend may have never learned the valuable lesson of not judging those who have something they don't. Food for thought!
 
#5
I have this same issue at work! A co worker always comments on my bags (I have Coach, Longchamp, Tory Burch, LV and Burberry) and says she can't bring herself to spend that much on a bag. However she works out with a personal trainer daily and also has a cleaning service clean her house every week. I go to the free gym at my office and clean my own house. You are right that everyone spends differently and has different priorities. It's rude to judge someone out loud based on how they spend their money, so I make sure to never do that. I generally ignore her comments so hopefully she will get the message soon.
 
#6
No one in my life really gets my love for purses. I was really excited last year when I bought my first really big name premier bag. One of my friends was a little judgey about it. I was hurt, but just brushed it off. I now no longer talk to my friends about purses. I save that for here.
 
#7
I agree with the above, particularly HesitantShopper, and Wildflower's story of "pride in both directions". I think that anecdote is very true, and I can see why it stuck with her.

Me? I just don't say anything. If someone compliments a bag, I do a polite thank you, and on those rarer occasions where someone wants to talk about something they have or are planning to purchase, I will *happily* join in. :graucho:

What makes all the difference, in *your* case, is that your friend spends freely on plenty of other non-necessities .... obviously, that's what makes her comments completely out of line and completely uncalled for.

Ironically, the closest I've ever had to a bad reaction from a friend, came from the mother of one of daughter's good friends. This is a wonderful woman who I really like, and with whom my friendship has genuinely grown over the years... but who, unfortunately, cannot afford little luxuries like bags. She and her husband provide perfectly fine for their girls, but it doesn't leave a lot extra. She never said anything outright, but her eyes would constantly go to my bag, and sometimes I would just get an impression of annoyance or innocent jealousy. I felt genuinely, honestly, bad for her, and over the last year or so I've given her three brand new Coach bags, two brand new Coach wallets, and another Poppy wallet that I had used for a grand total of three days. I never made a big deal out of it (if I find a nice bag at the outlet that I know would work for her, I give it to her and say "Happy Hanukkah!", the joke being that it'll be nowhere near Hanukkah at the time, and neither of us are Jewish anyway ;) ), but since then she's used nothing but these bags. And you can tell she's honestly very proud of them.

........ But see, *she* was always polite and never outright snarky ... and I love how the whole thing turned out. I love seeing her happy like that. She's also the only person that I do feel comfortable mentioning something about my bag to, and we both get to happily enjoy the conversation.
 
#8
HesitantShopper said:
She was out of order especially if she takes lavish vacations and attends pricey plays... the snark in me probably would have shot that back.. "I am careful with my money, so don't attend plays nor participate is costly vacations" :p

Personally, if your close to her overall, i would take the high road and say that you felt hurt by such comments, she spends her extra funds in different ways than you but that doesn't make one way right or wrong, just different and no need for it to put a damper on the friendship.
Click to expand...


Oh yea, we are sooo much alike. The snark will bite back before the thought even consciously crosses my mind. I don't have the time nor patience for 'suffering fools'.
 
#9
I agree with what most are saying. Everyone has things they spend their money on. I have co workers and friends that constantly make remarks about my bags. They love them but often imply I waste money on them and they can't or won't. Yet they go out to fancy dinners and vacations. Spend thousands for their daughters prom dresses, drive brand new expensive cars, I could go on and on. I spend my money where I want and I never feel bad about it. I do get annoyed that they feel they can make comments. I would never even think about being so rude and mentioning I don't agree with how they spend theirs. For some reason when it comes to luxuries like handbags it seems people feel they have the right to be judgey.
 
#11
Most of my friends and colleagues know of my obsession and usually call 'dibs' when I decide to sell them after I get tired of them, lol. But I have had a couple of acquaintances comment about how many bags I own. Most of my bags are outlet finds or I use funds from my selling of bags to fund new ones, so I am not putting out as much money as people think I do. I bought 7 bags this year, and spent only $350 of my own money ;) It is all in the perspective. People will drop money on what they enjoy, ours is handbags!
 
#12
I too love love love handbags. I own Coach, MK and just recently my hubby blew my mind and purchased me two LV bags. The first was was early September and he just really wanted to surprise me( he knows I love them and dreamed of owning one one day). The first thing my mom asked was how much did it cost... I didn't want to tell her and now I wish I hadn't because she instantly looked disapproving. The second one he surprised me with on my birthday. I love them both but I am already feeling apprehensive about carrying the second one to work and people judging me on the fact that I have two rather pricey handbags. I just love handbags ( just like you have people who love shoes). It's sad to worry about being able to enjoy something that makes you happy because of others opinion on it. Like all you ladies have mentioned, we do what's within our means. I'm not not paying my mortgage to carry a designer handbag. Now if that was the case I could understand the judging .
 
#14
I get tired of people commenting about other people's money and belongings. It is none of their business how I spend my money. Some people gripe about being broke all the time and having lots of bills yet they have money to spend on fast food places, beer and get new tatts whenever they feel like it.
 
#15
Sorry your friend rained on your parade. I know it's hard but just try to brush it off. I know quite a few people who think I'm crazy for buying Coach bags, both friends and family. My mom, aunt, and I all love Coach, my grandmother however says we are rediculous for spending what we do on bags. She's had the same walmart purse for like 20 years. Which is fine, to each their own. I'm able to buy nice bags so I do, and I don't care what my friends and family think. It's not their hard earned money. Enjoy your new bag!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top