Hermes Cafe Bon Temps~Good Times Cafe

[prepster]

Last few days been thinking about general downsizing- this has been brought on by 2 things-
1. Moved 95 year old MIL into assisted living last weekend. She was able to take her favorite things and some furniture. Even though she had been living in a fairly modest house, and had been good at getting rid of some things over the last 20-30 years, there are still lots of items remaining that we need to decide what to do with. We only took a handful of items, as DH is not sentimental, and said "we have plenty of our own stuff" . SIL and nieces took quite a few items, but it felt sad that things she treasured in some way, no one wanted.

2. Read an article in the paper yesterday about baby boomers( which is my generation), downsizing and their adult kids don't want a lot of the family heirlooms like crystal, fine china, sterling, Hummel figurines, etc. ( ok I don't want Hummel figurines either).

All this is making me think I need to clean out some of our closets of stuff we never use, and my other big challenge PAPER, and photos! Oh and old electronics.(Silicon Valley nerd here)

A few questions for you chatsters:
1. If .you haven't used something in X years or Y months, when is it a candidate for giving away?
2. What categories of items are easier for you to get rid of?
3. Do you have a magic question that helps you dispose of excess?( besides the Marie Kondo joy)

There are a couple of questions I'll ask myself. One is just, "do I want to continue to be the caretaker of this ____?" I also ask myself, "if this ____ is so important to me to keep, then why is it sitting in a box in my closet (probably gathering dust, mildew and who knows what) instead of out where I can see it, or instead of me using it." If my answer is that I might use it someday, I ask the big question, "okay then, so when was the last time you used it?"

One thing I've found that seems to make getting rid of things easier is also that I tell myself that my life is an ongoing process of growth and new adventures. I don't want my life to be defined by things that someone else chose that I don't really like, or by things that I bought that I once wanted and used. It seems sometimes that aging happens quickly when we stop growing and changing. It's like people get to a certain age and their houses are full, their closets are full, and they have no more room to allow themselves to make fresh choices. Their houses become museums to someone they once were, and now they're just the caretaker of the museum. My philosophy is that while I have happy memories, I never want my life to be more about memories than forward movement.

I tell myself that I'm worth it--allowing myself room to continue to select new things as I change, and let go of things that are no longer the me that I am today, or that I want to become tomorrow. I want to allow myself the room and the space to keep trying and choosing new things. The deal that I make with myself is that if I ever get rid of something that I wish later that I hadn't, or that I now need, I am always "allowed" to go out and buy it again.

 

[Cordeliere]

Prepster That is a great philosophy. Looking forward instead of backwards. I think looking backwards was the reason my MIL was such a hoarder. Everything was gift from someone. At 92 she had outlived all her friends and she enjoyed the memories of them. And DH hoards things because he thinks he might need them some day. You have really nailed the reason people can't let go of stuff.

I like your question to yourself of if this is important to me, why isn't it out or why aren't I using it..

 

[scarf1]

There are a couple of questions I'll ask myself. One is just, "do I want to continue to be the caretaker of this ____?" I also ask myself, "if this ____ is so important to me to keep, then why is it sitting in a box in my closet (probably gathering dust, mildew and who knows what) instead of out where I can see it, or instead of me using it." If my answer is that I might use it someday, I ask the big question, "okay then, so when was the last time you used it?"

One thing I've found that seems to make getting rid of things easier is also that I tell myself that my life is an ongoing process of growth and new adventures. I don't want my life to be defined by things that someone else chose that I don't really like, or by things that I bought that I once wanted and used. It seems sometimes that aging happens quickly when we stop growing and changing. It's like people get to a certain age and their houses are full, their closets are full, and they have no more room to allow themselves to make fresh choices. Their houses become museums to someone they once were, and now they're just the caretaker of the museum. My philosophy is that while I have happy memories, I never want my life to be more about memories than forward movement.

I tell myself that I'm worth it--allowing myself room to continue to select new things as I change, and let go of things that are no longer the me that I am today, or that I want to become tomorrow. I want to allow myself the room and the space to keep trying and choosing new things. The deal that I make with myself is that if I ever get rid of something that I wish later that I hadn't, or that I now need, I am always "allowed" to go out and buy it again.

This is really useful! Thanks!

 

[prepster]

Prepster That is a great philosophy. Looking forward instead of backwards. I think looking backwards was the reason my MIL was such a hoarder. Everything was gift from someone. At 92 she had outlived all her friends and she enjoyed the memories of them. And DH hoards things because he thinks he might need them some day. You have really nailed the reason people can't let go of stuff.

I like your question to yourself of if this is important to me, why isn't it out or why aren't I using it..

People are so different, and like such different things, which is great. Lol! I have a feeling that DH thinks I'm a little mercenary about de-junking. I think what's important is to be happy. If things make life more happy, or beautiful or joyful, or if things are tools that make life better or easier, then it's an easy choice. It's when I feel more weighed down than uplifted by possessions that I know I need to adjust. My grandfather was very poor in a large family, so even when he grew up and became successful, he never threw anything away. So I also understand that some of my ease with letting things come and go is because I had a much easier childhood thanks to his hard work.

 

[Genie27]

When I went through my dads office when he semi-retired in 2014, I found newspapers under his desk from 2007 folded to half completed crosswords/sudoku.

Now that both parents are retired, they have been de-cluttering and streamlining so that it will be easier down the line.

I've always moved around a lot - different countries etc, sometimes with only a suitcase so I've had to naturally purge. But the last decade has been in one apartment and things built up. I've had a very difficult time in this past year of getting rid of stuff. And then I felt bad buying more things. Reality was that the things I am holding on to are not even good quality or good condition any more.

But stuff. And I don't like to waste. So I hold on to things past even donation-worthy.

It felt really really good last weekend when I got rid of some things that were just taking up space.

Baby steps.

 

[prepster]

When I went through my dads office when he semi-retired in 2014, I found newspapers under his desk from 2007 folded to half completed crosswords/sudoku.

Now that both parents are retired, they have been de-cluttering and streamlining so that it will be easier down the line.

I've always moved around a lot - different countries etc, sometimes with only a suitcase so I've had to naturally purge. But the last decade has been in one apartment and things built up. I've had a very difficult time in this past year of getting rid of stuff. And then I felt bad buying more things. Reality was that the things I am holding on to are not even good quality or good condition any more.

But stuff. And I don't like to waste. So I hold on to things past even donation-worthy.

It felt really really good last weekend when I got rid of some things that were just taking up space.

Baby steps.

It is ridiculous how difficult it is! I am so glad no one can hear the conversations going on in my head when I'm going through my closets! I read an organizing book once where she suggested doing one small area, like a single drawer or shelf at a time, taking everything out/off, wiping, cleaning or painting it, and then only putting back inside things that you love. The Fly Lady says to set a timer for 15 minutes. I've used that one before too.

 

[Genie27]

one small area, like a single drawer or shelf at a time, taking everything out/off, wiping, cleaning or painting it, and then only putting back inside things that you love.

I've been doing that at DBFs. I should be done by 2020.

 

[prepster]

 

[eagle1002us]

I gasped when I read that. Today I had put UTW and L'annee des etoiles in the purge pile, but it had not become concrete for me that there would be others getting kicked out for the "no orange" rule. I realized I didn't know who else was on the chopping block. This could be bad. I have used up every ounce of purging courage. But being determined to face the music, I brought all my scarves down (not hard with a small collection) and examined them. I realized (gasp again) that there are some scarves that have orange that I totally don't see the orange.

View attachment 3785209



The scarves in the top row are ones that I consider to have no orange. The middle and bottom rows do. Beloved India--while technically orange, it looks more salmon to me. That is ok. Same with the orange in Tohu Bohu. But where did that screaming orange hem come from on Rencontres Oceanes? I wear that a lot but don't see it because of how I tie it. And my 2 feu du ciels. I totally don't see the orange in the 90. The purple drowns it out. And the way the gavroche ties, I don't see it. But my beloved La Charmante aux Animaux almost never makes it to my neck because....its too orange. Must get in different colorway as I love, love, love the pattern. And Dans un Jardin Anglais..... I never wear it and I thought it was because the shade of purple is too adolescent lavender even for a purple addict like me. But not I realize the blades of grass are friggin orange. Out orange grass!

So 4 out of 18. That is almost 25% of my collection. I don't know whether I should be that my small collection is shrinking or that i will have more money to spend on new things. Because we have all the heavy investment in bricks and mortar behind us, I am doing some serious shopping and trying not to get carried away...you know...space it out a little.....try not blow a big wad of money in one month. But it is making me anxious as I can't decide what to buy first. So I am really happy to have those potential orange tinged mistakes off the list.

Scarf1, no more pointed questions from you. These decisions are exhausting me.

Beautiful collection, Cordy! I noticed the two Ciels du feux and a Smiles in the 3rd millenary (or Pearls de Turkana - same artist). I personally think shopping between seasons is tough, the summery stuff is on sale and fleeting and the autumn stuff hasn't really started to arrive yet.

Orange next to green in a print is going to be different than orange next to yellow or red. I think your reaction to orange is "colored" (sorry for pun) by the colors that are next to it or a part of your outfit. The appearance of colors changes in relationship to the other colors they are combined with. Because of this I wouldn't automatically reject things with orange.

Color coordination has to do with analogous and complementary colors on the color wheel. Colors look different (that is, better or worse, more or less prominent, etc.) depending on what they are paired with. I think you have a very nice manageable collection of HS; there's no reason to reduce it. Hopefully you can find clothing that works with these orangey scarves b/c you have such a nice collection. It's obvious you thought your purchases out very carefully, you didn't just go ga-ga.

I lost another 5 lb by stuffing self with popcorn. I have a huge sweet tooth but a nurse once told me to learn to love salty snacks. (I know from experience that one sweet thing could lead to another with me). I think he was right even tho a doc objected to that b/c salt increases risk of hypertension. Fortunately, my readings are ok despite the popcorn. Now every day is popcorn day.

So, long story short, wore a embossed brocade vest in an Asian print (it is a bit more subdued than it sounds) for the first time in about a decade. It fit well then but I noticed that now the vest rides up in the back and toward my neck. That's a fitting problem. Back has probably gotten slightly more rounded from spending tons of time hunched over computers + aging. I didn't foresee that I'd have fitting problems due to shifting body contours. This makes a difference in what I should keep in closet.

A successful closet purge is never finished . . . I make repeated passes through the clothing. I also get obsessed with particular colors. Does anyone else have this tendency? So I have a lot of coral b/c that color was in fashion a year or so ago, a lot of teal green for the same reason. Have I touched either of these colors recently? Naw. So I must deliberately plan on wearing them.

I've decided I'm now obsessed with a blue I think of as a Chinese blue, which to me is a vivid medium blue with a slight undertone of green. Probably like blue b/c hair is graying in front.

I don't ever focus on neutrals, I focus on color and tend to have monochromatic outfits. Today wore a vivid yellow dress with a light undertone of green, a citron. Hadn't worn that color for a couple of years from the time I was obsessed with it. But now I see newscasters and other women on tv in a vivid yellow. It's time for me to get some more mileage out of citron.
I love the wardrobe discussions on this thread.

 

[eagle1002us]

There are a couple of questions I'll ask myself. One is just, "do I want to continue to be the caretaker of this ____?" I also ask myself, "if this ____ is so important to me to keep, then why is it sitting in a box in my closet (probably gathering dust, mildew and who knows what) instead of out where I can see it, or instead of me using it." If my answer is that I might use it someday, I ask the big question, "okay then, so when was the last time you used it?"

One thing I've found that seems to make getting rid of things easier is also that I tell myself that my life is an ongoing process of growth and new adventures. I don't want my life to be defined by things that someone else chose that I don't really like, or by things that I bought that I once wanted and used. It seems sometimes that aging happens quickly when we stop growing and changing. It's like people get to a certain age and their houses are full, their closets are full, and they have no more room to allow themselves to make fresh choices. Their houses become museums to someone they once were, and now they're just the caretaker of the museum. My philosophy is that while I have happy memories, I never want my life to be more about memories than forward movement.

I tell myself that I'm worth it--allowing myself room to continue to select new things as I change, and let go of things that are no longer the me that I am today, or that I want to become tomorrow. I want to allow myself the room and the space to keep trying and choosing new things. The deal that I make with myself is that if I ever get rid of something that I wish later that I hadn't, or that I now need, I am always "allowed" to go out and buy it again.

Excellent post, prepster! I especially like the last line.

 

[FizzyWater]

It actually WAS taken from I-5, but by my husband and not by me. (I do not approve of this). We live very close though, in Wallingford if you know that area. I'm sure you do if you worked right below the bridge for 9 years! How long ago did you leave Seattle?
Hope your mom is OK. They are advising people to stay indoors with air filters for sensitive populations.

She sounded ok last night (day for her). She's in Port Angeles, so at least the wind's coming off the ocean, but she said there was definitely a pall in the air.

I lived in Ravenna briefly (though was more often at my BFs place in U Village), Redmond, a couple places in Fremont, then bought a house in Crown Hill in 2002 that I just sold. I've been in Germany for 9 years now. The original plan was that my parents would move in to my upper apartment but Dad's in a residential home now and Mom didn't want to move away from her friends. It wasn't working any more to pay for 2 households, and I'm pretty committed to Germany. (If nothing else, the German branch is very generous with letting me take off time and work remotely, which wouldn't be true in the Seattle branch. If I were there I'd be able to be there every weekend, as it is I'm visiting for a couple of weeks every quarter. I don't know if I made the right choice.)

 

[FizzyWater]

Have people read any good books recently? I've gotten some great recommendations here. Does anyone use a kindle? My daughter gave me one and it's so convenient. I am reading an Amy Tan book called The Valley of Amazement. I don't know when it was published because I buy most of my books from emails I get everyday highlighting various books. Very interesting so far.

I loved The Joy Luck Club so much, and then was disappointed by, I think, The Hundred Secret Senses and am afraid to pick up something new from her. How are you liking this one?

Many years ago, I loved The Woman Warrior: Memoirs of a Girlhood Among Ghosts, by Maxine Hong Kingston, also about the Chinese-American experience. I gave it to my mom, who taught in Taiwan and studied Chinese language/culture, though, and she hated it, I don't know why.

I'm reading The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemisin, which won the Hugo for fantasy last year. It's terribly bleak, but the world is fascinating. I also read her Inheritance Trilogy over a weekend a few months ago, so I may just be burned out on her writing style, good as the trilogy was.

In what feels similar but a bit lighter, Red Sister by Mark Lawrence was engrossing, and I'm sad I have to wait until 2018! for the next one.

And I was churning through the Alex Verus urban fantasy books by Benedict Jacka for a while, until I reached the: "And now is when Bad Things Happen to all the protagonists, especially probably the Love Interest, just to make for Dramatic Conflict" point and I just didn't have the emotional energy at the time to read it. But that took until book 7, I think, so I got 6 books' worth out of it.

In non-fantasy, I liked A Beautiful Poison by Lydia Kang (I think it was a Prime free purchase), a murder mystery set in NYC at the end of WWI. At first I just hated all the characters, but the story itself got me hooked partway through. (The characters improve, though not entirely convincingly.)

 

[FizzyWater]

Now that both parents are retired, they have been de-cluttering and streamlining so that it will be easier down the line.

Sigh - I wish that were happening. Before Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimers, he just started getting... weird about things. Especially getting rid of things. Now that he's out of the house Mom is starting to get rid of some stuff - she's informed me we're hosting a garage sale over Labor Day. Yay?

I've always moved around a lot - different countries etc, sometimes with only a suitcase so I've had to naturally purge. But the last decade has been in one apartment and things built up. I've had a very difficult time in this past year of getting rid of stuff. And then I felt bad buying more things. Reality was that the things I am holding on to are not even good quality or good condition any more.

But stuff. And I don't like to waste. So I hold on to things past even donation-worthy.

It felt really really good last weekend when I got rid of some things that were just taking up space.

Baby steps.

Baby steps! it is hard.

I moved here literally saying, "yay I can be a minimalist now!" Not quite a suitcase, but perhaps half a shipping container, mostly books. Now I've got stuff packed in every corner.

 

[FizzyWater]

A successful closet purge is never finished . . . I make repeated passes through the clothing. I also get obsessed with particular colors. Does anyone else have this tendency? So I have a lot of coral b/c that color was in fashion a year or so ago, a lot of teal green for the same reason. Have I touched either of these colors recently? Naw. So I must deliberately plan on wearing them.

I've decided I'm now obsessed with a blue I think of as a Chinese blue, which to me is a vivid medium blue with a slight undertone of green. Probably like blue b/c hair is graying in front.
.

Wait, you're not wearing teal? I read through this thread from the beginning a few months ago and eagle==teal in my head.

I get a complete fixation on lavender every spring, only since I moved here. I think it's because the winters are soooo gray. (They warned me: "Hamburg winters are gray and rainy." Me: "I'm from Seattle, how hard can it be?" Holy cow, they weren't kidding.) Every year I crave the color for pillows or something and can't find it anywhere, just through the month of April. Now I have a couple of scarves in the perfect color - maybe that's enough?

 

[Meta]

I enjoyed this article on Marie Kondo from the economic perspective and thought I'd share: https://www.theatlantic.com/busines...st-reads-marie-kondo/392921/?utm_source=atlfb

I think I have too much stuff but during our recent move our movers told us we don't have much! Erm, we have way too many things that we don't use that we shouldn't be keeping but DH is sentimental with photos, videos to be digitized, etc that there's all these extra stuff.

I'm happy with my clothes, shoes, bags but other things which I don't care for like household supplies, etc all could really use some serious decluttering. We got rid of quite a few dishes and tableware before our move because I didn't like them nor find them useful since we have nicer things. That said, I'm nowhere near being a minimalist like I'd like to be in my head.