Help me stop wanting more bags!!

[guccilover21]

I think this post is great This is exactly how I view reveals and other TPF:ers bag collections. It's a grand chance to shop vicariously, not to mention luxuriously, through someone else. It's like getting to try on a different lifestyle wardrobe for free If anything it helps me be more sure of my own tastes in bags.

But yes, I can see how the imaginary bag cornucopia that is TPF, could become a problem so my humble cents to guccilover21:

Never ever ever compare yourself to other people/TPF:ers or whoever. Rejoice with and be inspired by those you admire or learn what not to do from - or ignore- bad examples, but never compare yourself to others or what others have. It just makes you stray from your true self.

I would also recommend the Konmari method or something like it. As I’m starting to build back a basic bag collection this method is helping me to choose bags and other stuff from the viewpoint of what makes me happy, or sparks real joy for me, rather than how I would choose if comparing myself to others, putting too much value in how (I imagine) others are going to perceive me, buying because it might come in handy etc etc. I'm not always successful with this "spark joy" method but I try as I'm learning!

I’m not saying you do this, OP, it’s just what I thought of when reading your post

No you're absolutely right. I do that and I need to stop. It's as if at some point I stopped being authentic and kind of twisted around my perception based on how I think others see me. Instead of character and accomplishements I seem to be using purchases as things of value and how others rate my success. It's kind of sad. I want to figure out what I actually like and I think I need to stop watching bloggers/YouTube because I guess this all influences me too much unfortunately. In all honesty I would be much happier with less stuff and I feel that the fancier the things I have are, the more scared I am of just enjoying myself because I'm worried about losing/damaging them. Lots of things to think about.

 

[serenityneow]

I agree with everything that's already been said, but I also think meditation can be quite helpful. When I am very reactive to external messages and stimuli, I know I need to meditate. One thing that helps me is imagining my best self, the version that is present, calm, grounded, not overly-materialistic etc. (but still very stylish!), and then working to be that self in my daily life.

Less deep but related, I think about people whose style I admire. Audrey Hepburn, for example, wore a lot of simple things, and always looked amazing. On the other hand, I've seen plenty of women carrying luxe bags whose style I've not wanted to emulate. I know that having luxe things does not equal having style. Sometimes I just need to remind myself.

 

[BlackGrayRed]

No you're absolutely right. I do that and I need to stop. It's as if at some point I stopped being authentic and kind of twisted around my perception based on how I think others see me. Instead of character and accomplishements I seem to be using purchases as things of value and how others rate my success. It's kind of sad. I want to figure out what I actually like and I think I need to stop watching bloggers/YouTube because I guess this all influences me too much unfortunately. In all honesty I would be much happier with less stuff and I feel that the fancier the things I have are, the more scared I am of just enjoying myself because I'm worried about losing/damaging them. Lots of things to think about.

First of all, I think it's great that you are being honest. That takes courage, especially in this type of forum, where most of what is discussed involves bags and purchases.

Like others have said, do not compare yourself to others. You are you. Do not define yourself and your worth based on possessions and image. What matters is the kind of person you are. Your character and your morals. How you treat others.

There's nothing wrong with owning things, both expensive and inexpensive. It's wrong to attach these things to how you see yourself or how you think others see you. That can be a dangerous and slippery slope. No one wins. There's always something else to buy, someone else to top or impress, and somewhere else to be.

Happiness comes from the inside. True joy is intangible. It's not something we can order online or buy at the store.

I'm proud of you for being candid and wanting to change course. That's the first step to feeling better about you and your life.

And don't dismiss this so quickly.
Dig deep.
If you feel as though talking to a professional will help you clear your mind and form new and healthy life goals, do it. No one will judge you. If they do, who cares!

Take care and good luck!

 

[2cello]

I'm not sure if this is the thread to post this story but it seems to have some application here...the last time I was getting highlights - you sit in that chair forever - there was a young twenty something in the chair next to me. She came in a whirlwind of energy, threw her bag on top of the counter and proceeded to speak to a dozen different friends on her cell about all the exciting things they were going to do next weekend while she waited for her color to set. I didn't recognize the bag, it was a tan hobo of some sort. It did look like good leather but not readily identifiable. Anyway, that was the sexiest bag I'd ever seen. It was beat to heck but that was what made it sexy. This young lady was living her life fully and her purse was just along for the ride. It was evidence of her living her life.

I kind of made a little promise to myself after that encounter not to get bags that would psychologically prevent me from being all joie de vivre with my life because I'd have to babysit the bag.

 

[eggtartapproved]

This is a great thread and I love that all the responses are so honest.

Just throwing in my two cents - when I first started buying designer items, it was truly for the beauty, craftsmanship and quality of the item. After a while, I almost took it for granted that things I buy would be designer and as life got busier and I had less time to think about what I actually wanted and needed, I lost sight of why I was buying certain things. A few years ago I got a bit overwhelmed with how much I owned, so I took some time to 'cool off'. I found that my emotions or stress projects itself in the way I shop so I decided to make sure I'm aware of myself, and do a lifestyle overhaul - the first thing I wanted to tackle was just to live with what I needed. It's a bit easier now because I am at a life stage where I know who I am and know what works better for me. I started small and there are set backs, but I don't get discouraged. I don't have like 50 items in my closet haha, but as I have been purging for the last 1.5 years, I'm just a lot more mindful of what I bring in and why. When an item gets worn out, instead of immediately shopping, I just make a note of it and see if there's something else I already own that can do the same job.

Most importantly though, as many have stated already, whatever you do, or buy, do it for yourself. Be honest with yourself and there's no shame in whatever your answer may be for why you shop. The first step to any change is acknowledging that you want to do something differently. My overhaul has taken me about 1.5 years and it's still an on-going journey. Things won't change over night but I think if you're already at this stage where you're aware that you would like to see a change, you've gotten past one of the hardest parts.

 

[soramillay]

Love all the answers in here, and I also want to add that a change of lifestyle can really make you think about your collection. For example, having a child definitely changed my tastes and preferences in bags. Once having that insight on how your needs and tastes can change over time, I gained more perspective on my shopping and what I truly liked. Not saying you should have a baby for this reason, of course! Another big push can come from a move. Just the act of having to move your possessions from one place to another sets in motion the desire to trim and purge everything you don't need. I'm moving overseas next month and I cut about 1/2 of my wardrobe, and while I was less harsh with my bags, I let go of the ones that I didn't love or had seen better days.

Lastly, changing hobbies can really help. I was also obsessed with rings at one point, and hanging out in the forums about gemstones but I knew it was bad when I started buying loose stones, so I switched to reading style blogs. Last year, when I was still too caught up in bags, I switched my interest over to makeup. Now I have a lot of makeup products, but thankfully not many new bags!

 

[merekat703]

Taking a break from TPF and FB groups helped me a lot. Also the book "shop your closet"

 

[lyseiki8]

Taking a break from TPF and FB groups helped me a lot. Also the book "shop your closet"

Yes definitely keeping away from TPF will help A L O T.

 

[DiJe40]

Taking a break from TPF and FB groups helped me a lot. Also the book "shop your closet"

That would help me too...but I'm so interested in handbags. I see it as a hobby. I only must sit on my wallet. And the possibility of online shopping isn't very good for my bancaccount either.

 

[bakeacookie]

That would help me too...but I'm so interested in handbags. I see it as a hobby. I only must sit on my wallet. And the possibility of online shopping isn't very good for my bancaccount either.

You can be on here and not shop. It's harder, but it is doable.

Delete all bookmarks for shopping sites, delete all your purchasing information from those shopping sites too. When you have to enter your address and credit card every time, it gives you some time to think instead of blindly purchasing.

And then put your cards away. The easier you can use them, the easier it is to charge them.

Lots of people slip up here and there, but you have to set yourself up to be successful in being more mindful of purchases.

 

[SomethingGoodCanWork]

No you're absolutely right. I do that and I need to stop. It's as if at some point I stopped being authentic and kind of twisted around my perception based on how I think others see me. Instead of character and accomplishements I seem to be using purchases as things of value and how others rate my success. It's kind of sad. I want to figure out what I actually like and I think I need to stop watching bloggers/YouTube because I guess this all influences me too much unfortunately. In all honesty I would be much happier with less stuff and I feel that the fancier the things I have are, the more scared I am of just enjoying myself because I'm worried about losing/damaging them. Lots of things to think about.

If it means anything coming from some unknown on the internetz you sound very authentic in your posts, which is probably why I and others responded to it in kind Your post obviously struck a chord with me because of course I don’t buy bags just because they “spark joy”. I think we all have our various reasons for buying designer bags, other luxury items and stuff in general, and some of these reasons are superficial- status, confidence boosters and so on. Because it’s kind of a superficial competitive world at times so sometimes you just need the boost of a gorgeous bag or something similar. It's probably just as human as sad

I find many TPF:ers to be very inspirational because whatever the brand or price of the bag they use, whether it’s pre-loved or new, my personal style or not, they really make the best of themselves which is something I greatly admire but don’t always do for myself. So I’m a little too far on the less is more side of the spectrum but it’s a similar issue I think, because it’s about finding a balance you're happy with.

About bloggers, vloggers and unknown forum posters you don’t know in real life, you never really know what the truth is behind what anyone projects in this way nor what some are getting paid in new bags to do it

And to obsess a bit more about the Konmari method, what really made a difference for me is the “spark joy” part. It actually does help me differentiate between “fake” wants and true wants. I don’t know if Marie Kondo came up with this concept herself but it’s genius in its simplicity.

 

[Pinksweater]

.......and unsubscribe from shopping sites. It's definitely hard but it can be done.

 

[bakeacookie]

.......and unsubscribe from shopping sites. It's definitely hard but it can be done.

This helps greatly!

You don't know what you're missing if you never hear about it in the first place. No magazines, no emails from anyone trying to make me buy buye buy!
I even stopped following the fashion bloggers who clearly are sponsored, because let's be real, no one is sponsoring me.

 

[reginaPhalange]

I can understand where you're coming from and part of it (at least in my opinion) can be the normalization of these handbag/jewellery/shoe collections we see on tPF or like you said in your day-to-day life with those who surround you (friends, family, co-workers, etc). I find that my interest in designer brands has increased in the last few years due to a few things: (1) my job - all throughout university I've worked in luxury retail so from our products to the things I see customers carrying and coworkers buying, it became my norm, but perhaps not the norm for most students; (2) joining tPF - seeing all the gorgeous collections owned by many tPFers, the reveals/reviews, looking at upcoming bags, it's all been a factor in shaping the way I view luxury items; and (3) finding out what works for me - I know I'm not a jewellery kind of girl with the exception of a couple pieces and same goes for designer shoes since comfort is huge to me, but handbags I just assumed if I liked it, I could buy it and make it work, which definitely wasn't the case since certain styles (i.e.: satchels) are a pain for me to carry while other bags aren't necessarily ones I love on myself but find they look great on others. I went through a phase (and am currently still going through it) where I'm trying to purge my collection of bags I don't use, bags I want to replace, and bags that just don't work for me. Until then I'm trying to hold off buying any more bags and I have to say it feels great to declutter - I agree with a couple of the posts which recommend decluttering using the Konmari method and focusing on the bags that work well for you and suit your needs/personal aesthetic.

 

[Chachalouve]

Very interesting thread!
Many of the responses are making a lot of sense to me
I also kind of got cought on the beautiful bag world.. As I just love bags!
However, I noticed that I get overwhelmed after a certain number
But I found my magic number and it is 10 (high end) designers' handbags (I keep a Milly leather backpack in addition for the days when I go to the playground with my kids if I don't wish to carry one of the others).
If I want a bag I sell a bag and this way, I keep my number at 10 and feel in control.
Also, not exceeding this number helps me to make sure I use them all.
I am not saying you should do this but that's what worked for me
And also staying a little away from Tpf and stop browsing online shops..
Good luck I hope you will find your solution to enjoy what you (already) have