Yes I have the tracking as of now it still says refused I spoke to my post office and they told me it should be sent back by end of the week (that was fri) and tracking still hasn't updated.
The tracking won't update. She paid to have it tracked. The last update would be "delivered", or in your case, "refused". No one paid to add tracking again, so while the post office may be able to see where the package is, it's not going to be something that gets updated further because going back to her is a whole new delivery process.
I know you're upset that you feel "unprotected", but NEVER refuse a package coming from eBay. You accept it, open your claim, and then send it back WITH tracking and you'll get your money back without a hassle (eBay sides with the buyer 99% of the time in these cases). By refusing it, eBay is protecting the seller from fraudulent bidders (obviously you aren't, but they don't know that). Maybe you just found them cheaper somewhere else and have buyers remorse, so you refuse and it goes back to the buyer who's now out shipping costs and eBay fees just because you changed your mind. See what I mean? This is why simply refusing a package does NOT protect the buyer, nor should it. In your case, since you're honest, it sucks, but it's set up this way to protect sellers (who don't get much protection at all from eBay and scammy bidders).
Unless the tracking magically updates and shows that the seller received it back, there's not anything further that you can do with eBay or PayPal. If it does update, it's still going to be a fight because (essentially) eBay said no we don't find in your favor and you sent it back anyway, which is your loss (I know it happened in the reverse order, but they don't care about that). If you do decide to call them again, contact PAYPAL, not eBay. Paypal's reps are much more friendly, much more helpful and actually understand what you're saying to them. eBay reps seem to be in another country reading generic phrases off of a script.
Your only other recourse is your bank or credit card if they were used for partial payment. And, of course, small claims court.