Help...Divorce question

#31
Roo said:
It has been my experience that when men do this, in this way, it's because they've found someone else.
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I was going to say this, too. It's a very familiar pattern.:sad:

I cannot stress this enough - document everything, including his phone calls (or lack thereof) to the kids. In addition to an attorney, you may want to look into consulting a forensic accountant, if there is any possibility that he'll attempt to hide income or assets from you or from the court. Your kids are older, so he'll be off the hook in terms of child support in just a few years. Many courts won't consider spousal support (alimony) any more, but since CA is a community property state, you are both entitled to half of whatever the other person has. Your job is to make sure the court knows about all of it, so they can make a fair assessment and division, if it comes to that. He may be perfectly willing to agree to everything you ask for now, and I hope he continues to be easy to work with, but that can sometimes change in a hurry. Make copies now of every legal and financial document you can put your hands on.

I'm so sorry you're going through this...I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Don't forget to use every bit of your support system, and ask for help if you need it.
 
#32
Ladies and Gents (if any), this has been the most therapeutic thing I have ever done. I was so distraught this morning and as far as I had gotten to think about was how to change my name. This is a slap in the face to "wake up girl, and go and get yours". And that's a good thing. This is what I needed and you all have been a tremendous support to me today.

You all have given me so much to think about and to do that I hadn't even considered because I have never been faced with this before and truthfully never thought would happen to me and the kids. I thought we were secure.

I truthfully can't thank you all enough for this information. INFORMATION IS POWER. That is so true. All this information from the 1st post on down from just words on encouragement to websites to look at to paths to follow are wonderful and I am SO GRATEFUL to be a part of a group of people that support each other this way.

Thank you all soooooo much. I can't say it enough.
 
#33
In Oregon, anyone can change their name at any time to pretty much anything they want as long as they aren't doing it for illicit purposes.

I agree with other posters...get an attorney ASAP.
 
#34
You will get thru this. And if your smart, you will be comfortable for a long time. The fact that he sprung this on you when you are out of work and facing surgery shows what an incredible AHOLE he is. Chin up! Dont get your kids involved. That will also give you the upper hand. Dragging kids thru these kinds of things can only bite you in the ass later on.
 
#35
My heartfelt sympathies. Divorce is painful, I just went through one about
four years ago.

To answer your question, in the state of CA you do have to petition to get
your maiden back but that can be done at the time of filing for dissolution.

Best of wishes to you. :heart:
 
#36
Selena,

You are so right. I haven't spoken any ill words about my soon to be ex w/my kids at all. I explained that this was happening not because of them, because he loved them, and that it was between their father and I.

Now they have heard me crying my heart out in my room, either on the phone, or just to myself, always with the door shut, but I think they understand that I am hurting too.

But thankfully my mother and father are around the corner as well as my brother, so my support system is strong. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise that I am not working now so I can focus on putting all my energy in getting us thru this and when I recover from this surgery, start a new job, be half way thru waiting period of divorce and on our way to new beginning.

I definitely hear you though. I am looking online and in phone book as we speak for an attorney w/military experience in my area. Thanks for all suggestions. I am trying to see things in a more positive light and that things are going to be rough, but OK!!!
 
#37
hmwe46 said:
My heartfelt sympathies. Divorce is painful, I just went through one about
four years ago.

To answer your question, in the state of CA you do have to petition to get
your maiden back but that can be done at the time of filing for dissolution.

Best of wishes to you. :heart:
Click to expand...


Thanks hmwe46

I will definitely have it in my divorce decree, petition, requests, whatever it is called that will be filed.:yes:
 
#39
Sorry to hear you are going through this. I believe in the state of California you can change your name back before the divorce is final. An attorney will be able to confirm this.

On a side note, please explore the topic of spousal support to help you out, in addition to child support. Any marriage over 10 years is a candidate for spousal support especially if there is a disparity in income. I was married 13 years with no kids and received spousal support for half the term of the marriage (6.5 years). Just make sure you don't let an attorney talk you into a settlement that you are not happy with (such as giving away rights to part of his pension and social security payments).

Good luck and be strong. The best advice I got was to get angry and educate myself. There are all kinds of books about divorce in California that will help you learn more about the process so you are better prepared as you go through the it.

Hang in there! :flowers:
 
#40
I am so sorry! It makes me so anrgy to think someone could be that way. You are better off. I say get a good lawyer and nail his ----s to the wall.
Is that too harsh?
 
#44
I am so sorry you are going through this. 18 years is a long time to be married to and share your life with someone. My heart goes out to you and your children. I hope that your relationship with them will only strengthen through this.

I once heard that to change your name, make sure you do that first at the Social Security Office, and wait a few days before going to the DMV - their computer systems are connected and you need to change your name first at SS.

Best of luck, and stay strong. I will be praying for you and your children.

<<<<< HUGS >>>>>
 
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