Fuming! Sister sold my white gold diamond ring on ebay.

#46
chinadoll724 said:
It sounds like they've already had the "stern talk" and more . . .
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I know, but I still wouldn't go to the police.
I'm not sure if you live in the same house as her, but if you do maybe you could put a deadbolt on your bedroom door. They are easy to install. If you don't live with her, just tell her she isn't welcome at your place anymore until she can be trusted.
 
#47
Oh no I am so sorry to hear this happened. I cant believe your sister is 19, when I started to read this I thought she must be 11. I would contact the buyer ( no get little sis to do it! ) and say it was sold in error and would they accept a full refund to return it...say it has great sentimental value. If it was me I would send it back. Its worth a try.
 
#48
I'm sorry but I can't believe anyone thinks keeping a relative from getting a criminal record is worth seeing their own mother being beaten and robbed for. But hey she's your sister right? Just know that the longer you let her live like this, the more damage you are doing because she won't stop, she'll just get worse. Police intervention at this stage would be way less painful than it's going to be down the line. And she will get caught eventually, only it will be for something way worse than making 30 quid from selling a stolen ring on Ebay.
 
#49
aprilvalentine said:
I know, but I still wouldn't go to the police.
I'm not sure if you live in the same house as her, but if you do maybe you could put a deadbolt on your bedroom door. They are easy to install. If you don't live with her, just tell her she isn't welcome at your place anymore until she can be trusted.
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While this could work from a practical standpoint it's just ignoring the problem rather than working to solve it. I'd turn her in- better she have a mark on her record and get straightened out than just letting her do whatever she pleases.
 
#50
ValleyOppressed said:
While this could work from a practical standpoint it's just ignoring the problem rather than working to solve it. I'd turn her in- better she have a mark on her record and get straightened out than just letting her do whatever she pleases.
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As I've said, I know some will disagree, but it's still my opinion to not turn her in. Do you really think the police will make matters better? That if she gets a record and a negative experience from the police that she will stop? Most people's crimes only escalate after an arrest. I think what she needs is some help in the form of therapy. I know she may not go willingly, but you could give her an ultimatum of either turning her in or finding another place to live if she doesn't (if your mom will go along with that).
In my original post I said I would never turn a member of my family in unless there was a case of abuse. Clearly the mother here is being physically harmed, but that was not the original concern outlined in the OP, it was the ring. Turning her in for abusing her mother is a different story, and IMO, up to the mother to do (she is an adult, not a child, in which case I would suggest anyone report it).
 
#51
She gets defensive, angry and walks away -- that's how she avoids taking responsibility. As I said before, she should be out of the house to protect your mother.
 
#52
you know what? I have just read through all this and its left me so far beyond furious at your situation,as one previous post said,19 is not too young to know the difference between right and wrong, I would be so tempted to kick her head in!!! If you don't do something you are helping to endorse her behaviour,you sound as though you know the difference between right and wrong and sound a very sweet thoughtful kind of girl and you were both brought up the same way? You obviously have a conscience and a balanced outlook,for your sis to behave this way I'm guessing she understands alright,and if she gets in trouble she will have the brains to realise she has brought it on herself,so how are you getting her into trouble, shes done that herself by her actions.This is probably a bit of a kick back at the establisment rebellious phase and it will probably work itself out in the end,but you learn lessons in life and this is merely another lesson to learn,you just have to take the right course of action to make sure she learns from this. After all theives end up very lonely in life,I wonder why? All you are doing is just showing her how to deal with a situation,then she will have a future reference of how to deal with it if it ever happens to her.And yes she will hate you for a while but its better than her ending up being hated by everyone,and the stigma of being a thief takes a long time for people to forget about.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
#53
PS stop being nice,would you be nice to some stranger who stole your purse beat you up and then ran off and left you? Call in a family counsellor for the rest of you,then you can learn how to deal with it,and maybe she will join in. Understanding what is at the bottom of this will help you all to work through it,but don't let her get away with it,you are not doing her any favours,best she learns off her family than in jail eventually? Ps would you take this kind of treatment off a work colleage if they were doing it to you or someone else. of course you would'nt you would report them,or do something about it.xxxx
 
#54
aprilvalentine said:
As I've said, I know some will disagree, but it's still my opinion to not turn her in. Do you really think the police will make matters better? That if she gets a record and a negative experience from the police that she will stop? Most people's crimes only escalate after an arrest. I think what she needs is some help in the form of therapy. I know she may not go willingly, but you could give her an ultimatum of either turning her in or finding another place to live if she doesn't (if your mom will go along with that).
In my original post I said I would never turn a member of my family in unless there was a case of abuse. Clearly the mother here is being physically harmed, but that was not the original concern outlined in the OP, it was the ring. Turning her in for abusing her mother is a different story, and IMO, up to the mother to do (she is an adult, not a child, in which case I would suggest anyone report it).
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I understand your opinion, I have many friends and unfortunately family who feel the same way. Then someone robs them or assaults them, they find out they have a history of doing it, and wonder why the criminal was still free to commit another crime against them and why the criminal's family is trying so hard to protect them.
And although it's been a while since I lived in the UK, I don't remember therapy and family counselling being that easy to come by, especially when there are no court orders.
 
#55
i think you should call the police, partly because you seem to feel guilty after hitting her, but mostly because this could really develop into some nasty things. she could start using drugs, or start stealing from others who will not be so kind and understanding. You say that she has hit your mother and that is a big line to cross, what if she one day ends up hurting someone? These things need to be corrected early and if she won't go to a treatment facility now, the court system could make her. i suggest you don't let her find out it was you who called the police. these type of interventions always work out better if the offender does not know their family turned them in because she might just rebel even more if she found out it was you. Is she having some kind of psychological problems?if not then i would beat her A$$. You would be surprised how many things you can stop by a little physical force. oh yea but she is 19 already, it might be too late for beating the sense into her because if she hasn't been disciplined her whole life it doesn't make sense to start now. if she hit your mother she obviously has no respect for authority figures. so just keep that in mind
 
#56
Stealing from a family member is pretty low. It's unlikely she limits her criminal behavior to the house so it's possible she will be arrested sometime down the road for stealing from a friend or a store.

While I understand why some people object to contacting the police, at this point it seems the most sensible thing to do. If she sees her family as people to use and abuse, then she won't listen to them because she just doesn't care.
 
#58
Don't be scared of this girl? Sounds like you and your Mum duck your heads and run from her. Why is your mother using her money to pay you? She's enabling the bad daughter? Oy. This kid needs a good ear boxing.
 
#59
I think you should ask your sister for the ring back, or ask her for the full amount. Wow, she has 5 negative feedback out of 20...I think you shouldn't feel bad about asking her to take responsibility because she's already 19 (it's not like she's 12 or something).
 
#60
That is just not cool at all. If I were in your situation, I would start by TELLING her that she not only owes you the money that she made off of selling your ring, but that she also has to pay the remainder to replace it. Then I would get a lock put on my door...and a safe!
 
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